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Originally Posted by Mommy2Austin  I'm done...
Baby is breech again and I'm at a loss for what the %$#@%$#%^ to do about it anymore.
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Homeopathic remedy pullisitila...acupuncture with moxa stick buring over the toe...external version (In Israel there is a 70% success rate with this alone...as I explained to my sil in the past, that means that 7 out of 10 women walk in with a breech and walk out with a head down baby that STAYS head down for the birth)...or find someone who is totally happy, ready, and willing to do a breech birth. It's not like breeches (even unassisted, homebirthed...) haven't been done before with AMAZING success!!! Relax and realize that babies turn and spin all the time, even in labor. One of my closest friends was a breech right up until a few hours into her mother's labor with her...then she flipped to head down and came right out. Visualization...every night, without fail... Have a beer or a glass of wine. Relax. If baby could flip now then baby can flip tomorrow...obviously there is enough room. Relax, breathe. It will be okay.
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Originally Posted by Ficus I am with you. I didn't do cloth w/ DS 1 until he could wear bumgenius, but we are trying prefolds--how the heck do you fold them for boys?
One time??? Felix has no idea how to sleep longer than 1 hour...at least between 10pm and 7am! (maybe it is sympathy pains for all the pregnant feb ddc ladies--he doesn't want me to be left out of the sleep troubles.) And we have serious gas issues...perhaps overactive letdown? he gulps and I can hear the air. It kills me.
My toddler also struggles with sleep. 4am wake-up today. Trying to figure out if that is an early rise or waking up in the middle of the night...ha ha. Please tell me this too shall pass. 20 months is a long time to struggle with sleep issues...here's to at least another 20...
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Okay, 3 main points here...
1. you can look up different folds online...just pop it into google and see what you come up with.
2.Are you able to nurse Felix in a different position, like semi sitting? My friend used to have this problem with her baby and she would sit on the floor cross-legged and put the baby in the space between her legs so that the baby was in a sitting/standing position and would nurse her that way. Really helped with the air/colic/reflux issues she was dealing with. It sounds more akward than it is. But toy around with it and give it a little time to work...do a few feeds like that and see if you don't notice (or hear) some changes.
3. Oh man, I feel like I"m a total pro at going from 1 to 2 kids. And here's why (cause I know Im not the ONLY mama on here with more than one kid)...becaues it was HELL HELL HELL for me! HELL, I tell you. HELL!!!!! lol...but not really lol.
First of all, my first "baby" didn't start sleeping through the night until she was 3 years old. It happened pretty quickly after that but the whole time I was looking around at my other friends and they were like "yeah, my baby's been sleeping through the night since ___________fill in arbitrary age here." And it totally killed me. I was so sleep deprived.
I think the important thing to note here is that, first of all, every kid is different, but also to note that once a sibling enters the picture, all of the problems get exaserbated...and this can go on for weeks or months or even longer. My wonderful, perfect, charming and amazing dd became absolutely murderous when ds was born...first it started with her indifference towards the baby. A bit scared and apprehensive (and she was WELL PREPARED for the baby, but she was also 2 months shy of 2 years old at the time...) and then that quickly became rage. Whenever I would sit to nurse ds, dd would come up and just attack him. Scratch him in the eyes, face. I remember his face totally bloodied and bleeding when he was 2 weeks old from an attack. It was awful. I would ask my friends what to do and they said "well, just keep him in a sling." But I DID keep him in a sling, except when I needed to SIT and nurse or use the toilet. My one friend said I should never sit and always stand and nurse in the sling and use the toilet with him in a sling. At the time I had this teeny tiny bathroom and I just couldn't do it. I was in tears every day because I was trying to be on my feet and I was so tired and NEEDED to sit, but as soon as I sat, dd would be right there.
Then she got really smart and realized that she could just throw things at him even when I was standing. She would get the remote control, a book, antyhing hard and throw it at his head when I was wearing him. Of course, then I got that I was wearing him too much and making her jealous so I needed to put him down and pick her up more. Which I did...but she wasn't interested. As soon as I'd put him down, she wouldn't want to be in my lap, and she'd be at him in a flash totally attacking him. I got high tables and portable cribs to put him in for when I used the bathroom or made us food...she would just throw things at him over and over...it was really terrible. And it was so SO hard.
Anyways, between that and the sleep deprividation (which it sounds like is what you are going through...and we coslept with dd until about halfway through the pregnancy when she got her own "big girl bed" that she loved, but she was ALWAYS welcome to come and sleep with us whenever she wanted and we also coslept with ds for the first couple of years, until we transitioned him to a bed...) I was loosing my mind. I found two things that really helped.
1. Some neighborhood girls came by to visit and totally fawned all over dd. Then they asked if they could take her to the park by themselves. DD was just 2 years old at the time and I was so nervous, but I let her go....and it was SOOO good for her. See, we have no family here and the kids are homeschooled and this was an opportunity for her to just have some private one on one time with someone ELSE who just thought the world of her and wasn't at all interested in taking her brother to the park, but still thought her brother was really interesting and cute. This was exactly the thing she needed to regain her sense of self worth.
2. I went to a councelor who's specialty was helping parents with their "problem" children. I went crying to her house with my husband. And here's what she told me..." somewhere along the way, your dd got the idea that to get your love and attention, she needs to do these rotten things. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT and YOU DID NOT CAUSE THIS. It was a miswiring in her brain that somehow caused this belief to happen. For your part, your daughter is a really great and perfect kid. Menatlly focus on that and make an effort to stop feeling helpless with just one action that she does when she does it. For example, if you are feeling most helpless when she hits her brother (or wakes up at 4 am....or whatever) work on getting your mental response to not be feeling helpless. Detach your emotional responce from it and just calmly remind her that we do not hit...remove her from the situation, if need be, and just go right on with your day.
So I began saying things like (phrase things in the positive) "we go pee pee in the potty" "night time is for sleeping" "we touch gently." and pretty soon thereafter, things got a heck of a lot better.
I can say now, that at age almost 5 and 3, those two are two peas in a pod and I can't imagine them ever being apart. They are the best of friends and confidants. They dance, sing and play together. They read stories to one another. DD is so gentle and kind (most of the time) and so is DS and it's like that first year never happened.
In retrospect, I realize that giving the kids a sibling was the best thing I ever did and I can only hope that some of this will help as we add a third child to th emix....but I'm still waiting for some confirmation from some of the more experienced mamas on the list about this one.
PS, that really is an invite to give me advice about going from 2 to 3.
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Originally Posted by aramat So I'm dealing with some PPD, but I think my husband is, too, because we had the world's biggest fight tonight, and I think we have agreed to separate.
I say 'think' because I can't think of anything worse that could happen while I'm dealing with a 1-mo-old preemie, and it's too much to think about right now.
This blows. I gave up everything to accompany my husband to Brazil. Dumb.
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It's not dumb. You did it and you learned from it and you had an adventure. Just like anything else in life, it came with some good and some bad. Trying to convince yourself that you are dumb is not only false (you are human like the rest of us and you are just trying to sort it all out just like the rest of us) but it's just not going to get you anywhere in any of this. The truth is, you are a strong, funny, capible woman who is a powerhouse of love and light and really great and amazing things. You WILL get through this and a seperation does NOT mean The End. It might actually be a very good idea for everyone to regroup before any more major or final decisions are made about the marriage. AND....having some time and space to your self might be exactly what you need right now in order to get things back on track at home...like getting your toddler back on a comfortable schedule, not having this maid that you hate, and really clarifying what it is that you need at this time in your life to help with a premie/toddler in a foreign country, etc...
You are absolutely in my thoughts and prayers and just know that when it comes to fear...as Pres. Roosevelt said..."the only thing we have to fear, is fear itself." It DOES sound potentially daunting and scary...but it's the FEAR of those things that is the worse...and not the actual reality. That can be worked through and ALWAYS gets better with time.
xoxo
PS, can you go for a visit to the USA to see family and your other daughter, etc...? Might be a good time to take some time for yourself and get the help, love and support you need.
Oooh, good idea!
Keeping you in my thoughts!
s Tamara
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