Question about nursing baby to sleep?

[dance]

I have a 10 and a half month old girl. I have always nursed her to sleep ( against the advice of many of course) I always had confidence that she would slowly on her own outgrow this is and would be able to fall asleep by herself.
Right now I am having a bit of a hard time because she seems to actually be clinging to me more than ever when I try to get up and leave after she is "sleeping".
What I am asking is, are there mommies out there who did this and how did the situation evolve? I mean at some point I will not be able to do this anymore and I am curious to see what solutions are out there.
I could also really use a break, since all the pressure is always on me for naps and bedtime...
She is overall a pretty bad sleeper and still wakes up at least 4 times at night at which point I nurse her back to sleep.

Any input is greatly appreaciated, thank you!

[Honey693]

DD nursed to sleep and wasn't a great sleeper by any stretch of the word until about 12-13 months. She's gotten to the point now where sometimes she nurses to sleep, but more often she'll nurse then flail around the bed for 10 minutes trying to get comfy and then falls asleep. She's still not a great sleeper, but it has gotten better. Don't worry, your kid will not nurse to sleep forever.

[sosurreal09]

no offence but you never taught her how to sleep independently so she has no self soothing skills...shes older so thats a REALLY tough one. does she have a crib? i would start nursing her less and less at nap time until you just stop. i would hold her and put her down in her crib when shes drowsy but still awake. if she cries pick her up and the minute she stops crying put her back down. even if she cries on the way down let her touch the mattress first then pick her back up. keep repeating the process. it may take you 2hrs at first but once it clicks you should only have to do it a few days and then she will be able to just be put down and go to sleep.
its not crying it out. you are still be an attentive loving mother by picking her up every time she cries. you are also being responsible and letting her learn how to do it on her own...

[One_Girl]

Night nursing was the last thing my dd gave up when she weaned when she was three and she slept just fine independently and still does. My dd has gone through some stages where she was more clingy than at other times. Your dd may be growing and restless because of that, she may be going through some seperation anxiety, she may also be coming down with something and needing to nurse more, or she there may be something else going on that is making it hard for her to deal with you leaving the mattress. I think you should meet her needs for now in a way that feels right to you. If you want to wean because you feel that it is the right time for you then you might find some good advice for that on the breastfeeding boards. You might find something useful in Sleepless In America by Elizabeth Pantley.

[dance]

@crystal R, I would love for her to flail around, but she always gets up and walks towards me. We have our bed on the floor.

@anielasmommy, no offense taken. I realize I have not give her the skills...I actually tried this way you are describing and gave up, because it really would take me 2 hours and night after night... It wore me out. It's actually because of trying that that I decided to nurse her to sleep lying down, it dramatically improved nap and sleep time except for that I am now not sure how to ever get out of it.

@one girl, I don't want to wean. I mean I am not against night weaning but I think I want my daughter to decide. I'll go up to at least one year before attempting night weaning I think.

[4Blessings]

Originally Posted by anielasmommy09

no offence but you never taught her how to sleep independently so she has no self soothing skills...shes older so thats a REALLY tough one. does she have a crib? i would start nursing her less and less at nap time until you just stop. i would hold her and put her down in her crib when shes drowsy but still awake. if she cries pick her up and the minute she stops crying put her back down. even if she cries on the way down let her touch the mattress first then pick her back up. keep repeating the process. it may take you 2hrs at first but once it clicks you should only have to do it a few days and then she will be able to just be put down and go to sleep.
its not crying it out. you are still be an attentive loving mother by picking her up every time she cries. you are also being responsible and letting her learn how to do it on her own...

Physically I can not imagine being able to follow this advice. Two hours of bending and lifting a child. My back says, "No thanks!"

OP, I have nursed all of my children to sleep when they were nursing. All woke throughout the night until at least 18 months.All are now sleeping through the night without being nursed (ages 2,6,8). Hang in there!

Are you using a consistent bedtime routine? Bath, book, pjs, brush teeth, etc? Doing the same routine every night? What are you doing upon the waking? I find that being "all business" about night wakings makes a big difference. Good luck!

[dance]

hello proudtobeanamerican,
So what I am so curious about is, how did you go from nursing them to sleep to no longer doing so? Did you lie down with them one night and then they rejected the breast and went to sleep?
We aren't great with routines...There is not one set routine to be honest, it'll depend on the night.
When she wakes up though, it's always the same. I go in, lie her down, I lie down next to her and nurse her to sleep. When the sucking slows down I try to unlatch and leave. Sometimes this doesn't work and I have to try several times. For the middle of the night waking I latch her on and I fall back asleep myself.

[Fluga]

I think 10 months is very young to fall asleep by herself. It sounds to me, sucky as it is that she is not ready for that.

How about getting daddy involved? I think it was around the 10 month mark when nursing to sleep for us turned into a 2-3 hour wrestle match in the bed. When DP started putting her to bed it'd only take him 15-30 mins.

[dance]

Originally Posted by Fluga

I think 10 months is very young to fall asleep by herself. It sounds to me, sucky as it is that she is not ready for that.

How about getting daddy involved? I think it was around the 10 month mark when nursing to sleep for us turned into a 2-3 hour wrestle match in the bed. When DP started putting her to bed it'd only take him 15-30 mins.

I would love to get daddy involved and he's not against it either, but if she's used to going to sleep with me will that actually work?

[jackiev0626]

Originally Posted by Fluga

I think 10 months is very young to fall asleep by herself. It sounds to me, sucky as it is that she is not ready for that.

How about getting daddy involved? I think it was around the 10 month mark when nursing to sleep for us turned into a 2-3 hour wrestle match in the bed. When DP started putting her to bed it'd only take him 15-30 mins.

I Agree! I've always nursed my son to sleep at bedtime, but as he got older (around 12 mo.) he wasn't having it and it ended up taking me at least 2 hrs. to get him to sleep (he would want to play, try to get off the bed, or just waller around). So, DH took over the nighttime by putting him on a pillow then picking him up and bouncing him on the edge of the bed and saying "shhhh" "go night-night", and at first it was hard for me, cuz he would cry but it would only last for like 15 min. and he was out! Now, although ds starts crying when dh takes him down the hall to our bed, as soon as he turns off the light and turns on the sound machine, I dont hear a peep and he's out in like 10 min. every night. So, its really nice to have that break at night. And then I just go in when he wakes up for his night feedings to nurse him back to sleep until I'm ready to go to bed, but I have to wait till his in a deep sleep then I unlatch and tip away. And like you, sometimes he wakes back up (not fully, but wants to nurse some more) so, I lay there a bit longer till I can get away without him waking. It drives me nuts sometimes, but I've noticed as he's getting older (he's 17 mo.) when I go in to nurse him from his night feeding, after I notice the sucking slowing down and he's not nursing for milk, but just sucking like a paci, I detach he just rolls over and stays asleep and I get up with no problem. So, I think the clinginess at bedtime has to do with them still being so little and the seperation anxiety is like at its peak around that time..I never tried to put him in his crib at night, and the whole laying him down while still awake I just never felt was right in my heart, and they always say just trust your instinct and do what feels right. Although, it's frustrating and draining at times, I just have to keep telling myself, they're not gonna be little forever and when they're grown and outta my bed, I'm gonna miss the snuggling And I feel like I'm doing the best thing for him by meeting his needs and making him feel secure. Sorry so long, I just know exactly where you're coming from!

[claddaghmom]

Originally Posted by dance

I have a 10 and a half month old girl. I have always nursed her to sleep ( against the advice of many of course) I always had confidence that she would slowly on her own outgrow this is and would be able to fall asleep by herself.
Right now I am having a bit of a hard time because she seems to actually be clinging to me more than ever when I try to get up and leave after she is "sleeping".
What I am asking is, are there mommies out there who did this and how did the situation evolve? I mean at some point I will not be able to do this anymore and I am curious to see what solutions are out there.
I could also really use a break, since all the pressure is always on me for naps and bedtime...
She is overall a pretty bad sleeper and still wakes up at least 4 times at night at which point I nurse her back to sleep.

Any input is greatly appreaciated, thank you!

Falling asleep while nursing seems to be the most beloved aspect of nursing, for all the nurslings I have ever known. I know that children who are CLW tend to keep just the night time or early morning nursing session.

It's not surprising, because our milk is customized to comfort our children. Did you know they found out milk pumped during the day/night contains specific ingredients to keep the child awake/asleep? There has been some speculation that mothers pay attention to when they pump milk, and give that milk to the infant during the corresponding time of the day. So if you pumped in the morning, only give that milk in the morning.

That being said, I wonder if the new signs you are noticing have more to do with developmental milestones or teething. DD lost a lot of her sleep patterns from I'd say 9 months until just recently (she is 14 months). She went from 6 teeth to 12 teeth, 4 of them molars.

Maybe you should try the 'dead man' test. Before you try to move away or put her down, lift her arm and drop it. If she responds, she's not asleep.

Although I personally love nursing to sleep (and I find it a great excuse to nap!) when I need to get away, I do several things:

1) I lay down with her for the nursing session. This means she will not be on my body so it is easier to get away without disturbing her.

2) I have a shirt or scarf handy. Just ball it up and put it near her body. Make sure you've worn it so it smells like you.

3) When I latch off, I replace the boob with my (clean) pinky finger. This also helps b/c when they truly fall asleep they tend to clamp down.

4) I have white noise playing the entire time. For me this just means leaving the bathroom door open with the fan on. Maybe you could turn on the radio really low or a fan.


ETA: I think you are asking for ways to stop nursing her to sleep? I think 10 months is not the best time to try such a thing. You'd be amazed at how quickly they change stages. I'd hold out until you reach at least 12 months. DD is a completely different person now. For example, it used to be that she had to stay with me all the time, such as if we went to a party with other kids. Now she spends most her time running around with others and having fun. She's already spent a lot of time hanging out with daddy b/c she will just fall asleep while he's holding her. Really, I think just waiting a couple months will be easier on your relationship with her. They get past the anxiety stage and suddenly you can't remember why you felt so trapped!

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Originally Posted by dance

I would love to get daddy involved and he's not against it either, but if she's used to going to sleep with me will that actually work?

Eventually, yes, it will work.

I would like to point out that some advice given about teaching self soothing techniques doesnt always work with some children. It didnt work with my second child. and believe me, I tried EVERYTHING. He is no longer nursing, but STILL has a bottle everynight right before He falls asleep. To me, its the same concept for him. And its working. I am all about whatever works right now

FWIW, I was doing exactly what you are doing when he was 10 months old, (still nursing) and worked full time and have a 2 year old. My point is, I kept thinking the same thing, that I cant do this forever. And I no longer do, and its only been 4 months. IT feels like a lifetime ago though. Things change so much from week to week, your daughter might actually surprise you.

Another PP mentioned routines. I know you said you arent good at them, but I strongly suggest trying to get on one and sticking with it for a couple of weeks. Even if it takes a while for it to start clicking at first, just the actions of implementing it are still beneficial. Kids catch oon alot quicker then we give them credit for. We have one, but that is because my husband and I both work full time. its an absolute necessity.

Good luck. You will get through this. I promise.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Originally Posted by claddaghmom

ETA: I think you are asking for ways to stop nursing her to sleep? I think 10 months is not the best time to try such a thing. You'd be amazed at how quickly they change stages. I'd hold out until you reach at least 12 months. DD is a completely different person now. For example, it used to be that she had to stay with me all the time, such as if we went to a party with other kids. Now she spends most her time running around with others and having fun. She's already spent a lot of time hanging out with daddy b/c she will just fall asleep while he's holding her. Really, I think just waiting a couple months will be easier on your relationship with her. They get past the anxiety stage and suddenly you can't remember why you felt so trapped!

Its kinda funny that I just more or less said the same thing at the end of my post, and I hadnt read yours yet. So see OP, it really is true.

[dance]

I think I am already feeling a lot better. I just needed some support as well. It's nice to know I am not the only one doing this, which is what it feels like sometimes. Plus I get judged for it.
Like I already said before she turns 1 I am not really going to make any changes, but I need to know that I will not be doing this forever. And I now do know that!
By the way about the soothing techniques... They don't really work for my daughter, white noise made no difference. She doesn't attach to a lovey, nor a shirt a wore the previous day. She has very light sleep. Sometimes if I even breathe deeply she'll wake up. Also lavender baths don't calm her down.

Another very recent development:
She is really starting to bite me when I start to nurse her. It think she's thinking 'hey, she wants me to sleep again and I am not having it!' A little scary because it hurts!

[claddaghmom]

Originally Posted by dance

I think I am already feeling a lot better. I just needed some support as well. It's nice to know I am not the only one doing this, which is what it feels like sometimes. Plus I get judged for it.
Like I already said before she turns 1 I am not really going to make any changes, but I need to know that I will not be doing this forever. And I now do know that!
By the way about the soothing techniques... They don't really work for my daughter, white noise made no difference. She doesn't attach to a lovey, nor a shirt a wore the previous day. She has very light sleep. Sometimes if I even breathe deeply she'll wake up. Also lavender baths don't calm her down.

Another very recent development:
She is really starting to bite me when I start to nurse her. It think she's thinking 'hey, she wants me to sleep again and I am not having it!' A little scary because it hurts!

Are you sure it's not the teething? DD has chomped down when teething b/c she wasn't used to them. She had to learn a different latch to accommodate.

You know, until you posted this thread I had already forgotten how 'bad' it was (from about October until now). It's like birth...your mind just covers it up lol.

For example I'm hanging out at a friend's house and she has been running around playing for more than an hour. Semi-freedom! lol

[dance]

Originally Posted by claddaghmom

Are you sure it's not the teething? DD has chomped down when teething b/c she wasn't used to them. She had to learn a different latch to accommodate.

You know, until you posted this thread I had already forgotten how 'bad' it was (from about October until now). It's like birth...your mind just covers it up lol.

For example I'm hanging out at a friend's house and she has been running around playing for more than an hour. Semi-freedom! lol

She actually may have a tooth coming in, though it would be the first time she does this as a result of teething. However, and this does very likely explain the clinginess, she has a bit of a cough sonce last night. So maybe she's just not feeling optimal.

Enjoy, your newly found freedom!

[rzberrymom]

Originally Posted by Fluga

I think 10 months is very young to fall asleep by herself. It sounds to me, sucky as it is that she is not ready for that.

Yep! My DD stopped nursing to sleep by 18 months--I was worried about all the "she'll never learn to sooth!" junk people were giving me, but they do grow out of these needs.

[nervousmommy]

Hi,
I'm also nursing my 13 month old to sleep and throughout the night. I'm also very interested in hearing what others experience is with a child learning to sleep though the night WITHOUT implementing night weaning. Can it happen? What is the natural progression of a child going to sleep without needing to nurse? Does it have to always be met with resistance or do/can children wean themselves from needing to nurse to sleep.

Someone mentioned "not teaching self soothing skills" or something like that. How do you do that without having your child yell and scream when it's already been 13 months of nursing to sleep? Any ideas would be great.

I have read the NCSS and it just makes me anxious. I'm interested in CLW but I'm not completely convinced we will do this. I'm fine with how it is now. I nurse to sleep and nap and throughout the night....it's hard but it's not awful. He's teething and I feel that a lot of his nightwaking is due to this and I'm willing to ride it out.

I'm curious how STTN happens if you don't night wean and are practicing CLW. What is the natural progression of not nursing to sleep? Am I living in La La Land of no sleep and am hoping for something that will never happen.

Should I post this on the breastfeeding board? Sorry if I hijacked this thread

Thanks!!!!!

[rzberrymom]

Originally Posted by nervousmommy

What is the natural progression of a child going to sleep without needing to nurse? Does it have to always be met with resistance or do/can children wean themselves from needing to nurse to sleep.

My DD gave it up naturally--at around 18 months, it just didn't put her to sleep anymore, and so I had to find other methods of getting her to sleep. Before that age, I must have tried the Pantley Pull-Off (from NCSS) about a thousand times, and it never worked for my DD--she just wasn't ready. But she did outgrow the need.

My younger DD is COMPLETELY different--she happily lies down wide awake (as long as I'm snuggling her).

[beautifulboy]