"You're being overprotective....how will they learn to deal with..."

[mykdsmomy]

I know I'm not the only one dealing with opinionated family members/acquaintances/strangers comments about HS'ing. I don't apologize for our choice but I am getting pretty tired of the comments. So what do you do when "pass the bean dip" just won't cut it and you would actually like to "defend" your position?

Lately I've been hearing "you are too protective...they need to learn how to deal with bullies/peer pressure/etc" OR "If you shelter them from all the bad, then how are they going to deal with a mean boss or superior that they don't get along with?"

I've had friends who have purposely kept their kids in classes with "mean" teachers to try and teach their kids how to "cope" in the real world. I don't agree with their reasons but at the same time....sometimes I wonder if I *am* too soft/protective of my kids.

anyone else?

[lynsage]

My standard response to the overprotectiveness accusations is: "You can teach kids to deal with something without making them go through it themselves. In fact, it is usually better to verbally tell them how to stop, drop and roll than to set them on fire and let them figure it out."

Dealing with bullies or peer pressure in the workplace as an adult has nothing to do with school or the public school experience. Do you run and tell the teacher when someone bullies you at work?! No, you deal with them like an adult, because you're an adult. That's just a weird comparison to even make, IMO. If I met an adult who expected the social structure of an adult workplace to resemble high school in any way, I would think they had major issues.

[Momma Aimee]

i get this a lot.

sadly we are not even kindy age yet -- but around here he is already a year pst when everyone from non-homeschooling families starts pre-school and when he was TWO i had a "friend" who's dd is a full 11 months younger wanting to compare research on the best schools. She still sends me stuff about every great program and preschool she finds.

I get an "extra dose of it" I feel (maybe i am wrong) because Theo has some SN and comes across as "jsut immature adn in need of more structure / rules / discplien" .. so i get a lot of "you're coddling him" and "ytou won't let him grow up" and "he needs time away from you" and such like that.



It is getting to be a pain already -- i think what gets me is the idea that school would fix his SN or fix him ..and the undertone of comment on our whole parenting that is tied into homeschooling.

wish i had answers.

A

[TEAK's Mom]

Originally Posted by lynsage

My standard response to the overprotectiveness accusations is: "You can teach kids to deal with something without making them go through it themselves. In fact, it is usually better to verbally tell them how to stop, drop and roll than to set them on fire and let them figure it out."

Dealing with bullies or peer pressure in the workplace as an adult has nothing to do with school or the public school experience. Do you run and tell the teacher when someone bullies you at work?! No, you deal with them like an adult, because you're an adult. That's just a weird comparison to even make, IMO. If I met an adult who expected the social structure of an adult workplace to resemble high school in any way, I would think they had major issues.

[rere]

There are lots of adults who have trouble dealing or are freaks or whatever else it is that people say will happen to your homeschooled kid.But most people went to school so obviously it's not school that is teaching kids how to grow up to be well balanced functioning adults.

[mykdsmomy]

Originally Posted by lynsage

My standard response to the overprotectiveness accusations is: "You can teach kids to deal with something without making them go through it themselves. In fact, it is usually better to verbally tell them how to stop, drop and roll than to set them on fire and let them figure it out."

Dealing with bullies or peer pressure in the workplace as an adult has nothing to do with school or the public school experience. Do you run and tell the teacher when someone bullies you at work?! No, you deal with them like an adult, because you're an adult. That's just a weird comparison to even make, IMO. If I met an adult who expected the social structure of an adult workplace to resemble high school in any way, I would think they had major issues.

Love this, Thank you!!!

Originally Posted by Momma Aimee

i get this a lot.

sadly we are not even kindy age yet -- but around here he is already a year pst when everyone from non-homeschooling families starts pre-school and when he was TWO i had a "friend" who's dd is a full 11 months younger wanting to compare research on the best schools. She still sends me stuff about every great program and preschool she finds.

I get an "extra dose of it" I feel (maybe i am wrong) because Theo has some SN and comes across as "jsut immature adn in need of more structure / rules / discplien" .. so i get a lot of "you're coddling him" and "ytou won't let him grow up" and "he needs time away from you" and such like that.



It is getting to be a pain already -- i think what gets me is the idea that school would fix his SN or fix him ..and the undertone of comment on our whole parenting that is tied into homeschooling.

wish i had answers.

A

I truly understand you. My SN son has lots of behavioral challenges so I too get the "he needs to be in school" lecture

Originally Posted by rere

There are lots of adults who have trouble dealing or are freaks or whatever else it is that people say will happen to your homeschooled kid.But most people went to school so obviously it's not school that is teaching kids how to grow up to be well balanced functioning adults.

I like this one! Thanks!

[chaoticzenmom]

Originally Posted by mykdsmomy

I know I'm not the only one dealing with opinionated family members/acquaintances/strangers comments about HS'ing. I don't apologize for our choice but I am getting pretty tired of the comments. So what do you do when "pass the bean dip" just won't cut it and you would actually like to "defend" your position?

Lately I've been hearing "you are too protective...they need to learn how to deal with bullies/peer pressure/etc" OR "If you shelter them from all the bad, then how are they going to deal with a mean boss or superior that they don't get along with?"

I've had friends who have purposely kept their kids in classes with "mean" teachers to try and teach their kids how to "cope" in the real world. I don't agree with their reasons but at the same time....sometimes I wonder if I *am* too soft/protective of my kids.

anyone else?

That whole "dealing with mean bosses" thing really bothers me. People are acknowledging that school sets children up to accept less in life and to "deal with" abuse, but they don't see it. I want my children to grow up to be assertive and firm and not to be "yes men" I intentionally raise them to have no fear of authority. Respect, yes, but not that unhealthy fear that cripples the American working class and keeps them in jobs they hate and in lives that are meaningless.

So, I guess my response to that would be "So, you want me to raise my children to be a "yes man?" Or, "I wouldn't let a stranger borrow my car, but I'm supposed to hand my child to strangers?" Ugh.

I'm reading "The Underground History of American Education" Now, so I guess I'm kind of fired up about it. Really good read. I don't agree with all of it, but enough of it is true to assure me that I'll never put my children in that institution if I don't have to.

[CariOfOz]

Originally Posted by lynsage

My standard response to the overprotectiveness accusations is: "You can teach kids to deal with something without making them go through it themselves. In fact, it is usually better to verbally tell them how to stop, drop and roll than to set them on fire and let them figure it out."

Best response ever

[Savoir Faire]

My kids have had to deal with all that on playgrounds and in organizational groups that they belong to. They don't need to sit in a room for 9 hours to see how life is.

I call it "playground justice." They're doing perfectly fine.

[mykdsmomy]

Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom

That whole "dealing with mean bosses" thing really bothers me. People are acknowledging that school sets children up to accept less in life and to "deal with" abuse, but they don't see it. I want my children to grow up to be assertive and firm and not to be "yes men" I intentionally raise them to have no fear of authority. Respect, yes, but not that unhealthy fear that cripples the American working class and keeps them in jobs they hate and in lives that are meaningless.

So, I guess my response to that would be "So, you want me to raise my children to be a "yes man?" Or, "I wouldn't let a stranger borrow my car, but I'm supposed to hand my child to strangers?" Ugh.

I'm reading "The Underground History of American Education" Now, so I guess I'm kind of fired up about it. Really good read. I don't agree with all of it, but enough of it is true to assure me that I'll never put my children in that institution if I don't have to.

ITA! My oldest dd14 is learning how to deal with "authority". She has had to email a few of her teachers for school (she does a virtual academy at home). I had to have her reword her email because she came off sounding a tad bit disrespectful...one of her sentences were "No offense, but this is not the only class I have". I'm glad she isn't intimidated by authority but she still needs to learn how to reel it in a bit...

I want to read that book...it sounds like something that would fire me up too!

We pulled her out of our local public high school after two weeks because 1. There were 4500 students there and 2. It was more of a juvenile hall situation than a school. She has been hs'd on and off since first grade. She went to a small private school where my dad teaches for 8th grade last year. She made principals list (the good one ) and had a 3.8 GPA. On the day we registered her for HS, the assistant principal told her "I don't expect any trouble from you, and I expect you to be on time". He talked to her like she was coming from prison or something. He also questioned her about her "friends". He asked if she had any friends from the neighborhood that went to the high school too....she said no......He then went on to tell me "Wow, when you say she had been homeschooled, you meant she never left the house!"

So, all that to say that I'm glad she doesn't have fear of authority as she shouldn't. I tell her she needs to show respect for others regardless of their age/gender/race/religious beliefs/etc. if she wants to receive respect in return.

PS. When we left the school that day, I told her the principal was a jerk.

[Nitenites]

Originally Posted by mykdsmomy

Lately I've been hearing "you are too protective...they need to learn how to deal with bullies/peer pressure/etc" OR "If you shelter them from all the bad, then how are they going to deal with a mean boss or superior that they don't get along with?"

An adult has the option of finding a new job. A child (without a parent's intervention) does not have the option of finding a new school. It is irritating when uninformed people assert that school is anything resembling adult life.

[ikesmom]

I would say "well I guess if the kid is use to conforming to other peoples expectations, and suppressing their own ideas then they would have plenty of experience to qualify them to work for a jerk.

I don't want my kids to work somewhere they aren't happy . If I am unhappy I change jobs or careers. Life is not all about "the job" and I think that is why so many people are unhappy in this world.

My 9 yr old pretty sensitive and yielding . Part of my goal of hs is to give him assertiveness so he doesn't have to take the jive. I don't think the classroom is gonna do that for him. Dh was just commenting last night about how he was glad that ds isn't at school being bullied or teased. We know he would probably get a big dose of teasing if he were in school.

[momtokea]

What exactly is a "mean boss"?

IME, most of the bullying that goes on in schools would be considered harassment and/or assault in the adult world.

[claddaghmom]

Originally Posted by momtokea

What exactly is a "mean boss"?

IME, most of the bullying that goes on in schools would be considered harassment and/or assault in the adult world.

My first day at a college (that I no longer attend BTW) I was 5.25 minutes late for my first day of class. (The teacher's measurement, not mine). As I attempted to open the door to enter the classroom, he shoved the door back, pinning me in the door while he explained that this was 'the real world now.'

Um, no, in the real world, I would have gotten to sue you for millions of dollars and possibly brought criminal charges against you. In the pseudo-academia world, I instead was threatened with expulsion if I called the police and told by staff that "this is just the way he is."



I wonder how many public schooled children go on to attend college and accept such abuse without blinking.

[chaoticzenmom]

I just read this article today and thought it belonged on this thread

http://www.webeans.net/hutt/socialize.htm

Enjoy

[Savoir Faire]

Oh and by the way, I attended public school from the age of three and was fired from my first job out of college. Obviously I learned well!

What helped me learn to handle the "real world," was...gosh...growing up and experiencing it. I had to learn a whole lot of things that I never learned along the way.

We do not have cable TV and my kids can only watch a bit of DVDs....and we have control over when. Combine that with the homeschooling and I hear the same thing as all of you.

[heatherdeg]

Originally Posted by lynsage

My standard response to the overprotectiveness accusations is: "You can teach kids to deal with something without making them go through it themselves. In fact, it is usually better to verbally tell them how to stop, drop and roll than to set them on fire and let them figure it out."

Best. response. ever.

Originally Posted by lynsage

If I met an adult who expected the social structure of an adult workplace to resemble high school in any way, I would think they had major issues.

I honestly think that people do not actually give thought to it. They seriously don't sit there and compare what high school is like to what work is like. Much the same way they like to blurt out the whole "what about socialization?" thing without really thinking about what school is like in terms of socializing (I was always told I wasn't there for that, btw )

Originally Posted by Momma Aimee

I get an "extra dose of it" I feel (maybe i am wrong) because Theo has some SN and comes across as "jsut immature adn in need of more structure / rules / discplien" .. so i get a lot of "you're coddling him" and "ytou won't let him grow up" and "he needs time away from you" and such like that.



It is getting to be a pain already -- i think what gets me is the idea that school would fix his SN or fix him

We got the same thing and ds was IN preschool, but only part-time. And we pulled him at age 4yo and the crap hit the fan. Seriously. Then it went from sheltering/coddling him to thinking I knew it all instead of letting people who knew what they were doing help him. Note: I am a former teacher, but even the schools (he qualified for services) would make sure I knew that I didn't teach long enough or I wasn't a Special Ed teacher or I didn't teach the same age range... everyone had reasons why a parent--even a parent who was a teacher--was unqualified to deal with my child at home. (fyi--about 1/3 of my students had IEPs and I had extra graduate work in Sped Ed, tyvm... not that any of it MATTERED! )

Originally Posted by Nitenites

An adult has the option of finding a new job. A child (without a parent's intervention) does not have the option of finding a new school. It is irritating when uninformed people assert that school is anything resembling adult life.

Originally Posted by ikesmom

I would say "well I guess if the kid is use to conforming to other peoples expectations, and suppressing their own ideas then they would have plenty of experience to qualify them to work for a jerk.

I don't want my kids to work somewhere they aren't happy . If I am unhappy I change jobs or careers. Life is not all about "the job" and I think that is why so many people are unhappy in this world.

I'm in the midst of reading "Dumbing Us Down" by John Taylor Gatto (extremely short read for those interested) and it explains how all these brainless idiots are unable to think for themselves. It also echoes a lot of what I saw as a teacher--and the reasons we are homeschooling.

If you want to argue the merits of homeschooling over a classroom (public or private), it's an excellent book to "arm" you. Only 94 small pages of medium sized print and written by a 35-year teaching veteran (and state level "teacher of the year"). After reading pieces of it to my husband, HE'S now reading the whole thing.

[rere]

Originally Posted by heatherdeg

(I was always told I wasn't there for that, btw )

YES!That's what cracks me up so much.I can't even tell you how many times I heard a teacher say"If you want to socialize,you can do that on your own time".But that is the only reason my MIL thinks my daughter should go to school.So...I should send her to school to do something she is not suppose to do?I should send her school to do something she is going to get in trouble for?

[LauraLoo]

Originally Posted by lynsage

My standard response to the overprotectiveness accusations is: "You can teach kids to deal with something without making them go through it themselves. In fact, it is usually better to verbally tell them how to stop, drop and roll than to set them on fire and let them figure it out."

I know that others have given you kudos for this, but I just had to chime in, too -- I've laughed on and off for the past couple of days just thinking about this. So, thank you -- and

[LauraLoo]

Anybody want to talk about conduct grades? I got an "E" in conduct in 1st grade because I would finish my work, have nothing to do, so I would talk to my friends - obviously trying to socialize, but only after the obligatory work was done since I knew the "rules."