considering school..wwyd?

[darcytrue]

My DD is 7 and we just had a baby in September of last year. Things were going good up until the baby arrived. I got lazy with schooling my DD. She has done pretty well in math which was her weakest area last year and now she is pretty well ahead in that area. But her writing is horrible!! She also has a very hard time spelling anything on her own. I feel like I'm screwing things up for her and have been trying to convince my DH that we need to put her in to school. She is a very strongwilled child and gives me a hard time when doing her work and it's hard for me to stay on her when I'm busy with a baby during the day. I usually just give in or only give her a little bit of school work and then let her do games online for the rest of the day. I don't know what to do. I feel selfish keeping DD home when she says she would gladly go to a school and I know it would benefit her. If she does get put in to school it would be the same school she is currently attending a couple of home school classes so she already takes classes there with the 2nd graders and knows them. So it wouldn't be too hard to transition.

Would anyone else worry in this situation if their child didn't write well and didn't spell yet at almost 8 years old? I know that if an emergency arrived and I HAD to put her in a school that she would be way behind others in her grade level, and I don't want that to happen.

[kittywitty]

Sounds like you know your own answer-you sound miserable.

But as for the 7 year old not spelling yet...my oldest just turned 9 and is an amazing reader-last tested at 6th grade level but has jumped up since then. She is NOT a good speller gets. Sequential spelling is quick and easy and she likes it, but I've noticed the more we read, the better her spelling. In the past year she made amazing leaps in spelling. I would get books on tape, or read to her whenever you sit down to nurse baby or are waiting for food to cook. Trust me, the spelling will get better if they are exposed to real books and 7 is very young to be worrying about it.

[mangopassion]

Of course, it's absolutely up to you.

When it comes to your 7 year old not writing very well, that's completely and absolutely normal. My 8 year old son, KiwiBoy, is not yet reading very well. In fact he just started picking up on it. There are, in fact, several threads on this board regarding that very issue. And there are very many articles online and websites dedicated to this. I'm sure your daughter is exactly where she is supposed to be in this area.

[lach]

Homeschooling is only worth it if it works for everyone involved. It does not sound like it is working for you. There's nothing wrong with that.

I wouldn't lose sleep over the reading and spelling. But if you don't want to homeschool her anymore, that I think is a much better reason to send her to school. It sounds like she'll be happy there, you'll be happy sending her there, and everyone (including the baby) will be happy to have a happier, less-stressed mother.

[AAK]

Don't stress about the spelling and writing! I have had two children attend ps and I will tell you that there is a HUGE range of normal esp at that age. It sounds like school would be the best option for now, for the sake of lowering your own stress, etc. And remember, it doesn't mean that you can't pull her out again later. Maybe you will, maybe you won't. It sounds like such an easy transition, I wouldn't hesitate.

Amy

[phathui5]

If the spelling and writing weren't an issue, would you still want to homeschool? Or do you want to send her to school?

[kathymuggle]

I think you should probably try school. I almost never say that.

You do not sound happy. You say DD would be happy to try school - so I am not sure what the holdup is???

I think it is very normal for HSed kids to not write as well as schooled counterparts - but she will catch up quickly. I do not think her writing/spelling is a reason to HS or not.

[ChristaN]

It sounds like your dh is the one who wants to keep her at home, not you or dd. What is his reasoning for wanting to keep homeschooling? You can, of course, always go back to homeschooling at a later date even if you put her in school for this year.

[DharmaDisciple]

Is there any way you can learn to balance homeschooling with a baby?

There is a great transition when a baby is born and new ways have to be learnt where the old ways no longer work. Have you tried a more relaxed living life approach to homeschool, where you are using teachable moments. Reading together is something that can be done even with a baby and a lot can be learnt from books, you can get her books on her interests. Writing and spelling will be helped by the reading, good readers are exposed to good spelling. Writing will be improved when she naturally wants to put her words down about soemthing that interests her.

There are lots of fun activities that can be done with a baby in tow, remember this is an great transition for her too, being the big sister. She is learning her new role in the family, be patient for things to settle down and work xxxxxx

[karika]

I am currently homeschooling my 6yo and I have a 13 mo dd as well. It is difficult to have structured 'school time' , so I hear you there. I agree that you shouldnt worry about judging her performance at sucha young age. In the unschooling realm, I have read that it is good to wait to teach children to read when they are 7 or 8, so the timetable that is set up by TPTB may not be the 'right' one, or the only one. If you are stressed out about it, slow down. Don't worry about doing a whole lesson in one day if you are using a curriculum. Sometimes we do 2 or 3 math lessons and nothing else, or I watch a good special on PBS and use that as a jumping off point to just lecture about a subject so we don't need papers and books and pencils... my daughter reads well beyond her grade level, so we are able to skip most of the phonics portions in our state supplied curriculum, and she spells very well, but she does not like to write very much at all. I think it is because of what she is asked to write just not being interesting to her, and also their fine motor skills are not really proficient at holding the pencil in a way that makes writing easy until their hands are larger. Like when she wanted to wirte down some lyrics for a song she was writing, she did it. she wrote large and very freeform on an unlined piece of paper and enjoyed doing it. I say you should just relax and not worry about how fast you are progressing, since we are taking such a slow pace, I plan on doing this year round. Some days we are at it all day between food potty and baby needs breaks (I am holding her in arms most of the time anyway) and other days we are only at it for a couple of hours. Also, if the sites you are steering the child to on the computer are educational, that is 'school' too. As long as you have her take a break once an hour to rest her wrist and eyes, the computer can be a wonderful thing, I bet there are lots of links in the homeschooling section to help you find some great learning ones. For instance, I like http://www.freerice.com she learns vocabulary as she plays a game, and feeds hungry people at the same time. I do not agree with sending our children to public schools until a major rehaul is made in them to reflect my beliefs (multi age one room schoolhouse type learning with children fed a natural diet (what one eats affects them like any drug and I dont want my children around children compromised by vaccine toxins, food colorings, msg, aspartame) children that are mentally sound due to being raised in the attachment parenting style, and the school staffed rotationally by the parents to name a few things... until they get older anyway... I know that the world of food additives and mean girls will still be there in a few years and they will be in a position to cope with it better when they have a solid foundation. My rule of thumb for ps is only after she is old enough to have a cell phone, knows her own rights, and would know what to do in an emergency even if it was different than what an authority figure may tell her to do. man am i longwinded, sry, but this has been an ongoing discussion for me as well and I feel I just helped me understand my own reasons better with this post, so thanks!

[jlpumkin]

to you momma you certainly have a lot on your plate and are obviously doing your best! I would just encourage you to remember that schooling decisions never have to be permanent.. just as hsing was a great option while it works for everyone, so can school be a great option while you work your way through this transition. It doesn't have to be the end all be all... if and when you are ready to restart you can! The folks I know who have a new baby, often take a considerable amount of time off of schooling. Not necessarily sending kids to school but schooling more before and taking months off. This helps them get into a new rhythm. Which ever you decide I'm sure it will be what's right for your family... Good luck!

[frontstreetmama]

I agree with previous posters who have said that you have to do what works best. I *never* thought I would send my kids to school. But my oldest daughter LOVES school. My middle daughter goes back and forth. She was home-schooled last year but wanted to go to school this year. I like being flexible enough to do this. When she wanted to go back this year though, I told her that if she choose to start in the fall, she was making a commitment to stay until Christmas. We re-evaluated over the break and she is having a great year ~ some great friendships and a teacher whose teaching-style really works for her.

I think if it is something that both you AND your daughter are considering and she already goes there sometimes, it will probably be a good thing for both of you. Also, the school year is half-over so it's a good time to try it out and see how it works for BOTH of you and re-evaluate over the summer!!

[hotmamacita]

I think you should follow your heart!

Fwiw, I would not put a child in school, or homeschool them for that matter, out of fear!

[skueppers]

First of all, if you and your daughter both want her to be in school, then there's no reason not to give it a try.

But if you have reservations -- if there are reasons you DON'T want her in school, whatever they may be -- perhaps there are alternatives.

Can you afford a mother's helper to watch your baby in your home while you do school with your older child? Or could you take advantage of evening or weekend time to work with her? Is a homeschool co-op an option?

In the daytime when you don't have any help, perhaps you could focus on activities outside the home -- interesting museum trips, nature centers, etc. Things your 7-year-old would find engaging, which would also provide a change of scene/fun outing for your baby.

Regarding her attitude, is there any way you could reframe "school time" so it would seem like "special one-on-one time with mom"? Or perhaps a different method of homeschooling, such as workboxes or online learning, would minimize conflict.

[elizawill]

as for PS, that choice is yours to make. remember if you try it & hate it - you can always withdraw her and return to homeschooling. but as for writing & spelling, i think her being behind in writing and spelling is completely normal. unless that is the focal point of your studies, i imagine many homeschooled children in the early grades "appear" behind their PS peers in the area of language arts. i agree that it's very easy to catch up too, as i'm going through this currently with my daughter. she is also in grade 2 and age 8. she is just now really learning to write sentences and spell well, but this year that has really been my focus with her. we didn't pay much attention to it in grades K & 1, and in a few short months, she has grown leaps and bounds. i wouldn't worry about that. hugs.

[LauraLoo]

Disclosure: I have one child in school and HS the other. I think there are good options depending on the individual child.

If the change in attitude happened after the addition of a sibling, do you think she just needs more time to adjust? I'm thinking that having your undivided attention for as long as she did might make things more challenging for her. This is a big change in your family. I know it can be frustrating as a parent to make sure that everyone is getting enough deserved attention. I don't think that children always know how to articulate how they feel and sometimes feel guilty over feelings like jealousy.

Why do you think that going to school would benefit her?

I agree with the other pp's - there's nothing wrong with trying school and re-evaluating.

[darcytrue]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I'm taking all of this in to consideration. You've all made some really good points.

I feel that DD's handwriting is so bad that it's comparable to a kindergartner or early 1st grade student. She writes big and spreads it out on the page. She doesn't even try to write inside the lines on the lined paper that I buy her. And part of that is our fault. She has a software program we got her and she usually races through school work so she can rush back to her computer and play the game. She also loves Jumpstart and they have an online site that she loves as well. And since it's a learning site I haven't worried about it as much. But I think part of her bad handwriting is due to her rushing through it. But I'm embarrassed to put her in school and have her write like that for a 2nd grade teacher as well. Last year she wrote much better than she does tihs year.

I've thought about doing a schedule and putting on the schedule a designated time for her to get on the computer so that maybe she won't rush as much through writing if she knows she isn't able to get on the computer anyway. But that doesn't work well right now because my 4 month old still naps whenever she wants and isn't on a set nap routine yet and our house isn't that big so I don't want DD making a lot of noise while the baby sleeps so I'd just rather her be on the computer during the time I'm trying to get the baby down and then it's harder to get her off once I'm ready to start on her school work. ugh. I sound terrible don't I?? I read this and feel like such a horrible mother.

Originally Posted by phathui5

If the spelling and writing weren't an issue, would you still want to homeschool? Or do you want to send her to school?

that's a good question. Part of me does want her to go to school and part of me doesn't. The selfish part of me wants her at home, even though I'm not able to devote enough time with her each day doing school work because I don't want my child out there around all the peer pressure and the worldly material stuff. I also want her to remain innocent for as long as she can. BUT the other part of me thinks school would be good because she is extremely social and loves the kids in the class already and I think the routine each day would do her very good. But at the same time I fear that she will fall in to the peer pressures and she is very good about wanting to do things to get herself in trouble at home so I can only imagine how it would be if she were around other kids that did this. She can be quite the hand full at times and I've caught her in lies and trying to get around me in a lot of areas.

Originally Posted by LauraLoo

Disclosure: I have one child in school and HS the other. I think there are good options depending on the individual child.

We used to do this. I used to love home schooling. In fact, DD was in kindergarten and her brother was at home and then we decided to bring her home for 1st grade and she's been home ever since. I got unexpectedly pregnant last year and things have kind of gone down hill with my eagerness to school my children. I'm just not that in to it at this point. My oldest is easy because he's middle school and DH helps with him a lot plus he does a software program, but DD is tough now that I have a baby that demands a lot of my time.

[kathymuggle]

Honestly, you sound a little depressed (could it be PPD?). I also think you are being very hard on yourself.

I do not think it is abnormal at all for a 7 yr old to write at a Kindy or First grade level. I think you need to cut her and you some slack!!!

If doing things will make you feel better -why don't you order something such as Handwriting Without Tears? I suggest orderring it in a few months...the 4 month old will probably be sleeping in a more regular pattern then, and you may have time to devote to the 7 year old exclusively.

I do think the amount of time she is on the computer seems excessive. Once again, however, you do not have to fix it today. Wait until the babe is a bit older, the sun is shining and you feel more yourself. Her brain will not turn to mush from 2 more months of heavy screen use (indeed...if you look at it objectively, there are lots of thing she can and is learning on the computer.)

Hug, mama!

Kathy

[kittywitty]

I agree, 7 is totally normal for kindy handwriting skills.

Have you had her checked with an OT for fine motor delay if it's substantially worse than her peers?

[bobandjess99]

To address the writing/spelling aspect only, as the rest of the dynamic is so individual, ,I don't believe a 7 year old needs to be able to read or write AT ALL. We believe in the moore's educational philosophy "better late than early", and that formal, "sit-down" education should not even BEGIN unntil age 8-10. So see, following that framework, your 7 yo isn't "behind" at all....indeed, she's EARLY! I think a huge parrt of it is your expectations.
Why do you think a 7 yo should know how to read, or write, or spell?
Is it just because that's what PS'ed children her age are doing? Have you really thought about what YOU think she "should" be learning, and when , and why? I think maybe if you simply step outside the box and reframe your expectations, you might not feel so upset at what's going on. I mean..your 7 yo likes to play games better than do boring schoolwork? NO! I'm SHOCKED! (lol that was friendly faux-shock)
If you think about it and decide that yes, you really do believe it's vitally important she learn to spell and write RIGHT NOW, then you can proceed with that goal in mind, ,either at school or at home. OR maybe...other skills could be devloped right now. Other subjects could be studied. Whatever you decided to do. Just be sure you're doing something because you think it's a good decision, the right decision, and not just because you think you should because others are, ,etc.