DD was crying last night and nobody heard her...

[Comtessa]

Okay, somebody, please talk me down, I'm so upset about last night!

We put DD (8 mo) in her crib in her room to sleep last night - she usually only spends the first few hours in there, then sleeps the rest of the night with us. But I have a bad cold and was worried about keeping her awake with my coughing and sniffling, so I decided to keep her in the crib instead of bringing her into our bed.

Well, sometime in the middle of the night, DH turned and said to me, "where's the baby?" and I said, "in her crib asleep." And he said, "I don't hear the monitor. Is she ok?" I turned to look, and saw that the monitor was OFF - I had turned it off the first time I went to go in and nurse her, and had never turned it back on again when I came back in (I probably didn't think of it since I always have her with me when I come back in).

DH got up to go check on her - she was totally rearranged in her crib, one leg sticking through the slats at an odd angle, fast asleep. She must have been screaming for help and we never heard her!!! So she just gave up and went to sleep. I scooped her up and brought her into our room - no amount of coughing on the baby is worse than leaving her to CIO unintentionally.

I feel like the worst AP failure ever. I've been crying about it all morning, thinking of my poor baby calling for me in the middle of the night and giving up in despair.

[onthemove]

Just be extra snuggly today (for both of you)and don't blame yourself your doing a great job!

[lach]

Don't be too hard on yourself. It was a mistake. CIO usually takes a few nights, even weeks, to work because it takes a whole lot of crying before baby finally understands that Mommy isn't coming. Crying for one night is just a blip on her little radar and when it doesn't happen again she'll completely forget about it and there will be no ill effects.

I hope you feel better! Even the best Mom in the world gets sick and makes mistakes. Wait until the first time she rolls off of the bed/changing table/couch even though you were sitting RIGHT THERE and merely blinked for TWO SECONDS and all of a sudden baby's on the floor screaming. Or when you leave a pile of books or something else heavy on a table and baby manages to pull them all down on her head. My son managed to open the tray of his swing (which I KNOW I snapped shut), and slide out onto the floor, then unwrap his swaddle, and when I got there he had managed to get 1/2way under the bed, and I couldn't see him... then I saw two little legs kicking out from under the bed. He was screaming, but he had only just started (I did have the monitor on), so either this was the world's quickest escape, or he managed to do it all really silently and only got fed up toward the end. I still have no clue how he managed this: he was about 3 months old.

These sorts of accidents happen to everyone, even the greatest most careful mother in the universe. They live, really no worse for wear.

[hotharmony]

What makes you think she was crying?

Often in the middle of the night my little guy will wriggle around and stick his legs out of the crib and get himself into all kinds of weird and what I would think were uncomfortable positions but there he is sleeping soundly.

Don't beat yourself up, you probably really needed to get some sleep.

[D_McG]

I can't tell if you're really upset or if you're kind of kidding? If it's the former then totally relax! These things happen. It's not a big deal. She's fine!

[almadianna]

Oh mama and for the baby too.

Is it possible to move the crib into your room? That might avoid anything like this from happening again.

[amma_mama]

As another PP said, it is very much possible that she was not even crying...my DD was often "on the move" all night with little more than a peep. Be easy on yourself - it was a mistake and you can "make up" for it with some extra hugs and kisses...do not compare this single, unintentional episode to CIO, which is a whole other kettle of fish! And if this is the worst mistake you have made in 8 months, then my hats are off to you!

By the way, that is a beautiful belly pic!

[almadianna]

Originally Posted by amma_mama

do not compare this single, unintentional episode to CIO, which is a whole other kettle of fish! And if this is the worst mistake you have made in 8 months, then my hats are off to you!

Yep. Not even in the same ballpark.

[Grace and Granola]

Is her room so far away that you wouldn't hear her if she was screaming? I'm thinking she would have to be quite far for her to scream loudly enough and long enough that you and your dh didn't hear her. If that is the case, please don't beat yourself up over this. You are assuming quite a bit. She may not have ever cried for one thing. And if she did wake up, maybe she cried out, rolled over, and fell back to sleep. You are doing both of you a disservice if you imagine the worst possiblity. Try to imagine the best possibility! Unless she is acting really strange today, assume that nothing is wrong, nothing happened to break her trust of you. Use this ONE day to make amends if you feel it's necessary, but please do not carry this with you long term. It won't help you or your baby to feel guilty over this.

[crunchy_mommy]

First, she may not have even been crying -- my DS gets into the weirdest positions while he's sleeping, and I only wake because he's beside me, not because he's crying.

Second, if she WAS crying, you probably would have heard her even without the monitor (unless your house is amazingly sound-proof) but I can be several rooms away when DS is sleeping in his stroller in a different room with DH and I hear him the second he wakes up -- even if he isn't crying. Don't ask me how, he doesn't really make noise, I just *know*...

Third, if she was crying, it's only ONE night. It's not the same as CIO because it was ONCE. She may have been scared etc. but as long as it doesn't happen again she won't learn that you're not coming! Once in a while my DS wakes up crying (for the 50th time that night) and I'll be sooo tired that it takes me a good 10 minutes to roll over & attend to him. I don't mean to let him cry, I don't want to, but my exhaustion takes over. But 99.9% of the time I respond instantly, he KNOWS I'm there for him

Give yourself a break... you are a great mom

[penstamon]

DS gets into weird positions in his sleep too. Don't beat yourself up- if she was really screaming, like others said, you probably would have heard her. If not, she probably just shifted about and fell back to sleep. It wasn't neglect, it was a mistake and you are probably much more hurt that she is.

[Sk8ermaiden]

Mine also does that - sometimes all 4 limbs are through the rails, and I know she wasn't crying because she's in our room. Try not to be too hard on yourself.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Let me try to give you something to help you relax. Both my kids rooms are pretty far away from my room. DS2 is prolly 25 feet away, and DS1 about 30 feet. Down a hall, and then the rooms are off to the right. Both cribs are set up along the right wall, so when they call out to me, they have to call out between several walls and a bathroom. My husband sees the need to fall asleep with the TV on every night, and when he puts either of the boys down, he usually closes the door almost all the way behind him. When either boy calls out to me, I can STILL hear them from a deep sleep. Your mama instinct is alot keener then you give yourself credit for. I am willing to bet she never cried, otherwise you would have heard her.

Both my kids are MAJOR movers in their sleep, so its been totally normal to go in and find one of them with a leg through the slat or no blankets on, and never had made a peep.

[rzberrymom]

I used to use a white noise machine so that I could always tell if the monitor wasn't working or wasn't on. Not that it helps for this time, but thought it might help for the future.

[caiesmommy]

I'm with the other posters. I wouldn't be at all surprised if she didn't scream at all. I checked on dd one night before I went to bed and she was SITTING UP sleeping! No joke! Sitting up against the rails sleeping. I won't even go intothe crazy stuff ds does in his sleep!