Sleeping

[sgmom]

I may have posted this here before, so please forgive me if I have. I posted in the sleeping forum a while back but never got any replies.

My almost 16 month old has been sleeping in a twin mattress since she was 6 months old so we could part time co-sleep. We've never really had a problem putting her down, but it does sometimes take a long time for her to fall asleep (15-60 minutes), and we have to lay beside her and pretend to sleep, with a leg over hers in order for her to stop moving enough to settle into rest.

Lately I've been trying to "sleep train" (for lack of a better term) by sitting beside her instead of laying down, but if I even just lift my head off the pillow, she pushes it back down onto the pillow. And if I get up, well all hell breaks loose.

I did manage to get her to sleep just now, but it took about an hour and fifteen minutes of constantly putting my leg over hers until she calms, removing leg, repeat, she sits up for a hug, I hug her and place her back down, replace leg over her, remove leg, replace leg, another hug, repeat...

My problem is that our second baby is due in May, and I REALLY don't want to spend this much energy putting my daughter down for naps, while having to tend to the baby as well. Nighttime is a bit different as my husband is home to tend to either her or the baby, but the bottom line is I would like to stop this habit as much as I can.

Does anyone have any advice on how to teach her to relax, and not depend so much on us to be there while she falls asleep?

And please... We're a very strong UP/AP household, so please no controlled crying advice. If she is upset about being alone, I will NOT leave her to cry.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

She might need the reassuring weight of your leg over her to fall asleep. I know I still cuddle my 5-year-old to sleep - I think the pressure helps her to fall asleep.

So you might try a weighted blanket over her legs to see if that allows you to sit up and slip out sooner. You also might try adding some sleep associations while you are still with her while she falls asleep (a special CD of relaxing music, for example) then once the association becomes strong enough, you can try fading your presence and letting the CD run.

I suspect, though, that you'll see some sleep regression when the new baby comes. You might end up all sleeping together for a while just to get some kind of sleep!

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

You are not going to get any advice about "controlled crying" here, I can gaurentee you that! . Does she like to be rocked? Is she still nursing or on a bottle?

I ask these things because my 14 month old (the crappy sleeper) will PASS OUT if its nap time and you give him a bottle and rock him while he drinks it. OH, and he has to have his blanket wrapped around the back of him and up over his head. (When Im rocking him, he is facing me with each leg on either side of me, holding the bottle himself)

I know you said you are due soon, but its just a suggestion of something that works for us. It is a work of art laying him down once hes asleep, I will say that. But we have perfected it.

[sgmom]

We had problems nursing from the start and we always had to supplement with the bottle, but she's been off the bottle completely for a few months now, with the exception of the occasional bottle before bed if she's feeling down (teething, sick, etc). So neither are an option.

I have a buckwheat pillow (fairly heavy) and have used that on her legs, but it must feel different. She can definitely tell the difference between the pillow and my leg. She also likes to lay on her stomach and shove her hand under my shoulder, so I've tried putting a weight on the back of her hand. That seems to help a bit, ONLY if she's ALMOST asleep.

I've thought about timing it so that her nap follows the baby (I put her down after he falls asleep), but it would just be SOOOO much easier if I could put her down, and walk away, knowing she feels safe and secure that I'm in the other room.

I also tried some comfort tools (stuffed animals, a special blanket, etc) but she wasn't at all interested.

I'm sure it's the cuddling she wants, and the security of having me right beside her. And the truth is I don't want to take that away from her. But having a baby to tend to, I'm not sure how it's all going to work out. She's an easy child, but she's pretty high needs when it comes to attention.

I'm just not sure how to accomplish this, without some sort of cry it out technique (which I refuse to do).

I am expecting a bit of sleep regression, but I did daycare for my friends 2 month old and 18 month old back in sept-nov, so she's had some experience with having other children in the house. I always managed to time it so the 18 month old went down first then the 2 month old, then her. He was already "trained" to sleep alone from infancy, so to put him in the playpen in my bedroom and just walk away was easy, then put the 2 month old to sleep (usually in the swing - she'd fall asleep by herself), then go lay down with my own daughter. This was the only way it was possible.

But I have no plans of using a swing (or other babysitters) with my own baby. And you're probably right that we're all going to have to co-sleep for a while (which I'm also okay with, if that how it has to be).

But by the time the baby is born she'll be 20 months and that's not too far off from 2 years old. And although I don't mind giving her the comfort she wants or needs (even at 2), I would like a head start to help her achieve a healthy sleep habit, without relying on me to get her there. If at all possible. I'm certainly not going to push her into it though.

I like the cd idea... Do you have any suggestions about what I could play? I'm not sure if that would be stimulating for her or not though... Worth a try for sure!

Sorry so long... Rambling...

[joanna0707]

I rock DS in a rocking chair, otherwise it takes him an hour or longer to fall a sleep, this has been working really great for us. I sing, he sings with me and falls a sleep after 5-10 minutes

great CD I recommend
http://www.amazon.com/Lullaby-Favori...3510111&sr=1-1

[sgmom]

Thanks for that link. I'll definitely keep this in mind (there's an ipod in her room, so it should be easy to find good lullabies).

As for the rocking, I used to do that, but as she got older she would start leaning HARD and pulling the arm of the chair, trying to crawl off towards her bed. I took that as a sign that she wanted to lay down and phased out the chair within days. So rocking is also out.

[rzberrymom]

Originally Posted by BellinghamCrunchie

I suspect, though, that you'll see some sleep regression when the new baby comes. You might end up all sleeping together for a while just to get some kind of sleep!

Yep! Even my almost 5 year old has seriously regressed since my new baby arrived and often needs someone to lie with her. I find a way to lie with her and the new baby--it's challenging but also GREAT for bonding between the two of them.

[Lilygoose]

She sounds a lot like my DD (15 months). I have to stay with my DD until she is alseep and have to have some body part, preferably over or under her, (she really likes both my arms around her) for her to go to sleep. This was fine when I put her to bed in my bed, comfy relaxing, snuggly-and I could watch tv on mute abit while we snuggled up. However we just started transitioning her to her toddler bed in our room. She is happy to go to bed here, but still wants me to snuggle up to her, which is a little more difficult and harder on my back. One thing that works really, really well for her is that since she was very little I have put her to sleep by singing a series of about 5 lullabies-always in the exact same order. I sing it through until she falls alseep. The association and the rythym and melody of the songs really does knock her right out. It usually takes 10-20 minutes (30-40 on a really bad night, but rare)for her to fall asleep. I don't stop singing and let her situate herself as much as she needs to, as long as she remains laying down. I give her my arm to snuggle (like yours- a toy, blankie, or dolly just won't do). Sometimes she'll sing with me for a minute or two, sometimes she's antsy and has trouble settling down, but if I keep singing she will fall asleep within this time frame. perhaps setting up a sleep trigger like this might help.

[sgmom]

I've got her to the point (during the day, this would NEVER fly at night) where I can leave her room and she may call out for me, but she stays in bed and doesn't cry. If I don't go back to her though after a few minutes, she'll stand up or come to the baby gate.

I'm not too worried, really... It would just be nice if I didn't have to juggle them both. I guess I'll figure it out when the time comes!

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Originally Posted by sgmom

I'm not too worried, really... It would just be nice if I didn't have to juggle them both. I guess I'll figure it out when the time comes!

Juggling is what helped me loose all the baby weight plus 10 pounds.

[Kivgaen]

Do you know what time your DD gets sleepy in the evenings? When she starts yawning, rubbing her eyes, etc? Do you time your bedtime routine such that the point of "lights out" coincides with the time that yawining/rubbing eyes starts? I went to a lecture about sleep a couple years ago, and the presenter said that if you wait until you start to see signs that they are tired before you actually start the bedtime routine, then you are already TOO LATE and their adrenaline will kick in and they'll be up for hours longer.

What do you do in your bedtime routine? Is it consistant every day?

A lavendar oil foot massage might help to "bring her back into her body", as my son's teacher would say. It has worked for my DS.

We play a stuffed burito game after bath-time, before PJs and story time. Wrap up DS in a towel, and massage him all over while asking "what would you like in your burrito? Peperoni here... mushrooms here... cheese here... " etc. Again, it's to bring him back into his body. DS loves the game and has great fun with it.

Do you have a rocking chair? After our game, we sit with DS in the chair for story time, while holding him tight (so he won't wiggle), rocking, and massaging his head.

My suggestions would be to start the bedtime routine much, much, earlier, and spend more time massaging, sitting, and reading.

[sgmom]

Originally Posted by Barbie64g

Juggling is what helped me loose all the baby weight plus 10 pounds.

My daughter is BUSY. I spend every day, pretty much sweaty and out of breath between juggling daily stuff (cooking, cleaning, etc) and chasing after her. I've only gained 8lbs in 5 months during this pregnancy, and I'm SURE she's the reason why. LOL

Originally Posted by Kivgaen

My suggestions would be to start the bedtime routine much, much, earlier, and spend more time massaging, sitting, and reading.

Nighttime really isn't the problem at all. We don't have any issues with bedtime whatsoever (other than having to lay with her, which neither of us mind doing). My husband is also home at night so while one of us lays with her, the other can tend to the baby.

I do LOVE the lavender foot rub idea though. I've been trying to find ways of getting her to relax before sleep, but she's just got so much energy. She'll lay still for 10 minutes (with her eyes closed), but she'll spend the whole time tapping one foot (or whatever). Then she'll lift her head and look at me with a big smile on her face as if to say "You still there? You sleeping yet? I'm still awake, mum!"

It's naptime I'd like some help with. I don't want to have to spend all this time trying to get her to sleep, when I've got a newborn baby who needs me... unless of course I can get him to sleep first. In a perfect world... lol

Although any bedtime routine suggestions are always appreciated.

[One_Girl]

Do you have a set time that you generally start laying her down or does it vary from day to day? I found that my dd got to sleep faster once I started putting her down for a nap at a set time everyday. If she is still taking more than one nap then she may need to phase out of one of the naps. Timing may also be a factor. I found that my dd slept best if I had her lay down at about one in the afternoon. She phased out of two naps very young in life and a morning nap didn't work because she was still to full of energy.

[sgmom]

We try to keep a set schedule based on how many hours she's been up since she woke up (usually about 4 hours after waking, or at a certain time in the afternoon (usually around 1). I try to keep the sleep schedule as consistant as possible, but sometimes it's just dead obvious that it isn't going to work today, so on those days I go by her body clock.

She's never been a good napper (1-2 short naps, or sometimes 1 longer one). I've debated the idea of removing naps completely (some days she doesn't nap) but she's not QUITE ready for that (and neither am I!).

If she's tired, she'll fall asleep quickly. Or quicker...