Playful Parenting-I tried it, now what do I do?

[Punchy Kaby]

I'm reading Playful Parenting, and it has opened up a whole world of thoughts for me. NOt only for relating to my 4 YO but I like the ideas about how relationships work.

So, tonight, I was tucking the baby into bed and 4YO DS was to get his PJs on and pick up a few toys in his room. I get done and he is downstairs throwing legos around the living room. This is a favorite activity of his when he gets time by himself and it drives me crazy. So, instead of getting mad, I joined him and we threw around legos and smashed sets for a good 20 min, until it was time for bed. I really tried to get into it, using a 'gleeful' voice. There was some giggling and laughing, but DS still seamed a little 'pent up'. It all ended with cleaning the whole mess up, he didn't really want to stop throwing, but he did help clean them up.

I'm not done reading the book, does it address how to close/end these play sessions? DS could have gone longer, but it was time for bed. I don't know if I accomplished anything, but I truly did not have a good time. He said he did have fun.

[SoulCakes]

No advice, but I'm now eager to read the book and see what others have to say!

Edit: I just re-read your original post and realized you said "I truly did NOT have a good time". I thought you said you DID! I'm sorry.

[MrsH]

Yeah, playful parenting can be hard when you're just not having any fun with something! Perhaps the legos isn't the place to start with it, since it sounds like a trigger in some ways. Maybe there's a different part of your day that is less emotionally charged but could still benefit? That way you'd get some practice in that new dynamic and way of relating.

I didn't finish the whole book and so am not sure about closing out play sessions. One thing that helps in our home is to set a timer. If the child still gets upset, we can say "you're upset because you wanted to keep playing. How about we do this again tomorrow?" Well, I mean, that's what I say when I remember to stay calm instead of annoyed!

I will say that the other day we had a great playful parenting moment here. Our almost 4 year old was mad (again) about something, and chose to throw something at me. Instead of disciplining him and sending him to timeout, I was able to guide him to safely throw stuff around while saying "I can tell you're mad and want to throw something, you can throw soft things so nobody gets hurt." We/I quickly put away the hard baby toys and allowed him to throw the soft ones at me, while I warded them off with a pillow. Our 7 year old joined in as well and I just made sure that the throwing happened in such a direction that the chances of damage were minimized. After only a few minutes of this the air was decidedly more clear, the anger had dissipated, and I was able to avoid a battle of wills with a preschooler while ensuring his and my safety.

I hope to get some more responses about how to bring closure to the play sessions!

[laohaire]

I don't think Playful Parenting necessarily requires that you join play that you do not like. You can do other playful things, like you find him throwing legos around and maybe you can throw a lego back into the box and make it scream "no!!! don't put me back!!!" or something. Hence making a game out of putting them away instead of just going along with something that annoys you.

I know he recommends giving play a try even if you don't like it but the point is not to torture yourself but rather to just give it a try. Most likely you will find SOME way(s) you like to play, even if it doesn't match your child's play exactly.

The best thing I got out of the book is to just plain not take everything so seriously. If DD is cranky, it's easy for me to get cranky too. And sometimes I still get cranky, but sometimes I can just remember to be playful and usually that turns tears into smiles pretty quick, and that's success! It doesn't mean I let her get away with murder, though.

About the legos, what drives you crazy about it? The noise? The mess? Is it ok if you let him do it and simply enforce that he cleans up after? Or does it really drive you nuts? If so, can you redirect him to something else? Can you change it so it's a pillow fight instead of throwing legos? You don't have to torture yourself throwing legos WITH him all the time!

[Kivgaen]

Originally Posted by laohaire

I don't think Playful Parenting necessarily requires that you join play that you do not like. You can do other playful things, like you find him throwing legos around and maybe you can throw a lego back into the box and make it scream "no!!! don't put me back!!!" or something. Hence making a game out of putting them away instead of just going along with something that annoys you.

I do the above -- try to come up with a game, or a playful way to get what I want to happen by making a game out of it, without making it a battle.

Clean-up time is a big struggle in my house (I've realized that it's a struggle because DH and I don't set good examples and obviously hate cleaning, but that's another story -- we're working on that aspect too!) I've started to make games around cleaning up, so we can play at the same time as putting things away. One of them is the "hungry garbage bag" game. I walk around the house with a big garbage bag, and in my playful voice, I say "mmmm.... hungry garbage bag... me want garbage... ooooooohh, yummy toys. me gonna eat toys"... etc. They always run and grab the toys right away so the hungry garbage bag doesn't eat them, and then I chase them around the house for a while, until they put the toy away where it belongs. "hmmmm.... toy put away -- not garbage. Hungry garbage bag go find more garbage..." etc.

It takes a long time to clean up, since there's a lot of running around the house running away from the hungry garbage bag, but eventually everything gets picked up.

At the end, (when I'm done playing), I just say "I'm done playing now. Let's finish up the rest quickly, (wow, look, we're almost done!) When we finish, then we will run a bath". My kids like their bath, so I always use bath-time as something that I end the game with.

If they have a temper tantrum about the game ending, I just say "it's okay - we're going to do something else now". I find that if I remain calm and don't over-react, then they tend to calm down and do the same.

[Punchy Kaby]

Thanks for the replies. Its the noise and the mess that drive me crazy. I have done a pretty good job of not reacting too much when he does this, but obviously he knows that it drives me crazy . I also worry that in any area the baby will get those tiny legos and choke on them.

In the book, he suggested joining in on an activity (it was crashing cars) that you are not fond of to help 'get it out of the kids' system.'

Clean-up time is a big struggle in my house (I've realized that it's a struggle because DH and I don't set good examples and obviously hate cleaning, but that's another story -- we're working on that aspect too!) I've started to make games around cleaning up, so we can play at the same time as putting things away. One of them is the "hungry garbage bag" game. I walk around the house with a big garbage bag, and in my playful voice, I say "mmmm.... hungry garbage bag... me want garbage... ooooooohh, yummy toys. me gonna eat toys"... etc. They always run and grab the toys right away so the hungry garbage bag doesn't eat them, and then I chase them around the house for a while, until they put the toy away where it belongs. "hmmmm.... toy put away -- not garbage. Hungry garbage bag go find more garbage..." etc.

I really like this suggestion! I do want to make clean up more fun for him rather than just a chore to be completed.

I have been wrestling with DS more, which he loves. And I am trying to be more lighthearted. Just having a slightly different perspective has helped changed the attitude in our house. For instance, I am a grouchy morning person, and now I joke about myself being grumpy and so does DS-our whole morning starts off a lot better.

I do have a time warning for activities-it is usually 5 minutes. I didn't know if there was some other 'magic' way to end play sessions. It is anticlimactic and so 'adult' to set a timer.

[LianneM]

For that kind of cleanup, we usually make a game of trying to throw the blocks or whatever into the bin. Lots of them bounce out, but lots make it in, and I can move it along more by participating (assuming my aim is good )

I don't really enjoy wrestling, but I do it b/c my DS loves it. I prefer whacking him with a pillow, which he also enjoys sometimes when I really just want to whack him with a pillow, I suggest it, and he jumps all over it. So he stands on the bed, I on the floor, and we take turns hitting each other with a pillow, and I really knock him over and he cracks up great fun! With that one we just say, "OK, two more hits" and then "one more" and that is it... and of course promise to do it again soon.

So all that is to say if there is something he really enjoys but you don't, maybe try turning it into something you could enjoy with him. Or just let him do it - it's ok not to participate all the time, and maybe just the freedom to do something he enjoys is enough for him. Maybe you could suggest a fun way for him to put them away but not have to participate.

HTH some!

[joanna0707]

Clean up is always a game in our house, otherwise nothing gets done. Lately I've been doing a "Did I hear you saying NO??? " game. After I propose to clean up DS usually says "no" and runs away, I say in a playful voice " did I hear you saiying NO??? " and chase him around. We have a good laugh for few minutes and then we clean up together, I hand toys to DS, he throws them into the bins. This approach works great for us in many situations, not just cleaning.

Kivgaen I love your garbage bag game, will try in the future

[Kivgaen]

Originally Posted by joanna0707

Kivgaen I love your garbage bag game, will try in the future

Thanks I like your game too... I'm going to have to try that tonight with my little ones. I think they're at the right age for that to work well.

[triony]

You guys have some great ideas! I'm never going to remember any of this by the time I need to put it to use, but I'm going to try!!