How much crying is just too much crying?

[texmati]

My baby is 4 months old, and he still cries so much. I'm a first time mom, and I just don't know.

Everyone in my extended family says that he just cries too much, that something must be wrong. I just think that he's opinionated, but now I'm beginning to second guess myself.

Somedays, pretty much everything he does is punctuated by crying. Wakes up crying, I feed him, he cries when I switch sides and before burping. We play for a bit, but every 15 minutes or so, he'll start fussing. Then he'll cry some more until I feed him and he goes to sleep.

But I wonder if he's in pain-- so many times he'll stop for the oddest things-- we'll turn on the tv, the exhaust fan, make a silly noise, stand up if we are sitting, sit down if we are standing, sway if we are rocking...ect. It just makes no sense.

I'm not looking for reason's to get him to stop-- I don't mind dealing with it at all if he's not in pain. But how do I know if this is within the realm of normal?

[penstamon]

Its hard to say from your post, but I get the general idea that your mama radar doesn't suspect that anything is really wrong. Some babies are just fussier than others and that is just exacerbated by people around you pointing it out. Maybe start a fuss log to see what triggers the starts and the stops to see if you can see a pattern?

OTOH, if you do suspect that there is pain involved or something may be wrong, it can't hurt to call the ped and have him checked out. Thats what they're there for and oh well if its nothing. Then at least you know.

[odoole]

You could try a couple of doses of Tylenol or motrin to see if that improves his mood. If it doesn't, he's probably not in pain.

Also, does he get enough sleep?

You could always try an elimination diet as well. That seems to make a big difference for a lot of babies.

[blessedwithboys]

did it start at birth? has he had any shots?

[SubliminalDarkness]

That's how my second son was. He was just very high needs. He needed to be held just so, by me, nursed all the time, never put down, etc. etc. If I moved to shift the weight when I was sitting he would cry.

I think some babies are just like that. So long as its not something where you're just laying him down and he cries and you're wondering why, lol.

[ktmama]

I disagree. I don't think it's "normal" for a baby to cry like that. I would start investigating and see if anything you do makes a difference. Approach it with the spirit of curiousity (vs. worry or fear) and see what you discover. Other ideas might be that he needs to pee or poo and he's trying to tell you that. Have you looked into EC? Maybe he's not recovering from a little birth trauma and some gentle chiropractic adjustments would help. Good luck to you!

[NiteNicole]

With my daughter (who is an only), I thought babies just cried a lot and maybe some babies cried more than others. I had no experience and no idea. I'm all for "mama instinct" but sometimes you just don't know. It took other people telling me, "hey, this just isn't right. Babies don't cry THIS much" for me to get it. I thought newborns and small babies were just generally kind of miserable. I'm so glad we lived close to family who convinced me to start taking it seriously and talk to our ped. As it turns out, my daughter had some serious reflux going on and she was in pain. A lot. Once we got her meds worked out (Prevacid), she was a much much happier baby.

It took some work, the first meds we tried did nothing and I had to work closely with a wonderful ped gastro who called daily and helped me know when to dose and how much...and things got a lot better.

I'm not saying your baby has reflux but if he seems pretty miserable and other people notice, it might be worth checking into it just in case.

[texmati]

Originally Posted by blessedwithboys

did it start at birth? has he had any shots?

Yes, he was like this from the day he was born-- and he didn't have any shots for a month and a half. Even the nurses would comment on how much he cried. We had a lot of trouble getting him to latch though, so I thought that he was just hungry. I think that he used to just cry himself to sleep from hunger those first few days.

[cristeen]

While that amount of crying is not "usual", it's not outside the realm of "normal"... but none of those things you mentioned alone are things to worry about. Those are all instances in which my little guy may cry (or stop crying), and he's overall a happy baby.

You might want to see about picking up a copy of Dr. Sears' "Fussy Baby Book".

[Peony]

The trick in just figuring out if that is just him or something else. Like if you knew that then you wouldn't be posting right! Other posters had great ideas for you.

My first DD was like that, the child just screamed her way through her first year of life, no reflex, nothing, she just cried at every little thing. I have 3 children now, she is the oldest, and at age 7, she STILL cries more then the other two younger ones, even the baby! The child is just a crier, this her normal.

[cchrissyy]

, I thought babies just cried a lot and maybe some babies cried more than others. I had no experience and no idea. I'm all for "mama instinct" but sometimes you just don't know.

That happened with me and my 1st baby too. And since it did turn out to be something wrong, if I could go back and do things again, I'd have mentioned it to my doctor and pushed to check into it sooner. As it was, I beleived all babies cried a lot and never slept, so I didn't even mention it to the ped, since that would be useless complaining.

[SpunkyMama]

My DS cried a lot in the beginning, too. I didn't know if it was normal or not, so I took him to the doctor. She said he just had colic. I didn't like that answer and started investigating more.

We began eliminating dairy and things improved. Then came soy, and things got even better. We finally took him to a chiropractor who said his neck was out of alignment (from being birthed). Does your baby typically only hold his head to one side when he sleeps? This was the very first thing the chiro asked us. He also said we should try eliminating gluten.

After 4 months of chiropractic work and eliminating thigns from my diet we finally had a baby who didn't cry all the time or as long or as hard. DS is high needs (spirited). So, he does cry more than other babies, but it was the pitch and the tone of the cry that was different when he was a wee one.

We also used with Colic Calm with varying success.

[mbravebird]

I would consider taking him to a craniosacral therapist who has experience with babies. Craniosacral is very non-invasive, as or more effective than chiropractic, and it is great even if there is nothing wrong. If something is going wrong, you can figure it out, and if nothing is wrong, then it will just be a relaxing session for the baby.

[GoBecGo]

My DD was this way. She is high needs. She talked early and stopped crying (and yes, we did baby-signing which helped a little, but she still cried a good bit). Now she is a very articulate 3.5 year old and though still very demanding in terms of her interactive needs, she is much easier to cope with. Today she had to be taken to sit elsewhere while we were at the bank because she was talking so much no-one could focus on the transaction - before she went she told the teller that the steam coming from the factory chimney outside was "dissipating"!

I seriously thought until DD was about 8 months old that it was totally normal, and then i began to know other people with babies better and they were SO much quieter... It's not like she was miserable the whole time, she was just very demanding. She'd be smiling and then see something she wanted and immediately cry. Hitting certain milestones really helped her - getting mobile, learning to talk and learning to debate were really big things for her. She lives life at a million miles an hour and needs everything to be happening NOW and now she's more able to help herself in that regard she obviously finds life much easier.

I'm kind of hoping the next one is mellow, but i feel well-prepared if it isn't

[JMJ]

It's really hard as a first time mom to know what's normal, especially when it's late at night and the baby's been screaming for an hour and your husband is pacing around the house saying, "Is there something physically wrong with her? Do we need to call the pediatrician?" Yeah, I know.

I would first try some non-medical techniques to calm a normal but fussy baby. Many babies are fussier until about 3-5 months of age and then the fussiness tapers off. When DD was first born, she seemed to cry almost every waking moment. Good thing she wasn't awake much. Here's some things you can try just to settle him down or keep him happier for longer.
-Wear him in a sling. Your body comforts him.
-Make sure his needs are met. - fed, clean diaper, enough sleep
-Learn infant massage.
-Try EC. (With DD, we couldn't get through a nursing scession peacefully or get her to sleep at night if she had to pee or poop. Hold her over the potty for a few seconds, and she goes. Then, there's no diaper to clean up, and we could finish a peaceful nursing scession or she'd go right to sleep.)
-Watch "The Happiest Baby on the Block."
-Go for a walk around the block. Yes, I know the screams increase as you try to bundle him up, but there's a good chance he'll be happier once he's outside.
-Keep yourself calm and take care of yourself. Your baby is a barometer for your emotions. If you're not calm, how can you expect him to be?

If you think there might be something physically wrong, here are some things you might try:
-Eliminate milk from your diet for at least two weeks. A lot of times, cows milk and mamma's milk don't work well together, and it takes about 2 weeks to see a result.
-Eliminate other common allergens: eggs, soy, wheat, etc. (See allergy forum.)
-Try gripe water for the fussiest time of the day.
-Try a baby pain killer.
-See a chiaropractor.
-Talk to your pediatrician.

[Llyra]

Has his weight gain been steady? For awhile between 2 and 4 months, my DS, who was nursing like 12 times in 24 hours, stopped gaining weight. We still don't know why-- his twin sister was growing fine, so my milk supply was obviously okay. We think he just wasn't transferring milk well, and we don't know why. Anyway, he cried like that-- every second that he wasn't eating or sleeping, he was crying. He was really hungry. We used an SNS for a few weeks, to get his weight back on track and help him start nursing more effectively, and as soon as he started gaining well, the crying improved a LOT.

[texmati]

Originally Posted by penstamon

Its hard to say from your post, but I get the general idea that your mama radar doesn't suspect that anything is really wrong. Some babies are just fussier than others and that is just exacerbated by people around you pointing it out. Maybe start a fuss log to see what triggers the starts and the stops to see if you can see a pattern?

OTOH, if you do suspect that there is pain involved or something may be wrong, it can't hurt to call the ped and have him checked out. Thats what they're there for and oh well if its nothing. Then at least you know.

Sorry my post was so disjointed-- that's exactly what is happening. I've started work (It's been 4 days) adn yesterday was teh first day that both DH and the sitter complained that DS was just too fussy/crying. It's hard when you are not there to judge for yourself, but I was shocked that DH was so rattled.

Originally Posted by odoole

You could try a couple of doses of Tylenol or motrin to see if that improves his mood. If it doesn't, he's probably not in pain.

Also, does he get enough sleep?

You could always try an elimination diet as well. That seems to make a big difference for a lot of babies.

He does sleep quite a bit, somedays better than others. He sleeps 4 hours at a time at the most, though. I'm so hesitant to give tylenol without knowing that something was wrong. A few months ago I did cut waaay back on the dairy which seemed to help. Perhaps I need to bite the bullet and go completely without dairy for 2 weeks? Lately his mood (and poop) seems less affected by how much milk I drink.

Originally Posted by blessedwithboys

did it start at birth? has he had any shots?

Yes he started up at birth; but at that time I think he was hungry. He had a hard time latching, and for 6 weeks, feeding him was waiting until he cried, and than shoving my boob in his mouth. Sometimes I wonder if having to get that upset when he was hungry has made him more high strung.

Originally Posted by SubliminalDarkness

That's how my second son was. He was just very high needs. He needed to be held just so, by me, nursed all the time, never put down, etc. etc. If I moved to shift the weight when I was sitting he would cry.

I think some babies are just like that. So long as its not something where you're just laying him down and he cries and you're wondering why, lol.

Thanks so much for this-- so many times I'll just sit down instead of stand when I'm holding him, and he'll start up. So good to hear that there are other babies like this, and that their parents survived.

I did make a call to the pediatriacan today. The nurse was incredibly unhelpful ("have you tried a swing o matic?"), but I asked the receptionist which ped in the office was most breastfeeding friendly, and have an appointment for next week.

[texmati]

Originally Posted by ktmama

I disagree. I don't think it's "normal" for a baby to cry like that. I would start investigating and see if anything you do makes a difference. Approach it with the spirit of curiosity (vs. worry or fear) and see what you discover. Other ideas might be that he needs to pee or poo and he's trying to tell you that. Have you looked into EC? Maybe he's not recovering from a little birth trauma and some gentle chiropractic adjustments would help. Good luck to you!

Thank you for the suggestion about EC. I might just try it over the weekend when I am at home-- can't hurt, right! I have been trying approach this with less worry, but it's difficult sometimes!

Originally Posted by NiteNicole

With my daughter (who is an only), I thought babies just cried a lot and maybe some babies cried more than others. I had no experience and no idea. I'm all for "mama instinct" but sometimes you just don't know. It took other people telling me, "hey, this just isn't right. Babies don't cry THIS much" for me to get it. I thought newborns and small babies were just generally kind of miserable. I'm so glad we lived close to family who convinced me to start taking it seriously and talk to our ped. As it turns out, my daughter had some serious reflux going on and she was in pain. A lot. Once we got her meds worked out (Prevacid), she was a much much happier baby.

Originally Posted by cristeen

You might want to see about picking up a copy of Dr. Sears' "Fussy Baby Book".

Is this the same as "Parenting the high needs baby..." I'm picking it up on my lunch from the library today!

Originally Posted by Peony

The trick in just figuring out if that is just him or something else. Like if you knew that then you wouldn't be posting right! Other posters had great ideas for you.

My first DD was like that, the child just screamed her way through her first year of life, no reflex, nothing, she just cried at every little thing. I have 3 children now, she is the oldest, and at age 7, she STILL cries more then the other two younger ones, even the baby! The child is just a crier, this her normal.

Originally Posted by cchrissyy

That happened with me and my 1st baby too. And since it did turn out to be something wrong, if I could go back and do things again, I'd have mentioned it to my doctor and pushed to check into it sooner. As it was, I beleived all babies cried a lot and never slept, so I didn't even mention it to the ped, since that would be useless complaining.

Originally Posted by SpunkyMama

My DS cried a lot in the beginning, too. I didn't know if it was normal or not, so I took him to the doctor. She said he just had colic. I didn't like that answer and started investigating more.

We began eliminating dairy and things improved. Then came soy, and things got even better. We finally took him to a chiropractor who said his neck was out of alignment (from being birthed). Does your baby typically only hold his head to one side when he sleeps? This was the very first thing the chiro asked us. He also said we should try eliminating gluten.

After 4 months of chiropractic work and eliminating thigns from my diet we finally had a baby who didn't cry all the time or as long or as hard. DS is high needs (spirited). So, he does cry more than other babies, but it was the pitch and the tone of the cry that was different when he was a wee one.

We also used with Colic Calm with varying success.

Originally Posted by mbravebird

I would consider taking him to a craniosacral therapist who has experience with babies. Craniosacral is very non-invasive, as or more effective than chiropractic, and it is great even if there is nothing wrong. If something is going wrong, you can figure it out, and if nothing is wrong, then it will just be a relaxing session for the baby.

Originally Posted by GoBecGo

My DD was this way. She is high needs. She talked early and stopped crying (and yes, we did baby-signing which helped a little, but she still cried a good bit). Now she is a very articulate 3.5 year old and though still very demanding in terms of her interactive needs, she is much easier to cope with. Today she had to be taken to sit elsewhere while we were at the bank because she was talking so much no-one could focus on the transaction - before she went she told the teller that the steam coming from the factory chimney outside was "dissipating"!

I seriously thought until DD was about 8 months old that it was totally normal, and then i began to know other people with babies better and they were SO much quieter... It's not like she was miserable the whole time, she was just very demanding. She'd be smiling and then see something she wanted and immediately cry. Hitting certain milestones really helped her - getting mobile, learning to talk and learning to debate were really big things for her. She lives life at a million miles an hour and needs everything to be happening NOW and now she's more able to help herself in that regard she obviously finds life much easier.

I'm kind of hoping the next one is mellow, but i feel well-prepared if it isn't

Originally Posted by JMJ

It's really hard as a first time mom to know what's normal, especially when it's late at night and the baby's been screaming for an hour and your husband is pacing around the house saying, "Is there something physically wrong with her? Do we need to call the pediatrician?" Yeah, I know.

I would first try some non-medical techniques to calm a normal but fussy baby. Many babies are fussier until about 3-5 months of age and then the fussiness tapers off. When DD was first born, she seemed to cry almost every waking moment. Good thing she wasn't awake much. Here's some things you can try just to settle him down or keep him happier for longer.
-Wear him in a sling. Your body comforts him.
-Make sure his needs are met. - fed, clean diaper, enough sleep
-Learn infant massage.
-Try EC. (With DD, we couldn't get through a nursing scession peacefully or get her to sleep at night if she had to pee or poop. Hold her over the potty for a few seconds, and she goes. Then, there's no diaper to clean up, and we could finish a peaceful nursing scession or she'd go right to sleep.)
-Watch "The Happiest Baby on the Block."
-Go for a walk around the block. Yes, I know the screams increase as you try to bundle him up, but there's a good chance he'll be happier once he's outside.
-Keep yourself calm and take care of yourself. Your baby is a barometer for your emotions. If you're not calm, how can you expect him to be?

If you think there might be something physically wrong, here are some things you might try:
-Eliminate milk from your diet for at least two weeks. A lot of times, cows milk and mamma's milk don't work well together, and it takes about 2 weeks to see a result.
-Eliminate other common allergens: eggs, soy, wheat, etc. (See allergy forum.)
-Try gripe water for the fussiest time of the day.
-Try a baby pain killer.
-See a chiaropractor.
-Talk to your pediatrician.

Originally Posted by Llyra

Has his weight gain been steady? For awhile between 2 and 4 months, my DS, who was nursing like 12 times in 24 hours, stopped gaining weight. We still don't know why-- his twin sister was growing fine, so my milk supply was obviously okay. We think he just wasn't transferring milk well, and we don't know why. Anyway, he cried like that-- every second that he wasn't eating or sleeping, he was crying. He was really hungry. We used an SNS for a few weeks, to get his weight back on track and help him start nursing more effectively, and as soon as he started gaining well, the crying improved a LOT.

He's been gaining quite steadily-- but he's not a chunker by an means. When I'm at home, the boob is the first thing we try to get him quiet. He had a hard time eating those first few weeks, and I will never forget those I'm starving screams. There have been a few times that I've heard that kind of screaming from him, but not often enough for me to think that he's constantly hungry.