How do you deal with other people saying "good job" to your LOs? - Page 2

[celesterra]

as a good jobber in recovery, i just wanted to say "oops" to all my friends who hate "good job"!

i got into the habit way back in the late 80s when i was working my first job at a preschool (good job was the preferred phrase in those days, as a newer version of "good boy" or "good girl"). now that i have twin toddlers, i find myself saying it ALL the time, even if i do give an explanation of the behavior i'm praising afterward.

it's not that i even want to be saying it, but darnit, i'm tired, and it just comes out so easily.

for my part, i cringe probably the same way you do when people say "good boy" to my kids. i have a friend who is always saying that her little tiny baby is "a good baby"... it drives me nuts! but i always remember in the end that people are just expressing their love and their praise, and neither of those is wrong. my kids will be just fine with my imperfect praise, and although i know it bugs my best friend and i am working at being more conscious, i hope she'll know that it comes from a place of love.

good for you for having a habit of describing the behavior you are calling attention to. maybe having a conversation with your friend will be useful to you both.

[gbutterflykissesm]

The links that DevaMajka posted are great. I find myself saying "Good boy" a lot to my 8 month old son! I cringe every time I do, but I'm so used to having dogs, and this is my first child. Reading articles like this and hearing other suggestions on how to phrase my comments is really helpful. Thanks!

[AmyKT]

My DH is a constant good jobber, and he's the primary caregiver of our DD. It drives me crazy, but I fear if would be niggling to bring it up. He is so incredibly good with her otherwise. I try to be very specific in my praise in hopes that he'll pick it up, but he usually follows my specifity with a "yeah, good job!" Ugh. What can you do? I just tell myself to let it go.

[sunshadow]

I don't think you can really stop others from saying it and I don't think it matters that much. As long as your child is getting other feedback from you then it will be balanced. I myself tried to stop saying good job and my daughter didn't react well, so I mix it in with the "you did it" and such comments. She often will say "I did it!" when she finishes a task and sometimes she will tell me "good job momma". I think it's all about balance. You can always model the behavior you want from others and maybe they will pick it up on their own.

[prothyraia]

Originally Posted by AmyKT

My DH is a constant good jobber, and he's the primary caregiver of our DD. It drives me crazy, but I fear if would be niggling to bring it up. He is so incredibly good with her otherwise. I try to be very specific in my praise in hopes that he'll pick it up, but he usually follows my specifity with a "yeah, good job!" Ugh. What can you do? I just tell myself to let it go.

My husband is all about using praise as a carrot, and I can't get him to read anything (I think if he *did* read Punished by Rewards he'd get it!), so our agreement is that I won't hassle him about it and he won't interject praise into *my* interactions with the kids.