i think i might want to go to church/or something...how?

[BaaBaa]

lately i feel a stronger and stronger interest in religion and i feel like i might want to start going to church, or some type of spiritual weekly meeting. Im alone at home with dd (17mo) on weekends. I went to church on holidays as a child, but ihavent been in many years. dh was raised catholic but admits he has never read the bible....

to me right now im just looking to explore religion, explore a connection, find a community of people in my area trying to lead a good life. Im very liberal and I dont really feel at home in stiff environments......

so how would i attend a service with her? are kids aloud inside?
how would i choose a place to go? a denomination?
what should i wear? what should dd wear?

sorry if this is a really basic concept for most people.

[bluedaisy]

Hi BaaBaa,
The answers to your questions depend a lot on what kind of church/religious service you decide to go to.
Most areas have so many choices it can be overwhelming and intimidating to just show up somewhere.
Do you have any friends or relatives who have beliefs/lifestyles you admire? If so, you can ask them what kind of church they go to and if you can join them one weekend. I'm sure they would be happy to answer your specific questions about their service and it would be a lot less intimidating to go with a friend or relative.
Hope you find a good community

[Addy's Mom]

What church were you raised in (even if it was only holiday services)? Did you feel comfortable there? You could search out that denomination and attend a service.

I'm partial to Episcopalian because that's what I was raised in. I find it to be a denomination that welcomes the questioning and analysis of scripture and ideas. If that appeals to you, I definitely recommend it (plus, it's close to Catholicism).

[Addy's Mom]

Oh, and some basics about attending:

1) I think churches are all over the place in what people wear to services. In my mind, you should dress respectfully, but most churches don't want to have people feel turned away because they don't have appropriate clothes. Business casual seems to work well around here.

2) kids are definitely allowed at services, and many churches have family services, where most people take kids, are understanding of some disruptions, and the service itself is more family-friendly in its approach.

3) I'd try to keep the kids quiet, and if one starts crying, I would take him/her to the front of the church to minimize disruption until my child calmed down.

4) Always feel free to call a particular church and let them know you are interested in attending with kids. They will be more than happy to describe the culture, service, and general way folks with kids do things.

[Tjej]

I think the easiest thing would be to call a couple of churches in your area and ask them your questions. The secretary can tell you those things, and they will be nice.

As far as what to wear, most places it really doesn't matter. We did visit one church in our town when we first moved here that had a "dress code" that I did not meet- all women were in skirts and I was in pants, but really that place had a lot of other things we didn't "meet" either, and we really would have been better off calling there before we went and knowing what we were getting into or just not going because it was not a good fit for us.

It is scary to go to new places and meet lots of new people. Ususally churches are very happy to welcome new people and want to make you feel comfortable, so just go to a few (probably going to each a couple of times if you don't DISLIKE it) and get a feel for where you fit in. You can also learn a lot about different church denominations online - so if there are some in your area that you are interested in, you can see what the basic beliefs are.

Tjej

[CrunchyChristianMama]

I would do a little searching online. See what churches are near you, research what they believe (most have it conveniently on their website), and maybe even call the pastor to ask him some of your questions if you feel comfortable doing so.

I know a lot of churches are less and less formal about what you wear. We wear jeans and nice shirt to church most weeks here (non-denominational church).

I don't know of any churches that won't allow children. It may be advisable to let her go to the nursery so that you can be able to pay more attention, but if you don't feel comfortable with that, they certainly won't kick you out!

I'd also recommend praying about it. A little informal chat with God can do wonders in leading you to the right place.

[BaaBaa]

thanks for the ideas the church i went to when i was little doesnt have any youngsters, its mostly elderly, that was my first idea but it doesnt feel like a good match...

i feel overwhelmed for sure! too many options. a friend invited me to attend with her- but im unclear about dd going?

[One_Girl]

I brought my dd to the Catholic church with me when she was little and enjoyed the fact that almost all of the churches had a room for parents to bring kids in where they can see and hear the service without disturbing the quiet of the service. I stopped going to church for quite a while and I have also wanted to start bringing her again so we can both be part of a community, but there are a lot of gory stories that kids learn about in church and the day we started going they had a sermon about someone dying. Since then my dd has been very resistant to going and I want to hold off until I can find a church that focuses on the peace and love aspect of God rather than the gory stuff. I think that it would have been fine if I had kept her in church from the time she was your childs age because she wouldn't have known life without hearing those stories and I would have been able to talk to her about them in a different way. A lot of her friends talk about what they learn in Sunday school and they are well adjuted children just as she is. She is seven now and thinks church is a violent and scary place and I really wish I had stuck with church when she was younger.

[Red Pajama]

I have experience with our local Catholic Church. My husband is Catholic, I am not. Our church does not have a nursery school, and none of the Catholic churches I've been to have either, although I know that some do. We prefer to have the kids with us in the service anyway. The key is having a small distraction or two that doesn't make noise but will sastisfy the baby for a bit of time. A snack that you hand to baby one at a time can pass the time nicely, as can a nursing session.

Some churches have a "cry room", although the attitude/behavior around them varies. Some places the cry rooms are free for alls, others it's just a place to be with a small one who can't sit still.

People wear a variety of clothes. Some dress in "sunday best", others come in jeans. I've seen football jerseys on plenty of people, and occasionally shorts in the summer.

I was raised protestant, and find the Catholic church to be a welcoming place.

Good luck finding a church home.

[MadiMamacita]

you could look for a Quaker Friends meeting in your area. I find the quakers to generally be an accepting and welcoming bunch (not saying that other religions/denominations aren't welcoming!) and I find their approach to spirituality very refreshing.

[Belia]

http://www.beliefnet.com/Entertainme...iefOMatic.aspx

About 10 years ago I wanted to find a church for me and DH. I was raised Catholic.... he was raised Baptist-ish... and we knew that neither one of those churches would be a good fit for us anymore. But while I was not too high on going to weekly services, I wanted to have a faith "home" for us of our own so we didn't just fall back into old patterns when it came time for rituals.

I asked similar-minded friends, went to a couple of different services, took the quiz in the above link. All signs pointed in the same direction, so there we were!!!

Our church has all of your questions answered on our website.

[starling&diesel]

If you have a Unitarian Church in your area, it's a great place to get started. You'll find that their services include aspects from many religions, and that they are very inclusive and family-oriented. Have fun on your spiritual quest!

[eepster]

Since your DH is Catholic, you could start there.

I took DS to services as soon as we were up to leaving the house, so about 2 or 3 weeks old. He has always been welcome. There were always plenty of other babies at service too. I even took him up to the choir loft with me and to choir practice while I was in the choir

I usually wear clothing . At 19 mo, DS sometimes wore PJs, but I made sure they were really cute ones. We dress up for things like Midnight mass on Christmas Eve, or Easter.

While trying out a Catholic service, do not take communion, you have to wait till you officially converted. Just stay at you seat.

[mamadebug]

I was raised Catholic. My husband went to Vedanta Temple as a young child until he moved to Mexico, and then had a lot of Catholic education. We have felt most comfortable at the Unitarian Universalist Church. Our experience is that it is very accepting, socially liberal, has a great sense of community and very supportive of families and children. What unifies the people who attend services isn't so much a set of religious beliefs as it is a sense of community and respect for all people.

[lilyka]

It would depend on where you wanted to go.

but some things are always safe bets. keep in mind you may enter a church that is not right for you. it is ok. it does not make them or you bad or wrong. but it is always best to lean more conservative just incase thats what you walk into . you don't want to offend anyone in theirown home.

Dress: clean, tidy and if you are up for it something nice. slacks and a nice blouse are usually acceptable, comfortable and safe. steer towards the conservative side. you can always relax a little the next time you go, after you see whet the expectation is. nothing see through, plunging and no middrift of butt crack showing. maybe looser pants. If jeans are the nices thing you have in your closet then wear your nicest jeans and a confident smile.

children - if I were to walk into a congregation that did not welcome my children I would walk right back out. I do not mind offending those people. if eople clammor to tell you how great their nursery is do not automatically assume they are saying your baby is a bother. People really think nurseries are a boon and want you to feel welcome to use it and safe using it. Especially if you are a visitor. Some people just don't understand those of us who would rather have our children with us. Just explain to them that you would rather she worship with you.

you might feel more comfortable if you call ahead and go meet the pastor and get a tour earlier in the week. you can ask about dress ettiquit, children expectations and ministries and know where to park and enter the building (sometimes more of a challenege than one would think)

and if it makes you feel any better people walk into churches to visit all the time. you really are not going to raise any eyebrows if you do. some people won't even notice they have a visitor. others might make a point to welcome you. but at any rate you probably won't be the first visitor they have ever had.

[Tjej]

I just had a thought - you could go to your tribal area and see if there are any church-goers on there you could go with. Then you'd know someone.

Tjej

[onyxravnos]

Originally Posted by starling&diesel

If you have a Unitarian Church in your area, it's a great place to get started. You'll find that their services include aspects from many religions, and that they are very inclusive and family-oriented. Have fun on your spiritual quest!

many curches have cry rooms so you can still attend even if your baby is screaming or wanting to run around. some don't so its a good idea to call and ask. and UU churches generally are not formal at all. .

[BetsyS]

Just a word about kids in church.

I live in the deep south. In some of the traditions around here, people just do.not.have.children.in.the.service. Period. They don't get to come to "big church" until age 5 or 6 in some places (thinking of some of the very traditional "First Baptist" types).

The churches around here that tend to be most child-friendly are the Catholic ones. They don't have as much of a tradition of the nursery.

One local, large, mega non-denominational church (5000+ attenders) has people posted at the entrances to their sanctuary to make sure that no one under 6th grade gets to come in. If you want your kids with you, you have to sit in a small overflow room and watch the service on video.

So, it's always good to call ahead or check out a church's website.

[cappuccinosmom]

The answers depend on the area and the specific church you go to.

I don't know of any church that says "NO KIDS". Some like having them in the service, other's shepherd them into kids programs at the door, and others do something in between. But especially for a visitor, there's no reason you can't take your daughter with you and keep her in the service with you.

I'd go with your friend first, since you've been invited. You can also search on the web. Many churches (especially the non-stodgy ones) have websites that will answer your questions, and contact information. Some even have video, which will give you an idea of what their services are like.

[TiredX2]

Moved to Spirituality