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NMY Graduates Love Thread, Part 5 - Page 27

post #521 of 607


Hi Maela!  I miss you and all everyone here.  I wish I had more time to post because I have a lot to say. 



Sorry about what you’re dealing with with DD right now.  It sounds pretty rough, but probably pretty normal?  I know we have had several rough patches like that where we get very aggravated with DD.  I am guessing there is a pretty big developmental leap around 3 ½. 


Oh, Santa is a tough one.  I didn’t think we’d really “do” Santa either.  My sister never did, as she is a pretty conservative, religious person.  I think she only told her kids about St Nicholas, but never told them he came through the chimney or whatever.  But Josephine found out about him anyway – I think she saw a picture of MIL with him, so she was very curious, and then there were things like the Frosty the Snowman dvd.  But, eh, I have to remind myself of how I felt about pop culture when I was a kid.  I was convinced that the only reason we didn’t do or have all of the things my peers did/had was because of class/income (as opposed to a moral thing, or say, the fact that my parents were a generation older than theirs…)  so I became pretty obsessed with it. 


So, I don’t know, we’re just kind of rolling with the Santa thing.  I won’t go to the mall to see him, but there is a local mansion that has a really good Santa so I’ve taken her to see him there.  (also kinda helps when we tell St Nicholas stories, given her brother’s name. ;))  Her school went to see a comm. college production  of “twas the night before christmas” the other day, so she got a huge dose of SC then.  Really, I don’t think it should be any different than any other story, but it does bug me that we blow it way out of proportion.


Anyway, I have heard some people say they have their kids leave something for Santa to take to other children (in need), so maybe that is a way to make it less about getting? 


Gotta go…

post #522 of 607
Originally Posted by cking View Post
Anyway, I have heard some people say they have their kids leave something for Santa to take to other children (in need), so maybe that is a way to make it less about getting? 


Gotta go…

I love that idea!  I think we'll use it.  thanks!

post #523 of 607

I don't usually post here, but I did a bit a long time ago. Hope it is okay that I butt in. smile.gif


I grew up in Sweden, where Santa doesn't come down the chimney but through the front door mid-afternoon Christmas Eve. Part of the whole thing is the idea that Dad says he needs to go buy a paper and leaves and then Santa arrives in his absence. And a lot of modern Christmas stories, films, tv etc make a big joke out of that, so by the time kids start school they just know that Santa isn't real, without having anyone telling them. I remember being 5 and, with my cousins trying to work out who had dressed up as Santa!


Anyway, the way we're going with DD is having Santa as a story (many stories), just like others, just like the teacher at our Steiner playgroup tells a story about baby Jesus (we're not religious, nor is she or anyone else in the group except a Jewish family, but everyone agreed that a Christmas Story is nice, as a story). What I don't like is lying to DD or trying to make her believe. As long as it is all stories, pictures, dolls and words, it is all in her mind, and she can believe in whatever she want. And I'll respect it and indulge it. She has a lot of imaginary friends, and while I won't prompt her about them, or make suggestions, I'm happy to go along with her if she claims her friends are coming for a visit and we need to let them in. And I'll play along. But it has to be run by her, not imposed by me.


So I won't take her to "see Santa". Or suggest she writes a letter for Santa or listen to silly people on the radio who are so excited to "get an interview with Santa". And I really hate it when people ask "So what are you getting from Santa?". When I was little gifts where usually not from Santa, he just brought them. It would say who they were from on the gift (as we got older, teens and older, as a joke, a gift could be from "Gym Santa" or "Reading Santa" or "Gardening Santa or "Travel Santa").


We talk about Santas (plural), but we use the Swedish word, tomte or tomtar. And we make Santa decorations, read Santa stories, but the gifts under the tree are from Mamma & Daddy (in my family we stopped having a dress up Santa bring the presents when I was mid-teens, and my youngest cousins were terrified - it kind of spoiled the fun).


This year we've let DD choose presents for her grandparents and uncle and aunt at the Trade Aid shop (among the stuff that cost a few dollars). Last year she drew everyone pictures. By next year I'm sure she'll be making some crafty things.

post #524 of 607

I'm so frustrated with this new MDC set up. I can't edit anything and it won't let me move the cursor about. Thus, I can't contribute all that I want to contribute because I'm a scatter brain and without the option of moving around the page and editing, I won't manage anything meaningful. Grrr. I can't even hit return. Anyone else having issues? Perhaps it's a Mac issue?





post #525 of 607
Thread Starter 
MMM, I had that same problem with the cursor and general wonkiness in the reply box until I switched to BB Code Editor.

To do that, go to your profile and click on Edit Account Details near the top right, then scroll down to Site Preferences. There is a drop down box to choose your Preferred Editor Type. Select BB Code Editor then click save. It should work better for you instantly at that point. If not, I would post in the Questions & Suggestions forum with your specific computer and browser information and someone there will be able to help you. It's really frustrating to have something to say and be physically unable to get it to post.
post #526 of 607

Congratulations, PiePie!!!  joy.gif



Originally Posted by Maela View Post

Originally Posted by MujerMamaMismo View Post

You've all seen facebook, right? I'm dying to hear what sounds like a thrilling birth story....

Yes it sounded quick!  Congrats PiePie!!



I'm not friends with PiePie on facebook, so I'm still wanting to hear about PiePie's birth story!


PiePie, are you around?


Or is anyone else willing to fill a girl in?

post #527 of 607
Sihaya - Thanks so much. What a relief. I was getting so frustrated.

Twilight Joy - I think PiePie has been pretty flat out adjusting to parenting two. None of us know much, except that babe arrived pretty quickly!
post #528 of 607
Oh and the Santa thing...interesting. I have always been into the idea of doing Santa honestly. I struggle with the lying aspect a bit. But it seems that childcare got to Sebby before I did and he's sooooooooo into Santa so we're playing along this year. He's a bit young to understand anyway so we have another year to firm up our approach but I think I'm softening - the dream/fantasy element of it is really thrilling to observe, far more so than I'd anticipated...

Of course, we're not Christian either so it's important to me to create some meaningful ritual and tradition around xmas that's more about family and less about getting stuff!

So much grown up stuff to think about these days... I still don't feel old enough!
post #529 of 607

Okay, even I've run out of things to say.  winky.gif



Happy New Year!!


This year I really want to focus on worrying and complaining less.  And spending more time outside and/or getting exercise.



We're having some friend drama here.  It's not fun.  I hate having someone be mad at me, even if I didn't do anything wrong.  

post #530 of 607

Hi friends.  I have had my hands full!!  I am sorry I didn't write sooner.  DS arrived on his duedate after only an hour and a half of labor!  I had been really strongly expecting babe (gender unknown before birth) to come early, because DD was 6 days early, 2d babies are on average earlier, and my body was not tolerating the pregnancy well at all...  (severe hyperemesis into 3rd tri, massive mood swings toward the end, massive pains all the freaking time, etc.)  So when Thanksgiving came and went without our new blessing I was beside myself with grouchiness, not to mention insomnia.  I had to pull 2 all-nighters for work the week before I left and somehow that got my body into not sleeping, like I was permanently ON and couldn't turn myself OFF.  Then I had a night with 2 gushes of what did not smell at all like pee to me in the middle of the night.  No ctx.  Less pain in week 39 than throughout the whole freaking pregnancy.  I had taken off work, was too disabled to really tool around the city with DD (couldn't even walk to playground 3 blocks away, not that the weather was specially inviting for that either).  I called MW in the morning and reported the gushes.  She said probably amniotic fluid and that, if so, it started the clock on my birthing venue -- I had to go into active labor within 24 hours of teh first gush.  Kicked myself for accurately reporting time.  Took long shower, went out to brunch with DD and DH, took DD to playground, where I tried my darnedest to run around and induce labor.  Climbed huge dinosaur structures, etc.  Nothing.  This after having had severely painful Braxton Hicks from 24 weeks on.  So I decided to go into the birth center and have my MW check to see if it really was amniotic fluid or not (having had third gush late in afternoon). Then we had huge drama over care of DD during my and DH's potential stay in hosp -- even though I planned to come home to labor until I was very far along, I also knew I would be going on pitocin at midnight if labor didn't start. I got all worked up and decided that pitocin was the slippery slope to a worst case scenario.  So DD's BFF's moms, who had said they would do "anything" for me, chose that moment to clarify that they meant anything for no more than 12 hours, and then we were responsible for transporting her to a new caregiver!  this would have involved transporting a convertible carseat on pub transp (because we use subway but caregiver number 2 uses car) and all sorts of drama.  I was livid and extremely anxious. So we got there, much subterfuge so that hosp would not know I was there (did not want to go all the way to MW's office because it was just too far to come with DD if we then had to backtrack to any caregiver). MW checked and it was just urine!  all that over peeing in my pants!


Then I went home and slept, finally, and woke up to mild lower back pain, whatever, less pain than for months, I tell you.  I decided to pee thinking it would relieve the BH.  Then I felt this intense pressure in my vagina and rectum.  Apparently it was DS descending!  Fast!  I was insisting I woudl labor at home, that I wasn't very far along.  MW and friend (new friend) who was taking DD were like, oh no, we're coming over.  Thank God MW had moved to near me, and friend is in excellent shape (she sprinted the whole way), because things were happening fast, although I couldn't believe it.  MW insisted we had to go to hosp "right now."  I decided I wanted to labor in my own bed.  She was like, no.  DD was still there and freaked because I decided I wanted to bite down, bit DH (broke skin), and then insisted on biting a baby teether, and she was like, "No!  you can't!  That's baby's!"  she then brought me my childhood doll (she has a matching one) to hold to help with the pain and a photo of herself to look at during labor (to remember her).  The whole DD hand-off was not as planned at all -- no details -- just use your judgment, I trust you, do what you need to do.  This friend has DS 2 mos. younger than DD, but her parenting style is not purely AP and in theory she would not have been my first choice (sleep trained DS, uses sugar and TV as bribes), but in practice she was a trooper, a godsend, to whom I owe much of my peace of mind about DS's birth.  Also, DD had wanted to be there after transition, and this friend was like, no way -- her DH had witnessed his 2 younger sisters' homebirths as a child and considers himself traumatized by them.  I tried to explain that this was different -- DD would have her own support person (this friend) and would be free to leave (which her DH wasn't as a child) but she was deadset against it, based on her own traumatic and precipitous delivery of her DS.  So I was 5-6 cm when MW arrived at 10 am, took cab -- thank God this was Sunday morning and there was zero traffic!!  I was in my MW's lap in the backseat, and she was coaching me not to push -- I just really wanted to push.  Speed limits were exceeded, red lights were run, etc.  We saw DD's pediatrician leaving as we entered and he said "have fun" and I was like huh?  I couldn't sit in a wheelchair without severe pain (the bumps!) and there was no time for a stretcher.


So I got on the bed was determined to be fully dilated.  Pushed twice and water broke -- meconium everywhere.  Nurse attending was a HB MW (now working as a nurse to have regiular hours and never be on call when she has kids -- boy do I get that) and agreed with my MW to violate hosp policy and not transfer me out of the BC based on the meconium.  She said it was the worst she had seen in 10 years.  SHe gave me some peppermint and something else (chamomile?) aromatherapy that helped a lot.  Pushing DD out honestly had not hurt at all, which was why I agreed to let DD come witness it at that point, but DS was something else!  Burning, tearing, and so freaking fast.  No one looked at a clock but the estimate was 11:05.  He had the cord around his neck but I didn't know that till after the fact.  Ped was on hand to suction him but took one look at how alert he was and passed him to me.  (I was protesting his going to the ped in the first place, but the mec was bad, even DH could see that.)  He was alert right from the start and didn't have a conehead at all -- just beautiful.  Tons of dark (black) hair, compared to his sister, who was virtually bald for much of her infancy.  Eyes pretty dark too -- more gray than blue.


I had some pretty severe afterpains, which made me think I was hallucinating.  I expected sensations/pain during labor but with DD the afterpains had been mild -- less than my menstrual cramps.  This was like a 9.5 on a scale of 10.  I was freaking out.


Friend brought DD to visit, and she was thrilled with her "baby bruhver."  I was a little concerned -- DH, DD, and I had all expected a girl, just because DD had been a girl, and for about 3 weeks before the birth DD had been saying if it was a boy she wanted to send it back.  Gulp.  But she is super thrilled with everything about him, extremely affectionate (everyone else thinks we allow too much of that, but I think even if she is a little rough with him I would rather have this reaction than any other, and I don't want to demonize her love for her brother), obsessed with a proper latch, having me pump enough milk before going back to work (I can't face the pump), .  Also feeling displaced and having more tantrums than she ever did at 2.  DD could not stay the night in the birth ctr with us, so that separation (back to my friend's house) was hard.  Bribery was involved.  My poor friend was horrified that DD woke up twice in the night.  I was shocked that she went to sleep independently (with friend's DS) a full hour and half before her usual bedtime.  But anyway all is forgiven, I hope.  After wakeup #2 friend coslept with DD, which I know is beyond the call of duty because she coslept with her DS for 9 mos. and hated every minute of it.  Somehow friend got DD to sch the next day (she lacked all requisite security badges) and I think the routine was good for DD.  Unfortunately one of her close friends bit her that day, which was probably not what she needed.  (She got herself cleaned up, asked to go give friend a kiss to reconcile, and then bit her back!  Teacher confided she thought it was funny, the whole ruse leading to getting back at her.)


Unrelated to the bite, we pulled DD out of sch, or rather severely downsized her schedule -- now she goes only 2 short days a week.  This is sort of my chance to be a SAHM.  I would like for her to be in sch 3 days a week but we can't afford it.  She is happy to be home with us and has a really hard time going to sch and leaving me with DS.  She rejects all "special time" with me and wants her brother to be there too!!  Even though she likes it, I think she is weirded out by the schedule change -- she has been going to that sch 4 days a week for 2 + years.  I am homeschooling/unschooling for the rest of the time, although I found that next to impossible for the first 3 weeks postpartum. 


Physically I had a harder recovery than with DD.  I guess because this time I got 2 2nd degree tears.  My unschooling plan involves "using the city" and its cultural resources to follow her interests but we couldn't really do anything when I couldn't walk without pain.  now we are getting better at it although she is surprising us by demanding a lot of downtime at home.  She is reading tons (I swear she jumped a grade level a few days before Christmas) and I think that leap is a big part of her acting out.  She was hiding her reading until her brother was born and now she si motivated to read to him (and I fear was hobbled by perfectionism before and didn't want to read to us the parents).  So we don't really have a routine yet.  Have found our library storyhour, though, so that's a start.  She is also obsessed with a game that is like tic tac toe but more nuanced called Gobblers Gobblet -- the hit present under the tree this December. 


DS may be having GI issues.  I saw a GI this week for him and was advised (I think ordered is the word) to give up caffeine and alcohol.  Alcohol isn't frequent enough to be the cause of the problem but I am giving that up just in case.  I refuse to accept that it is "colic" without a cause -- he is clearly in physical pain every evening (and at other times occasionally).  It kills me to think that my vices may have been the cause.  I am also entertaining a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance/overactive letdown theory but GI poo pood that (not well educated re BFing, IMHO).  So I am missing my stimulants/treats and block feeding (although I forget which side I'm on -- how bad is that?) although i don't want my supply to tank out altogether, yk?  Still, he is gaining well -- 10 lbs. 10 oz at 5 weeks is pretty awesome, right?  He was 7 lbs, 6 oz at birth.


Up too late, must sleep, tomorrow is going to be very early for DD's dance class...

post #531 of 607

Maela, We had the laughing when being told NO by a very angry Mommy -- she ran away from me on wet/slippery subway platform.  It really infuriated me!  Definitely a parenting low point for me.  Glad someone else's 3 yo is doing it, in a perverse way. (meaning it's normal and my child is not a monster -- i have had my moments of thinking i had massively screwed up by being so UP).

post #532 of 607
PiePie - so lovely to hear from you. I'm fascinated by the transition from one to two babes so thank you for sharing some of your thoughts and struggles. I think it's extraordinary that you could even be thinking of making such a conscious homeschooling effort so early in the postpartum game. I hope you're treating yourself kindly. And congratulations again! joy.gif

I am dealing with some intense feelings that oscillate between anxiety and rage to do with serious MIL issues. I had a screaming fit (at DP) that I honestly had no control over yesterday and I am not usually a screamer. It ended in a 20 minute panic attack which sucked. DP is being very tepid on the whole issue and there's a bit of saying one thing and doing another, going on which infuriates me even further. I get that she's stuck in the middle but I need her to choose us and she seems to have a lot of trouble doing it. Blah, blah, blah. I'm so sick of feeling this way. I had a bit of a vent on a MIL hate thread - read it if you care to see inside my fuzzy head!

Hope you're all enjoying 2011

post #533 of 607

Sorry that I have been so absent from this thread!


PiePie, what a story! And how interesting that your two births were about as different from each other as could be. You are amazing!


MMM, oh my gods. I read your MIL post, and she sounds like my step-mother, who shut my entire family out. I am so sorry. Has she acted weirdly toward you and your family before? Is this her homophobia coming out?

post #534 of 607

Yay, you all are posting again!  I was afraid it was over.  :(


PiePie, it's so good to hear from you!  Wow, what a birth!  And I thought mine was fast at 3.5 hours!  Congratulations again!  I'm so glad L likes her new baby brother.  How long are you staying home for?  



Friend drama is resolved mostly.  I think I handled it well (I'm not good at confrontations or sticking up for myself).


DD is starting to sleep a little better and has become her (mostly orngtongue.gif) sweet self again.  She's also now definitely a size four when just two months ago she was totally a size three.  So I think it was a huge growth spurt that she was going through that might have caused the weird behavior.  


DS is not sleeping well.  But since he's still sleeping with us it's not that big of a deal.  He's starting to say lots of words and knows a lot of the animal sounds.  It's SO cute!


DH and I are working out every other day (switching off).  I'm so proud of myself.  I really would like to get back to prebaby weight, but I'm afraid to eat less because then my supply might drop and I really don't want DS to wean until he's at least two.  So I'm sticking to exercising for now.




off to read MMM's MIL story...

post #535 of 607
Originally Posted by Maela View Post


off to read MMM's MIL story...

She sounds wonderful MMM!  eyesroll.gif  



My MIL is pretty great.  My only problem with her is that she gossips and is somewhat of a drama queen.  But I really can't complain. 

post #536 of 607
Originally Posted by witchygrrl View Post

Is this her homophobia coming out?

Yes - and I'm confused, is the answer to that question. She's always been pretty great about us and loved me up until DS was born. Since then she's been pretty luke warm on me. It's been the experience of those around me that when families have been less than thrilled by their kids sexuality, having children has melted away all the bigotry and discomfort but I can see how the opposite could be true, in that it's all a bit too confronting for her. I think also, she finds it hard to love DS is the way she expected to love her first grandchild which of course, is not going to change until she actually gets to know him. I'm also really angry with SIL who should be our biggest ally - who has always had relationships with women until she met her current partner and is now basking in the privilege and heteronormativity of it all. I'm just so furious about everything. And I'm getting more and more frustrated with DP who talks and complains and is endlessly distressed about the situation but never ever goes through with confronting her mother.

As for MIL's treatment of my family - she's always been a bit intimidated but not usually so intentionally rude. We're a family of strong city women and she's a fairly insular country type but it's been 10 years and she's an adult. It's time she got over herself. My family are nothing but accommodating and generous despite the very clear cultural divide.
Meh. As usual, I'm boring myself.

All that said, I'm pretty excited about being an Aunty for the first time and that little girl is so very precious. I didn't expect to be as into her as I am. (But now I'm super excited for my own sister to have a baby which she says isn't going to happen for another 5-10 years so I better put that to the back of my head!)
Originally Posted by Maela View Post

Yay, you all are posting again!  I was afraid it was over.

Me too - and I wonder if we are going to fade away, still? Please let's make sure we're all facebook friends.
Edited by MujerMamaMismo - 1/9/11 at 4:02pm
post #537 of 607


This will teach me to stay away so long. I have no idea where to begin. 


Ah, but I do!  Pie Pie! And your amazing uterus!  Congratulations!  Yours is an amazing birth story - I can't fathom of having such a fast labor.  How is DH adjusting to everything?


MMM, I read your link and it really sounds like she wants you to know she's angry, that she's trying to "teach" you something. The hostility isn't just your run-of-the-mill "I'm awkward and don't know what to do".  It could help in whatever convo you have with her to ask if that's true, it puts the burden on her while trying to be compassionate that she's clearly distressed because she wasn't always so rude.  It could be that she's angry about something that's more about her (e.g. that she's angry her daughter is gay, that her daughter didn't give birth, etc.).  But it can help her to own what she's saying with her actions. People always want plausible deniability with their actions if it makes them feel "icky" - e.g. that she can act mad about these things, but is horrified to think of herself this way and thinks she isn't as long as she doesn't say it.


Work going well, some better than others. Have hired help, so I'm managing people, which I'm getting better at.


I'm a whirlwind of creation these days, having trouble keeping up with all of my plans and ideas. Giving me pause on whether we'll have a 3rd.


Fenton posing my biggest parenting challenge these days by asking constantly "What is God?".  Didn't I get this figured out? Seeing the appeal of fundamentalism - at least they have something understandable to tell children.


post #538 of 607
Originally Posted by ~Shanna~ View Post
Fenton posing my biggest parenting challenge these days by asking constantly "What is God?".  Didn't I get this figured out? Seeing the appeal of fundamentalism - at least they have something understandable to tell children.


We are getting similar questions here with Maev.  As UUs, Dh and I tried to explain what God means to different people of varying beliefs (we are both agnostic).  A few days later we were at a pizza party with teachers and students from dh's school, and Maev announced to the table "God never lived."  huh.gif  I guess she's too young to understand the different views, but we had to give her some kind of answer.  We should have handled it differently.  Oh well!  It's so hard!

post #539 of 607

DS is starting to be really difficult to get down for a nap.  And right now he's happy as can be on my lap when usually he would be sleeping.  ???  He just learned how to put his hands over his eyes and play peek-a-boo.  It's so cute!  


I can't believe how much energy he has right now.  and it's not that overtired, second wind energy.

post #540 of 607
Thread Starter 
privateeyes.gif Reading along and glad to see updates from so many of you.

Nothing too notable here - still gestating (27w3d) and spending every possible moment cooking meals for the freezer and cleaning/organizing the house. Feels weird for the baby prep not to actually be related to baby stuff, but it is still just as satisfying to get it done.
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