How do you teach your child to be a better friend?

[yeunthie99]

How do you teach your child to be a better friend?

[daytripper75]

When my children are having trouble I usually try to find a fiction book or a picture book that has the same issue. We read the book and then talk a little about what the problem in the book was and ways to make it better.

[babsbob]

I work with my kids a lot on expressing their feelings, needs, and desires in a calm and polite manner. When they are fighting and grabbing each other's toys I get down with them and walk them through how to ask nicely for their toy back, etc...
Another example:
When my DD was telling me she didn't like her friend "B" anymore and why, I encourage her to just tell "B" how she felt or what she didn't like and ask her to not do it anymore. I'm pretty sure she didn't (They are only 4) but I just plan to work on my children's communications skills and give them the right tools so they will be able healthy, functioning adults. Unlike me Actually, it's helped me be more adult in my interactions with my DH and mom since I try to take my own advice now.

[BarnMomma]

I think much of the way your child will behave is modeled after your own behavior. I see this with my son just out and about in the world.

I try to always speak kindly, not gossip, speak calmly and honestly when I have a problem, and I try to be generous and kind. I also like to celebrate everyone's differences and special gifts.

I think how this translates is giving your child a model for how to handle disputes. Even now I can enourage my young son to ask politely when I child isn't sharing if he can have a turn instead of just grabbing.

[MrsH]

We also do the picture book thing as a great conversation starter. Love the Berenstain Bears as a general go-to, but there are many out there.

When dd started having friends over for playdates, I would comment on things she did as a host: "I noticed you offered your friend the popcorn first; that's what a good host does." Or "I noticed you suggested some things to play and then let your friend choose; that's what a good host does." As she gained more experience I'd start asking "so what'd you do to be a good host?" From her responses, I could tell that she'd been really paying attention to not only things I'd said, but also things from playdates at other peoples' homes. We also had a couple of conversations recently about how the job of the host is to help their guest feel comfortable and have fun. She's really getting it and LOVES having friends over!

[jessemoon]

I praise "good friend" behavior and tell my son what a good friend he is and how he cares about other people. I tell him what a gentle boy he is.
Kids will often try to live up to what is expected of them.

We also talk about it when someone is less than kind to him. I point out that it makes him feel crummy and we use those moments as teaching tools.

[Linda on the move]

It really depends on how old the child is and what the issue is.

[treemom2]

We role play good friend behavior and talk about things when they come up. I think the most important way to teach your children to be a good friend is to model good friend behaviors with your own friends.

[darcytrue]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

It really depends on how old the child is and what the issue is.

I agree with this. My oldest child his very, very shy and introverted and can easily make other kids think he is being snobby or uninterested in them when they talk to him. Even once he gets a friend he has a hard time keeping them because he will never initiate contact or discussions with them. I've had to discuss ways to overcome this over and over with him. He's getting there. So it really depends on the situation and what your child is doing that makes you think they aren't being a good friend.

[hermionesmum]

It helps that I'm good friends with the parents of most of my kids' friends, so I generally have a good idea what's going on if one of their friends is "off" and can talk it through.
e.g. so-and-so's parent is in hospital or so-and-so just got back from holiday and is probably feeling jet-lagged, both in the last couple of months.

They are generally very willing to empathize, given an explanation.