He really won't starve himself, right? Right???

[Xerxella]

Ugh. This “2 year old doesn’t eat anything and appears to live, survive and in fact thrive on air” thing is driving me nuts. I keep telling myself that my job is to just put reasonable, healthy options in front of him and his job is to eat what he wants. A child just can not survive the entire day on a slice of cheese, a handful of grapes and some O’s. I put a million reasonable, healthy options of things he likes in front of him and he doesn’t want any of it. Some chicken, no. Some melon, no. A granola bar, no. Some apple, no. A slice of turkey, no. Some strawberries, no. A punch in the nose, no.

I mean, kids, really will not starve themselves, right? Why do everyone else’s kids eat tons of food? My sister’s kids (3&5) seem to never stop eating. I don’t want a battle over food. I just don’t think that’s healthy. I don’t want to put contingencies on food, no X til you eat X. That doesn’t seem good, either. I mean, he won’t voluntarily starve himself, right? Right????

[tabrizia]

Most children will not starve themselves. There have been some days I would have been thankful to see DS eat more then 3 bites of food, of course there are other days when he won't stop eating. As long as food is available and healthy they will eat what they need. I tend to leave out healthy snacks for DS to grab if he gets hungry, especially when we are in a no eating phrase.

[Xerxella]

I really would like him to actually eat at the table and not have me putting bites of melon in his mouth while he's playing trains. I think we've gotten into some bad habits that I have to change. Is that reasonable or am I expecting too much?

[Llyra]

A healthy, neurotypical child will not starve himself, no.

(If your child has special needs, or is not physically healthy, or is losing weight and not thriving, this is another situation. In that case, you need the advice of an experienced and compassionate health care provider, IMHO.)

My DD1 is 5 now. From about 10 months to about 30 months, she ate literally no more than a tablespoon's worth of solid food a day. She went through a long, long stretch where she ate nothing but peeled, sliced peaches. Another long period where baked sweet potatoes with butter were her only sustenance. I mean like MONTHS.

Anyway, she's big for her age now and eats a decent variety of foods, and is perfectly normal. She almost made me nuts. But she kept on growing. It wasn't until I went through it with my other two kids that I realized that I was going nuts for no good reason. (The other two are twins 2 years old.)

My approach to eating now is to put good food on the table about every two hours-- mealtimes at 8 am, 1 pm, and 5:30 pm, and snacks at 10 am, 3 pm, and 7 pm. I leave the food a half hour, and sit down myself and eat. Anyone who's interested in eating can join me. I concentrate on enjoying the food myself, and making mealtime pleasant for anyone who comes to eat. After a half hour, I clean up, and if a child asks for food before the next mealtime, I offer a glass of water (or offer breastmilk, if you're nursing) and point out when the next meal is coming. No comment, whether they eat or don't eat. But they may not take the food away from the table, and I will not make any special efforts to get it into them.

It just isn't worth stressing over, because you can't make them eat if they don't want to, and trying only drives you batty and makes food into an issue.

'Cause unfortunately for their mothers' sanity, most kids between 1 and 3 can and do survive and thrive on next to no food. It's one of the mysteries of toddlerhood that nobody's ever solved.

[butterfly_mommy]

DS goes through phases of eating. Right now he is on a few bites of stuff throughout the day and maybe finish most of one meal. 2 weeks ago he was eating more then I had ever seen him eat (one night he out ate my DH and I in pizza, he had 3 slices of pizza plus a bowl of leek soup!)

Anyway I remind myself when he is in a not eating much phase that my responsibility ends with offering him nutritious healthy food in an aappealing way.

I do a muffin tray filled with different foods. I will cut up some cheese (I cut into sticks as this is how DS prefers it "Cheese sticks" ) in one cup, sliced turkey rolled up, hummus, mini carrots and red pepper sticks, Banana slices, and Kamut crackers broke into sticks each in a cup. Basically I try to do a protein, a veggie, a fruit, a carb and a dip. The sixth cup can be an extra of the above or maybe a sometimes food like a cookie, or some smart food, etc Then I just leave it out on the table in the playroom and DS will help himself as he is playing. I also put out a sippy cup and when I put it on the table I will say "MMM I put out a muffin tray pic-nik for you come see" I also try to include at least 1-2 things that I know he loves.

Another thing that helps DS want to eat is when we sit together to eat or I let him eat of my plate. He loves taking my food

[greengirl_]

Originally Posted by Xerxella

I really would like him to actually eat at the table and not have me putting bites of melon in his mouth while he's playing trains. I think we've gotten into some bad habits that I have to change. Is that reasonable or am I expecting too much?

We did this kind of thing for quite some time with DD. After a while (probably 6 months or so), we realized that this was not a good solution and so at about 2.5yo we stopped entirely. Now she eats what she wants of her meals and we put healthy snacks out for her which she nibbles on.

I know it's hard, but kids just eat when they're hungry. I've come to accept that DD is just going to be small, and I've stopped comparing her to other kids. She goes through long periods where she will eat only a few bites here and there, and then all of a sudden she'll eat non-stop for one whole day. And then of course it's back to little amounts again. I can't tell you not to worry, because you will anyays. Just hugs to you!

[Xerxella]

Originally Posted by Llyra

My approach to eating now is to put good food on the table about every two hours-- mealtimes at 8 am, 1 pm, and 5:30 pm, and snacks at 10 am, 3 pm, and 7 pm. I leave the food a half hour, and sit down myself and eat. Anyone who's interested in eating can join me. I concentrate on enjoying the food myself, and making mealtime pleasant for anyone who comes to eat. After a half hour, I clean up, and if a child asks for food before the next mealtime, I offer a glass of water (or offer breastmilk, if you're nursing) and point out when the next meal is coming. No comment, whether they eat or don't eat. But they may not take the food away from the table, and I will not make any special efforts to get it into them.

It just isn't worth stressing over, because you can't make them eat if they don't want to, and trying only drives you batty and makes food into an issue.

'Cause unfortunately for their mothers' sanity, most kids between 1 and 3 can and do survive and thrive on next to no food. It's one of the mysteries of toddlerhood that nobody's ever solved.

Thanks. I really like this idea. My son is very active and appears healthy. He's about 32 lbs and 36" which I think makes him about average or just below average. He's not nursing, but he always has his kiddie water bottle with him.

I don't know if I'll be that disciplined, but i like the overall idea. thanks

[painefaria]

DS is about the same age as you DS and he is actually a little smaller. He is barely 30lbs and about 36 inches. He goes through phases some days we can't stop him from snacking and other days he won't eat a thing. We have let him make a large number of choices in his food for the day. Usually, he will choose his breakfast menu, and if plausable lunch. Dinner is what we make and we will make some changes to his meal but I refuse to make something seprate. This could be adding a dip (usually Hummus) letting him season his food, etc. He likes to help make dinner and this also encourages him to eat what we prepare. The one rule that I have is that if he does not eat dinner there will be no snacks. I leave his plate at the table and he can snack on it if he gets hungry. I also will not allow milk/juice after dinner if he does not eat (water is okay). We have entered a more "picky" time in his development and some days he will tell us "I do not like that" when he really does He just wants the control, I guess. I know that there was a time that my Brother only ate spoonfuls of peanut butter I think my mom stated that it lasted for about a year. He is fine... and still loves peanut butter

[jeliphish]

just wait...soon he will be eating like a horse. DD did this between 2 and 3 - hardly ate anything and then out of nowhere, she is eating everything in sight. Toddler appetites cycle like that for the most part in my experience.

[echoecho1528]

I actually DID starve myself as a young toddler and ended up in the hospital for severe malnutrition for a month when I was about 13 months old. I REFUSED to eat anything but a couple spoonfulls of apple sauce per day for a couple of months. This all happened directly after my mother weaned me from the breast at 11 months.
When in the hospital, they did every test known to man to see what could be causing my refusal of food and the only thing they came up with was that I was slightly anemic. They never did exactly pinpoint my problem other than to say that I was the most stubborn child they had ever encountered.
This experience leaves me constantly worried about DD's food intake, which is similar to the OP's DS. I just keep nursing and at least that is keeping her clinging to the bottom of the growth chart

[Kailey's mom]

Kids with sensory issues WILL literally starve themselves. Keep an eye on the weight and hydration. My dd refused to eat, and lost 6lbs in a week. Her sensory issues got worse, and she couldnt eat. I hope that's not the case, but it's something to keep a close eye on.

[laughymama]

My 20 month old has been surviving off of mandarin oranges, bananas and goldfish crackers.

If we allowed it, he'd only eat frozen waffles. The child refuses homemade waffles but LOVES the frozen ones.

Somehow he's still alive, happy and seems to be growing at a normal rate.

We also are trying to break bad habits by sitting at the table. I sit and eat or at least drink a glass of juice or water (I'm pregnant so usually I'm too nauseated to eat regularly) and he sits with me with his food.

Sometimes he'll eat an entire bowl of soup with crackers and then ask for a yogurt and a banana after. Most of the time he'll eat half a fishstick and 5 or 6 cucumber slices then declare himself "Done!" proudly.

[Kirsten]

Originally Posted by Xerxella

I really would like him to actually eat at the table and not have me putting bites of melon in his mouth while he's playing trains. I think we've gotten into some bad habits that I have to change. Is that reasonable or am I expecting too much?

I'd serve meals at the table. I wouldn't care much if he sat or stood (at this age) but I'd keep food at the table unless it was a little bowl of dry Cheerios or something dry and snacky like that. Putting bites of food in his mouth as he plays is a bad habit if you ask me, and I'd stop that today. Falls into the "only one of us has to worry about it" camp. If you are so entrenched in getting food into him, why should he take any ownership for it?

I really don't think a normally functioning child will starve himself. Some kids eat tons and some eat next to nothing. If he is hitting milestones and not falling off his growth curve, I wouldn't worry.

Even if you aren't saying anything, the amount of emotional energy (and time) you are putting into whether or not he eats is something he can certainly pick up on. What a power trip for a little person! The more you go overboard with a zillion options presented in fun ways, the pickier he will get. I'd put out sliced apples and dry Cheerios for a snack and call it good. Make a lunch he likes (PB & J and a half a banana) and leave it on the table for 30 minutes while you eat your lunch. He eats or he doesn't. I really think he will eat more the less you care about it.

Originally Posted by Xerxella

He's not nursing, but he always has his kiddie water bottle with him.

I wonder if he drinks so much water that he feels full all the time?

And I wouldn't give much weight (ha ha) to how this may affect his size long-term. My friend and I have dds a year apart. Hers was so picky that she honestly worried she'd starve. It was a nightmare to take her to a restaurant; she'd eat NOTHING on the menu (once the waitress brought a bowl of strawberries normally used for garnish). Mine ate just about anything that didn't eat her first. Now they are 14 and 13. Her dd is a head taller than mine! And they both eat fine now.