Birth expectations, following csection

[Friday13th]

I don't know if this belongs here or in Healing Birth Trauma.

I had a csection in Dec. 2007 with my son. Long story short I was planning a natural birth with hospital based midwives. I took Bradley classes, read all the standard MDC birth literature and was absolutely positive I could do it. I went to bed visualizing the moment my son emerged and pulling him up to my chest all wet and slimy. I had a detailed birth plan that the midwives were very supportive of and a wonderful, educated, supportive husband. Well after 4 days of labor (unmedicated and mostly at home), pitocin, AROM, 2.5 hours of pushing in every possible position, we ended with a csection for a posterior, ascylindric baby with a nuchal hand. I got him to a plus 1 but I'm not sure he was every going to get any further but it was a moot point because he went into distress during pushing. I never got to see him wet and slimy, I didn't get to hold or nurse him for 6 hours post birth because they took him to the Special Care Nursery for observation. I had a lot of hopes and expectations about DS's birth and the only one that worked out was that he's an awesome, joyful, perfect little boy.

I'm now expecting number 2 and planning an HBAC with a wonderful, supportive midwife. I've been working really hard to educate skeptical family and friends about why I'm choosing this and the safety of homebirth in general. But it hit me the other day while browsing my midwife's birth kid online and being offered the option of adding a "Born at Home" shirt to the kit that what if I ordered the shirt and this baby isn't born at home. What if I end up transferring? And I realized I'm having a lot of trouble with my expectations of this birth. I'm a planner and I like to visualize things as much as possible and everytime I start thinking about how wonderful it will be to labor at home and where in the house I might like to setup as "Labor Central" I stop myself because I'm afraid for one reason or another we're not going to get to that point.

I'm trying to just remember that in the end I'll get an amazing addition to our family but that's like the old "at least you have a healthy baby" which I heard a million times after the csection and really trivialized the whole experience.

Any insight from BTDT mamas?

[prancie]

i got that Born at Home t-shirt too and we ended up with a csection for fetal distress. I put it on ds anyway!

I was the most positive person in the world and i ended up with a traumatic C. This time i'm much more cynical, even though I am planning an HBAC. I think you plan for the best and worst and do everything you can to ensure a good outcome and the rest is up to fate.

[Kwgrlup]

Get the t-shirt... I embroidered a t-shirt for my son, plus a born at home blanket. We ended up transferring for a c-section. I also put the t-shirt on him anyways, and he still uses the blanket at age 5. Stay positive, and just plan this birth the same way you did your first. Give it your all...

[keeptryst]

Here's an amazing piece of wisdom from The Daily Groove parenting tips by Scott Noelle:

"People often fail to get in a receiving mode because of it's paradoxical nature. To receive what you want,you must be free *not* to have it. The longer you're willing to wait, the sooner it will come."

I think the key is to somehow relinquish the attachment to a particular end result. You can work for it with all earnestness of course, with joy in the effort. As Gandhi says, full effort is full victory.

[sharr610]

Originally Posted by keeptryst

Here's an amazing piece of wisdom from The Daily Groove parenting tips by Scott Noelle:

"People often fail to get in a receiving mode because of it's paradoxical nature. To receive what you want,you must be free *not* to have it. The longer you're willing to wait, the sooner it will come."

I think the key is to somehow relinquish the attachment to a particular end result. You can work for it with all earnestness of course, with joy in the effort. As Gandhi says, full effort is full victory.

This is a great quote. I, too, didn't have the birth experience I wanted with DS back in June 2007. We planned a homebirth that went all sorts of wrong and ended in a c/s. Now we are working towards a homebirth and I have the hardest time convincing myself that my body is strong and healthy and able to do this.

I think I have to release a certain level of control, though. There are lessons learned from last time, things I can do to help my chances this time, but, in the end, fate will be what it is and the fundamental thing I HAVE to remember about birth, is that the successful ones, require a mama who walks this fine line between being in control and releasing all control. Realizing there is so much that is not in my hands, which, as a planner like you, is a hard one for me.

Good luck mama. . I understand!

[springfever]

I've got a VERY similar story. I had all the preparations for a natural childbirth in place with my first, we were educated and prepared, we had a doula, had a labouring pool, and we had a supposedly natural childbirth friendly doctor who even ran "The Natural Childbirth Clinic". Although we were in the hospital, we chose the most mother and baby friendly hospital in our area because midwives/homebirths were not covered by healthcare at that time. I had a c/s for close to those reasons (although I'm not convinced it was necessary, personally) and I am planning a homebirth. I don't even like telling people that because I feel like if I expect it and tell everyone than it'll make me doomed to fail. Plus people seem to assume that a lot of homebirths end in transfer and I don't want to prove them right! I have so many worries and I'm trying my best not to but it's so hard. Plus I am completely exhausted ALL THE TIME and I find myself lounging on the couch most of the day, which all the spinning babies instructions strictly say NOT to do but I just have no energy to be in other positions and cleaning my floors every day and what not. I have a feeling when labouring day comes I will just live in the moment and the worries will be gone, but for now, I really wish I had a guarantee of what will happen.