Having TV on in the background

[bluedaisy]

What do you think about this? Do you allow the TV on in the background if your kids are awake, especially those under 2?

We are planning to follow the APA advice and not allow our 13 mo dd to watch TV until she's at least 2. While we don't allow her to watch any children's programming, my DH turns on the TV pretty much every time he is with her.

I watch tv with my dd in the room maybe 2 or 3 times per month, and when I do I engage my dd is toys in an area of the room where she can't see the TV and I can.

DH, on the other hand, is a grad student and is always studying. when i need him to watch dd, he sees it as a break from studies and wants to relax in front of the TV.

it's gotten to the point where i don't even want to ask him to watch her because i know the tv will be on. the other day i walked in and he was on the computer with the TV on mute.

i am mostly concerned about her seeing the flashing images and ADD/ADHD. both my mom and I suspect we might have ADD so her risk is increased anyway.

at time he also gets caught up in the tv and dd wanders off. our house is pretty babyproofed but i'm also a little concerned for her safety.

i try hard not to "correct" dh's parenting and let him do his own thing, but this is really concerning me.

what would you do?

at the same time, i understand how intense his program can be and understand his desire to unwind.

[GoestoShow]

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Edited by GoestoShow - 1/4/11 at 9:07am

[nelson]

I would much rather my babe watch "kids" programming than adult shows with commercials. This would not be okay at our house. We actually don't have a tv , just a computer that we allow DS to watch videos on. When we are at the inlaws house, the tv is always on, and I notice that DS doesn't play with his toys, he just glazes over. I would talk to your DH about your concerns, it doesn't seem like he is watching you LO at all when you ask him to.

[Alyantavid]

I have used the tv as background noise. When ds1 was 18ish months, my dh spent a summer a few hours away fighting fire. I was bored and terribly lonely so it was on alot for noise. It's rarely on at all anymore.

DS1 is now 7 and I honestly don't see that it's affected him. If this really bothers you, talk to your dh about it. But I really do think that unless its hours and hours a day, it isn't that big of a deal.

[AnnieA]

I don't have any babes in my house and I don't allow the TV on as background noise. We turn the TV to watch a specific program and then it gets turned off. If your DH wants to watch TV, I would suggest getting a DVR/TIVO and having a convo with him about watching TV when the baby is sleeping. How about having the radio on for entertainment?

[DaughterOfKali]

I can't stand tv as background noise. If someone is actually watching a program/movie it's fine. If not, it gets turned off.

[MamaMelis]

Originally Posted by DaughterOfKali

I can't stand tv as background noise. If someone is actually watching a program/movie it's fine. If not, it gets turned off.

Us too. The TV is only on in our house after 7 PM, (dd goes to bed at 7) and that is when our almost 3 year old can watch a show. It annoys me to have it on in the background ~ too much mental clutter for me DH and I will only have it on at night if we are watching something, never as background noise.

The only exception to this would be on Sundays, when football is on from 1-8. The kids are sleeping from 1-4, but it is definitely on when they wake up.

[philomom]

Originally Posted by DaughterOfKali

I can't stand tv as background noise. If someone is actually watching a program/movie it's fine. If not, it gets turned off.

Yes, I've been know to turn off tvs in waiting rooms as well. If you want to watch... you sit and watch. Tv is not background chatter here.

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by bluedaisy

at time he also gets caught up in the tv and dd wanders off. our house is pretty babyproofed but i'm also a little concerned for her safety.

Aside from the TV issue itself, this concerns me... I don't think it's OK for DD to wander off while DH is 'watching' her. Whether or not he's watching TV or on the computer, he should have her in eyesight at that age IMO. Maybe he can at least gate off or close the door to the room they're in.

Anyway. This is an issue that's been bugging me lately. We don't have cable but around 8pm I am too tired to do anything but watch TV so I watch whatever channel comes in until around midnight when I go to sleep. DS (11mo) is often in the room with me playing. He climbs over me & interacts with me or he falls asleep nursing. He never noticed the TV much (it's a small 13" & a good 3 feet above his eye level) but recently he's started dancing to the songs on commercials and occasionally looking at it. DH or I try to distract him & engage him in playing. Honestly I'm hoping to go completely TV-free once he's talking more (except maybe when he's asleep but he's not the best sleeper)... I actually posted in the TV free forum this morning 'cause I'm trying to figure out other things to do when I'm tired but the only suggestion so far was listen to music. (Not a bad suggestion but we don't buy CD's and only a couple radio stations come in for some reason. And I'm too tired to read.)

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by DaughterOfKali

I can't stand tv as background noise. If someone is actually watching a program/movie it's fine. If not, it gets turned off.

This.
My ex had the tv on all the time...every day, all day, for years. It drove me insane. DH doesn't watch tv (except a very occasional - like once a year, maybe - football game). We do watch movies, but if nobody is watching, it comes off.

I can actually remember coming home from work once, when I was with my ex. I walked into the living room and the tv was on with nobody there. I turned off the tv, and went into the bedroom to change clothes. I came back out, and the living room was, again, empty - and the tv had been turned back on. WTF?

[allical1284]

After being inspired by some moms here on MDC, we recently gave up TV, and I have to say it has been wonderful!! It took some convincing to get DH on board, but since we have turned off the TV we are more productive, and we spend much more time together. DH has a pretty stressful job, but we found that taking a stroll together as a family in the evenings, in lieu of watching TV, relaxes him far more!!!
ETA: For those that mentioned being too tired to do anything else, I was SO in your shoes until DH and I started exercising together in the evenings (even just a long walk). I have much more energy now than I did when I would sit and watch TV every evening.

[Drummer's Wife]

Having it on for background noise would drive me absolutely nutty. If there isn't something specific that someone wants to sit down and watch, the TV is off (here, it mainly gets used for the wii b/c we only have about 4 channels).

Music, that's a whole different thing. I will often turn on the stereo when I'm cleaning or whatever.

[sarahsmiles]

Oh, it's hard. I'm a "no TV unless you're watching it" kind of person. DH isn't. He has learned, though, from watching DD's transfixed stares, that this is not a good thing.

I think there are a lot of problems, as others have alluded. Not just the TV on, but also the issue of content, ads, etc. DD is 3 and hadn't really seen a commercial at our house most of her life because we DVR everything and she usually watches "Caillou" or whatever On Demand.

Now, MIL lives with us and she has the TV on CONSTANTLY. I hate it. Even the 6 month old gets exposed to this, but it's not something we can tackle right now.

And I almost hate to mention this because it's not really my business, but some of your other concerns (baby wandering off, etc.) suggest that he wouldn't actually be having the TV in the background, but would be actively watching it, and therefore, not really paying attention to your child. Plus, you make it sound like you are imposing on him to watch his daughter "for" you, and feel bad encroaching on his style. This is his kid, too, and he needs to realize that parenting is just as tough (heck, WAY TOUGHER) than grad school. It's a break from studying, for sure, but it's not really a break.

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by allical1284

ETA: For those that mentioned being too tired to do anything else, I was SO in your shoes until DH and I started exercising together in the evenings (even just a long walk). I have much more energy now than I did when I would sit and watch TV every evening.

LOL well it's dark here by 5pm (which is when DH & I get off work) plus it's below freezing so until the spring, the stroll is out. But that just gave me a good idea, maybe I will wait 'til the spring to go TV free. I mostly just want to do it before DS starts talking & understanding more... so I think if we wait 'til spring I'll be less likely to give up after a few days

[Jessy1019]

I don't like having the TV on as "background noise" so if it gets left on and no one is actively watching it, I will turn it off.

I don't think it's hugely detrimental, though. I just find it personally annoying.

[Honey693]

I try to keep TV to a minimum with our 15 month old, but she does watch some. During football season it's on for about 12 hours on Sundays. We watch all 3 games and the pregame shows too. I play with DD during most of the games, but it's still on as background noise. If she gets sick of it she just goes sits behind the couch with some books. During the week we watch the news at night and if DH isn't home she'll play while I watch Grey's or Glee. During the day it's on maybe twice a month when I get really lonely, DH is going to be late and I need noise and light. Right now it's on and she's paying no attention. I know this is way more than probably 90% of MDC watches, but I need some me time when DH is working late.

[allical1284]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy

LOL well it's dark here by 5pm (which is when DH & I get off work) plus it's below freezing so until the spring, the stroll is out. But that just gave me a good idea, maybe I will wait 'til the spring to go TV free. I mostly just want to do it before DS starts talking & understanding more... so I think if we wait 'til spring I'll be less likely to give up after a few days

LOL! Good point!! I live in south Texas and oftentimes forget that some people have real winters
Spring sounds like a great plan!

[jammomma]

I love TV, and I miss watching it. I used to have it on all the time as background noise. But alas, it is no longer allowed in our house. My DS is 6 1/2 months and we don't want him watching TV for a few years at least. And yes, he will watch it if it is on. So now we watch very little TV, and soon we are cancelling our cable.

[starling&diesel]

We don't have it on as background noise. We do sometimes have a program on while DD is still awake in the evening, but the TV is high enough that she can't see it from the floor. We're always on the floor with her, or one of us, at least. If we're not watching it, it goes off. I hate having a TV, but it's a compromise.

[lonegirl]

Ours is on all the time pretty much....But I grew up like that too. I may not turn it on right away when I wake up or when we get home...but once it is on it is on. It isn't a baby sitter, never has been...but it is mostly on Treehouse or other non commercial filled channels. At night we of cours watch our shows that we want to see. Tyr plays and does lots of stuff and isn't glued to the tv...if a fave show of his is on he may look up to watch for a couple minutes but aside from that he goes on about his business.