Am I trying to have my cake and eat it too?

[Peachthief]

DD is 6 months old. We had a pretty good routine going where we would put her down to sleep in the pack and play next to our bed, where she would sleep until 1-2ish. Then we'd bring her into our bed for the rest of the night- she'd usually wake up every 2 hours or so to eat. The last few nights she has been waking an hour or so after we put her down like "Where is everybody?" She had been up every two hours after that, but last night she finally slept a long stretch in bed with us. We really love cosleeping but I don't feel comfortable having her in bed with us for the first few hours of the night- I'm usually in a deep sleep and I don't feel as aware of her presence, so I don't feel I can get the sleep I need and be safe. I'm still clinging to the hope that she'll go back to the way it was, but I'm starting to think that it ain't going to happen. Has anyone been in a similar situation? It seems like we either need to commit to fully cosleeping or get her to sleep on her own, and I don't like either of those options. Any thoughts would be appreciated!
Thanks,
Sarah

[SnglAPmama]

I have been cosleeping with my daughter since she was born, and have never once (no matter how tired I felt) come close to harming her at all. There have been times when I would wake with a start out of a deep sleep because she had woken up or even made a funny sleep sound. Mothers are wired to be aware of their baby's presence. You will not hurt her as long as you are sober. No matter how tired or deeply asleep you will not roll over on her, as long as you are breastfeeding. Whatever gets you and your family the most sleep is what I believe you should do. Whether it's sleeping all in the same bed all night, or part of the night, or not at all. It depends on the individual child and parent(s) and everyone is different. I just wanted to offer reassurance that you will not hurt her while you're sleeping if she's next to you, no matter how deeply you sleep.

[blumooned]

This is how it was for us too - DS would begin the night in his crib & I only started bringing him into bed to get a few more hours of sleep in the early morning. Then he started needing to come in earlier & earlier. Then teething hit & he wouldn't sleep away from me. I was so exhausted we just committed to co-sleeping. (His crib is still set-up, so maybe in the back of my mind I'm thinking he'll decide to go back . . . )
Actually, we enjoy co-sleeping so far. DS sleeps better & is so happy to be near us. I still don't sleep that well, but am more used to it now I guess. But, I do sleep better than when I had to keep getting out of bed to tend to him. We have a king size bed pushed against a wall. We made a safe area for DS - no pillows, no heavy blankets.
The only "problem" we've had is when we're away from home. It is hard to put the LO in a bed that isn't "customized" like ours at home. Usually the beds are smaller & DP has to sleep on the floor while DS & I share the bed.

Sorry, this may not be what you want to hear, but I hope it helps.

eta: I just read PP & agree. I've never rolled on DS. Actually, if I roll, it is usually away from him, which wakes me up. I feel like I am completely aware of him.

[odoole]

Another part-time cosleeper here. We usually have 5.5 mo DS in bed with us initially while we read or watch movies, then put him in the crib next to ou bed, then bring him back in bed in the morning time. Lately the crib time has gotten squeezed out to less and less time as his nigttime waking were getting so much more frequent and seemed worse in the crib. I'm also afraid I'm on the path to full-time cosleepig, which I'm not really ready for. I'm not worried about rolling over on him, but I do worry about bed safety for when he becomes more mobile.

Then last night, out of the blue, he slept GREAT!!! Only woke 3 times in the 10 hour period and I only brought him into bead for an hour in the morning. I currently have 6 theories about why he slept so much better last night. (I'll spare you the details.)

in any case, I'm just going to keep trying the crib and if he needs to spend more time in bed with us, so be it. But I think as soon as I give up on the crib there'll be no going back.

Bythe way -- are you using the bassinet part of the pack n play or the playpen part. Because if you're using the part that has her low to the ground, she may do better with something that's eye-level with you.

[Peachthief]

Thanks for all the responses! I'm sleep deprived and I don't think I explained myself well about being safe and getting sleep. Normally, I sleep very soundly for the first part of the night. Although I feel comfortable (when awake) about our cosleeping arrangements, I don't sleep as deeply- or at least for as long of a stretch- with DD in the bed. I attribute that to concern for her safety/whereabouts, but maybe it's just the normal "awareness" that you all mentioned. Maybe I'll get more comfortable as time goes by with her in the bed earlier in the night? As another poster mentioned, I'm also concerned about what happens when she becomes mobile. We do have her in the bottom of the pack and play- we kept her in the bassinet attachment until she hit the weight limit. I didn't notice a change in her sleeping habits when we made the switch, although I was concerned there would be one.

[SnglAPmama]

As far as safety when your baby becomes more mobile, you will wake up before your daughter crawls/scoots very far, and definitely before she falls out of bed. I put rolled up towels or blankets at the head of the bed and the side between the bed and the wall to prevent my daughter getting stuck and it worked beautifully. I have heard of parents who put pillows on the floor around the bed and it helps some mothers feel a bit better :-) Also, if you can, take the box spring and mattress off of the frame and have just the box spring and mattress on the floor, then if baby does fall, it won't be a very far distance. The only time my daughter has fallen out of bed was when I (stupidly) let her sleep next to me on the other side of the bed not next to the wall (where she always sleeps). She had crawled over me and I was aware of it, and when I went to move her back she protested (a lot) so I thought we would try it and she did roll out of bed but we don't have a frame on the bed so she was fine, thankfully. This was when she was about 14 months and not so tiny.

About not sleeping as deeply or for as long of a stretch-that makes sense to me, I am still exhausted and sleep deprived and we've been co-sleeping for 3 years! I think I am still very aware of my daughters movements and presence and sometimes I half wake up to check on her. I think that's perhaps partly why co-sleeping babies almost never die of SIDS. Their mamas are checking on them often! Good luck getting some sleep! I hear mamas don't get much sleep until their children are at least 18. But it will be so worth it :-)