NMY Graduates Love Thread, Part 5 - Page 23

[PiePie]

zoebird, ryan is a man after dh's own heart. I am still over it. I do not expect 50/50, because that is making him work toward MY ideal which is not his and I really don't have the right to impose that on him. and my dh does do 100% of the cooking (when he is not on business travel). i am so grateful for the cooking. and he does do some toy pickup, when it gets out of control. but it is still a point of tension in our home. for us the sticking point is that i work outside the home many fewer hours, so he believes it is fair that i do more (all??) of the housework. i see my job during those times as childcare not housework. i do not involve dd in housework as much as my mom did me or as much as dh does. hence, dd thinks dh is the "cleaning boy," because i clean when she is out with dh. i used to clean when she was sleeping but we are having nap resistance around here. i have been known to pop in a video when i am overwhelmed and need 1/2 to clean (cleaning with her is not efficient). but basically maela i am comfortable with a messy house 75% of the time, until it reaches a point i can't live with, and then i clean and it gets messy again. i would rather be online, playing with dd, sleeping, etc. i am okay with that.

[Maela]

I just cannot be okay with the house all messy. I've tried, I have. Because I know it's not the end of the world to have a messy house. And I am MUCH less of a clean freak than my parents. But seeing a bunch of clutter on the floors and dirty counters just makes me seriously grumpy and it makes me feel scatterbrained.

ZB, thanks for the suggestions. I made up a weekly schedule for big cleaning (mopping, bathrooms, etc.) and a very flexible daily schedule which fits in playing with the kids, special time with Maev, a little bit of me time and cleaning/cooking.

So far today has gone well.


Also going to continue to try to lower my standards.

[cking]

Where have I been? Congrats to Steph and TinyFrog! I'm so excited for you both.

Happy Birthday to Westley!

[Maela]

I have had three really good days in a row.


That's all.

[witchygrrl]

Ladies, it has come to my attention that Rhea totally loves the daycare provider she has been at this week, while our normal person has been on vacation. We had another person in between who was okay, but this nice woman seems to be the one! After ony 4 days, she did not cry at drop off, which has been the case every other day with the two other women.

So how do I do this? She has to go back to daycare lady 1 next week, but we really want to switch! I don't want to create any bad blood, iykwim?

[Angelorum]

We are finally, completely, and officially moved out of our old apartment! Now all we have to do is get moved in to our new one. I just keep telling myself that it will only get less chaotic from here on out.

Also, I start school again in 11 days

[PiePie]

witchy, just do it. it's right for your child and you know it. when we dropped our nanny (with tons of notice) for sch, she was not happy, of course. but she got over it and we are still friendly on the facebook, we should get together sometime level. be sure to keep pics of the old one to show rhea -- you will be amazed at how important this is to rhea. last night DD wanted to see pics of her old nanny, whom she had not seen in nearly 2 years!

[PiePie]

DD is potty learned. Daytime only. I do not want nighttime to happen any time soon. Although she always wakes up with a dry pullup, i really do not want her peeing on our shared bed. she also does not need sleep interruptions. as it is i am getting her down too late at night anyway.

[Angelorum]

Maela- I will trade you some of my lower house cleaning standards for your higher ones

The boxes are slowly starting to dissipate. Westley seems to be adjusting ok to the new house now that it's in a more livable condition and we're not running back and forth to our old place trying to get it cleaned up. Sleep is way way off still though. The week of the move he kept waking up to play for 2 hours in the early early morning. That plus all the work to do during the day about did me in. Thankfully he hasn't done that for a few nights now, I'm just trying to bring his bedtime up to a reasonable hour, this week, my goal for his bedtime has been 11:00pm if that tells you how off we are at the moment. We're slowly moving it up.

Congrats Tinyfrog!

And witchy, I agree with PiePie. Just do it. Tell her your dd's personality just seems to match up better with the new provider and that it's nothing personal.

[Maela]

Originally Posted by Angelorum

Maela- I will trade you some of my lower house cleaning standards for your higher ones

okay!

[MujerMamaMismo]

Hey! Where are we all? I love this little group. Please don't let us fade away!

So much happening in our world at the moment. Our donors baby was born 2 weeks ago. I attended the c-section birth (she had a placenta previa) which was intense but Mama and babe are doing beautifully and Sebby is very excited about his new cousin (we've decided to call them cousins because siblings implies something that it's not.)

Babymaking is thus on hold for a minute, which I'm happy about. I am so ambivalent about number 2. I desperately want it but I desperately don't want the added intensity and responsibility.

And finally, we re-nightweaned Sebby two weeks ago. He's been STTN for a week now. I've been sleeping in the guest room and DS sleeps with DP. Hopefully in a few weeks I can go back to the family bed but if I can't, I'm ok with that. Sleep is amazing and I'll do whatever I can to get as much as possible. Subsequently, I've been sick sick sick because my body collapsed when it finally got sleep!

So, where are you all? News and gossip please!??

[Maela]

Wow, had it really been 15 days since the last post?! I also don't want our little group to fade away. You guys have been a great support network for those times when I felt so alone in the way I parent. And I love hearing about all the little ones! They're growing up so fast!

Dh's movie (he's been making it with his friend for the past two years) is going to be playing in our local theatre in just a couple of weeks! He's still doing last minute editing, and so has been very busy. On top of that, he's starting classes this week (science pre-reqs for nursing school) and is also very stressed about that.

The kids are sick (again!), but thankfully this time it's just runny noses and slightly sore throats. Jaim has gotten sick a lot more than Maev did as a baby. I think because we are out more at places with lots of other kids (library, park, etc.) than I went to with just Maev when she was a baby. And, as a 3 yo, she doesn't have the best handwashing skills as Dh and I do.

I'm going to try a fall garden this year. Just some red and green lettuce and broccoli. That's the project for today.

[Maela]

MMM - yay for sleeping through the night! I can't wait for that myself!

[TinyFrog]

I agree, this group can't fade away now, I'm just finally starting my journey. It just took me a lot longer than most of you.

I am 8 weeks and very fortunate that I have felt quite well up to this point. I did however sleep for the better part of 12 hours last night.

[Sihaya]

I'm also 8 weeks along. We had an ultrasound and saw a gorgeous little heartbeat a little over a week ago I won't be confident enough to let everyone know until we hear the heartbeat again at our 12 week appointment, but I'm much more confident than I was before the u/s.

I'm feeling like absolute crap - not puking very much, but have a constant feeling that I'm going to any moment. I've been a worthless lump for several weeks now, but the plus side is that I never felt this badly with either of the miscarriages and was spotting/bleeding by now with both of them, so I'm hoping those are good signs that this one will stick.

[PiePie]

Hi everyone. I am still here. 27 weeks along and still puking! And on the drug. Tomorrow morning is my glucose test, which I dread. Having DH watch DD because I don't feel like I can deal with her and the test simultaneously.

Sihaya, what you are describing sounds like my pregnancy with DD (not this pregnancy, which does not feature constant nausea but does feature more actual vomiting, sorry tmi). My m/c likewise did not involve nausea or vomiting. So I think it's a very good sign. Do you feel less bonded to your lil bean than with DS? Because I definitely felt like I was holding back for the first 10 weeks....

This babe is super active and also super hiccup-y. DD was neither in utero, although plenty physical once on the outside.

Wanted to go visit a friend who had a babe but couldn't do it when she and DP decided they don't want kids around their kid. I don't hold it against them, although I was surprised (what do they think younger sibs experience?), but it just made it too difficult logistically for me. DH is way stressed at how long my m/s has lasted and how much more childcare and housekeeping work that has meant for him. I just felt like I couldn't push him to the breaking point, because arguably we have already been there and back.

DD is doing very well, reading up a storm, and using impeccable logic. However, behaviorally there have been more challenges since weaning. Anyone else notice a correlation?? She used to be so resilient whereas now she cries at the drop of a hat and does, I swear, less independent play than 3 mos. ago. Also one of her strengths was having a very high frustration threshold and now she gets upset much more easily. Lots of regressive behavior, claiming she's a baby and can't walk, baby talk, demanding to be spoonfed (although she wasn't spoonfed as a baby!), demanding to have nighttime pull-up put on as a diaper (lying on her back with her legs in the air), etc.

Not sure how much of this is related to new sibling and how much it is typical 3 yo. A lot of the crying is definitely attention-seeking.... She does pretend to hit the baby but also says really sweet things, e.g., "Love is growing inside you." She is obsessed with what she is going to do with the new baby, much of which is not age-appropriate, but this morning she was running down her plan for keeping the baby from crying while I took long showers (a plan DH never made or implemented consistently, so hey, I'll take it! long showers are my thing.)

Today was particularly tough. In fairness today I was stressed and DH was stressed and she was getting less attention and probably sensing our stress. Tomorrow will be better.

[~Shanna~]

Originally Posted by PiePie

DD is doing very well, reading up a storm, and using impeccable logic. However, behaviorally there have been more challenges since weaning. Anyone else notice a correlation?? She used to be so resilient whereas now she cries at the drop of a hat and does, I swear, less independent play than 3 mos. ago. Also one of her strengths was having a very high frustration threshold and now she gets upset much more easily. Lots of regressive behavior, claiming she's a baby and can't walk, baby talk, demanding to be spoonfed (although she wasn't spoonfed as a baby!), demanding to have nighttime pull-up put on as a diaper (lying on her back with her legs in the air), etc.

Not sure how much of this is related to new sibling and how much it is typical 3 yo. A lot of the crying is definitely attention-seeking.... She does pretend to hit the baby but also says really sweet things, e.g., "Love is growing inside you." She is obsessed with what she is going to do with the new baby, much of which is not age-appropriate, but this morning she was running down her plan for keeping the baby from crying while I took long showers (a plan DH never made or implemented consistently, so hey, I'll take it! long showers are my thing.)

Today was particularly tough. In fairness today I was stressed and DH was stressed and she was getting less attention and probably sensing our stress. Tomorrow will be better.

I've just had some revelations with Fenton that won't surprise you, but it surprised me how hard it was for me to recognize it in my own child: He gets wild, destructive, clingy and frustrated when he's not getting enough attention from DH and I, or if he's overstimulated ("stacked" stimulating events, etc.). I've known all of this in theory about children, but I'm surprised how difficult my own stubbornness and agenda made it hard for me to reognize. It also sounds like it could be her just adjusting to what her new roles are and will be. It's frustrating to feel like it's regression, but I think it's more like a labryrinth: You seem like you're right back where you started, but you're evolving and the swinging-by-where-you-used-to-be is part of the journey.

I need some advice: Fenton has started playing with boys who are older, and he's starting to show a lot of interest in guns, and talks about "killing" and things being "killed". I feel like it's a mistake for me to give this too much attention, both because it may be developmentally appropriate to get fascinated with what death is, what power is, etc. but I also don't want to play into desensitizing him to this. I've been realizing how much my reaction to this is my social discomfort with death, like it's a shameful thing that happens to us all Any advice? In a discussion with DH last night, I thought that he isn't on the path to being a serial killer just because he doesn't understand the gravity of death and killing at age 3. So far I just keep saying blandly "Killing something is a pretty serious thing. Do you know what it means?"

Gave up on potty training, and I feel so liberated. Peace restored to our home. Thanks Pie Pie Also reading this book and loving it - much of it is cringe-worthy liberal over-correction for authoritarianism, and yet there's still so much of value in it, and even the stuff that seems over teh top feels like it inspires the better parent in me.

Which, speaking of, gotta go. I think my boys are organizing a mutiny :-)

[Maela]

PiePie, I can't believe you're so far along already! I'm sorry to hear you're still so sick.

Originally Posted by PiePie

She used to be so resilient whereas now she cries at the drop of a hat and does, I swear, less independent play than 3 mos. ago. Also one of her strengths was having a very high frustration threshold and now she gets upset much more easily.

This sounds EXACTLY like Maev! I think a lot of it is the age.

[MujerMamaMismo]

Originally Posted by ~Shanna~

I've just had some revelations with Fenton that won't surprise you, but it surprised me how hard it was for me to recognize it in my own child: He gets wild, destructive, clingy and frustrated when he's not getting enough attention from DH and I, or if he's overstimulated ("stacked" stimulating events, etc.). I've known all of this in theory about children, but I'm surprised how difficult my own stubbornness and agenda made it hard for me to reognize.

Yep. It manifests differently in Sebby - like he gets unbelievably hyper at bedtime, and/or sleeps really poorly but I've just had the same revelation. Sebby is such an amazing kid - he's incredibly gentle, even tempered and pretty placid for an almost 2 year old boy but what i've really come to understand in the last month is that he's way more sensitive than me and though he may not react to stress, overstimulation, change etc outwardly (which is what I do) he carries it long and far and it has mostly played out in our crappy sleep situation. DP, who is also much more sensitive than me, has always maintained that DS was more sensitive than I acknowledged but because he doesn't scream, tantrum or act out, I've always brushed it off a bit 'he's fine - stop worrying.' So I'm really trying to honour his gentle soul and spend more time being present and less time doing stuff and it's changed everything. Can you imagine the guilt though - I feel terrible for ignoring such a fundamental element of my beautiful boy for such a long time.

Sleep is still great. He's still STTN most nights and very easy for DP to resettle if he does wake up once or twice. And I know I said that I'd do anything to keep sleeping but I miss sleeping with my family and I definitely feel like there's a break in our connection. DP and I can make it up in other ways but I really, really miss sleeping with my boy. I hope I can go back to them soon. (And here I was thinking I'd like to try and transition DS into his own room....huh. Not likely! lol)

[MujerMamaMismo]

BTW - so good to hear from y'all. Thanks for making the effort! xxoo