Vent: nobody wants to take care of my kids

[vocalise]

This is kind of a special needs and a single parent issue combined.

I'm having a really hard time. Nobody will take care of my kids. Especially ds, who has ADHD and SPD and what I think is a touch of Asperger's. The issue with dd is that she's 13 months, and experiencing a lot of separation anxiety.

My mom took us to Mexico last week with my brother and his partner, and while all of them obviously wanted to be supportive, none of them was willing to watch the kids, either separately or together. In fact, by the end of the week, I was trying to keep my kids away from the others as much as possible, because it seemed like they were tired of dealing with ds's behaviour (impatient, overwhelmed, blaming-type responses, even though I was handling the discipline). I still enjoyed the holiday, but the fact of the matter is I don't ever get a break. School is a break for me from ds, but then I still have dd. And a toddler and a child with behaviour issues is just a lot. I'm tired.

I'm also completely broke. I've extended my mat. leave and am living off $1200 a month from my line of credit, so disposable income is really limited. I'd love to hire a dependable sitter who doesn't mind handling the kids' needs, but that isn't really realistic.

Ds's dad passed away two years ago, so no support there. And dd's dad has big issues that prevent him from taking care of her for longer than an hour at a time. Right now, due to his work schedule, that hour takes place during the time I'm taking ds to school. So no real help.

I'm not really sure there's any way to solve this other than giving it time. Once dd grows out of the separation anxiety a bit, my mom will be willing to watch her for a few hours once a week or so while ds is in school.

Anyway, just venting. I'm sure I'm not the first person to have trouble finding someone to watch their SN child.

[Linda on the move]

[lotusdebi]

Would you consider a teenager in your neighborhood? It's possible that a teen would have the energy and the patience for it, while not having the expectations that an adult would have, and hopefully not be too expensive. Write out the rules (including boundaries for the teen to enforce), and it could be a fun experience for them both. I don't know if you'd trust your younger child with a teen, but maybe your mom could watch her on some evenings while a teen watches your son?

[nayma]

also, have you checked out care.com? i have searched it here in cincinnati, and you can search specifically for special needs providers. some charge $10/hr. of course that's a lot if you're gone for a while, but if you even had three hours a week that you KNEW were yours, maybe that'd help. i'm a single mama to a girl with asperger's, and my babysitting options are few and far between, so i hear you. sorry this is tough .

[mamafuko]

I'm a single mom with a spd kid. I've had moments like what you're experiencing, but I feel fortunate that my dx is functional enough to care for my son for an extended time. I've had to be really clever with babysitting prior to ds going to school though as I was finishing up a graduate degree post-divorce. I had a lot of success with finding other moms willing to do babysitting trades. From what I read on this forum, I think ds has a somewhat mild case of spd (though that's not always true). I mention that because the other moms (I had two primary ones) were fine taking care of ds and their own kid without too much trouble. One of the moms had a nt boy, but because of the way she treated him, he acted kind of crazy, so ds seemed completely calm by comparison. It wasn't an ideal situation! I do think that I was compromising the quality of care I was getting to get much needed time. But she was much nicer to my ds, and I was able to give them a break from each other. It worked overall. There are moms out there who are wanting a break too.