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Originally Posted by jul511riv
 oh girls, don't even get me started.
Nothing is going as planned. My mother was supposed to come and be here with the other two kids...she's not coming. And even worse, she's involving me in her totally personal dysfunctional drama with my father, to whom she is still married and in a totally toxic relationship. My little brother (who's been my bff since, well, his birth!) has recently become some hotshot at his job and saved a hot load of money and realizes that said parents are actually "proud" of him now so he feels that he's "succeeded" and now can dole it out to me. I've been getting lectures left and right about what I screw up I am (um...since when did you become Dad and Mom) and how absolutely amazing it is to be him and have a Midas Touch. It's heartbreaking cause I lost my support system. I feel he has no respect for me. And I don't even know this monster he's turned into. My inlaws are pretty pissed that we've put these boundaries down on them. At first they were acting a tinge remorseful and bringing gifts around for the kids on our once a month visits. But after I let them in our home, it seems that they feel all boundaries should be off and I'm totally being ridiculous now. But they've had it and are ready to take action. So, they've found a job for my husband in Nigeria and have suggested that he send me (his 9 month pregnant wife) and our two children (both under age 5) to the USA to "let her parents take care of them". Charming folk, really. DH wasn't buying it (thank goodness) and so this morning, my mil called him to let him know that she visited a coffee grinds reading psychic who said that I am basically a bitchy woman. She just wanted to let him know that SHE didn't say that, but a psychic totally picked up on that energy, so obvioulsy, if a psychic knows I'm a b*tch then dh should totally know that and he'd better get rid of me before he embarasses himself. Again. Charming. DH called me to tell me and also say "it's weird how she knows, though, don't you think?" CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! I mean, he didn't even say this tounge in cheek. And our marriage has really been great. Even he's been commenting on it! But he has said "you are so excitable...you are pregnant with hormones...impatient for the baby, you just need to calm down and deal with it." and basically, in his eyes, I've been a big b*tch lately. Not doing what I usually do, making him do "everything" (ie, bathe the kids or get up on stepladders to reach stuff). Anyways, then he tried to save face saying "well she probably meant that you are a strong opininated woman who is very special and unique and that's why I love you and married you. Um, yeah, no thanks dude. Now go and get me some Oreos.  Baby has been really painful for ages. My pubic bone is so sore that when mw touches it to do fundal measurements I'm wincing in pain. Then she was like "well, the baby isn't positioned well, he's too high, and babies like that tend to have cord problems. I mean, WTF?! I was 36 weeks the day she came over, and because the baby isn't engaged he's now got cord problems? And what about people with breech babies at this point in the pregnancy? Jeeze! So, even though I know it is bunk and totally bogus, I've still got it in the back of my mind which really p*sses me off. My kids are bored and annoyed with me for not giving them enough attention. We are having constant showdowns. But basically, I can't even get them out of the house every day now, it's just such a pita to walk anywhere. I dont' want to be touched, everything hurts an dmy kids get such a rise out of trying to sit on my lap and jump on my back and do all these things I haven't asked them to do. I'm trying to be patient, but jeeze. We are considering moving back to be near my family and my parents have basically come out saying that even though they offered all this and more, on second thought, they don't want to have to miss bowling league or golf or whatever to watch the kids fo rthe 10 hrs/week that they promised while I go to school and they also feel that, since I obviously NEED their help, this is a great time to start lecturing me about what a failure I am. Suddenly it dawned on me that I'm a 30 year old woman who ran away from home at age 16 (though they made me keep coming back until they couldn't anymore when I was 18, usually legal authorities) and I did it for a reason. I've NEVER come back and I don't know why I was thinking that anything changed. DH is critizing me, saying I'm not forceful enough with them making good on their promises, but frankly, I don't need them. I don't need his family either. That isn't family, that's just drama and heartache. I've got some good friends but they are really spread out. Yes, my kids might have to go to a babysitters for a few hours for a month or so so I can get a nap and whatever. Or maybe I need to let my neighbors make them lunch at first. I've done all I can do. Frozen 2 weeks worth of meals for the family (which was no easy feat...and I'd do more if there was only more room), gotten all the laundry for the baby and everything done...I'm ready to go and now I just want to get this show on the road...get the birth and most importantly the immediate time post partum behind me and deal with planning for the future. I'm SICK AND TIRED of people telling me that I'm not patient enough with the baby. I sat patiently through two births and a home miscarriage and now I want a slightly early baby (2 weeks or so) and you know what, that's fine! I'mn so sick of my parents looking for opportunities to try and make me out to be totally vulnerable and helpless so that they can swoop in and "save me" from this terrible life I've chosen (which they've been trying to do for 14 years...STILL with no success). I'm sick of my in laws trying to manupulate dh to leave me so that he can marry the Israeli woman of their dreams for him. I'm sick of my violent bil and sil who have both physically attacked me. One because he felt that I wasn't respectful enough to his father and the other because she felt I insulted her honor by not saying hello to her in a grocery store in the middle of a miscarriage. I'm also sick of people thinking that just because I'm American I'm dripping in diamonds and cash and that if I don't spend money here or there I'm just withholding. I'm angry that I was just thrown out of my house (given 6 months notice, but still) a few days ago and that they were pretty heartless about it. They were like "if you don't have enough money to build a home now, then maybe you should find another village that better fits your socio-economic status." I'm just angry at how unfair it is that so many people have their parents as a support, if not physically at least emotionally, and I just don't and neither does DH and it's a constant struggle to keep them in our lives but still far enough away where they can't do harm. I'm just so frustrated and sad.  |
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