Will it traumatize non-potty trained 4 yo if I bring him to school in regular underwear? (update...

[mommyshoppinghabit]

This is the advice of his preschool teacher. DS is the last kid left in his class that is not potty trained. This is not the reason I'm fretting. I'm fretting b/c I feel he is holding on to diapers as a security blanket. He is a perfectionist, and therefore probably afraid of soiling himself. In class, when the teacher tells everyone to go to the potty, he will listen and pull his pants and regular diapers down and sometimes he will pee, or at least sit on the toilet. At home, in the morning upon waking and at night, before bed, I've been able to get him to pee standing up. But beside that he begs me for a diaper. He refuses training pants. I can't get him to go willingly to the toilet during the day (all the weekdays he's in school anyway from 9-3). Do you think if on his next school day, I refuse to put diapers on and bring him to school in underwear, he'll be scared the whole day and this could traumatize him?

[MusicianDad]

Personally I would do an at home no diaper day before I even attempt it at school. The same idea, but the environment is far more safe feeling. I think that making it a school day could very easily backfire and result in pushing back complete potty learning for a while, as well as injur the trust you've earned.

[mommyshoppinghabit]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

at home no diaper day

I've tried but DS begs me to put a diaper on him.

[SunshineJ]

No way I would do that personally. If he's already afraid of soiling himself a little, think of how much worse it would be if he did so in front of all the other children and his teacher(s)! Instead I'd work on it with him at home and maybe try to work out a deadline with him on it - by March 1st we'll be out of diapers and have a good handle on this, and you'll go to school in big boy pants and won't everyone be SO surprise and SO impressed type thing. I think if you just take him to school in underpants out of the blue you're only setting him up for humiliation and anger.

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by mommyshoppinghabit

I've tried but DS begs me to put a diaper on him.

There is no real reason why you have to do something if he begs for it. Wait 'til your at the end of a diaper supply and say "Sorry we don't have any right now, you'll have to wear underwear right now." Or if your willing to lie, you can hide what you have and do the same.

[sapphire_chan]

He already pulls his diaper down when they go to the bathroom at school?

Then my guess is that being the same as the other kids will actually be a help to him and if you just put it matter of factly "Teacher wants all the kids to wear undies at school from now on" it'll be less traumatic than anything you could do at home.

See, I think that you should give him a chance to be okay with it. Don't make a big deal, just say something like the above and if he freaks, you can still go to another option without doing any diaper-free school days, but it might be that if he feels it's just a way to do things at school it'll be easier on him mentally.

[nameisrio]

My daughter is 3 yrs. 2 mos and we were in the same boat less than 2 weeks ago. She was definitely holding onto diapers for security or maybe it was a control issue. I tried refusing to put her in diapers; that led to major tantrums. I tried telling her we weren't buying any more diapers when we ran out - that didn't go over well either. Finally, I suggested we have a "Potty Party". I bought a cake and let her decorate it. Then I told her to have some cake (she LOVES cake) she had to use the potty. She did - and this was after her not going NEAR the potty for probably 2 months, at home or school. Then I told her we were giving our last few diapers to the "Potty Fairy". We put them in a bag and set it outside. I told her the Potty Fairy would bring her a present in the AM and that she would wear panties from now on and pull-ups at night.

IT WORKED! She had had maybe 3 or 4 accidents since then, most in the first couple of days. She now uses the potty at school too. We haven't conquered public toilets yet - I've been putting her in Pull-ups if we go out. That's our next challenge - weaning her off her little potty and getting used to using the big toilet.

Sounds a little silly, but it might be worth a try. (I did a similar thing with the "Bottle Fairy" when she turned 2, which also worked great.) Good luck!

[lifeguard]

Does he stay dry at school? I think this would be the biggest factor for me. If not - then yeah, I could see it being upsetting but if he's staying dry then it doesn't sound like much of an issue to me & could actually build his confidence with it.

I would warn him though - "On Tuesday we are going to start going to school in undies."

[Kailey's mom]

If it were me; I would compromise with pull ups if the school was insisting on "underwear"

[One_Girl]

I think it could work if you talk to him about it first and tell him that you understand he is worried about accidents, but that they aren't a big deal and you will send extra clothes with him. We had a mother in the preschool class I worked in who's four and a half year old was not interested in potty training at all and she did stop all of a sudden at home. She told us that she told him diapers were too expensive and he needed to use the toilet from now on. She also used a lot of praise, but she was tired of diapers and ready to try anything. He came to school very proud of himself and didn't have any accidents.

[bobandjess99]

We had a similar situation, except dd HAD to be potty trained to go to her school, it was not allowed for any kid to wear diapers, period. So, we had to send her in unders, or else forfeit our spot in the school. She did fine. After months and months of battles at home, she just did it. She did have accidents a couple times, which were handled in a very professional, non-traumatizing way by the teachers, and that was it.

[Think of Winter]

My ds, just 6, is also a perfectionist, very bright, and very independent. We spent months last year trying to convince him to poop on the toilet. Finally, we forced him to (after my freaking out when he pooped his pants), and 6 months later, he's developed an assortment of ocd type behaviors, all related to toileting. I'm pretty convinced that I harmed him by how I handled it. If only I could go back and be more patient and much more gentle. I have no advice for speeding things along, other than being as accepting and kind as possible. I know with my ds, the more I pressure, the harder he fights back.

[Autumn Breeze]

I agree w/ Musician Dad.

When you run out, don't buy more, or don't let him see that you have more available to use. Tell him that you don't have any, and can't get to the store yet. Leave pants off of him and keep the bathroom very open and easy for him to just go in and use. No moving of stools, prepping of toilet.


Just because he's begging and demanding doesn't mean he gets to get it? Right? I mean, MOM!! Can I please please please please please have some candy and some pop, and run around outside naked in the snow?

Ok that's unreasonable, yes, but still. My daughter BEGS to not wear pants. I'm sorry but when it's 16 degrees outside you need to have pants on!

[alaskaberry]

Subbing, I have a nearly 4 yr old who isn't potty trained and has been told he must if he wants to go to preschool. Need some good ideas.

[DaughterOfKali]

My son was VERY reluctant. I ended up choosing a date where we wouldn't use diapers anymore. (make sure the diapers are out of the house by the night before that date.)

Write the day on the calendar. Make it seem like a positive, exciting thing. Have your child cross off the days until it gets to the NO DIAPERS day.

Really play up the fact that it's a good thing and so exciting! But, try to sound sincere.

If your child has a favorite friend, try to incorporate that friend in the excitement (if you feel comfortable with that.) It has to be a close friend though...You don't want that child to be making fun of your child if your child has an accident at school. The friend needs to be your child's cheerleader.

Good luck!

[ElliesMomma]

Originally Posted by mommyshoppinghabit

I've tried but DS begs me to put a diaper on him.

yes, that's what they do.
but you have to hang tough. don't give in, and don't get mad.
if he begs and begs and continues, eventually you might give in to using a diaper to line the potty chair. (and when it comes to poop, might i recommend for your benefit a diaper to line the bottom of the potty chair -- otherwise cleaning it is disgusting.)

our daughter potty trained *very quickly* at 3.5 years old. she had excellent control right from the start; at that age, she was good and ready.

however she resisted strongly too, and it wasn't until i had a new baby that i decided i really didn't want to change big kid diapers anymore.

we called it "potty school" and "pee pee and poo poo school". when she finally did it she was so proud.

and to answer your question, i would definitely do it at home, not at preschool. IMO.

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by mommyshoppinghabit

I've tried but DS begs me to put a diaper on him.

"I'm sorry, we don't have any more diapers right now. We're just going to have to wear undies right now" and go about your day. Yes, he'll whine. Yes, he'll beg. That's something only you can decide if you can deal with.

But please don't do it at school. Kids can be cruel, even with the best of teachers (I'm a daycare teacher and I KNOW I can't stop every comment from being said and sometimes the damage is done before I can turn around).

What about pull-ups at school (the ones with the velcro sides work best so pants don't have to come all the way off to change if there's an accident)? A reward chart for staying dry at school?

[nextcommercial]

I am truly just asking... I am not being snotty at all. So, don't read this as offensive.

Wouldn't wearing diapers to preschool be more traumatic than wearing underwear?

[mommyshoppinghabit]

Success and a bit of a set-back

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

Wouldn't wearing diapers to preschool be more traumatic than wearing underwear?

Actually, ds never seemed to care, even though on all other fronts he wants to be just like everyone else. And the other kids never said a word to him (not that they would have noticed unless they were comparing underwear or something)

OK, so DS is at school right now in underwear. I only had the confidence to do it b/c he was peeing in the potty all weekend. I just hid the rest of the diapers, bought all this fun underwear, a lot of elastic waist pants (no pants at home) and off we went! I think it was more of reluctance on my part b/c I just didn't expend the energy to really make the effort, what with his little brother in tow and all the other stuff that wears on you day to day. Only on Sunday morning when I was sick in bed, DH didn't bother to bring him to the potty (not his fault, I forgot to tell him) and left him in a pull-up, then he went right back to peeing in the pull-up. He's tall enough now that he pees standing up. This is easier and more fun for him than sitting down...the only problem is that now he wont poo, I mean at all. I'm not sure if he had a bm yesterday, but I think he may be holding it in. It's not like peeing where I take him once every two hour. I mean, with doing #2, it has to be ready to come out and I can't get him to sit down. Did anyone else w/a boy potty train pee-pee and poo at different times?

[Bug-a-Boo's Mama]

DS was peeing in the potty before he was pooping regularly there. Bribery was what it took for him to poop in the toilet.