Food/Eating issues and kids

[khaoskat]

Cross posting this in Nutrition as well...

Ok, here is my situation, and DH is part of the problem.

DS1 has developed a horrible issue with watching TV and eating. He gets into the TV so much he just wont eat. No matter how many times I have unplugged the TV in the kitchen (we have one there so I can watch the local news while cooking dinner), DH plugs it back in because he is addicted to it himself and sits at the table late at night or lunch eats a sandwich and reads a book while watching TV. then he just lets the kids watch TV all day long even during meals.

So, basically, they barely eat anything for breakfast, because they watch TV. (It has gotten to the point that they sneak into the living room with their plates, if the TV in the kitchen is not plugged in.) We pack lunch for DS1 (fruit, veggie, main dish, and then something for a morning snack like cheezits). He rarely eats much of his lunch - usually the snack and fruit and that is it.

Then, he gets out of school and is demanding McDonalds $1 chicken sandwich (which DH usually buys him every day, I don't when I pick him up). Then he is eating from the minute he gets in the door till almost meal time. He has started (along with his younger brother) taking the snack foods and hiding them, and when I refuse to give them anymore than I already have, they sneak off to their private stash.

At dinner, they wont eat, because they have been snacking for 2-3 hours and are now full.

Then right before bed they are screaming they are starving.

Help - how do I fix this, as I get no support from DH in changing their habits. I want the TV to stop, but I am always countered by DH. I have tried giving minimalistic lunch till he starts eating it (like PB Sandwich, some carrots and a few grapes), but DH will add more to his lunch in the mornings even though I have told him no (like the cheesitz, and more junk).

I have wanted to get rid of our white shelving in the kitchen for several years now, as it is just plain in the way but that is where we put a lot of the foods, because we lack cabinets and pantry space in the kitchen. But DH just wont do it, as there is no place else. I am for putting our canned and boxed goods from the one cabinet we have on something else, and then putting snack stuff in the cabinet (but the kids can still get into those too).

[Hoopin' Mama]

The only thing I can think to tell you, is that you need to get dh turned around to help you make the changes in your home. It will do no good if you are undermined at every turn. Why does your dh buy him a chicken sandwich every day he picks him up?

Who does the grocery shopping? Stock only good foods. For snacks, buy nuts and stuff and get rid of chips and junk foods.

I would get rid of the tv in the kitchen all together.

Good luck.

[alaskaberry]

What would happen if you got rid of the TV? You'd need to get your DH on board with that, though, just to make sure he wouldn't run out and buy another. My kid has also been ignoring food because dp refuses to turn it off at mealtimes (grrr), then dp gets mad that ds hasn't eaten.

I agree with the pp, don't stock *any* junk food...and find that junk food stash & toss it! For the McD's... I don't know what to suggest, you really have to have a sit-down with DH about this and put your foot down.

Good luck!

[4evermom]

Tricky situation... It would be best if dh realized there was a problem...

Could you have a radio in the kitchen so you could listen to the news instead of watching it? There could be some nice programs your dh would enjoy. Some people just don't like things too quiet. There are interesting programs on NPR or you could get stories of CDs from the library.

I have been known to stash a little snacky food someplace (the basement?) so it hasn't been eaten up when I want to bring it for travel food. I try not to buy foods I'm not happy with ds eating. I'll even spend a little more on smaller containers because if I buy an econo size, it gets eaten just as fast as a small container. That really comes out as my spending the same but getting less, lol.

Maybe you could stock healthier snacks in the car so dh has a better option than chicken sandwiches when he picks up ds?

Some kids have a hard time eating in the morning and are too distracted at school to eat lunch. So this may still be a bit of a problem even if you didn't have a tv... Maybe you can aim for them to have a dinner like meal right after school and then have a bedtime snack in the evening?

[velochic]

Until you get your dh on board, I think it is a losing battle. Seriously, when it comes to things like this, your kids are getting two different, and very confusing messages, and without some solidarity on the issue, your poor kids don't even have a chance to know what the rules are.

How do discussions go when you try to talk to your dh about it?

[HollyBearsMom]

Nothing will change until you and your husband are on the same page. Unfortunatly (at least for you) is that might mean compromise.

Breakfast: We made a rule of t no TV before school. If your husband won't go for that what about a time limit or AM checklist: ie:

• Get dressed
• Eat breakfast
• Brush teeth
• 15 minute show
• Leave for school

if the first 3 are not done in a timely manner than no time for TV. the key is you both have to agree and STICK TO IT

Lunch: Not much you can do here except to keep packing healthy lunches. Everyone at my sons school gets lunchable so I use a laptop lunch container to make healthy versions of them.

After lunch MD's: Maybe the compromise here is to schedule it. Instead of everday make it Thursday is McChicken day. That way your husband and son get their "fix" but not every day. My son loves routines so in our house Fridays are pizza nights, saturday is burger night etc...

After School Snack: The key here is to only have in the house what you want them to eat. If your husband doesnt go for that maybe the compromise is that the kitchen is only open for certain times. Or can you prepackage the snacks on your shelves? Ie 7 small bags of cheesitz and your kids get one per day. If they eat more there is no more until next weeks shopping trip.

Dinner: if they are not hungry they don't have to eat but after that the kitchen is closed. if they are hungry at bed time then they can have their dinner or wait until breakfast.

Shelving: I hear about no space but can you move them out of the kitchen? Can you fashion a curtain over them so out of sight/ out of mind?

Again, without your husbands buy in it will be tough. Can someone watch the kids so the 2 of you go out and talk in a neutral setting? Write up a list of concerns and use lots of "I" language?

[gcgirl]

Is it possible that your DS is simply NOT HUNGRY in the mornings? I'm like this. Always have been. Eating in the AM makes me sick. I don't usually get hungry until 10 at least, even though I've tried for years to shove something healthy into my stomach.

It may not be at all...just thought I'd throw it out there.

[GuildJenn]

I agree with a lot in this thread. You'll have to pick what works for you but for me I would:

- move the TV out of the kitchen and listen to radio or podcast news (if it's causing this many issues and you're not willing to do this then you two as parents have already decided it's not worth it to you)

- I think I would try to get out of the habit of not eating until late in the day (which is a metabolic nightmare for most people and actually causes that "4-6 pm munchie period") by taking DS to the store and planning one month of "wow" breakfast food, lunches and snacks (healthy-ish, but his choice). I would be very open with him that his eating pattern is not the healthiest and for one month you'd like to work with him to get food he really likes and wants to eat ready for him earlier in the day.

- I think the PP's advice about setting a "chicken day" is fabulous; your DH of course does have to come on board. Does he KNOW what is IN those things? They are really, really, really awful. The breaded/deep fried chicken is one of the worst things you can get at McDonalds

- The hoarding worries me enough that I think I wouldn't limit snacks, but I would definitely only buy things that I felt 'cut it' as meal substitutes - yoghurt, cheese, fruit, veg, whole-grain carbs

[velochic]

Originally Posted by GuildJenn

I agree with a lot in this thread. You'll have to pick what works for you but for me I would:

- move the TV out of the kitchen and listen to radio or podcast news (if it's causing this many issues and you're not willing to do this then you two as parents have already decided it's not worth it to you)

- I think I would try to get out of the habit of not eating until late in the day (which is a metabolic nightmare for most people and actually causes that "4-6 pm munchie period") by taking DS to the store and planning one month of "wow" breakfast food, lunches and snacks (healthy-ish, but his choice). I would be very open with him that his eating pattern is not the healthiest and for one month you'd like to work with him to get food he really likes and wants to eat ready for him earlier in the day.

- I think the PP's advice about setting a "chicken day" is fabulous; your DH of course does have to come on board. Does he KNOW what is IN those things? They are really, really, really awful. The breaded/deep fried chicken is one of the worst things you can get at McDonalds

- The hoarding worries me enough that I think I wouldn't limit snacks, but I would definitely only buy things that I felt 'cut it' as meal substitutes - yoghurt, cheese, fruit, veg, whole-grain carbs

I wanted to chime in again and say I agree with this.

Would your dh agree to watch some documentaries about fast food? They will perhaps incite something in him to make him think more about his choices. Food, Inc. Supersize Me and Fast Food Nation are all good movies to watch that make a person at least start thinking about the choices they make when it comes to fast food.

There has also been a lot of press recently about the fact that the hamburgers of fast food restaurants are treated with AMMONIA to kill e-coli (and is not even doing an appropriate job) as well as nearly 50% of fast food soda machines testing positive for fecal matter. Perhaps you can gross him out about fast food and get him on track that way. It might follow at home as well if he hears about it enough.

No help on the TV. I can see why the kids would be distracted. They don't call it "The Plug-In Drug" for nothing.

Good luck!

[khaoskat]

Originally Posted by velochic

Until you get your dh on board, I think it is a losing battle. Seriously, when it comes to things like this, your kids are getting two different, and very confusing messages, and without some solidarity on the issue, your poor kids don't even have a chance to know what the rules are.

How do discussions go when you try to talk to your dh about it?

It is hard to have a discussion on anything, not because we cannot communicate (although there are times I feel like it is the case), but we always have the kids with us. It is not something I want to get into a disagreement about in front of the kids. We have had bad habits of doing this in the past, and have been working better to not get into it with him.

My DH has horrible horrible horrible eating habits. I try not to stock a lot of junk, but he goes out and buys it on his own. I will occasionally buy things (like right now being pregnant I am craving ho-ho's or ding dongs) for myself and the family. But they disappear real quick, and most of it is DH. For instance, a package or Oreo cookies. I will eat 4, DH will grab 1/2 - 2/3 of a row and sit down and eat it in one sitting and sometimes go back for more.

We have tons of healthy stuff, fruits and veggies, in the fridge/house. We do have some junk foods, just because I don't think they are bad in moderation.

[khaoskat]

Originally Posted by velochic

I
Would your dh agree to watch some documentaries about fast food? They will perhaps incite something in him to make him think more about his choices. Food, Inc. Supersize Me and Fast Food Nation are all good movies to watch that make a person at least start thinking about the choices they make when it comes to fast food.

I would love to cut out about 95% of the fast food. DH is a fast food junkie. Instead of eating breakfast with the kids or while the kids are watching a bit of TV/playing before we head to school, he just waits and grabs Fast Food on his way back from school.

He also just grabs fast food for lunch.

If it were not for the fact that we eat at home for dinner about 95% of the time (we do try to eat dinner out once a week or every other week), when I am not sick, he would be eating dinner out at fast food most of the time as well.

Oh, and let's see...DH normally gets the Chicken Club Sandwich, large fries, and large drink. Around $8 meal.

I have been bad the last month, but I have been yelled at for loosing weight while pregnant (at 18 weeks I was down 10 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight; so this past month, after even all the Holiday eating I noticed almost no weight gain, I did a bit more of the junk food diet, so I would have a bit of a weight gain - managed to gain 4 pounds in 5 weeks, so I am still down 6 pounds at 23 weeks).

[EdnaMarie]

Originally Posted by khaoskat

It is hard to have a discussion on anything, not because we cannot communicate (although there are times I feel like it is the case), but we always have the kids with us. It is not something I want to get into a disagreement about in front of the kids. We have had bad habits of doing this in the past, and have been working better to not get into it with him.
...
We have tons of healthy stuff, fruits and veggies, in the fridge/house. We do have some junk foods, just because I don't think they are bad in moderation.

Okay. I'm no expert because I am basically digging my heels in and saying no TV in the kitchen and no eating outside of the kitchen table, and if DH disagrees I will literally physically block him, I swear. And obviously that is not going to work when you have ingrained habits, LOL. But what about if you ask your husband, whenever you get one minute, to at least have a family discussion about it. Everyone presents her or his ideas on how to eat healthy, in a respectful way, and then you all can vote on three small changes to make to get healthier?

Maybe that way, even if you don't get all the changes you want, you will be on a better track. And you can ask your family to revisit the issue once a month or so.

It is a hard situation when your husband isn't on board.

[ktmeyer]

I agree about no TV until after breakfast...that doesn't seem like a hard rule for me. Maybe something easier to eat, also, like a smoothie? He can wander and drink it, instead of having to sit still.

Also, honestly, I'm way hungrier in the early afternoon than at dinner time, so maybe you should try to work with that. Can you serve a dinner like meal right after school, and then just give him a snack later on? Seems like it might be easier to get DH not to stop at McD's if he knew that there was a meal waiting.

Finally, although oreos and such are healthy in moderation, it sounds like they aren't being eaten in moderation. If the kids have the option of fruit or cookies, they are going to choose cookies. Try getting rid of them for a few weeks, or hiding them in your room so DH can have some after the kids are in bed. Stock up on popcorn, granola bars, and cheese and crackers instead.

Hope this helps!

[cherimoya]

The best way to turn this around is to have your dh on board. go to him at a non-stressful time (when kids aren't around too) and talk about the negative effect the TV has on the kids and your family. Prepare the main points that you want to discuss; food, family relationships, the negative impact of TV on children etc. Tell him, although you'd prefer that he also watch less TV, that he does not have to give it up BUT he has to HELP with turning the kids around....and from there, hopefully, you can figure out a way between both parents about how to deal with it. In my home there is NO TV when we have dinner. DH likes his TV time but he understands that it disrupts the flow of parenting/family etc, plus he likes having his family around him at dinner.

[cherimoya]

Also I agree with pp that having healthy options on hand for snacking is great. My kids snack/graze all day on mostly healthy foods.