Congratulations! Your daughter sounds like a normal almost-two-year old! She also sounds just like my daughter was at 22 months. It was a bit rough in the beginning for us, but got really fun as we went along. Now she's 3 and its a WHOLE new situation, but I digress.
When my daughter would get upset because she wanted to nurse and I asked her to wait, I would tell her "I see that you're upset because you want to nurse right now, but mommy is doing the dishes/going to the bathroom/whatever else right now. When I am done with this, (or whenever you will be ready, try to give a specific signal she can look for) we will sit down and nurse. It is ok for you to be upset and it is ok for you to yell and tell me how you feel" that was HUGE for me. Realizing and truly understanding that she is entitled to her emotions and appreciating that she feels comfortable with me to express them. We talk about appropriate ways of expressing emotions. When she tells me "I'm mad!!!" I say "thank you for telling me, what can I do to help you?" or I simply wait for her to let it out, and when I sense she is ready I try to help her move on. We leave it behind and just move on. We don't dwell on it or bring it up again. It is in the past. At 22 months, I would try to help her label her emotions "I can see you are frustrated because you can't get that toy to work. Would you like some help?" And if she refused help, I would say "if you want help, you may ask and I will help you" and I would walk away and give her some space to figure out what she needed to do next, whether it was yell or move on to another activity or ask for help.
My daughter has pushed me, bit me, hit me, kicked me, pinched me, pulled my hair, you name it. When she does that, I said "OUCH! That hurt! it is NOT ok to hit/pinch/name the behavior. Please use your words and tell me how you feel." I remind her that I do not do any of those things to her, and it is not ok for her to do that either. If she is unable to stop physically hurting me, I walk away. If I am angry or frustrated, I tell her "I am angry." or "I do not like it when you hit me!" I also encourage her to say "I don't like that" to other people (especially children). I think it's extremely important to give our children their voices and to encourage them to express themselves in whatever way they can that is appropriate. Personally, I feel that at 22 months (and 3 years), yelling and screaming are age appropriate in some situations. My daughter and I are just now really running into situations where I am asking her not to use her yelling voice and tell me what it is she wants.
As far as times when you are busy and she wants attention, it is absolutely ok to set a boundary and tell her "you may go play right now and when mommy is done we will do something together" then if she is upset and screams, acknowledge it and then ignore her. Or maybe try singing a song or saying a rhyme or poem she likes. It may work sometimes, other times not so much. Every day and every situation is different and whatever gets you through with some sanity intact is what you should do :-)
Also, I have had the urge to slap my daughter and I believe that feeling is absolutely normal. Feeling guilty about having that urge is also completely normal and of course, actually slapping is not normal or ok. I started doing a little yoga when my daughter turned 2 and it helped SO immensely with my anger and frustration. I felt so much more peaceful and it greatly reduced my stress. I found a simple beginner's DVD for $10, and took 20 minutes every morning or during her nap to do it and I was amazed by the difference it made. My daughter also was like an appendage and I still VERY rarely get any break (especially now that she's giving up her nap) but I can see how secure she is with herself and how comfortable she is in her skin, and I know it's because I am there for her to depend on however she needs to. Hang in there, momma. Parenting is NOT easy and it constantly changes. Just when you think you have a routine, your child will change it just to confuse you. As I'm sure you know, parenting is also the most rewarding, precious thing in the world. Obviously, if you can get a break every day, every week, or whenever you can, take it! Mommys have to refresh one way or another. A book I would suggest is titled "Gentle Discipline" I'm not sure who the author is but it's a LLL book and I'm certain if you google it you will find it. Good luck on your journey of motherhood!
