Wallowing in self pity

[Everrgreen]

deleting for privacy

[sunfish21]

Oh mama, I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. No-one ever (I don't think) can be the mom they want to be all the time, so please be gentle with yourself. I do wonder if some therapy for you alone might be a good thing. It might be nice to be able to sort out some of what you are dealing with, even if STBX is not there.

[whatta_mama]

Be kind to yourself... give yourself a break.
I know what that loneliness feeling is like... sometimes it cuts like a knife.
I know what the resentment is like... I could get so mad my head would explode.
I understand.

It takes time and when you think you are stronger you may have set backs &
it takes more time... each person has their own grieving time line... and that is what is happening. You are grieving.

I have been a single mama for a LONG time and believe me when I say you
will come to a place where you will feel better about this. But right now take the time to grieve. Your dc will survive this time... sometimes we can fake it enough to get by and they are no worse for the wear...then things get better.

When you are in a mood to cook, try to make enough portions to last few days. Leftovers were godsend on the days the sadness took over in my house, then you can relive some of your guilt when you serve a healthy meal to your dc with little to no effort.

Hang in there. You are in the right place for support.

[Pumpkin_Pie]

Oh mama, how I remember those days. The absolute worst times for me were between one and two for DS. It literally felt like once he turned one and until he turned two, I just didn't want to be a mama at all. It was so painfully, horribly lonely and just plain HARD. My house got messy beyond belief, my diet went down the toilet, and I started to get sooooooooo frustrated with DS. It was just awful.

Definitely find help with caring for your little one. My saving grace was calling up the local child abuse prevention hotline. Not saying that is the road you are going down, or that I was planning in some way to hurt my DS, but they were absolute lifesavers. They came and did respite for me for an hour or two at a time so I could do a load of laundry and take a hot bath while someone watched DS in my home. It was so great to know I could still hear him, and know he was happy, but I could also get away for a minute.

Also, make mama dates as much as you possibly can. Better yet, find at least one other single mama and go to hear house as often as you can. It doesn't matter if you only sit around and talk to each other's babies, but you really need friends who are in a similar situation. A friend of mine started a single mother's group that I joined, and I met some of my closest friends there. I actually met another mama in pretty much my exact same situation, which was so great.

You can do this, you need to get out of your house first of all, and second, realize that some of your dreams will have to be let go, while you create new (and better) dreams for your new family.

[meemee]

mama almost all of us have walked your path.

what i liked about it was that i fully gave in to the pain. i didnt hold back. i fully embraced it. my house was a mess. dd got the bare minimum. it was sooo painful. i tell you i have buried a brother and my father yet this pain went far beyond what i felt with their death. but when i was done. I WAS DONE. i have never cried that way ever again and i know i never will. in fact it helped me find the happiness you wrote about. gosh for a while i even played the victim card. the oh poor me part. and being an immigrant with no family support, let me tell you it was EASY to get 'oh you poor thing' support to stay in it and wallow in it. TG i had my dd. because of her i came out of it. partly that and partly coz i wasnt liking who i was becoming. was i really poor me. what did i have.

i still remember one grey wet morning looking out of the window through tearful eyes. and as i wiped my eyes and focused i saw this branch with dew drops on it. and for some reason it filled me with profound joy. the beauty of the raindrops on that branch. i started going out for morning walks. i would take my dd to ps and then walk back mindfully. and i suddenly found myself finding the magic of winter. how it is so not cold and dreary but that in that grayness and bareness there was so much beauty.

so do what you have to now. what you feel like doing. being in your pjs all day and eating pasta. wallow in it. one day you will grow to hate it. and then you can move on with your life. and you will find, as i did, that i didnt have to find 'happiness'. it was right there next to me. nothing in my life had to change for me to see it. just my perception. how i view the world. that's when its there.

you are going thru your stages of grief. you have to let them pass through you.

i can promise you - it has its purpose. but its not forever unless you choose to make it so. you will come out of it. and you will find everything you have longed for.

i love, love travelling. to both near and faraway places. would you believe that since i have been poor i have travelled much more and seen many more places than when i had lots of money. wierd huh?!!!

your son will be fine.

take all the 'should's' in your vocabulary and throw them out of the window.

[Everrgreen]

deleting for privacy

[boobybunny]

Gillian

If you have any extra money go get yourself vit D3. 10000 IUs a day. It really will help with the whole butt dragging feeling. Seven buck should get you at least a month's supply.


Been there done that. Even today, eight years after the divorce, six years into a wonderful, healthy marriage, I mourned the loss of the father, the husband my former spouse was. (or the illusion lost)

What to do? Prep up some easy healthy finger foods for little bean. So even if you feel like crap, you can't beat yourself up because of perceived lack of nutrition. Call a friend..(reaching out here counts) get some positive stroking and emotional support from others. Get dirty with the kiddo.. muddy, paint.. heck pudding.. whatever get silly and yucky with both yourself and your babe.

[lilyka]

I feel ya. I have been in major self pity funk. lonely and believing that no one will ever love me, that I am too damaged and just not good enough (after all my husband was a jerk and I wasn't even good enough for him).

I don;t have any perky optimistic catchy cliches to help you break free. I think this single mother thing sucks. I am glad to be out of that relationship but it is just a less bad situation. not one particulary joy worthy.

[MissLotus]

Originally Posted by meemee

mama almost all of us have walked your path.

what i liked about it was that i fully gave in to the pain. i didnt hold back. i fully embraced it. my house was a mess. dd got the bare minimum. it was sooo painful. i tell you i have buried a brother and my father yet this pain went far beyond what i felt with their death. but when i was done. I WAS DONE. i have never cried that way ever again and i know i never will. in fact it helped me find the happiness you wrote about. gosh for a while i even played the victim card. the oh poor me part. and being an immigrant with no family support, let me tell you it was EASY to get 'oh you poor thing' support to stay in it and wallow in it. TG i had my dd. because of her i came out of it. partly that and partly coz i wasnt liking who i was becoming. was i really poor me. what did i have.

i still remember one grey wet morning looking out of the window through tearful eyes. and as i wiped my eyes and focused i saw this branch with dew drops on it. and for some reason it filled me with profound joy. the beauty of the raindrops on that branch. i started going out for morning walks. i would take my dd to ps and then walk back mindfully. and i suddenly found myself finding the magic of winter. how it is so not cold and dreary but that in that grayness and bareness there was so much beauty.

so do what you have to now. what you feel like doing. being in your pjs all day and eating pasta. wallow in it. one day you will grow to hate it. and then you can move on with your life. and you will find, as i did, that i didnt have to find 'happiness'. it was right there next to me. nothing in my life had to change for me to see it. just my perception. how i view the world. that's when its there.

you are going thru your stages of grief. you have to let them pass through you.

i can promise you - it has its purpose. but its not forever unless you choose to make it so. you will come out of it. and you will find everything you have longed for.

i love, love travelling. to both near and faraway places. would you believe that since i have been poor i have travelled much more and seen many more places than when i had lots of money. wierd huh?!!!

your son will be fine.

take all the 'should's' in your vocabulary and throw them out of the window.

This is a great post! The unexpectedness of finding joy in the little things... it's so true. Things really do get better.

It's right to let yourself grieve. Maybe just try to address the fundamentals... like someone else said, even if you take baby steps, and start yourself on vitamins, and cutting up some fruit for your kid... sometimes just the littlest accomplishments boost your mood enough to do something else, and it grows. It takes time, that's all. It really does.