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sad goodbye (baby loss, emergency mentioned)

post #1 of 35
Thread Starter 
Sorry if this is going to bring the board down for a bit, but I thought my birth story was still relevant and that some of you could relate. I enjoyed the time I spent here, and felt supported so I wold rather post here, then the loss group. Since the baby wasn't mine; I don't feel the loss as keenly as those mothers.

I am (or was) a Gestational surrogate for a friend of mine, who tragically lost her uterus after her birth and only birth was induced.

With no risk factors (other then the inherent risks of IVF), 5 normal births, three home births, and two unassisted births under my belt I felt pretty positive about the choice to be a GS for my friend. I didn't and don't want any more children, feeling completely fulfilled (and a little run ragged) by the 5 beautiful children we already have been blessed with. I felt, my friend felt, and all of our DRs felt that I was a prime candidate. I am highly active, have been for years, and am also only 32.

So to spare the gory details and the medical misses and flubs; I was taken into hospital bed rest on 12/30 due to NO amniotic fluid, an at least 50% hidden placental abruption and two episodes of acute bleeding and serious decels in baby HR. I was 23 weeks and the head of the Maternal Fetal Medicine believed that I would make it up to two weeks on complete and total hospital bed rest in order to give the baby a chance.

We found out at that time the the baby was a boy, and his parents named him Gavin. Baby was big, like all of ou children and my friend's older child and was measuring at 25week level. He weighted a little over 1.9lbs, and the neonatologist was sure he could intubate IF the baby was born that day.

I woke at 3:30am with a contraction, my heart going crazy, baby's heart nearly non-existent, and a gush of blood. I was taken for a c-section 10minutes later.

It was always my choice to try to save the baby, though we all know the risks to the mother with a C-section.

The surgery was quick, interesting, and easy. As My uterus was opened, my placenta popped out...having abrupted at least 80% by this point. The baby was alive, thought I didn't hold much hope for his future...I was praying that his parents would make it in time to meet him and say goodbye.

In recovery, I went into Atrial fibrillation, my blood pressure hit rock bottom and I couldn't breathe. I spent several days in ICU being tested and drugged until I cardio converted. I am now 32 and on heart medication. My cardiologist believes that I need monitoring for about a month, then I will be weaned off. The medication is simply to prevent another episode of my heart not working. I was in the hosptial for about a week total, and have been home for a week. Recovery has been slow on some levels. The recovery from the section is shockingly swift. After two days I felt as if I had never been pregnant. I have lost a lot of muscle, but am already doing ypga and jogging a little (two weeks since surgery)

I suppose it simply goes to show you that anything can happen. I had no symptoms, no warning, no risk factors (was seeing a CPM and doing great!). In a way the swiftness of the loss was a mercy to me.

The parents of the baby are doing as well as can be imagined. They have suffered a great tragedy and loss and I hope some of you will pray for their wisdom and recovery as they make future parenting and family-growing choices.
post #2 of 35
im so sorry how awful.
post #3 of 35
This is so unbelievably tragic. I'm so sorry for you and this poor family and this baby boy. What in the world happened? Gosh....so sorry! I will be thinking of you all, hoping for wisdom during your healing process. What a wonderful thing you did for this couple. I'm sure they appreciate so much everything you sacrificed to give their baby boy a warm home for so long and what you did to attempt to save him in the end.
post #4 of 35
I'm so sorry for your health complications and the loss of baby Gavin. Hugs and prayers to you.
post #5 of 35
Wow, I'm nearly speechless. What a tragic thing to have happened. I'm so sorry Gavin was lost and you went through such an ordeal.
post #6 of 35

I'm so sorry. I hope you can continue to heal, both body and soul. I'll be thinking of everyone involved in this tragedy.
post #7 of 35
Thread Starter 
Thank you for your thoughts.

To Doula Alicia- things happen sometimes that are unexplainable. Even when we have perfect nutrition, supplements, excercise, rest and no risks, and a great history! As a doula of 12 years I knew it; but didn't belive it either--yes things DO come out of the blue.

I was tested for every known infection, all autoimmune and clotting disorders as well. I was tested for things and given drugs I still have no clue about.

I plan to get my records and pathology on the placenta--but was told by BOTH the maternal fetal and neonatologist that it was due to the IVF, or maybe some abnormality the parents carried and no one knew about. Placentas are also formed at conception and though we can influence their health, you can't change their programming.

Right now, though is hard, we are not focused on the WHYs any longer, but on recovery for all of us. It's much harder on the parents then on me, other then being shaken to the roots of all my belief systems.

The baby passed due to collapsed lungs, and he was very loved and surrounded by his family and extended family when he did.
post #8 of 35
what an ordeal. i am so sorry for everyone. it is so easy to forget how crazy hard it is on the body to be pregnant and have a baby, so much goes in to it and so many things can go wrong.

quick healing to you all.
post #9 of 35
I'm so sorry for everyone involved :
post #10 of 35
post #11 of 35
So sorry for this precious loss and what you are all going through

post #12 of 35
I'm so sorry this happened. Take care of yourself and I hope everyone can heal from this experience.
post #13 of 35
I am so, so sorry for the loss and suffering for everyone involved. My prayers are with you all as you move forward.
post #14 of 35
Thank you for sharing. My heart goes out to you and the parents.
post #15 of 35
that's really shocking. i am so sorry that things didn't work out as planned and Gavin was lost. really goes to show that sometimes nature just can not be thwarted.
post #16 of 35
Thank you for sharing your story.
post #17 of 35
post #18 of 35
I'm so sorry. Thank you for sharing.
post #19 of 35
post #20 of 35
There are no words that can possibly take away the pain from this tragedy.... But know that I completely understand. I see that your due date was 4/10 - On 4/10 last year, I lost my fifteen-day-old daughter. I've been walking this long road without her for many months now. I'm extending a huge cyber-hug to you and Gavin's parents, and hope that the coming days, weeks, and months can provide some peace and healing.
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