Being bullied into having a birthday party

[Ava's Mama]

My DD is turing one on February 14. We are going to be away for most of the month of February, which I purposely planned so that we didn't have to make a big deal about her birthday. My DH's family has been hasseling me continuously about having a birthday party. I feel really strongly about not having one, not until she gets older and knows what is going on at the very least. My DH and I have never been huge on birthdays, we always do an activity (pre-baby going away for a long weekend and staying in a B&B, things like that). We want to keep that tradition for our DD. I have told this to DH's family, but they are still persisting. I can understand if they just want to see her before we leave, but I don't want gifts, balloons or cake!! My DD is still primarily eating BM and eats three meals a day of solids (fruits, vegetables, legumes). My DH's family are the type of people that like to give processed cake with blue frosting to 1 YOs and that is not how I want to do it!! I am so frustrated!!

[SparklingGemini]

If YOU consent to a party, you'll be able to control it.

I get what you're saying about not wanting to make big fuss because you LO is still so small and won't remember. But first birthday parties usually aren't about the children anyway. And how lovely of your ILs to want to celebrate!!

Can you compromise maybe? Perhaps have a dinner party at a restaurant with you, DH, DD and some close family members? Then you can bring whatever "cake" you feel is appropriate. And the party would be short and sweet and only as long as dinner is.

[JBaxter]

Make some yummy banana muffins or banana bread in stead of a cake. You can have healthy snacks/ treats for the people you invite. I ONLY do emediate family. I have 1 balloon per child + a balloon for the birthday (boy in my case Jack LOVED the helium filled balloon)

We sang happy birthday ate the muffins & quick bread ( I made chocolate zucchini muffins all organic they were SO good) opened a few gifts and sent everyone on their way

[Kim919]

My dd turned one in October, and her father's family bashed me into the ground for not having a party for her. I can't think of anything much meaner to do to a child then to stick them in a room with a million loud people they barely know poking and messing with them and passing them around and demanding them to rip apart paper packages when they've always been discouraged from ripping books. Even meaner to do it on a day that should be nice for them. I also agree on the cake thing.

I feel terrible because I did agree to stop by and say hello, and they had a nasty store bought cake, and the whole thing was just what I had not wanted to happen. I felt so guilty I promised her we would have a "make up" birthday the next weekend and I refused to leave the house all day Saturday, no cleaning no nothing just hung out all day and relaxed and played and she was so mellow and happy to be the center of attention at home all day.

I did make her an organic chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting at home (before I realised the in-laws would be a pain in the ...) and she did seem to really like that.

Stick to your guns! I wish I had!

[Hedgehog Mtn]

I was in your position 9 years and 5 kids ago. I finally let the pressure break me starting with DS1s first Bday. Even though I spent tons of money and time making a very healthy party along the lines of what I felt was important MIL brought her own junk and fed it to DS when we weren't looking. I wish I had never started with it and have had the worst arguments for 24 birthdays over 5 kids since :-( I so wish I'd stuck with my instinct from the beginning. With DS's 1st she fed him so much crap and I didn't know about it until she finally told me the 4th day that DS couldn't poop. He was in pain for days struggling to go and finally went 6 days later with suggestions from the Dr. She blamed it on me because "I didn't have him adjusted to those foods".
I celebrate each child's life and growth but no longer do bday parties.

[New_Natural_Mom]

We didn't do a 1 year b-day party and DS will turn 2 in April and I am not sure if we will have a party then either. I am constantly amazed when I see people giving toddlers sweets. DS has never had cake. Ever. He barely gets any sugar period. I have a severe attachment to sweets so I am trying to keep him away from them. My family and DH's family know better than to give DS anything without asking first and they know most of what they have to offer wouldn't be acceptable. My mother very gently tries to push the envelope, and I just keep saying no. The problem is she feeds her other 3 grandkids all kinds of crap and no one says a word.

I don't let people guilt me into things with DS. Stand your ground. You and your 1 year old don't need the stress. Your baby won't remember a thing!

[gbailey]

Stand your ground. We didn't give DD a first birthday party. We took her to the zoo and she enjoyed herself. The party is usually for the adults. At 1 they don't remember a thing.

[Ava's Mama]

Thank you so much everyone for your wonderful support. MY DH talked to his mom last night and explained how we felt. She probably doesn't understand, but she is accepting it. We did agree to have a lunch/family gathering the Sunday before we go away so that they can see DD, but everyone has agreed, no presents (unless they want to contribute to college savings), cake or BALLOONS! It is next Sunday, we will see if everyone respects our wishes.