Having TV on in the background - Page 2

[EFmom]

I hate having the TV on all the time. It drives me nuts. The inlaws do this and have a TV in every room.

As a result of having grown up in a huge family, I crave quiet, so the idea of needing "background" noise makes no sense to me.

Not to mention the waste of energy. We don't have one, but the new flat screen TVs are energy hogs, much more so than the older boxes. The thought of squandering all that energy for nothing is just crazy.

[sarahtdubb]

We don't have a tv, but the tv was regularly on in the background at my mom's house when we were all over. For us, this issue "resolved" itself when my son got a little older-- about 2. He switched from not caring/noticing what was on to watching it intently. that blank stare was scary for us, and now the tv is off unless we are intentionally watching something that is child-friendly.

I grew up with a tv always on, and I don't think it ruined me or anything--but at least for us now, the tv is just a source of distraction or conflict, and I prefer to leave it off.

[tinuviel_k]

I really dislike having a TV on as background noise and/or stimulus. I actually think it is pretty harmful for kids and adults: I know plenty of people who can't stand being in a quiet room. They get edgy unless there is something making noise and flashing in the room. I think if someone absolutely needs to have constant background chatter and flashing lights in order to relax then something is not good. And kids can get used to it and dependent of it... no, I'm not a fan.

[Ldavis24]

I'm glad someone posted about this!
I have been thinking about it a lot since DD is going to be 8 months. I have always been a news junkie. I will watch c-span like it is really interesting sometimes! I am definitely a person who has it on as background noise. I usually keep it strictly on a news channel and keep the volume quite down unless it is something I turn up to catch.
I had been really worried about it with DD because we certainly don't want her to be watching tv all the time.
What I have noticed though is that she basically entirely ignores it unless there is an alarming sound on it. Like the EMS tests or something. She rarely even looks at it and when she does not once has it caught her attention for more than 3 seconds.
I spend most of my days being fully engaged with DD, I never even leave her side for her daily 2 naps. I am not concerned about her and the tv because she ignores it and has no interest.

Now the day that she does really show an interest in the tv is the day it gets turned off until she is asleep at night but that hasn't happened yet! So call me a bad mom or anything you like! I know I'm in the minority here. It has been hard just to get DH to cut back although we've made some progress. It doesn't help that he is a sports junkie!

[Rowansmama]

Originally Posted by allical1284

ETA: For those that mentioned being too tired to do anything else, I was SO in your shoes until DH and I started exercising together in the evenings (even just a long walk). I have much more energy now than I did when I would sit and watch TV every evening.

Same here! And since there's no TV, there's really not much to do once DD goes to bed. I either take the dog for a walk, walk on the treadmill, or pop in an exercise DVD. It only takes half an hour, and often it's the LAST thing I want to do, but I feel alot better afterward!

[betsyj]

I was an only child and a latch key kid so I had the TV on for company as a (lonely) little kid. Now I never do that. But, we only watch TV when our little boy is sleeping. Well, he does see football and baseball since we are fanatics.

But, I love Tivo because I can record programs and watch when I have time. I love not being a slave to a schedule or a commercial.

[Icehockey18]

I think I read somewhere recently that babies can't 'tune out' the T.V. like we can.... I don't remember where I read it, but it has made us go TV 'limited'. Dh does watch sports, but mostly after ds is in bed. I've gone cold turkey, and actually enjoy it! If ds is awake and dh wants to watch a game I make him turn down the volume way low and we both make sure ds doesn't 'watch' the tv.
I would be concerned about the wondering off and wold def have a chat about his time with your lo. Maybe suggest games they could play or books they could read...

[kcstar]

Originally Posted by Icehockey18

I think I read somewhere recently that babies can't 'tune out' the T.V. like we can.... I don't remember where I read it, but it has made us go TV 'limited'. Dh does watch sports, but mostly after ds is in bed. I've gone cold turkey, and actually enjoy it! If ds is awake and dh wants to watch a game I make him turn down the volume way low and we both make sure ds doesn't 'watch' the tv.
I would be concerned about the wondering off and wold def have a chat about his time with your lo. Maybe suggest games they could play or books they could read...

Yes. When the TV is on as "background" noise, the study showed that children still played less than when there was no TV on. So if the TV is background noise, I would not consider that "no TV under 2". It took a few months for me to convince DH of that. I can remember a couple of times when my two- and three- MONTH old was upset by the noises from the Enterprise DVD DH had put on.

Given the violence broadcast as news so regularly, terrorist attacks, hurricanes, and earthquakes, the news channel would not be my choice of background TV around children.

We did start checking out the occasional children's show from the library when DS was about 8 months old or so. One show per week, and he didn't watch it every day. Around 15 months old, we started doing the Sesame Street playlists online. Then we got Baby Signing Time, and DS was watching a little TV every day. Under two, we set a soft limit of 1 hour and a hard limit of 2 hours per day for him. We could watch while he was asleep.

At 2, we're easing up a little more, and monitoring content more than time.

I also can't stand the TV as background noise or even lights. It bothers me that I can hardly find a restaurant without a TV anymore. If I'm watching something, I'll watch. If we're not watching something, it's off. If I'm in the room when DH is watching something, I usually end up following the plot, if not necessarily mesmerized. I can't study in the same room with a TV. So as an undergrad I got out of the habit.

I did start following a few shows in between schooling, but mostly we've moved on to DVDs of what we want to see. And at that, the adult stuff is watched while DS is asleep (as far as I know... DH is the one home with him).

[emilyjace]

If it makes you feel any better, one of the books I was reading said that the primary problem with TV is the quick-changing story lines that kids really can't follow. When an adult watches a program we can follow the story, recognize that the 10 commercials are just that, and then rejoin the story when the show comes back on. Kids see all of the parts, including the commercials, as different stories. She went on to say that show like Mr. Rogers are ideal because they are slow, predictable, focus on one topic at a time, talk directly to the kids, etc. Anyway, seems to me that a TV on mute is just lights and pictures--not ideal but not something to freak out about.

[bluedaisy]

Thanks for the replies...

When I said the TV was on in the background, I meant it was on in the background for dd, who usually just plays with toys and doesn't pay much attention. My DH actively watches the TV.

For me, my main concern is ADD which is why we don't allow kids shows yet - researchers spend lots of money to figure out which colors/shapes/movements will mesmerize my kid and I don't want her sitting there starting at the TV continually because of my concerns that she is at higher risk of ADD anyway,

At 13 months, I'm not concerned about her picking up content of a adult show or commercial. my dh mainly watches sitcoms, so she's not seeing anything violent or sexual. most commercials during these shows are aimed at adults, so again, at 13 months i'm not concerned about her picking up messages from commercials.

she does sometimes stare at the TV for several seconds, but she quickly loses interest and moves on.

Do you think this kind of TV viewing would also increase her risk for ADD, or is it just if she sits and watches for several minutes or more at a time?

[ann_of_loxley]

When DS was a baby...he was my first and I knew no one in my area and was super lonely and had the tele on quietly throughout the whole day as a bit of noise and 'company'. My son never took notice of the tele. In fact, if you use it like this - it just becomes 'moving wallpaper' is what they call it. (some say this isn't that great either because then you can't even use it for educational purposes - though I found that this isn't really the case for us).

He did not notice the tele at all until he was nearly 2 years old.
But then we also had a good group of friends and an active 'family' lifestyle that the tele went off to save on electricity.
I never just 'sat' him in front of the tele. He didn't really get into tele until he was about three years of age.

And, as we choose to live consensually, I don't 'limit' my son on tele. It is his choice. I trust his judgment on self regulation. I actually found that getting him his own tele (that can only play tapes anyhow - its the kind that has a vcr attached to it that we keep in the playroom means he hardly watches it at all now (that doesn't sound like it makes sense...one might thing more teles = more tele watching but it actually worked out the other way for us! lol).

He went through a few month phase of doing nothing but what I felt was watch tele all day long (and thats one of the reasons we got him his own tele because its not so much that he wanted to watch it all day long, he just wanted the noise on all day long...which meant that if I did happen to want to watch something, I found myself unable to change it over without a huge upset and this had more to do with his sensory issues than anyhting else so I felt we needed to work on a consensual solution) but now at 4 - he really does not watch it at all. Maybe a few hours a week? He has better things to do! lol (and when he has watched tele he has only ever been interested in watching the same 20 minute show over and over again for example) I think this is down to 1). his peronality (he has always been pretty placid and laid back and can be entertained by a pinecone for hours for example ...and despite this, he never just sits and watches tele...he is always playing along with the tele - for example if thomas is on, he sets out to make a train track and gets out all the thomas characters and carrys on with it! lol) and 2). the fact I have been very relaxed about tele. I have never made it an issue and of course I model for him. There is nothing I like watching during the day so I don't. He sees me reading more often than not. (hes also very good at making sure we don't 'waste electricity' lmao)

This baby won't have the 'moving wallpaper' as there is plenty of noise in our daily lives lol (but I will be just as relaxed with the tele as it has worked out great for us!)

Mind - I don't think its considered 'moving wallpaper' if someone is actuall watching it. I would be more concerned with what kind of message this gives your DD if her 'daddy time' is him sitting there watching tele. I would voice my concern about that. You don't have to 'correct' his parenting, but you have a right to have your feelings and concerns listened to I think.

A 'steiner' suggestion is to put colourful silks over the tele - so that it is 'hidden' in an attractive way throughout the day.

[velochic]

Originally Posted by emilyjace

If it makes you feel any better, one of the books I was reading said that the primary problem with TV is the quick-changing story lines that kids really can't follow.

I read about this in The Plug-In Drug. It's one of the clinically proven causes for a lack of attention span. They said that the average Sesame Street segment is 20 seconds. They do this to keep attention, but it also results in kids that cannot sit for a long period of time for something less stimulating. Early on, kids can't keep track, but it conditions their attention span to just short bursts.

[pianojazzgirl]

My dh also has the tendency to turn on the tv when the kids are around. I am trying hard to reduce the amount of screen time my kids get and I find it frustrating that dh doesn't find this to be as important a goal as I do. However, with us it's not nearly as much as what you describe your dh watching. It's more like on Saturday he'll turn on the hockey game starting around 7pm (when the kids will be up for another hour or so), or occasionally during the week he'll turn it on to watch Jeopardy or something in the evening. But he also does plug the kids in to their DVDs a lot more than I would, and while we both agreed to let the kids watch a bit of tv on weekend mornings so we can catch a bit more shut-eye, I will turn it off when I get up, but when it's just dh he will let them continue to watch it for hours.

That said, I can live with our situation as is. I continue to model "turning off the tv" behaviour for dh, and occasionally bring up my reasons for wanting to reduce screen time.

[Hoopin' Mama]

If your dd is wandering off or playing, it doesn't sound like it is going to harm her at all. I've built a fair share of block towers with The Office on in the background.
I would be more concerned that dh is using his Dad time as tv time, but that's just me. Espcecially if he is so engrossed that she is wandering off.

[noobmom]

I hate having the TV as background noise as well. I normally do not watch any TV at all during the day (but I'm no saint, I spend a lot of "screen time" in front of the computer). DH pretty much only watches sports and news, so I'm okay with him watching those with the kids around. The sports is a bit background-ish because DH doesn't get totally engrossed--but I prefer that over him neglecting the children.

[redvlagrl]

We don't have a TV per se, but we do have a TV tuner built into our computer. It's the "hockey Night in Canada machine".

We aren't total purists either. If DD is totally melting down - maybe every week or two, we will find some sesame street or Wiggles on youtube and show them to her. Or vids of animals.

I am not a fan of TV in the background at all (actually I don't like anything in the background). I have noticed that DD will hear/respond to sounds that I am not even aware of. I don't think she is capable of tuning stuff out like an adult. For instance, suddenly she will start saying "woof woof" and then I will notice there is a dog barking waaaaay off in the distance. Or she will start dancing and I will realize that the theme song of a radio show is playing.

If there is a TV on at a friend's house I find she is intrigued for a few minutes then wanders off.

[nextcommercial]

I absolutely cannot be in a quiet house. I MUST have at least a radio on. So, no matter what, either the tv is on or the radio. (usually the radio) I have a daycare, so if the tv is on, it's on a childish channel, but the radio is on my channel. I actually don't watch much tv myself. But, I do love music.

I can't explain the compulsion to have background noise, but it lowers my stress level greatly.

[prothyraia]

It doesn't sound like TV in the background is the problem, it sounds like the fact that "parenting" = "yay! break to sit on my butt and turn off my brain!" for your partner is the problem.

I mean, there's nothing wrong with sitting on your butt and relaxing, but taking care of a toddler really doesn't offer the opportunity to do that.

[RoadBuddy]

I did when he was a nursing baby - he'd lie on a nursing pillow and nurse or sleep and I'd sometimes watch a show.

If he was playing, never. I hate having the TV on unless I'm watching, and playing with a child doesn't allow me to actually watch. Plus, anything I'd want to watch would be not kid-friendly. Since I wanted him to be TV free until 2, I wouldn't put on kids shows, and my shows are mostly dramas and PG-13 or R movies, so... I don't really like sports or family comedies.

There have been studies to show that kids play changes when the TV is on, even if they're not "watching". Less complex or imaginative, I think. This would concern me if it happened frequently.