daycare forcing potty training

[engineer_mom]

My little guy moved up to the next room (earlier than normal because of restructuring going on). And in this room potty training is pushed much more than his previous room. At least 3/4 of the kids are potty trained or almost there.

My guy is one of the ones who is not. And he does not want to sit on the potty in this new room. Previously he had been sitting and occasionally going at daycare.

At home, we've hit a dry spell. He had been sitting on the potty and going 75% of the time about a month or two ago. Now, nothing. He doesn't want to sit (says "no thank you") and when he does, nothing happens.

I don't care if he is potty trained right now. I don't think he's ready. He is not receptive to it. And he never askes for me to change his diaper when it's wet/dirty (in fact he usually runs away).

Either way, I'm frustrated with daycare. The old room had a casual attitude but firm routine. The potty was offered at regular intervals. This new room reminds the kids very often to go on the potty. Which is fine, except they want him to sit on the potty (which he now gets upset by).
When I drop him off, he is supposed to sit on the potty before playing with toys. I am trying to encourage the classroom "rules" and persuading him to at least sit. But I feel horrible as he was totally against it 3 out of 4 days this week (it's our first week). I had been hoping that once he got familiar wiht the routine, he would be OK with it. But he doesn't talk about the potty happily at school (other than mentioning that the teacher gives M&Ms for going potty - which he has yet to get). I'm trying reinforcing the candy approach at home. He'll sit (and hang out on the potty) but he isn't going.

What do you recommend I do when I drop him off in the mornings? Ignore the room rules? Let them deal with it? Tell the teacher I refuse to force him to go? (she mentioned that her other class had parents who pushed to much and it was detrimental to the process and now the kids scream when they see the potty, so I'm a bit confused by she seems to push/encourage so much)

[Materfamilias]

I think it's weird they are so insistent. Can you go anywhere else?

[readytobedone]

i think it's weird, too. DD's daycare potty trains on a case by case basis (there's no this age=this potty behavior), and coordinates it with parents' desires, and what parents are doing at home. we tried it a couple times already and DCP went along with it, but we abandoned it both times, and DCP was always very flexible and accommodating either way.

in the end, you're the parent and PTing is up to you and your DC. not daycare.

[engineer_mom]

Originally Posted by Materfamilias

I think it's weird they are so insistent. Can you go anywhere else?

They are subsidized by my work, so they are half the price of outside centers.
No way could I afford other daycare/nanny situations.

Today wasn't so bad. He agreed to go to the potty and take off his diaper. Then he flushed the toliet (without sitting).

[meemee]

i dont think its wierd at all. i think what has happened is perhaps the communication has been mixed up.

op i would talk to the teacher and explain your dilema. i would expect them to be understanding. perhaps your son will be more open to trying if it came from the teacher. remind her too that he is younger than the other kids if that needs reminding. she should not protest.

from your siggie i assume your son is 2 1/2. in dd's ps/dc they were regularly encouraging kids to use toilet at 2. they do it because where i am if a child has to go to ps at 3 they HAVE to be potty trained. its legal and money reasons. if a child is in diaper then state law demands for cleanliness reasons have some extra stuff which many ps cant afford.

i would fully expect your dc to work with you on this.

what i am more shocked by is the m&ms for sitting on the potty. none of that was done in dd's dc, but they were expected to sit on the potty when they were requested to. esp. before nap times.

[AnnieNimIty]

Originally Posted by readytobedone

i think it's weird, too. DD's daycare potty trains on a case by case basis (there's no this age=this potty behavior), and coordinates it with parents' desires, and what parents are doing at home. we tried it a couple times already and DCP went along with it, but we abandoned it both times, and DCP was always very flexible and accommodating either way.

in the end, you're the parent and PTing is up to you and your DC. not daycare.

Yes, they are the parent, but when you hire someone to watch your kid, you are also hiring them to raise your kid.
They are in Daycare for 8 hours say, they sleep for 10-12 hours at age 2 including or excluding naps. That is 18-20 hours. That only leaves the parent with 4-6 hours of parenting, instilling family values and etc.
Now, the DC should respect the parent's wishes when it comes to different parenting techniques, but in all reality, you are farming out 1/3 of the child's life to someone else who has to care for more than just your child. They have rules, standards and practices so that they can regulate the room and ensure that all the children at least have the basics taken care of.

[earthmama369]

I get the basic logistics of what you're saying, but are you deliberately using inflammatory wording for a reason? Farming out your kids? Hiring someone to raise your kids? I'm sure you know that not everyone can afford to stay home with their children and that lifestyle choice also doesn't suit everyone.

Originally Posted by ObliviousAnnette

Yes, they are the parent, but when you hire someone to watch your kid, you are also hiring them to raise your kid.
They are in Daycare for 8 hours say, they sleep for 10-12 hours at age 2 including or excluding naps. That is 18-20 hours. That only leaves the parent with 4-6 hours of parenting, instilling family values and etc.
Now, the DC should respect the parent's wishes when it comes to different parenting techniques, but in all reality, you are farming out 1/3 of the child's life to someone else who has to care for more than just your child. They have rules, standards and practices so that they can regulate the room and ensure that all the children at least have the basics taken care of.

[JBaxter]

Originally Posted by ObliviousAnnette

Yes, they are the parent, but when you hire someone to watch your kid, you are also hiring them to raise your kid.
They are in Daycare for 8 hours say, they sleep for 10-12 hours at age 2 including or excluding naps. That is 18-20 hours. That only leaves the parent with 4-6 hours of parenting, instilling family values and etc.
Now, the DC should respect the parent's wishes when it comes to different parenting techniques, but in all reality, you are farming out 1/3 of the child's life to someone else who has to care for more than just your child. They have rules, standards and practices so that they can regulate the room and ensure that all the children at least have the basics taken care of.

ObliviousAnnette... I want to say SO much about your post but I wont...


OP... My 3 older boys were all 100% daytime potty trained by 2 1/2. I did a potty bootcamp for a week. It works for us Not everyone likes to do it that way and thats fine I dont judge but "I" simply will not change a daytime diaper on a 3yr old.

Back to your situation. It sounds like its the centers policy that they potty train at the 2 1/2 yr old mark. I would just go along with the same types of things they do andmaybe he will be diaper free soon. My 3rd did potty train for chocolate chips/m&m's and hershey kisses. He got 1 chocolate chip for a try to pee/poo. 2 m&m's for pee and 1 hershey kiss for pooping. I do SO little candy at our house it was a huge treat. Sorry its not exactly how you would do it I know what it is to have kiddos in daycare and not be in 100% control.

[mamakims]

Originally Posted by ObliviousAnnette

Yes, they are the parent, but when you hire someone to watch your kid, you are also hiring them to raise your kid.
They are in Daycare for 8 hours say, they sleep for 10-12 hours at age 2 including or excluding naps. That is 18-20 hours. That only leaves the parent with 4-6 hours of parenting, instilling family values and etc.
Now, the DC should respect the parent's wishes when it comes to different parenting techniques, but in all reality, you are farming out 1/3 of the child's life to someone else who has to care for more than just your child. They have rules, standards and practices so that they can regulate the room and ensure that all the children at least have the basics taken care of.

I'm sorry but this post is just filled with insensitive wording.

OP... I don't find it weird that they're encouraging children to use the potty on a more frequent basis. I know that the children I've cared for in daycare are learning the potty, we ask them very often...just like a parent would do at home when their child is potty learning. Could be your son feels pressured to use the potty and so is feeling uncomfortable as you suggest or could it be that it's still a new atmosphere and routine for him and he's not comfortable yet? I bet it's miscommunication, I can't imagine dc staff forcing a child to sit on the potty. I'd talk to your child's care provider about it. At my centre, at potty times we offer the toilet to all the toddlers (they move to the toddler room at usually about 20 months) but it isn't a forced issue. MOst will automatically go to sit on the toilet as it's part of their routine but sometimes not all of them will and that's fine too. I think the important part is that it's offered and made to be part of the routine and not a big deal.

[gbailey]

Originally Posted by ObliviousAnnette

Yes, they are the parent, but when you hire someone to watch your kid, you are also hiring them to raise your kid.
They are in Daycare for 8 hours say, they sleep for 10-12 hours at age 2 including or excluding naps. That is 18-20 hours. That only leaves the parent with 4-6 hours of parenting, instilling family values and etc.
Now, the DC should respect the parent's wishes when it comes to different parenting techniques, but in all reality, you are farming out 1/3 of the child's life to someone else who has to care for more than just your child. They have rules, standards and practices so that they can regulate the room and ensure that all the children at least have the basics taken care of.

ObliviousAnnette, I find your wording offensive and not in the spirit of giving kind advice. While I am fortunate to be able to stay home with DD (it's still a huge financial struggle) some parents are not in a position to stay home with their children. It's not farming out. Moms do the best they can and when mama can't stay home with her DC she finds the best place possible. This doesn't mean the daycare facility can decide when OP's DC should be potty trained. DC is not ready based on what mommy says. Perhaps your message wasn't meant to be unkind but it certainly read that way.

[kittykat2481]

I agree with most on here that I don't find it odd that they're encouraging them to at least sit on the potty at this age. What I would do in the mornings is say your goodbyes and turn him over to the teacher, and let the teacher take him to the potty. My DS refused to go potty for me at school for the longest time, even when he would go easily for his teacher. He was too focused on leaving with me and didn't want to sit on the potty. They often do things at school much more readily with the teacher than with their parents. And as long as they aren't forcing him to sit on the potty while he cries and fights it, I think it's ok. Eventually a little may trickle out just based on timing, and he'll be rewarded for it. That just may be the beginning of potty training!

[ssh]

My DDs preschool doesn't require 3 years olds to be using the toilet or a potty. They have a diaper changing area and only staff, not parent helpers, can change diapers. I think everyone in her class is using the toilet. She didn't start until she was 3.5. It was a couple of months before she started preschool.

[angie6191]

oops

[pacificbliss]

When DS turned 2 our DC had him sit on the potty routinely with the other kids. After a coupld of months they asked if we wanted to switch him to underwear. We went ahead and gave it a shot. I did talk to them ahead of time and stressed that I did not want him shamed in case of accidents. I don't mind doing laundry, I did not want him traumatized. We kept the underwaer routine up at home and this worked very well for us. DS just turned three and for 2 months has been in underwear full time, even at night.

That said there is another child in the class a little older than DS who we are close with the family and they have not had a good experience. his parents think they shamed him one day. They think they have him comfortable with the potty but in reality he holds his poop all day and asks for a diaper to poop in as soon as they get home

So, I think you should give it a shot but talk to his teachers about your concerns that he doesn't seem ready and make it clear you do not want him pressured. Find out what times of day they ask all the kids to sit on the potty and do the same on the weekends to keep the routine. Then, if he's truly not ready don't push it (which I know you already know).

Good luck!

Also, I agree with the pps, ObliviousAnnette the language in your response is judgemental and inflammatory and not in the spiri of MDC.