I wasn't sure whether posting this in single parenting or here might get me more advice, but I figured you all love your pets and will understand my dilemma.
First a little background: My DH and I have just separated within the last 2 months and are on very good terms. We've always shared similar values and parenting and are doing well with co-parenting in our new situation. This is the 2nd dog we've had in our relationship and she is almost 4yo. A larger breed mutt we got from the humane society, she's probably a golden retreiver mixed with a collie.
My concern is that she isn't getting her needs met and is getting depressed. Specifically, when we were all together she would get a good walk in the morning 45min-1hour of exercise and then could go in/out of the house all day into the yard. Not a big space for exercise but so she could get fresh air and lay outside or go pee, etc.
Now, because we are selling our home and DH is living there he doesn't want to clean up dog hair so he has requested that the dog live with me. I am living in a rented flat, where the landlord (who is a longtime friend of our family) prefers not to have a dog chained in their yard. It can really tear up the property. This is very understandable to me. And DH and I knew this was the situation and our agreement was that when DH has DD (50% of the time) then I would be responsible for getting the dog out. When I have DD then DH would need to come over to my house and get the dog out for exercise and pee breaks. We agreed that this was temporary until the house was sold and DH relocated where he could keep the dog with him when he didn't have DD. Currently, we live a 2minute drive or a 12 minute walk from each other. We agreed that there was a need to let the dog out 3 times a day. Since we made that agreement DH's been slacking and not living up to it. First, he said getting over in the middle of the day was problematic for him (despite the fact he is unemployed) and it interrupts his day too much. He said I should just walk the dog around the block w/ DD when we got home from school. This is not my preferred solution as getting DD 7.5yo to agree to this is sometimes difficult. Afterschool she is ready to play or do other things and isn't keen on being dragged along on a walk, so it is a bit of a sales job to convince her it is an important responsibility. Then, recently, DH has come earlier in the evening, before he goes out socially, say around 6:30ish and takes the dog around a couple of blocks - a 15 minute walk at best and thinks she is fine until 7:00am. This does not set well with me at all. In fact he forgot to come entirely one night and I had to scramble to get a friend to come over and sit in the house with DD while slept, so that I could get the dog out to go potty before bed. On the days that DD is with DH i make sure the dog gets a good 45 minute walk before I leave for work and again when I come home. She's in the house for about 8 hours. I then walk her again before bed.
When I talk with DH about this he says he isn't willing to change and that we may just have to get rid of the dog. I think he's not living up to his responsibility and getting rid of the dog would another big change for DD that isn't really about her choices but about DH and I deciding to divorce. My goal is to lessen the impact of this event on her life as best possible.
I'm not sure what to do? I could hire a dog walker to compensate for DH's lack of support but that would cost an estimated $140 a month and given his unemployment and our expenses, my low income it really is not feasible. Any thoughts on how I can manage the dog better or get him to step up? I love the dog, want to see that she is happy and healthy and that I am living up to the obligation that I took on when I adopted her.
Thanks for reading this far.
~ Denise
First a little background: My DH and I have just separated within the last 2 months and are on very good terms. We've always shared similar values and parenting and are doing well with co-parenting in our new situation. This is the 2nd dog we've had in our relationship and she is almost 4yo. A larger breed mutt we got from the humane society, she's probably a golden retreiver mixed with a collie.
My concern is that she isn't getting her needs met and is getting depressed. Specifically, when we were all together she would get a good walk in the morning 45min-1hour of exercise and then could go in/out of the house all day into the yard. Not a big space for exercise but so she could get fresh air and lay outside or go pee, etc.
Now, because we are selling our home and DH is living there he doesn't want to clean up dog hair so he has requested that the dog live with me. I am living in a rented flat, where the landlord (who is a longtime friend of our family) prefers not to have a dog chained in their yard. It can really tear up the property. This is very understandable to me. And DH and I knew this was the situation and our agreement was that when DH has DD (50% of the time) then I would be responsible for getting the dog out. When I have DD then DH would need to come over to my house and get the dog out for exercise and pee breaks. We agreed that this was temporary until the house was sold and DH relocated where he could keep the dog with him when he didn't have DD. Currently, we live a 2minute drive or a 12 minute walk from each other. We agreed that there was a need to let the dog out 3 times a day. Since we made that agreement DH's been slacking and not living up to it. First, he said getting over in the middle of the day was problematic for him (despite the fact he is unemployed) and it interrupts his day too much. He said I should just walk the dog around the block w/ DD when we got home from school. This is not my preferred solution as getting DD 7.5yo to agree to this is sometimes difficult. Afterschool she is ready to play or do other things and isn't keen on being dragged along on a walk, so it is a bit of a sales job to convince her it is an important responsibility. Then, recently, DH has come earlier in the evening, before he goes out socially, say around 6:30ish and takes the dog around a couple of blocks - a 15 minute walk at best and thinks she is fine until 7:00am. This does not set well with me at all. In fact he forgot to come entirely one night and I had to scramble to get a friend to come over and sit in the house with DD while slept, so that I could get the dog out to go potty before bed. On the days that DD is with DH i make sure the dog gets a good 45 minute walk before I leave for work and again when I come home. She's in the house for about 8 hours. I then walk her again before bed.
When I talk with DH about this he says he isn't willing to change and that we may just have to get rid of the dog. I think he's not living up to his responsibility and getting rid of the dog would another big change for DD that isn't really about her choices but about DH and I deciding to divorce. My goal is to lessen the impact of this event on her life as best possible.
I'm not sure what to do? I could hire a dog walker to compensate for DH's lack of support but that would cost an estimated $140 a month and given his unemployment and our expenses, my low income it really is not feasible. Any thoughts on how I can manage the dog better or get him to step up? I love the dog, want to see that she is happy and healthy and that I am living up to the obligation that I took on when I adopted her.
Thanks for reading this far.
~ Denise
It's what needs to happen. If the dog has to pee, she has to pee. If you don't have anyone to watch your daughter, she sort of has no choice but to go out for a walk. If it's JUST bathroom breaks your worried about, you don't need to walk around the block. Find the first patch of grass out of the yard and use that, then go right back inside.
