Need help - 2 1/2 year old bedtime and nap troubles

[JacksonsMomma]

Any and all advice/tips are welcome... I'll try to keep it as short as I can.

Jackson (ds - 2 1/2) has never been a great sleeper - he used to get up about every hour for a really long time. About 6 months ago, things improved... he often slept till 4 or 5 am, then nursed. Sleep after that w/ me was rough, but if he was with Dad, it was better. I had to work for about 6 months, but am back to being at home full time again.

At night, he has started waking once or twice before 5 again - I don't nurse till after 5 (and would actually like to cut this nursing out altogether - I've kept it since I wanted him to nurse before I left for work before.... but I don't want to do too much at once either). Anyway, after that nursing, it's very rough/thrashy sleeping.

At bedtime, naptime and re-settling, he insists on having me hold him or on holding me and he's often very vocal and wiggly about it... like it takes him FOREVER to get settled only to say 'not comfy' after those 5 mins. So, getting to sleep at bed/naptime is painful (with nap being the worst) and then the wake ups... he wants me to hold him, etc... he never makes it through nap w/o me having to go in.

Last week, I told him I couldn't hold him anymore... felt so mean and then finally gave in to letting him hold me "soft" after he cried for 20 mins. That has deteriorated now too.... since all the wiggling, etc... it's hard to explain, but it's just become unbearable...

I think part/all of the issue is the contact to get to sleep and get back to sleep... and the 5am nursing. I just don't know what to do though. It seems so mean to cut out contact, but I am really losing it here... I am not the Mom I want to be. I am short tempered and exhausted and I find myself yelling a lot lately... this is so NOT what I want my son to grow up with (I grew up in a very yelling-type household).

Any ideas??? He is very conversational and I have tried talking to him about it, etc with no success... also, we have have a room full of attempted Lovies... they just don't seem to do the trick for him and I've read the pantley books. Sigh....

TIA,
Jen

[Thalia]

Didn't want to read and not respond. I don't know what to suggest. DD is 2.5 and still needs to be nursed or rocked to sleep EVERY time. Riding in the car or stroller will also do it. She also wakes several times a night; I have no idea how many times. For some reason, I don't feel sleep deprived, so the night-wakings don't bother me. It's that I'm the one who is responsible for getting her to sleep. DH has bad back problems and can't really rock her as long as she needs to to fall asleep. Our daytime caregiver can do it, but most other babysitters, including MIL and FIL, who watch her one day a week, cannot. Some days I will actually come home from work to nurse her to sleep when MIL and FIL are there, if it seems like she is not going to be able to make it through the day without a nap.

So no advice, just commiseration.

[ammiga]

I can totally relate to your story! That wiggly sleep is awful. Here is a post I wrote about what we discovered about dd and how we got her sleeping back on track.

[JacksonsMomma]

Thanks Ladies... you know someone mentioned that to me ages ago and it was just one of those things I didn't pursue. I mean I gave up EVERYTHING trying to get him to sleep. I will DEFINITELY look into it now... we too had a traumatic birth... Jackson was stuck for quite some time too and had reflux for a long time. He was napping on my husband till I took back over (I just can't do it anymore - he's HUGE!).

Anyway, I really appreciate the help! I just KNOW it has to get better, and like you, can't believe its not yet!

Thanks again!
Jen