DS's love for his Binky is only growing...not fading as we hoped it would by now.

[Jenine]

Ds is just 3 and has been weaned for a few months. He has had a binky (paci) since birth. We didn't want to use one at all but he was in the NICU for his first 48 hours and needed it. From that point forward he NEVER fell asleep without either nursing or his binky. It was a great tool for a long time and used only at sleep times, when he was really hurt, or sick. It allowed others to put him down for naps and some bedtimes. But we're wondering how long we should go without 'weaning' him from the bink. He seems to be wanting it more and more these days. He'll over emphasize the intensity of a trip or bump in hopes of scoring some binky time. He is truly in love with it. He has no other lovey and has recently hijacked his baby sisters binky clip (received as a gift, she doesn't use one) which he thinks is a brilliant invention! But DH and I are thinking he is too old to still be using a pacifier.

At this point we're trying to limit usage to his room only. If he asks for a binky we tell him he has to have it in his room (not as a punishment) and he seems ok with it sometimes. At other times he has a tantrum or whines about wanting one, sometimes we give in, sometimes not. My inconsistency has to do with the fact that he has a new baby sister and I want him to have the comfort he gets from the pacifier. I feel guilty...

Is he too old to have a binky? How long did your LO have a pacifier and how did you eventually get rid of it??

[Masel]

At 3.5 my DD had a visit with the dentist and it was clear the binky was causing an open bite. That next weekend we said Saturday is your last night with the bink. On Sunday we'll go shopping and you can get whatever you want in trade. She picked out a movie and has never been too interested in the binky since then. I was pleasantly surprised that the open bite resolved itself within a month.

there had been nights where she would lose it and we'd hear her calling "biiiiiiinkyyyyyy" so very mournfully. (It made me giggle). Then she'd find it and go back to sleep. I never ever thought it would be so easy or I would have done it a lot sooner. YMMV.

[LynnS6]

At our house, the pacifier was allowed in the car and in bed. So, when ds wanted to use the pacifier at home, he had to go upstairs to his room. It did creep out to the landing upstairs often and I let it pass. He would sit at the top of the stairs with his pacifier and blankie and then after a few minutes, would toss them down and run off to play again.

This toss and dash routine meant that the pacifier was misplaced more than once. When he was just over 4, it could not be found despite a long and fairly rigorous search. Ds went to bed without it with a few tears. By day 3 without it, he was fine. About 2 months later, he found it in a toy box. He sucked on it a couple of times and threw it back. So,I think he was ready to be done with it.

I figured pacifier use is a bit like weaning - the natural age for primates is often older than 3. Both my kids 'weaned' at 4 with a little help from outside sources - ds from the pacifier (by losing it) and dd from the breast (at my insistance).

ETA: I would designate a place where he can use the pacifier and keep it there. As long as he's not using it while he's playing, I think it's OK.

[ann_of_loxley]

I am a firm believer that if you give your child such a comfort (be it a 'binky' or a finger, or a cuddly toy, etc) - it should be their deicision as to when they no longer need it.
(I was a child who sucked on my fingers and was made to stop - in a variety of ways. That was at age 8... no my speech was not affected and neither was my teeth and of course by that age, I chose to do it only when I was alone for obvious social reasons! lol...But still, they made me stop and I remember it all too well and that is a comfort I still miss today and once it is gone you can never get it back!)

It sounds like his need for it is 'growing' at the moment because of quite a few things. A new baby in the house! (thats a big one!!!)...You say he has been weaned now for a few months as well?

Age three is hard as well (I personally found three much more challenging than two was - four is pretty darn easy though!). You just got through the emotional two's and now, wow - his body and physical capabilities can catch up as well. I found three to be a huge leap in independence and you know it is when they are going through 'independent' stages...they need you and some sort of comfort more than ever.

My son had a 'dummy' (what we call them in this country) and he went through many phases with it. At first it was just a sleepy time thing. Then he hardly used it all - ever! Then when he became a 'toddler' he started needing it more than ever! I just let him have it when he wanted. I see no point in limiting it to any specific place either in all honesty. Stop worry about what other people might be thinking (this is such a big one for parents whos children have such a comfort - don't let others opnions dictate your actions!). At this time, his use of it was more due to his molars coming in. He would also chew them to bits because of this! He eventually gave it up himself around 2.5 years of age because he got attached to just this one very specific one but chewed the end right off!...and no matter what other one I offerd him (even bought one that looked just like his old one on ebay! lol)...he would not take any of them. He was fine - it was his choice. I am glad I let him make that decision as it really had nothing to do with me. He took up his cuddly cow toy (thats like really nasty smelling and brown now - it used to be white lol) for the tough bits during the 'three's'.

I think the main thing is to remember is that it has nothing to do with you, its not about you - it is about your child and their comfort. Have trust in them. Love them for who they are and stop trying to change them. Don't worry about what strangers might think or what their seemingly 'sound' reasons are. (cause the truth is, their speech and teeth will be just fine...yeah...it will! lol) ...I have read many people talk about the whole 'teeth' thing...the thing is, an orthodontic soother will not cause teeth problems. Do you buy cheap crappy 'binkies'? or proper orthodontic ones? I have never seen 'teeth' problems on children who use MAM soothers for example - but have indeed seen teeth problems on children whos dummies come from the pound shop.

[meemee]

ITA with ann. and i second everything she wrote.

3 is still too young.

dd is 7, has anxiety and i still nurse her. however it is 'dry' nurse because my milk dried up when dd was 3. so i am her human binkie. oh boy i would NEVER take that away from her - because i see how therapeautic it is for her. i think it is unfair that people give me kudos for nursing a 7 year old, yet frown upon another 7 year old using the binkie. its still the same thing in my view.

3 is a hard age, and specifically 5 is a really hard age. my friend's son himself gave up his binkie at age 6. he had no dental issues so his parents werent worried.

[amcal]

My Dd had her binky until just before her 5th birthday. Up to that point, the pediatrician, speech pathologist (she had an unrelated lisp) and the dentist all agreed that it wasn't a big deal and to let her have it if she needed it.

But, then, right before she turned 5 we saw a show where the little girl was deciding to give up her binky and threw they all away.

DD expressed to me that she was ready to give up her binky but, didn't know how to do it and couldn't stand the thought of throwing them away.

We just happened to have an appt with the dentist a few days later and I asked him to talk to her. He did - very, very gently. Talked to her about her teeth possibly moving and how it's healthier for her mouth to not have the binky. She decided right there and then she was done.

I'm so glad I didn't push her any earlier. She wasn't ready and as she was so attached, I can only imagine the trauma.

I wouldn't make it an issue. The more an issue you make it, the bigger a deal it becomes.

[Polliwog]

My foster daughter will be three next month and is becoming increasingly attached to her paci. She used to use it only when sleeping. Now, she likes to use it more often, especially when she's tired or upset. The dentist said there's no need to stop it's use before age three. She can use it whereever in the house she chooses.