2.5-yr-old tantruming to nurse

[pelirroja]

I am gradually weaning my 2.5-yr-old dd and have run into some trouble with tantrums. She started having tantrums around a month ago. Often the tantrum is triggered by me refusing to nurse her at night or first thing in the morning. Or maybe something else triggers it, but then the tantrum keeps going and going because she asks to nurse and I say no.

We cut out bedtime and nighttime nursing around 6 months ago, and cut out morning wake-up nursing a few months ago. She's allowed to nurse after breakfast and pretty much whenever she wants during the day.

My question is...should I let her nurse if she's so terribly upset that she can't get a grip? If she was asking for a cookie, the answer would clearly be "no". But she's not asking for a treat - she's pleading, begging ("pleeeeeeaassse mommy can I have nursies") for the one thing she knows will help calm her down.

Do I stick with the boundaries I've established? Or am I making things worse? Should I speed up the weaning process so that there will be no ambiguity? (dh thinks so)

I'd love to hear from mamas who have been through this. Thanks for any insights...

[orangatan]

[lynsage]

At that age I would take an emotional reaction that strong to mean she's not ready to wean. I absolutely would NOT speed up the weaning process and cut her off completely.

Have you tried distracting her, offering something else, etc. or do you just flat out refuse to nurse? With my daughter I would offer another activity or some juice, and if she still wanted to nurse I would let her.

You are absolutely right that nursing is a completely different scenario than a child tantruming because they want a cookie, etc. She is letting you know through her behavior that she is not emotionally ready to wean at the speed you are going now, and clearly she still needs nursing for comfort and to calm herself down if she is asking for it when she gets upset about something else.

Mine weaned around her third birthday because I promised her some "big girl" presents if she would make an effort to stop nursing, and she did so over the next few months. She had a brief relapse shortly after that because she was really wanting to nurse at nap time, but I was able to get her to stop nursing entirely with a second "big girl" reward scenario. My kid definitely has the personality type where she has to think that behavioral changes are her idea and does not respond well to ultimatums, so letting her make the decision to self-wean really worked for us. Some things I am still willing to put my foot down about even though I know she won't handle it well, but nursing was not one of those issues for me, and I felt that forcibly weaning her was not the right way to go for our family.