3 year old still rocking to sleep for naps?

[sept2008twingirls]

Please tell me that someone else has had a 3 year old that would only go to sleep while rocking! I don't know of anyone else that has ever had this problem, so I'm asking for some reassurance that my son is normal and also advice, since I'm so tired of rocking him to sleep.

It all started because I nursed DS to sleep until he was 20 months or so. At that time my doctor insisted that I "HAD" to wean him, as I was pregnant with twins. I started patting him to sleep while I layed down with him and then somehow we got into the habit of rocking to sleep while watching relaxing YouTube videos. I would then carry him onto his room to sleep. Lately though I've been rocking him to sleep and when I lay him down he wakes up and wants to be rocked again. He refuses to even lay down with me at that point (which is how he goes to sleep at night). He only wants to be rocked.

It's just really hard for me to keep rocking him, as my twins are 1 and they need attention sometimes. Everytime I try and change the habit to having him even just laying down with me and patting his back, he completely looses it and refuses even to lay down. He will lay down somtimes, but ONLY if I lay down next to him and if I have to get up to care for the twins who might be fighting or getting into something dangerous, he gets out of bed and cries until I get back. The twins are pretty good about playing on their own, but somedays are just TERRIBLE.

Like today for instance. I rocked him to sleep, brought him to his room, but then he woke up, since one of the twins followed us into the room. Then he refused to lay down. I tried rocking him again, same thing happened. I had been rocking him for 30 minutes and wanted him to try and lay down with me, but he refused. He finally layed down with me, but then the girls came in and I would have to redirect them. So, while I redirected he would cry and carry on until I came back. I put the girls down to sleep finally, as it was then their time to take a nap and then came back, laid down with him until he FINALLy fell asleep. This whole thing lasted 1 1/2 hours.

I have to admit, I get really angry sometimes, as I just can't be in two places at once and get really resentful that he wants my full attention. (This happens at night too where he wants me to lay down with him and I'm so tired that I end up falling asleep with him and hardly ever spend time with my husband).

Any help for me?
Thanks,
Sarah

[liliaceae]

Can your DH help out with night time parenting at all? That sounds like an awful lot of work for just one person!

Honestly I think you just need to decide how you want to put your DS to sleep, and then tell him that's how it's going to be. He will cry and scream at first, but you will be there to console him, and I think if you stick with it he will eventually go along with it. He's 3 years old, old enough to be reasoned with and to understand that he can't always get what he wants.

That said, we do read books to DS every night to get him to go to sleep, but it's working for our family, so I haven't felt the need to change it. Rocking your DS to sleep isn't working for your family, so it might be time to make a change.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

I rocked DD to sleep every night and every nap until she was 4.5, when suddenly she decided she wanted to fall asleep in the bed, and has ever since.

[fritz]

Well, for us, it wasn't rocking; it was walking back and forth with my DS in my arms. Around 3yo, I noticed his naps were getting more sporadic...there'd be a day or two a week when he'd go without. My DS still wasn't sleeping a five hour stretch at night, so I was concerned about his total sleep quality and quantity.

However, after some really ugly naptime power struggles (I would yell, he would cry), I finally realized I was focusing way too much of my energy on trying to get him to nap. He wasn't cranky when he missed his naps, but I sure was. So I started laying down by myself to rest. Sometimes he would join me and fall asleep on his own; other times he'd try to play quietly on the bed. And sometimes he'd just keep doing his own thing and stay awake until bedtime. That lasted a few months until he finally seemed ready to drop his naps (although he'd still take a nap one or two days a week--and those were the times I'd still walk him to sleep more often than not). His nursing was fairly sporadic by then, too.

At 3.5yo he completely weaned (thanks to back-to-back head colds), but he was still taking a nap every so often. After another couple months, though, DS was done with naps and had finally started consistently sleeping through the night. And the time I had to spend walking him to sleep gradually decreased.

We'd have phases where I'd only walk him about 5 minutes, then lay down with him and he'd toss and turn for ten minutes, then pass out (actually, we're back in that phase right now). But then for a while, he'd refuse to settle, and I'd have to walk him 10-15 minutes til he passed out before I laid him down. I'd wait for his first twitches, lie down with him, wait 5-10 minutes for his twitches to stop, then I could safely get up without waking him.

Now DS is almost 5yo. Once in a great while, he'll suffer some trauma (physical or emotional), and want me to walk with him during the day so he can calm down. After 20-30 minutes, he might actually fall asleep in my arms. During those times, if I try to lie down in bed with him, he'll wake right up and be in a very ugly mood and want me to keep walking him. However, if I just sit/recline on the couch while he's still on me, he might take a nap for maybe 30 minutes...but when he wakes up, he's in a good mood.

Advice for you: is it possible for you to close your son's door when you walk into his room to put him down? Will your twins leave the door closed? Is this naptime and bedtime? Could your son be ready to drop his nap? Or, can you put the twins down first, then get your son down to sleep? For bedtime, can your DH become more involved in establishing/following routines to take some of the burden off you?

[sept2008twingirls]

Just to clarify, my DH is doing a TON with getting the kids to bed. Night time is not a problem actually. My DS lays down with me and goes to sleep fairly easy, but I'm too tired from the day and go to sleep and then don't make it back to my husband's bed. (I'm up about 6-8 times a night with the twins). I think I need to somehow figure out at that time how to stay awake until he sleeps or I need to tell DH to wake me up. Since DH helps me at night and watches the twins, it's not that hard. Naps are the problem, since the twins are up at that time. Eventually, when the start just 1 nap a day, they will be sleeping before DS, but for now they are still wandering around while DS is trying to sleep. Not a very friendly sleeping environment. For a few weeks I had put up a gate so the twins couldn't come into my DS's bedroom. I think I will try that again today and see if it helps. Plus, I also want to start having DS lay down before rocking, like at night, when I'm not angry/upset and see if he'll slowly start sleeping on his own. I'll let you all know how today goes. Thanks for your responses. It makes me feel good to just know that some of you actually rocked/walked with your DC until they were pretty old. Maybe some kids just need that.

Thanks,
Sarah

[liliaceae]

Is it possible to just get him to sleep earlier, and cut out his nap?

[pianojazzgirl]

Originally Posted by liliaceae

Is it possible to just get him to sleep earlier, and cut out his nap?

This is what I'm wondering too. At 3 yrs old a lot of kids do still need a nap, but a lot have given it up too. I think I would go ahead and try doing no nap and see how it works. But, remember it does take some transition time (involving crankiness!) before they start to get the rhythm of going to bed earlier. You can still do a quiet time of rocking together to give him some down time. Or, since you say he will fall asleep eventually but then get woken back up, maybe you can consider the short time that he did sleep to be a kind of "cat nap" - just enough to get him through to night time - and then let him get up after that?

[sept2008twingirls]

Just wanted to update...

I tried rocking him for 10 minutes, put up the gate so the girls couldn't come into the bedroom and then patted him to sleep. I had to leave the room twice to check the girls. The first time he got up, but didn't cry. 2nd time he laid in bed til I came back and then I finished patting him to sleep. 30 minutes or so total today. Much better than yesterday. I will try this pattern for awhile, so that he can slowly learn to sleep without rocking and then hopefully SOMEDAY he will lay down with only a little patting and then be able to sleep by himself. That is my goal...SOMEDAY.

Also, I don't think that he is ready to give up naps yet, as he takes 2-3 hour naps. We go to bed really late. I think he is actually scared to sleep in his room. So, me laying with him for now will be a good transition, so he doesn't feel scared by himself. (Of course, all of my friends/family just want me to have him CIO. I don't think this is the best option for him, as he is genuinely scared and I don't want to cause a complex.)

Thanks again,
Sarah

[zeldamomma]

I'd also experiment with changing the time of his nap-- he might be having trouble getting to sleep because he's over-tired (the nap is too late) or because he's not sleepy yet (too early).

But it sounds like you're on the right track! He will learn to get to sleep on his own eventually.

[MissNo]

We had a similar problem, except our oldest wasn't napping for 2-3 hours. I was rocking longer than she was sleeping, and we eventually dropped her nap. I rock her as part of her sleep routine, but lately she's asking to be sung to while she is in bed, so her needs might be changing.

Maybe put him down later, when he's a bit more tired? I feel for you, I 've had to rock for a loooong time, and when our second came along, it was doubly hard to do.

[sept2008twingirls]

Seems he's almost ready to give up naps, I think. Saturday he didn't take a nap (as Dad and I tried to make him sleep for more than an hour and finally gave up). He did fine and just went to sleep easy at night, which was nice. Today he got up really early at 6:45am or so, so was easy to rock him to sleep for his nap. I think it might be a day to day basis on whether he needs the nap or not, I guess. Guess I need to be flexible....

Sarah

[LuxPerpetua]

I'm still rocking (and bouncing) my 4 year old to sleep, so no you aren't the only one (although sometimes I feel like I am too!).

[honeybunmom]

Originally Posted by sept2008twingirls

Just wanted to update...

I tried rocking him for 10 minutes, put up the gate so the girls couldn't come into the bedroom and then patted him to sleep. I had to leave the room twice to check the girls. The first time he got up, but didn't cry. 2nd time he laid in bed til I came back and then I finished patting him to sleep. 30 minutes or so total today. Much better than yesterday. I will try this pattern for awhile, so that he can slowly learn to sleep without rocking and then hopefully SOMEDAY he will lay down with only a little patting and then be able to sleep by himself. That is my goal...SOMEDAY.

Also, I don't think that he is ready to give up naps yet, as he takes 2-3 hour naps. We go to bed really late. I think he is actually scared to sleep in his room. So, me laying with him for now will be a good transition, so he doesn't feel scared by himself. (Of course, all of my friends/family just want me to have him CIO. I don't think this is the best option for him, as he is genuinely scared and I don't want to cause a complex.)

Thanks again,
Sarah

No rocking here, but sometimes, my 4 yo dd wants me to sit in the chair in her room like I used to until she fell asleep. And now, she's pulling the "I'm scared card". Since she hasn't been scared before, I'm not sure why she would be now. I do think it has something to do with the fact that her baby brother goes to bed after her. In any event, we used to have a lamp for her that had a night light in the lamp base. The base had moon and star cut-out openings for the night light to shine through. We left it in the condo when we moved out a few months ago and haven't brought it over yet. I'm planning to get it this weekend to help ease her fears (she's been insisting that we leave the hall light on outside of her room). Maybe a similar light would help your son.

Also, does he have a lovey? If not, maybe a friend doll would be helpful to him. One made of natural fibers that retain warmth (and a little lavender inside wouldn't hurt, either, to promote restful sleep). My daughter doesn't actually have a lovey, but she has begun to lay some bears in her bed and I have to tuck them in also each night.

At the end of the day, I would bet a big part of it is still the adjustment to having to share you with his sisters. My son is 10 mos old today, my daughter weaned at 34 mos when I was newly pregnant with him, and she's just still adjusting to the amount of attention he requires.

And my husband is helping out at night, too. But, sometimes (a lot of the times!) they just still want mama.

[Purplegal]

My DD is 3 1/2 and we still rock to sleep most nights. I dont see anything wrong with it, but if I had other kids to tend to I could see the problem!