Do You Have Rules if a Kid Stays Home Sick

[umsami]

So, DS1 is an easy vomiter. He can vomit on demand...and has been like that since birth pretty much. The problem is, if he vomits at school, they want me to keep him home for at least 24 hours.

My husband feels that if he's at home sick, there should be no TV, and he should be on his bed the whole day.

My parents were never very strict about what we did when we were sick, but then again, we weren't sick that often.

Do you have set rules around staying home sick from school?

[Alyantavid]

Not really. Staying home sick shouldn't mean a punishment. We go by how our kids are feeling. If one of them has puked half the night, he's not going anywhere the next day even if he acts just fine.

We obviously encourage them to lay down and rest, which is usually watching movies. I wouldn't make my kid spend all day in his bed for any reason.

[Hey Mama!]

I let the kids lay on the couch and watch TV if they are home sick and feel up to it.

Do you think he is puking on purpose to be able to stay home from school? If that was the case, I agree with your dh, he should have to stay in bed. I wouldn't "reward" him with TV watching if he decided to puke just to get out of school.

[umsami]

Originally Posted by Hey Mama!

IDo you think he is puking on purpose to be able to stay home from school? If that was the case, I agree with your dh, he should have to stay in bed. I wouldn't "reward" him with TV watching if he decided to puke just to get out of school.

I think there's a chance. When DS1 is really sick--it's pretty obvious. He doesn't want to eat... he doesn't feel like doing much other than lying down... he voluntarily takes naps. And yes, he vomits.

He knows the school's rule... and I do think there's a chance he may be taking advantage of it. I tried talking to the school nurse, but she just gave me the whole "school policy" garbage.

[busymama77]

Originally Posted by Alyantavid

Not really. Staying home sick shouldn't mean a punishment. We go by how our kids are feeling. If one of them has puked half the night, he's not going anywhere the next day even if he acts just fine.

We obviously encourage them to lay down and rest, which is usually watching movies. I wouldn't make my kid spend all day in his bed for any reason.

I completely agree. Stay at home, rest, watch movies, veg out.

[mamazee]

No. I mean, she can't go out or play with other kids because she's probably contagious. Otherwise, no rules. She can do what she feels up to.

[meemee]

my dd has anxiety. not huge enough to seek medical help or therapy. but it does exist and it is there.

from her i have learnt that 'illness' is not just about 'sickness of the body' but of the mind too.

i remember i needed breaks from school and even work too.

i notice that my dd needs it too. and so she stays home and i consider that a treat so she 'parties'. whatever she wants to do. watch tv. go to the park. museum. i have kept her home because she complained of a stomach ache and then gone to the local science museum.

so no. no rules at my house. so far dd 7 does not fake. because there are days she tells me she does not really want to go to school. and i look at what i am doing and i give her the options of what she can do if she doesnt go to school. usually its staying at her dads and she usually chooses school. however if i am able to stay home or take her with me then i allow her to skip school.

why does your son vomit? could it be anxiety or does he have GI issues?

i have no rules about staying home. however i also dont think children necessarily need rest when they are sick too. or at least that's what i learnt from my dd. she had this really, really bad ear infection. and instead of staying home we went to a fire dance performance at night she had been looking forward for a long time. she obviously wasnt contagious. it really made a huge difference to her recovery. she did it faster with no pain meds. i do things like that when she is sick. when she has a slight fever. we pack a picnic lunch and go by the river where there is no one around. she plays on the sand, in ankle deep water and recovers much faster. so my definition of 'rest' is v. different for my child. and that's why i cannot make any rules. it does not help.

[crl]

If I think my kid is faking it, he needs to stay in bed and rest and there's no extra tv or anything--don't want to encourage the faking it. If he's really sick, then he gets comfort food and a little extra tv.

Catherine

[One_Girl]

Originally Posted by crl

If I think my kid is faking it, he needs to stay in bed and rest and there's no extra tv or anything--don't want to encourage the faking it. If he's really sick, then he gets comfort food and a little extra tv.

Catherine

Same here. I tell my dd that in advance. You should also bring this up with his teachers. We had a girl in kindergarten who would do this and the teacher stopped letting her go home once the parents talked to her about what was going on.

[Marimami]

Honestly, if something at school was so difficult for my child that she felt she was forced to fake illness to avoid it, I'd be seriously looking into that, not punishing her for faking.

But, I have a kid with real anxieties and we homeschool because school was not where she needed to be right now. So, perhaps I'm hyper-sensitive.

Holli

[umsami]

My Mom used to give me "ladies days" (as we called them) stress breaks from H.S. I went to this super-competitive IB school...and some days, we'd just decide to go to lunch and shop or see a movie. I my Mom.

DS1 likes school... likes his teacher...and in general, likes going. He will vomit over a stress-thing, but that's very rare for him. We homeschooled last year, and he knows that if he wants to go back to that, it's fine with me. I don't think he's consciously faking.... but I think he's also learned that it's an easy (for him) way to go home.

Thanks for all your advice Mamas.

[mamalisa]

Personally if I knew my kid was throwing up on purpose, I'd ignore the school rule and send them in. There's a difference between sick throwing up/fever/chills and "oh I threw up, I get to stay home tomorrow!"

If I suspect ds is being less than honest about how "sick" he is, then he's in bed, with a book, "resting". No tv, games, or whatnot. If he's truly sick, fever, vomit or an actual diagnosed illness then he gets the royal treatment and can do whatever he feels up to.

In your case if I really felt like he was doing it on purpose at school I'd talk to my dr to get some sort of note that says, "Sometimes Frankie throws up, he's not contagious or sick, thanks!"

[blessedwithboys]

my kids have never been the faker kind, though i did that in HS a lot LOL

my ds1 who is now 15 has a "get sick" pattern. he comes home from school not looking right, puts himself to bed around 3-4 pm and sleeps til 6 the next morning. i check on him and he usually has a fever in the evening and it is always gone by morning. so he goes to school.

ds2 who is 7 has his own unique pattern. he wakes up at 6 am for school and i have about a 10 second warning to get a bowl, garbage pail, towel, our my two cupped hands, cuz that puke is a-coming. LOL he spikes a fever within 20-30 minutes and pukes tiny sips of vitamin water for a few hours then sleeps for a few hrs and wakes up fine. but before he takes the nap-that-ends-the-sickness he tries to convince me he should be playing in his room or going out to play. i know that if i let him do this, he wont get the rest he needs to kick whatever bug it is. the one time i gave in he had viral meningitis, so now the rule is "you puke, you veg". he can watch dumb cartoons all day, i dont care, but his little butt stays planted on the couch all. day. long. til the fever is gone and he keep down fluid without puking for at least an hour.

each kid is different i guess.

[annethcz]

Our rule is no screens (TV, video games, handheld games) if you're home sick from school. I also have kids who will fake, not because there's anything wrong, but just because they don't want to be there.

[lucyem]

It depends. If they are obviously sick I do not mind some tv laying on the couch. Normally they fall asleep there for naps. If they are so/so then they nap in bed and limited tv and homework would be done.

If I thought my child was faking it to stay home then there would be no screen time at all and a good long nap in bed. I would also be very clear about it ahead of time. My DS said he did not want to go to school one day and I told him this and he managed to make it to school

[bobandjess99]

MY heart is breaking for these kids who hate school so much they "fake sick" in order to not have to go. I agree with Marimami, I'd be trying to fugure out what on earth about school made them so unhappy, so desperate, they would feel the need to make themselves vomit rather than go. It doesn't sound like that can possibly be a healthy dynamic or environment for them.

[Bug-a-Boo's Mama]

I also had a very laid back when sick at home growing up attitude. Not really sure what I'll do with DS.

In your case, if you think that it is just a vomit on command thing, then I probably would go more towards your husbands thinking. Maybe not just laying in bed the entire time, but it wouldn't be watching TV and playing either. While you don't want to necessarily punish him, you also don't want to make it fun for him when he isn't really sick.

[3*is*magic]

Originally Posted by bobandjess99

MY heart is breaking for these kids who hate school so much they "fake sick" in order to not have to go. I agree with Marimami, I'd be trying to fugure out what on earth about school made them so unhappy, so desperate, they would feel the need to make themselves vomit rather than go. It doesn't sound like that can possibly be a healthy dynamic or environment for them.

In some cases I am sure there's a problem at hand, but when I was in elementary school, I frequently played sick because I liked being at home during the day, watching TV and hanging out without my younger sisters around. I liked watching soaps - my mom was a big As The World Turns fan - and eating crackers and sipping ginger ale (which was normally off limits). There was no issue at school. I just didn't feel like being there. I could easily see my oldest being the same way, and she generally loves school.

[mistymama]

No, I don't feel that he should be punished for being sick. Some of my sweetest memories were of my mom pampering me when I was sick.

I strive to have open and honest communication with ds - and it helps that he's an Aspie so he's pretty honest and strightforward anyway. So if he's sick, he gets to stay home and be pampered. And if he just does not want to go to school, we'll talk about it and determine if he can stay home. I've certainly let him do it before, and will do it again.

He does not have to be ill to have a day at home. I guess it helps that I can work from home and be with him.

[crl]

Addressing those who think that if a child is faking to avoid school, that a day off or homeschooling is in order:

DS has an anxiety disorder. And an IEP with accommodations in place.

So, yes, sometimes he is anxious about going to school. So far this year, once I get him to the bus stop, he's been eager and happy to get on. For him, the anticipation has always been worse the actual event. And if he has problems at school, he is allowed to go to a quiet room with a familar adult until he feels like he can go back to the classroom. He also has some other accommodations meant to address particular situations that make him anxious. He's gained a huge amount of confidence from being able to handle school, including navigating the building, knowing the routine, making friends with new kids, being able to help other kids in the classroom with a variety of things and so on.

So, I imagine some of you think I'm being cruel in making him go to school, but I geniunely believe that he has adequate support there and that it is best for him to go and face his anxieties. And I think it is reasonable for me to discourage faking illness to avoid school under these circumstances.

Catherine