For those who converted to Judaism

[Raene]

I know it's a long process to convert, but I would love to know specifics of what was involved. I really feel called to Judaism, but as my DH likes to point out, I have little time for study, no matter how much of a priority it would be for me. I imagine it taking a year with lots of study of the Torah. Is this right? What exactly was involved for you? Thanks for sharing

[DashsMama]

I converted under the guidance of a Reform Rabbi. It's been a while, but I don't recall it being grueling in any way. It took about 9 months total. I had to take a series of classes taught by 3 rabbi's from different denominations in our community. These met one evening a week, and were very enjoyable. My dh, a born Jew, was required to take them too. The classes included some written homework, and reading a handful of books. No in-depth study of the Torah was required, nor did I have to learn Hebrew. I was expected to attend services at the synagogue. I had a couple meetings with the Rabbi. Met with the Bet Din. Went to the mikvah. Had a conversion ceremony in front of the congregation, during which I made a few vows, and that was it.

I suspect the ease of conversion in a Reform synagogue is one of the reasons Reform conversions are not accepted in Israel.

[anj_rn]

I did not convert, but both my mom & sister did. The actual process differs depending on if you are converting to reform, conservative, or orthodox judaism. Basically you start by contacting a rabbi. The rabbi will set you up with studying (either on-on-one or in a class). This process is usually quite long, but also depends on how you are converting. Some synagogues require men to be circumcised and women to go to the mikvah when converting. I have a friend who converted reform before getting married and her class was 6 months, but se studied a lot. My mom & sis converted orthodox, and they were taking classes and learning hebrew for 2 years before converting.

Here is a web site that may help www.convert.org.

[wrenb]

nak

I studied off and on for 2-3 years prior to converting in the Reform movement. My rabbi told me she liked her students to have a whole year of holiday observances before converting. I took an Intro to Judaism class (6-12 weeks, 1 night a week) and then met with my rabbi regularly after that.

Two years later I'd learned enough liturgy and prayerbook Hebrew to have a joint b'nei mitzvah with two other converts.

[alexsam]

DH is a born Jew, so being with him for a few yrs first kind of primed things up. I'd basically been living in a Jewish household, as he kind of kept things going like that and the Rabbi knew him and talked with him quite a lot as well, so he knew what I was experiencing at home. Then it was a yr of Judaism classes for the more "out of the house" learning and enough hebrew for the basics during services as well as regularly going to services and holidays. Then, the beit din and mikveh. But, there is a lot more than just the hoops you have to jump through...

The thing is, Judaism is a life-long sustained effort. And your relationship with it is like any other relationship- it takes making it a priority and takes time to really know it. You will have aspects that will be meaningful and some that will be confusing or frustrating that you will work on. There are things about "being Jewish"- complex feelings of the community about Israel, history, culture- that can only be understood with time and exposure. There are yearly cycles to Judaism that need to be experienced (quite a few times, I'd say... but some of that comes after conversion) before you can really scratch the surface of them. And, even if you will not participate in all the "laws" and traditions, knowing what they are is important. And, the biggest thing is that there is an on-going expectation to be part of the community and an expectation to keep learning after the conversion (really, all Jews are expected to keep learning their whole lives). If you can't get to services and a meeting/class a week (or whatever), it will be hard to be connected afterward. And, afterall, that is the point.

Additionally, becoming a convert to Judaism has some strange curveballs that pop up and the time you will take with the Rabbi and the new community will be important in sorting those out. Your first Christmas season (even if you were not religious before, you are now "different" and will experience being a minority). Explaining things to your family. Finding a peace with being a convert, but not sharing the ethnic heritage or the common memories of born Jews. This Jewish idea of G-d and how it figures into things. How to raise children in a culture and religion that don't hold memories for you personally to use as a basis on which to build emotion and tradition in your home. If your husband is not Jewish, how things will work on a practical level in your house. These things take time and you need to allow yourself to processes them when they happen and they all crop up (for the first time, but not the last!) during the year(s) long conversion study period.

And finally, just focusing on the end result of "the paper" without really being able to allow yourself to wade in and explore is that you will not get to appreciate the "whole package" that doesn't get stuffed into the "classes" or meetings. Some of my most fond and influential memories of that time was reading Shalom Aleichem and getting lost in the richness and fun of Yiddish literature. Of my husband taking me on a "Jewish Tour" of New York City and getting immersed in the art museums and the tennement museum and the flow of the neighborhoods and people, seeing the diversity of Jewish life. Of trying recipes and us having great laughs at my various attempts NOT to "Italianize" them. Of giving a go at discussing the weeks Torah portion and how nervous I was. Of hosting my first Seder. Of having my grandmother-in-law teach me all the Yiddish phrases I was missing. Of flipping through my husband's bar mitzvah album and having long talks with him about his life-long experiences being Jewish, his childhood memories. Going to a funeral. Going to a wedding. Finally getting the jokes. Seeing a random re-run of "Schindlers List" and DH comes home from work to find me a blubbering, crying, having nightmares mess when before, I just remembered watching it and being a sad movie. But now, it's personal. You know. Life. As a Jew. It's more than Friday night .

I'm not trying to dissuade you. I'm saying that if you want your piece of paper that says you're Jewish, it is not as "intense" as many might say. The actual "requirements" were not all that consuming. But if you are looking to really see the experience of conversion as a time of learning and soul searching and about understanding the committment you are making and the family you are joining, it takes time. And there is no way around that. But it is a *good* time.

[merpk]

Originally Posted by alexsam

DH is a born Jew, so being with him for a few yrs first kind of primed things up. I'd basically been living in a Jewish household, as he kind of kept things going like that and the Rabbi knew him and talked with him quite a lot as well, so he knew what I was experiencing at home. Then it was a yr of Judaism classes for the more "out of the house" learning and enough hebrew for the basics during services as well as regularly going to services and holidays. Then, the beit din and mikveh. But, there is a lot more than just the hoops you have to jump through...

The thing is, Judaism is a life-long sustained effort. And your relationship with it is like any other relationship- it takes making it a priority and takes time to really know it. You will have aspects that will be meaningful and some that will be confusing or frustrating that you will work on. There are things about "being Jewish"- complex feelings of the community about Israel, history, culture- that can only be understood with time and exposure. There are yearly cycles to Judaism that need to be experienced (quite a few times, I'd say... but some of that comes after conversion) before you can really scratch the surface of them. And, even if you will not participate in all the "laws" and traditions, knowing what they are is important. And, the biggest thing is that there is an on-going expectation to be part of the community and an expectation to keep learning after the conversion (really, all Jews are expected to keep learning their whole lives). If you can't get to services and a meeting/class a week (or whatever), it will be hard to be connected afterward. And, afterall, that is the point.

Additionally, becoming a convert to Judaism has some strange curveballs that pop up and the time you will take with the Rabbi and the new community will be important in sorting those out. Your first Christmas season (even if you were not religious before, you are now "different" and will experience being a minority). Explaining things to your family. Finding a peace with being a convert, but not sharing the ethnic heritage or the common memories of born Jews. This Jewish idea of G-d and how it figures into things. How to raise children in a culture and religion that don't hold memories for you personally to use as a basis on which to build emotion and tradition in your home. If your husband is not Jewish, how things will work on a practical level in your house. These things take time and you need to allow yourself to processes them when they happen and they all crop up (for the first time, but not the last!) during the year(s) long conversion study period.

And finally, just focusing on the end result of "the paper" without really being able to allow yourself to wade in and explore is that you will not get to appreciate the "whole package" that doesn't get stuffed into the "classes" or meetings. Some of my most fond and influential memories of that time was reading Shalom Aleichem and getting lost in the richness and fun of Yiddish literature. Of my husband taking me on a "Jewish Tour" of New York City and getting immersed in the art museums and the tennement museum and the flow of the neighborhoods and people, seeing the diversity of Jewish life. Of trying recipes and us having great laughs at my various attempts NOT to "Italianize" them. Of giving a go at discussing the weeks Torah portion and how nervous I was. Of hosting my first Seder. Of having my grandmother-in-law teach me all the Yiddish phrases I was missing. Of flipping through my husband's bar mitzvah album and having long talks with him about his life-long experiences being Jewish, his childhood memories. Going to a funeral. Going to a wedding. Finally getting the jokes. Seeing a random re-run of "Schindlers List" and DH comes home from work to find me a blubbering, crying, having nightmares mess when before, I just remembered watching it and being a sad movie. But now, it's personal. You know. Life. As a Jew. It's more than Friday night .

I'm not trying to dissuade you. I'm saying that if you want your piece of paper that says you're Jewish, it is not as "intense" as many might say. The actual "requirements" were not all that consuming. But if you are looking to really see the experience of conversion as a time of learning and soul searching and about understanding the committment you are making and the family you are joining, it takes time. And there is no way around that. But it is a *good* time.

That was a really lovely post.

[TzippityDoulah]

thanks for posting that, alexsam. i realy enjoyed your thoughts.

[alexsam]

Thanks... This thread really started me thinking about my conversion . It brought up a lot of memories writing that...

When I was converting, the rabbi said: The conversion isn't the goal, it is merely a gate. It was really important for me to shift my thinking to see that. That once I was in, it wasn't over, it was beginning .

[Raene]

Should've also mentioned my DH is not Jewish nor has any wish to convert. Is the liberal synagogue in my town that is affiliated with the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism likely not to be accepting of me because of this?

[anj_rn]

Alexsam, your post was beautiful. It made me smile & cry at the same time. It is so wonderful to see people so eloquently express their conversions. My sister does it well too.

OP, I think the first step is for you to contact a rabbi and start learning. If the focus is on learning, you can later decide if you want to convert.

[Magelet]

raene,
I would say that more likely they still would be accepting and welcoming towards you. Definitely call the rabbi, and mention it, however I doubt it would be a huge problem in a conservative synagogue. That doesn't mean it is encouraged, nor are non-jewish spouses able to participate quite as fully in synogogue life, (voting on synogogue issues for example, or recieving an aliyah (honor of blessing the torah) at a child's bat or bar mitzvah) however I find that I am quite welcome and it truely isn't a problem that my DP isn't jewish, in our conservative synogogue. He is welcomed with open arms the few times he comes to services, and attends all social things from shul with me, and while I sometimes wish we could have an aliyah before our wedding, it meets my spiritual needs, without imposing them on him.

[alexsam]

Your conversion is YOUR conversion. It is a personal thing (though it is natural to ask/plan how things will happen at home, so I would expect that question to come up...). I would say that you and he should have some long talks. You will have quite some challenges if he is not supportive. Much of Jewish life is centered in the home and you will need to bring it there to really *be* a Jew, so it will inevitably change your family dynamic. If he is not converting, he will still have changes coming and so you need to be on the same page, even if different things are going on with you...

Go talk to the rabbi. It is the first step. Don't be too deterred if they don't jump at conversion stuff (Jews don't seek converts and don't believe that non-Jews are any less in G-d's eyes, so rabbis really take the conversion stuff slow and are probably going to suggest some ideas before embarking on an official conversion path). One step at a time . Step 1# appt with rabbi and start going to Shabbat services .