What do you do when you think they aren't really "that" sick?

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

So 10 YO DS is home from school for the second day in a row. While he may not be feeling 100%, I don't actually believe he is too sick for school. But he's old enough that I can't really be sure how he is feeling. It was much easier when they were 5 and I KNEW when they were vomiting. Now, he says he was sick but I'm not going to stand and watch to be sure, YK? No fever. No other symptoms (he always has a runny nose due to allergies). To complicate matters, I WOH and, while I can take an occasional work at home day, two in a row will get commented on and I have to go to work tomorrow. So what do/would you do?

[AFWife]

My mom always sent me to school. She would call the school and let them know that I wasn't feeling well and to tell the nurse to let me call if I came in... But yeah, I had to go to school unless there was vomiting or fever or something.

[Linda on the move]

She would call the school and let them know that I wasn't feeling well and to tell the nurse to let me call if I came in...

This wouldn't fly at my kids' school because of H1N1 and because so many parents sending in sick kids because of work. And kids need to be fever free for 24 hours before they are to return to school, so if a child is sent home one day with a fever, they are not allowed back in school the next day. The school doesn't want them there if they are iffy.

With my own kids, we've talked about the difference between a cold and the flu. With a cold, I give them cold medicine to take the edge off, write them a note to get out of PE, and send them to school. With a flu, they can stay home.

[Irishmommy]

If my kids are too sick to go to school, they are too sick to do anything but stay in bed all day. No tv, no computer, no friends, no after school activities. Books are allowed.

They don't fake.

Do you have a partner that can take the second day? A neighbour/friend whose sofa you could borrow?

[childsplay]

My DS (7) is home today, although I know he's not sick (physically) but he's stressed and upset, enough to be a crying wreck at school yesterday, all over his grandparent's impending move. He described how he felt this morning as 'feeling sick to his stomach', 'not good' and 'tired'. Although he has no fever, no volmiting, nothing and has been bumming around the house, reading, drawing and playing lego in his long johns all day. He just needs a day to relax, think and get his head right about this move.

(OP- Is there anything weighing on your DS's mind that may be stressing him?)

[Mrsboyko]

There is a differance between a Day Care (where I have hear the 24 hr rule enforced) and a real elementary + school. They can't say that your kid can't be in school today because they had a fever yesterday monring in "real" school.

Tough call. If he is acting fine mostly and only vomited the one time, I'd probably give him some motrin (that stuff is amazing IMO) and send him to school. If he is really sick he will go to the nurse and you will have to pick him up. At least you will be putting an effort in for work and they can see that you tried to be there. If he has been vomiting more than once, he needs to stay home.

[Porcelain Interior]

School guidelines (ime) state that your child cannot attend school until they've been fever/vomit free for 24 hours. So if your child is having these issues the previous day even in the morning your not clear to send them to school until they've had an entire 24 hours since showing any symptoms.

I keep my child home if they are sick, if it's an almost, but not quite 100% issue I use the school guidelines above about 24 hours without symptoms.

Basically if your child has a fever or vomits on Monday you shouldn't send him to school on Tuesday. You can however send him on Wednesday provided he didn't have a fever/vomit on Tuesday.

Pretty basic.

I wouldn't as a pp suggested dose my child with Motrin to cover up the symptoms and send him to school. That's just wrong. A child sick enough to need Motrin doesn't belong at school.

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by Irishmommy

If my kids are too sick to go to school, they are too sick to do anything but stay in bed all day. No tv, no computer, no friends, no after school activities. Books are allowed.

My mom had to ban books too because I preferred reading over any other activity. Basically it was sit in bed and sleep because you need the rest... Yeah, I was quick to feel better

[JL83]

Originally Posted by Mrsboyko

There is a differance between a Day Care (where I have hear the 24 hr rule enforced) and a real elementary + school. They can't say that your kid can't be in school today because they had a fever yesterday monring in "real" school.

Actually, they can have such a rule and enforce it as best they can. They can say that your child needs to go home if you drop them off.

Why do you think they can't?

[GoBecGo]

I can't see what Motrin (which is ibuprofen, right? An NSAID?) would possibly do for vomiting.

When i was a kid my (nurse) mother kept us off for obvious visible symptoms (red/infected throat/ears/eyes/whatever), fever or vomiting. We usually went to school with colds unless we were really suffering with it (choked up, congested and coughing for example). Days we woke up saying "i don't feel well" we were required to get up and put our uniforms on and she would make the call after breakfast (which i realise now usually consisted of our favourite food, since a child who is well enough to eat 3 slices of french toast and bacon probably isn't feeling that sick afterall....).

I would agree with a PP, maybe investigate what non-health-related things could be making him want more time with you/at home and go from there...?

[mistymama]

Originally Posted by Mrsboyko

There is a differance between a Day Care (where I have hear the 24 hr rule enforced) and a real elementary + school. They can't say that your kid can't be in school today because they had a fever yesterday monring in "real" school.

Well, I don't know about enforcing - but our public elementary school asked that parents go by the 24hour rule this year.

OP, I guess my opinion differs from most on this subject - and maybe I'll feel different when ds is older and the academics are more challenging for him. But I don't care if he misses some school. I would consider it a few mental health days if he isn't physically ill. Of course this is within reason and ds usually always wants to go to school. But I've been known to let him stay home for no reason other than we wanted to. :

[mistymama]

Found the link to our nurses page and it clearly states "Children should be free of fever without the use of fever reducing medication for 24 hours before returning to the classroom."

I'm pretty sure they would send them home if they found out otherwise. Our school wants you to keep your kid home if there is ANY chance they have something that could be contageous.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

He definitely doesn't have a fever. And he SAYS he has vomited but I can't actually tell. If he is vomiting, its pretty minor since there is no mess. OK, probably TMI but really, he's old enough to go into the bathroom, shut the door and want to be alone when he is sick and I don't want to violate his privacy just to be sure.

Yes, he's a stress case at the moment, mostly over the shifting sands of school friendships. He's recently starting seeing a therapist for it. I don't mind a mental health day and was willing to decide that was OK for yesterday. But now I'm not sure if he is actually not feeling well or he's sort of "hey, yesterday was fun so lets do it again today".

I don't want to send him to school if he's sick (or even too upset to go), but I can't afford (literally) a string of just-don't-want-to-go days either. Very gray. I think we will try to make it as quiet and boring as possible and see what that does.

[pixiekisses]

Well, it depends from parent to parent doesn't it. Some can stay home more than others, some are SHAPs etc.
I'm home anyway, so they can stay home if they are sick, almost-sick, kinda-sick or need a mental health day. They don't fake it, if they aren't really sick but need a mental health day, they say that.
It also has something to do with our kids being really good in school, not having any problems in any subjects, and two of them being gifted. I'd be more careful if they really needed to be there all the time to keep up.

And our school has a 48 hour policy on vomit and diarrhea, since it's so highly contagious. And 24 hours on fevers and stuff like that.
Same with daycare, and of course they can have rules like that, it's exactly like daycare.

[GoestoShow]

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Edited by GoestoShow - 1/4/11 at 9:07am

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Mrsboyko

There is a differance between a Day Care (where I have hear the 24 hr rule enforced) and a real elementary + school. They can't say that your kid can't be in school today because they had a fever yesterday monring in "real" school.

my kids' school has the 24 hour rule and it's a public middle school. That's as real as it gets.

[QUOTE=Porcelain Interior;14931364I wouldn't as a pp suggested dose my child with Motrin to cover up the symptoms and send him to school. That's just wrong. A child sick enough to need Motrin doesn't belong at school.[/QUOTE]

it depends. A child with a cold doesn't feel 100%. They aren't however, dangerous to be around or need to spend the day sleeping. Therefore, there's not, IMHO, anything wrong with giving them something to lessen how icky they feel while they go about their day.

My kids are 11 and 13, so that may shade my answer. If I had a 5 year old and nothing to do all but pamper them, it might be different. Learning that just because you are a little bit under the weather you don't get a free pass from your responsiblities is a life lesson very appropriate for a 10 year old (the age of the OPer's child).

heck, one of my kids took 600 mg of ibuprofen this morning for a sprained ankle and then went to school (she is under a dr's care and that's the right amount). She doesn't feel good. It hurts. She doesn't need to lay around the house for 10 days while it heals. It's going to hurt at home or at school, so I lessen the pain and sent her little tush to school!

A child with the flu and/or a fever is a whole 'nother issue.

Yes, he's a stress case at the moment, mostly over the shifting sands of school friendships.

does the school have a social worker? Kids at our school can get out of class to go talk to the social worker, which migh be nice for him between appoints with his therapist, or for a little group with some of the kids the issues are with. You are doing the right thing.

[SunshineJ]

Originally Posted by Porcelain Interior

School guidelines (ime) state that your child cannot attend school until they've been fever/vomit free for 24 hours. So if your child is having these issues the previous day even in the morning your not clear to send them to school until they've had an entire 24 hours since showing any symptoms.

I keep my child home if they are sick, if it's an almost, but not quite 100% issue I use the school guidelines above about 24 hours without symptoms.

Basically if your child has a fever or vomits on Monday you shouldn't send him to school on Tuesday. You can however send him on Wednesday provided he didn't have a fever/vomit on Tuesday.

Pretty basic.

I wouldn't as a pp suggested dose my child with Motrin to cover up the symptoms and send him to school. That's just wrong. A child sick enough to need Motrin doesn't belong at school.

Ah but not necessarily. DS has allergies which frequently manifest themselves with symptoms of serious congestion, runny nose and drainage. Completely NOT contagious, but yeah, that much mucus running down the back of your throat can make you vomit. But he's definitely NOT contagious in this situation. If I kept him home every day his allergies acted up he'd probably be considered "homebound" or we'd be in truancy court on a regular basis. He's also our freak child when it comes to fevers. Too many times now he's had a fever spike to 102 for 20 min. That's it. Nothing else. He's 100% fine for weeks after that. No one can explain it - I've rushed that child to urgent care more times than I can count thinking he was really sick. Nada. If he's actually sick, it won't spike like that and it won't disappear. So do you send him to school knowing full well that he is fine or do you follow the general guidelines that do not account for individual differences among people?

Originally Posted by GoestoShow

Here's the thing, the vast majority of adults I know, if they're vomiting, will make such noises as, "Arrrgh!!" and "Oh, god, oh, god," "I hate being sick!" etc. My experience with children who have been sick is that they're just as loud about it. I don't see how it's possible to know someone didn't get sick. If nothing else, the bathroom would likely smell like sick.

I never know if my kids (5 and 7) are vomiting unless they tell me or I have reason to watch them. It's like they suddenly turn on this subsonic ability to do so quietly and clean up after themselves so no one knows. I have no idea how 2 of the loudest children on this planet manage it, but it's definitely possible! DH on the other hand is a different story!

One thing I look at on the fever thing is how long have they actually been fever free. 8 hrs? Eh, not going to risk it coming back. 23 hrs? Chances are it's not going to suddenly come back in 1 hr so if they're feeling normal then I'll probably send them. Now if we could just get the teachers and co-workers to stay home when they're sick too, we'll be doing good!

[Ornery]

When I used to WOH with my oldest, we had the rule that if you were sick enough to stay home from school, you were too sick to watch tv, play video games, etc. I did allow mental health days, but we were really clear that if it was a mental health day, he needed to be really honest about it and not take advantage. He has rarely missed school. I plan on doing the same thing with my little ones.

[meemee]

if you werent WOH would it make a difference to your decision?

does your son do this often? do you think he COULD be faking it?

however if he was puking at school and not now - i would definitely let him stay home. i remember the horrible feeling i would have hours after puking. it took me a long time to get over puking.

and so if he really isnt a faker, i would let him stay home. the rest would do him good. and i dont know what i would think of my work if they pooh poohed a mama staying home for two days for taking care of a sick child. is a child not supposed to get sick?

dd 7 is not a faker. sometimes she needs what i call 'mental breaks' from school. just a day off doing something else - fun activities. we did that v. v. often in k and first as she got used to school but now in second grade she is much better, so we rarely take days off.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Originally Posted by meemee

if you werent WOH would it make a difference to your decision?

does your son do this often? do you think he COULD be faking it?

Yes, I would be more willing to have him home for "not-really-sick" if I wasn't supposed to be at work. I got some things done at home but now I'm back-to-wall on some deadlines of my own.

I don't think he's actually "faking" in that he's flat out lying about vomiting. I think he's expelling some stomach acid but not full out emptying his stomach every time he says he's being sick. OK, way TMI but someone asked.

Anyway, update -- he went to school today feeling much better about the world. Of course, the fact that we are going whale watching today after school with DD's Brownie troop probably helped.

I feel bad sending him to school when he doesn't want to go, but I can't keep him home every time he doesn't want to go either. We are working on several fronts to make school more pleasant and him more resilient to normal childhood stress. Its a small private school, so no nurse, social worker or other resources.

Thanks for all of the feedback, ideas and helpful perspectives. I think I feel better knowing that there are lots of different approaches on this.