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If one of your kids was an "accident," do you think you treat them differently? - Page 3

post #41 of 48
Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post

I knew going into motherhood that it was darned hard work and that our lives would never be the same again. I will admit that I like children much more than toddlers. I find toddlers difficult and frustrating. Our kids are 5 and 8 now and while we have our moments, life is a lot, lot easier now. I wouldn't go back to the baby stage if you paid me. That's not a sign of illness, but an admission of reality.
No kidding. It was AGONY for me when my kids were toddlers, it was the most miserable period of my life. But, you know, it gets better every year as they grow. I think that the horror of the toddler years is one of the never discussed "secrets" about parenthood.
post #42 of 48
Thread Starter 
I'm reminded of something in Eat Pray Love about having kids. No one tells you, or no one told me at least, that wanting to have kids should be like wanting to put a tattoo on your face. You have to want something reaally bad to want to tattoo it on your face. Truth be told, I never wanted kids that badly. I'm sorry to all the women ttc out there. Right before DH and I conceived DS1, we just thought, hey, life is kinda boring right now, wouldn't it be fun to have kids? I know that sounds so naive. They should make it a prerequisite for motherhood to have to be an 'intern' mother beforehand in order to see if it is right for you (at least for those of us who didn't grow up around lot of babies).
Now having said that, I sound like the wicked witch of the west, which I'm really not, and actually give 110% everyday to my kids everyday, b/c that is the only kind of job I'm capable of doing, and I love them and put them first in everything.
And after having a few days to think about this post, I realize, thought I think I give DS2 the short end of the stick, actually, I'm sort of evening things out--there are times when I am not paying that much attention to DS1 now (he's 4 and kind of going through a control freak phase while DS2 at 23 months is at his cutest ever).
One thing I am really thankful for is that though I still may be negative a lot in this whole motherhood thing, the depths of agony and desperation that I went through have propelled me to a lot of self-improvement these last 4 years. One pp mentioned something about questioning my negative thoughts. I do that now. I've improved a lot more than that actually, and I would never have gotten to this place had I never reached that low.
post #43 of 48
I think that with subsequent kids, you are just more relaxed in general. You have some experience under your belt and know that falling won't kill themand they won't die from touching the shopping cart handle. I would think that with 2 los so close in age you are mabe just tired, stressed, etc. But don't beat yourself up. And if you really think you treat them differently, well then I suppose you can work on that then.
post #44 of 48
My children were all 3 unplanned but none of them were accidents. We didn't plan to get pregnant with any of them. I love them all equally. I had a hard time after having my second child because she was a high maintenance and colicky baby, but other than that, my kids have always been treated the same.
post #45 of 48
Both of my girls were surprises, DD2 more so than DD1. I love them both equally, but I do treat them differently. They are 3.5 and almost 8 months. DD1 is more high strung and gets her feelings hurt pretty easily, but DD2 is a big time mamma's girl and doesn't like being left with anyone. So, I am careful what I say to DD1 and I don't leave DD2. But I can also say without a doubt that I am done. I love my girls, but I am done. I like having the freedom to do what I want to without worrying about a nursing baby/toddler.
post #46 of 48
All 4 of my children were unplanned. I suppose that would mean that I don't treat them differently, but that's not true. With each subsequent child, life changes, they have different personalities, dynamics change...
post #47 of 48
With me, I know this a little weird, but daughter was planned and I wanted her and when I gave birth, I was a little freaked out at first but then everything was fine. With son, he was a "surprise" and I didn't find out until I was 16 weeks along, and he was not planned and I did not want to be pregnant or have another child so soon, they are 22 months apart...the whole pregnancy I was miserable and the birth was more traumatic this time too. When he came, the second I saw him I was so happy and in love...I think the first time I was just freaked out by being a new mother....but I did not expect to be so "in love" with baby #2 right away!
post #48 of 48
First child vs. having more experience, definently! also yes you do need more breaks with more young children under your care.

That said, my younger two are not quite 22 months apart (messed up a bit on a chart) and well....I used to have pretty bad mama guilt about what DD missed out on, not being the 'baby' long enough in my eyes. I used to feel horrible for the fact that I CRIED in the MW's office when she confirmed my pregnancy while my BARELY 14 month old BABY was NURSING on her exam table!

But....when I spotted and had low progesterone, I did something about it.

And little did I know, this would be the child who would be my joyful distraction in the worst year of loss in my life so far. (My dad and my grandma, who I adored, everyone did--when I was 7 months pregnant and when baby was 3 weeks old.) to this day I think my grandma hung on to meet my baby, she had her first heart attack a couple weeks before he was born, she passed away almost 24 hours exactly after meeting him.

So I got over my regrets on having 2 so close together. And DS2 is the light of the family....seriously the happiest baby pretty much *anyone's* ever seen. If anything, my "accident" is the FAVORED one! (though I think a lot of it is that he is a baby and NEEDS more attention too.)
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