I don't know HOW to cosleep with my 8-week old! Help!

[mariacm]

It's just me, DH and our 8-week old DS and we have a queen. Bed cannot be up against wall. Right now, the full size crib is against my side with the rail down, so the rail is a couple inches above my mattress. DS has been sleeping in there for a few weeks. (Before that, he required being in arms, literally, so he slept on top of one of us which was painful after a few hours!)

Even tho he'sin the crib, I still worry about him not breathing or something and it's still hard to get him to me to nurse - I have to sit up to get him over the rail and into bed. Usually I just get up and sit in the glider - partly bc I have to get up anywya to get him and partly bc nursing lying down ends up hurting my neck and shoulder.

So I want to try sleeping him next to me in the bed. How do I do this tho? I tried last night, and if my arm is around him, my arm starts to go numb from being straight out from my body. If my arm isn't around him, I don't feel safe unless he lies on top of the blanket and me underneath. AT that point, he's not right next to me anymore, so what's the point?

So, HOW do I a) keep the blankets off his face but still on me, and b) keep my arm around him without causing myself pain later???

TIA!!!

[buttercups.nest]

This is my first time cosleeping too...I just kind of winged it

We had our bedroom quite warm so I was able to keep the blankets at my waist. If I was cold I wore a zip up hoodie or short robe. That kept blankets off babe's face.

In the beginning I slept with babe in the crook of my arm but as he got bigger I didn't feel that was safe enough....especially now that he can roll over! For that reason I sleep with a bed rail on my side of the bed.

As far as worrying about his breathing when he's in the crib....don't smoke, don't let anyone else smoke in your house, keep blankets away from his face (I've swaddled both my babes and covered them up with blankets up to about mid chest. Keeping their cribs free of EVERYTHING results in way too little sleep), and keep the bedroom door closed so the cat won't jump in the crib (all 3 of mine do!). All you can do is give your baby the safest environment possible. I know its hard but staying up all night to watch his little chest is going to make you tired, cranky and even more stressed out. Just having him sleeping in the room is reducing his chances of SIDS.

I hope this eases your mind a bit....I'm always looking for new moms to talk to, send me a PM if you like

[Bokonon]

You could try "sidecar-ing" the crib to the bed. It worked great for us until DD started scooching halfway across the bed! But I could nurse her without even picking her up.

Here's a good website with info:
http://www.freewebs.com/sidecarcrib/index.htm

[BlueWolf]

We have our crib sidecarred It solved a lot of problems for us. DD likes to stretch out, so there really wasn't enough room for all three of us in bed. I don't want her in her own room yet, so this was the best solution. We all have our own space! Plus, I could never nurse and sleep at the same time. My back hurt way to much.

[ThoughtFullMama]

I put the baby monitor right next to DS, the reciever right next to me and turned the volume way up so I could hear him breathe. But that was when he was 5+ months and sleeping in a side car type dealie.

[limette]

For the blanket issue, we just slept lower than the baby. Once baby was asleep dh and I would shuffle down the bed a bit so that the covers didn't reach as high. Both kids hate being covered up so we still sleep this way to stay warm.

[kriket]

Co-sleeping in a little bed will make you sore DH and I, and 8m old DS have a full (oh god how I wish we could get a bigger bed) EVER.SINGLE.MORNING I wake up feeling like I am in traction. We have our crib sidecarred, but occasionally you get the clingy baby and just have to pull him in the main bed and cope with the back spasms in the morning.

If I was a millionaire I would get a california king and lay it on the floor. Or better yet, a room sized mattress.

And we do the same thing with the blankets, he sleeps with the top of his head just below our pillows and the blankets about belly button on him.

[Natsuki]

The safest way to cosleep is laying on your side curled around baby in a C - the upper part is your upper arm (but don't stretch it out straight, curl it up at your elbow so your hand is close to your head), the side is your body, and the bottom is your thigh. If you are laying on your side this way things like rolling over or a blanket/pillow getting too close to your baby are largely prevented b/c your arm and leg block that from getting to the baby (as long as you make sure to have the sheet/blanket down low around your hips).

I would definitely try side-carring the crib with the rail off - that helps a lot.

[beebalmmama]

I cover ds (who is swaddled) with the sheet and a fairly lightweight cotton blanket. We keep our comforter at about waist level. If I get cold I just scoot down or pull it up over my shoulder (if I'm facing babe so the blanket is not pulled up on that side. If that makes any sense).

We tried side carring a crib with ds 1, but it didn't really work because he would just scoot back towards me. With him we ended up putting a futon mattress on the floor (our bed was not on a frame), just so I didn't wake up with a sore back and shoulder. I'm not sure what we will do with this babe. I'm thinking of eventually buying a twin mattress and pushing them together, but letting dh sleep on the twin.

[momtokainoa]

The C position is a great suggestion. That's how I sleep with my little guy. I only pull the sheet or blanket up to my waist and my baby's waist. Remember with baby pressed up right against you they get a lot of body warmth from you so being completely covered with a blanket is not necessary for baby. I keep a baby blanket within reach and if I wake up in the middle of the night and a little chilly on the arms I use the baby blanket to cover my arms while keeping it away from baby. I nurse while sleeping as well. If you find that it's not comfortable try placing a pillow between your knees to help align your spine while lying on your side.

I tried the co-sleeper with both my boys and it just didn't work for me. It was always easier for me to nurse them when they were sleeping right next to me.

[moongloe]

i lie on my side, but leaning backward, with a pillow behind my lower back. if i lie fully on my side, i get sore.

i bring my knees up, so if he scoots down, he can't go anywhere.

i have my pillow turned sideways (with the majority of it tucked behind the matress), so there isn't any way his face can get smothered. my shoulder goes beneath the tip of the pillow, and i curl my arm (as if i'm going to put my arm around a taller person's shoulder) around him.

my upper arm is just above his head, which keeps him warmer in our cold room, and keeps him from scooting up. my elbow bends slightly, and my lower arm curls around him, keeping him from moving close to daddy or the edge of the bed.

i used to have him in the crook of my arm, but i don't like it as much. this is very similar, but his head is on the bed.

i fold my blanket down below my chest, which keeps it waist-level to him. to keep warm i have a few of those "sweater shrugs". they keep my upper arms/shoulders warm, but don't add extra things that could pose a suffocation risk. i got them at a thrift shop.

at 8wks we were still figuring out what was comfortable for us as well. you'll figure out a comfortable way soon too. (we're in a queen bed btw)

[claddaghmom]

There was a sleep study done on co-sleeping, and I'm sorry, my main computer just died of hard drive failure or I'd give you the link.

But anyways, the researchers observed mamas and babies co-sleeping and found that those who nursed co-slept differently, and that the co-sleeping style was naturally directed towards infant safety.

They described the safest co-sleeping position as:

The mother is on her side, and the baby is on his side. They are facing each other. The mother's knees are curled up, touching the baby's legs/backside. The mother's arm is above the baby's head, and her hand is towards her head. The baby is not under a blanket or on top a pillow.

They found that this position, which nursing mamas seemed to naturally tend towards, prevented the baby from moving up or down (which increases suffocation risks by ending up under the blankets or under a pillow). The two faced each other, which allowed the mother to supervise the baby's breathing and for the baby to regulate his breathing. The baby had direct access to nursing which made night awakenings easier.

In contrast, they found women who did not nurse at night tended to prop their baby up on pillows, at the same head level as the woman and put the baby between her and her partner. The mother also tended to turn away from the child and put the blanket over all three people.

Successful C sleeping was the answer to all my problems. In the beginning, I couldn't figure out side lying. I can't remember why...something about how I was doing it hurt. DH would have to push pillows up along my back. It's like I was lying too much on my side/too straight. But after a few weeks I figured it out and that's my primary position now.

If you're worried about blankets, you could try putting a small blanket just over your legs and wearing a comfy cardigan to bed. I just keep the blanket on my side. DD absolutely hates blankets so there'd be no end to the whining and kicking if it touched her.

[mariacm]

Thank you all for your suggestions!

I think we're going to try a few things out and see what works for us. It definitely helps to hear the description of body positions of mom and baby to see how that works. I was surprised that the blankets are up to waist only, that sounds cold, but supplementing with a sweater I guess takes care of that.

Sidelying for nursing has thus far not been comfortable for me - straining my shoulder to see to help baby latch is painful, and for some reason his latch in that position hurts. But perhaps if we try out lying like you ladies said, that will be more comfortable too.

Thanks again to all for your replies! I love MDC!

[sunshynbaby]

I wear a zip down robe to bed and keep a baby blanket on my legs. DH has his own sheet/blanket that he keeps to his side of the bed. We didn't get the hang of side-lying nursing until around 8 weeks, so keep on trying! This helped me: http://www.mother-2-mother.com/tut-layingdown.htm I also find it more comfortable to use two pillows under my head. I think it gives my arm/shoulder more room. I will also lay on my back next to the baby for part of the time.

[honey-lilac]

I coslept with both my breastfed daughter and my formula-fed-by-necessity son. There was no difference in how I slept with either. (And the FF child was firstborn.) We were always chest-to-chest. No, correction, with DS it was a bit warmer when he was a newborn so he had jammies on usually and we had a light blanket. When DD was born it was winter and it was too cold for that, so we would get naked (down to diapies for her) and get under heavier blankets. I never feared her suffocating because I was wrapped around her in a C; when I shifted sides so did she, without missing a beat. Sometimes she would sleep on my chest too when she was a tiny-tiny (she was born at 36 weeks) and it would keep her warm and I could always feel her breathing, and it wasn't far to a breast either if she needed it. I miss those days.

With BOTH LO's I woke up out of a dead sleep to protect them from something (once DH was going to roll over on DS and I put my arm out in my sleep to shield him and THEN brought myself wide awake) and with DD she rolled over for the first time in her sleep and she was about to roll off the bed, and I caught her. With both I woke up in time. (I've heard rumors that with formula fed babies the mother cannot do that; that's a load of crock.)

It got really uncomfortable to co-sleep after a while, but it was also due to the fact that it was such a light sleep all the time with both of them that I never really got any deep sleep, for years at a time. And I got stiff necks/arms/hips. But, what can ya do, that's life...