Do you have to invite the whole class to a birthday party?

[taubel]

I am trying to plan my son's 6th birthday party. We are having it at a local gymnastics place. It's a lump sum price for up to 18 kids, and then $7 per additional kid.

In general, I lean toward keeping birthday parties on the small side, no more than 15 kids. I find with smaller parties, there's more quality interaction, less expense and less junky presents!

For this party, I have two of my DS's going, and three additional kids whose parents are friends of ours. So that's five kids already who HAVE to be invited.

There are 19 kids in DS's kindergarten class (10 girls, 9 boys). He wants to invite 4 of the boys (5 including himself), and 4 of the girls. So that would be 9 kids out of a class of 19. We would send the invitations to the kids' homes.

I feel really bad for excluding some of the kids, though! Is it OK to not invite the whole class? I *could* invite the whole class, but then the party would seem to crazy. (Plus I know some of the kids have siblings who might want to come.)

What is the rule of thumb for birthday parties?

Thanks for everyone's opinions! I have to send the invitations out on Monday....

[limabean]

Our school's rule of thumb is that if you pass out invitations at school, the whole class needs to be invited, but if you send invitations directly to kids' homes, you can invite fewer kids. I agree with that policy -- we don't have big parties, so we just invite the 3-4 kids that DS plays with regularly from his class and give out the invitations privately.

I think the whole class thing is a crazy expectation to have -- it's fine if some families want to go that route and have giant parties, but it certainly shouldn't be expected.

[sunnmama]

The school friend parties dd is invited to tend to have about 6-8 children invited. No one seems to invite the whole class.

I say don't overthink it. If you want a big party, invite everyone and have fun! If you want a smaller party, invite his closest friends and don't stress it

[zinemama]

Of course it's ok not to invite the whole class! I have never understood why anyone would feel obligated to invite people they don't want and who their dc doesn't play with for such a special event.

(Not knocking people who really want the whole class there, just this sense of obligation I hear about.)

I'm firmly in camp smaller is better when it comes to birthday parties. And as long as you're not passing out invitations at school, you're fine.

[rhianna813]

DS is in Kindy and the policy seems to be you can invite whoever you want. But invitations can’t be handed out in front the class. They can be given outside of school OR you can include them your child’s weekly folder and the teacher will transfer them to the kid’s weekly folder. And they don’t usually get into their folders until they are at home.

I would only invite a reasonable amount of kids and of course those my child wants to invite.

Rhianna

[meemee]

i follow our schools policy which pp alluded to. if you are handing over invitations at school then the whole class is invited. if you hand over invitations discreetly then you choose the few you want. i mean even when you invite the whole class - just the ones who really play and interact with your child comes.

[Momily]

Our school's policy, which I think is a good one, is that if you pass out the invitations at school everyone must be invited. If you invite kids outside of school they strongly encourage you to invite either all the kids, all of one gender, less than half of the kids, or less than half of each gender. It gets hard when parents invite say 9 out of 10 boys, or all the kids but a handful.

Given that, I think you're fine. I might also send a note to the teacher and ask if there's anyone she'd consider excluding. I know one year I only invited my son's close friends. However, his teacher mentioned to me that there was a boy in the class who was new and a little socially awkward, and who really liked my son who was consistently kind to him, this child's mother had commented to the teacher that my son was her child's "only friend" at school. So we invited that kid too. I'm really glad we did because now he and my son are really close friends! I have to say that I'm a special educator and so I'm ubersensitive to those kinds of things, so you might feel like that's going overboard.

[taubel]

Wow, thanks for all the quick replies! I am going to go ahead and just invite the 9 kids out of the class of 19. I would feel better if I were only inviting 4 kids out of the class, but DS is very social, and it was difficult to limit him to that number.

I will try to mail the invitations to the kids' homes. And I'm also going to warn my son not to talk about his birthday party at school.

Thanks again!

[Purple*Lotus]

At my school if you hand out invitations at school either all the kids need to be invited or all of the same gender.

[eepster]

It sound like you've decided to go with not inviting the whole class, but I think understanding the reasons behind why some of us do nvite the whole clas might help.

When I asked DS who he wanted to invite to his birthday party, he said "Grandpa and all my friends." Then he went on and on about how all his friends will love grandpa, but wouldn't give me a list of names.

There is a short list of names of friends he did this and that with that I hear from DS when he talks about what he did in school. The other day when I picked DS up from school I momentarily talked to the teacher about his friends and she started off with two names I hadn't heard once from DS as some of his closest buddies.

DS said yes when I asked him if he wanted to invite the kids in his kindergym class. Unfortunately I don't have a class list, so he provided the names. According to DS there is a girl in his class named "Maddegebazee" and someone named "Widenjoe." I know people don't always have traditional names, but I have my doubts about those.

I can't just go with inviting just the boys, or just the kids DS age (multi-age Montessori class) since DS's closest (as best I can tell) friend is a girl from the kindergarteners.

Basically it's just much much easier to give one to everybody in the class, which can just go out in friday folders. Fortunately DS has a small class at school and an even smaller kindergym class. I'm only inviting 3 or 4 other kids (plus grandpa ,) so it's not that over whelming a total number. I think most of these issues will be out grown by next year (this year DS is 3 yo going on 4 yo.)

[lucyem]

Originally Posted by Bunnyflakes

At my school if you hand out invitations at school either all the kids need to be invited or all of the same gender.

This has always been our school policy as well.

[MtBikeLover]

Originally Posted by taubel

I will try to mail the invitations to the kids' homes. And I'm also going to warn my son not to talk about his birthday party at school!

You can try this, but keep in mind that the other 8 will definitely talk about it. There is really no way to keep them quiet about the party - it is too exciting for young kids.

[moaningminny]

No, you don't have to invite the whole class. I'm really disturbed with the expectations these days that the whole class needs to be invited.

DD1 is turning 5 in March. She's in preschool with 19 other kids, and we just cannot afford to invite all of them. She'll be able to invite 6 or 7. I always use Evite, that way you don't have to worry about mailing invitations or handing them out on the sly.

[octobermom]

There is no school rule here on who can be invited. IF one would like invitations passed out in class the teacher jsut sticks them in the appropiate folders and they are placed in backpacks to be looked at at home. Few kids seem to have parties where all kids are invited most jsut have a few friends.
We prefer the smaller groups.

Deanna

[Kivgaen]

The rule in my house is the same as the rule that I had when growing up.

For parties, you can invite 1 friend for every year that you are celebrating on your birthday. So for a 6yo party, he can have up to 6 friends.

Believe me, 6 friends is PLENTY.

In my son's last classroom, the teacher told all the parents at the beginning of the school year that she didn't want invitations to be handed out at school unless ALL of the students were invited (which makes sense), so if you don't invite the whole class, make sure that you invite them privately, and not in front of the kids who weren't invited.

[Kivgaen]

Originally Posted by octobermom

There is no school rule here on who can be invited. IF one would like invitations passed out in class the teacher jsut sticks them in the appropiate folders and they are placed in backpacks to be looked at at home. Few kids seem to have parties where all kids are invited most jsut have a few friends.
We prefer the smaller groups.

Deanna

Not true -- there may not be any official "rule", but each teacher has his or her preferences. My son's last teacher would NOT have done the above unless all the kids were invited. She probably would have confiscated his invitations, and then had a "talking to" with me on the phone that night...

[busymama77]

I recently went through this as we're planning DS's 4th b-day part for this coming weekend at our house. I asked HIM who he wanted to invite. He gave me 8 names and those 8 kids got invites. Two of them RSPV'd along with two couples that we know and their two kids. So, overall, there will be 7 kids including DS. Which, to me, in my condition (will be 35 weeks preggers at the party) is perfect.

I'm glad I asked DS who he wanted to invite. It included him in his own party planning process.

[limabean]

Just don't do what one mom at my DS's preschool did (I'm sure you never ever would, I just have to share this story).

She brought a bunch of invitations to school, without any recipients' names written on the envelopes, and gave the stack to her son, then walked around the playground with him saying, "What about him, do you play with him? Yes? Okay, give him one then. What about her, do you play with her? No? Okay, can you find someone else you play with?" I was horrified.

[sunnmama]

Originally Posted by limabean

Just don't do what one mom at my DS's preschool did (I'm sure you never ever would, I just have to share this story).

She brought a bunch of invitations to school, without any recipients' names written on the envelopes, and gave the stack to her son, then walked around the playground with him saying, "What about him, do you play with him? Yes? Okay, give him one then. What about her, do you play with her? No? Okay, can you find someone else you play with?" I was horrified.

I can see that it isn't ideal, but horrified? Why? It sounds like the child didn't know the names of the children he played with

[eepster]

Originally Posted by busymama77

I recently went through this as we're planning DS's 4th b-day part for this coming weekend at our house. I asked HIM who he wanted to invite. He gave me 8 names and those 8 kids got invites. Two of them RSPV'd along with two couples that we know and their two kids. So, overall, there will be 7 kids including DS. Which, to me, in my condition (will be 35 weeks preggers at the party) is perfect.

I'm glad I asked DS who he wanted to invite. It included him in his own party planning process.

Congratulations on having such a cooperative child. I wish it had gone as well with DS.