The point: I am planning to fly to visit my mother to spend a weekend with her, sans grandkids, discussing her current lifestyle and the future of her health. I have no idea how to do this, but I feel strongly that it needs to happen. I am posting with hopes that some kind soul will read through all of this and give me some advice about how to organize this visit so that it is not offensive, and is instead productive.
TIP: You don't really need to read through the specifics unless you have the time. I mainly just need advice about how to run what I guess is called an "intervention" of some sort. Do I look for a counselor? Can I do it by myself? How do I do this?
BACKGROUND
Emotional: My mother has been single since divorcing my adulterous father, back in 1986. She had had problems with weight before that, but was doing well with WW. After the divorce, she has had increasing difficulty losing weight, though she has tried many times and in many ways.
Logistical: She has tried the following: Different programs: nutrisystem, Jenny Craig, WW, private counselors, Curves...and different exercise machines, exercise programs, and diets. Nothing has worked very well, or for very long. Currently she is attending her local Overeaters Anonymous meeting, and has stopped going to Curves due to "financial difficulties." I think she may go to WW on occassion.
Health: In 2004, she was diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease-- hyperthyroidism. This makes weight loss more difficult, but not impossible. She was on thyroid medicine for a while, and was really bummed about her weight. (She was at her skinniest in a decade when the diagnosis came-- hyperthyroidism causes you to lose weight more easily, and the medicine used to treat it slows and reverses that process.) I think she kind of gave up at that point. However, physicians assure me that there is no reason that a Hashimoto's patient can't continue to reach a healthy weight.
Her knees and feet bother her a lot.
She was diagnosed last winter with sleep apnea, and has had ongoing difficulty with the machine.
MOTIVATION:
I guestimate that she weighs over 200 pounds, now. She is 61 years old. My children are her only grandchildren, and they are 1.5 and 3.5. She cannot get down on the floor with them. She had asked and asked to be in charge of them over the holidays, and was watching them at the top of a flight of stairs that was blocked off with chairs. My youngest got up from her lap, bee-lined towards the chairs, and managed to fall down the stairs before she could even get up off the couch. She was mortified. L was unhurt, but it was a red flag for both of us, I think. She said she could tell where he was headed as soon as he got off her lap, but she just couldn't get up quickly enough.
And while I am motivated by thinking of what is best for HER, I have to admit that watching her be the chief assistant in the slow and tedious dying processes of both her parents caused a lightbulb to go off for me: that will, one day, be my job. I am motivated by pure-self-interest, to some degree.
RESPONSIBILITY:
I am the older of her two children. My dad is not in contact with us any more. She is the eldest of seven kids, both parents dead. Her siblings mostly turn to her for support and guidance, which she gives with the same patient generosity with which she changed their diapers and made their snacks (she is older than the next oldest sibling by a larger gap than separates any of the rest of them.) She has no partner. In short, there is no one to intervene in the loving way that I know I count on my spouse to do for me when I have made a bad or dangerous decision.
Sooo.... what do I do? How do I do this? So far, I have been to the OA website. I am trying to include my sister, but she is apparently having some sort of issue, because she is too busy to call me back to talk about it in depth, and hedges when I introduce possible weekends for us to fly out to visit her jointly.
Here are the sketches of the beginning of
MY PLAN:
First, pick one:
a) fly out to surprise her. I have never done this before. She would find it exciting, but also alarming. She is a bit of a control freak, so it would be nerve-wracking for her.
b) tell her that I am coming.
And... that's it. I have no idea how to do this. What do I do? How do I talk to her? Where can I go on the www that will help me prepare and do this in a way that she will know is born out of love? HELP!
I am thinking of going on Valentine's day weekend.
TIP: You don't really need to read through the specifics unless you have the time. I mainly just need advice about how to run what I guess is called an "intervention" of some sort. Do I look for a counselor? Can I do it by myself? How do I do this?
BACKGROUND
Emotional: My mother has been single since divorcing my adulterous father, back in 1986. She had had problems with weight before that, but was doing well with WW. After the divorce, she has had increasing difficulty losing weight, though she has tried many times and in many ways.
Logistical: She has tried the following: Different programs: nutrisystem, Jenny Craig, WW, private counselors, Curves...and different exercise machines, exercise programs, and diets. Nothing has worked very well, or for very long. Currently she is attending her local Overeaters Anonymous meeting, and has stopped going to Curves due to "financial difficulties." I think she may go to WW on occassion.
Health: In 2004, she was diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease-- hyperthyroidism. This makes weight loss more difficult, but not impossible. She was on thyroid medicine for a while, and was really bummed about her weight. (She was at her skinniest in a decade when the diagnosis came-- hyperthyroidism causes you to lose weight more easily, and the medicine used to treat it slows and reverses that process.) I think she kind of gave up at that point. However, physicians assure me that there is no reason that a Hashimoto's patient can't continue to reach a healthy weight.
Her knees and feet bother her a lot.
She was diagnosed last winter with sleep apnea, and has had ongoing difficulty with the machine.
MOTIVATION:
I guestimate that she weighs over 200 pounds, now. She is 61 years old. My children are her only grandchildren, and they are 1.5 and 3.5. She cannot get down on the floor with them. She had asked and asked to be in charge of them over the holidays, and was watching them at the top of a flight of stairs that was blocked off with chairs. My youngest got up from her lap, bee-lined towards the chairs, and managed to fall down the stairs before she could even get up off the couch. She was mortified. L was unhurt, but it was a red flag for both of us, I think. She said she could tell where he was headed as soon as he got off her lap, but she just couldn't get up quickly enough.
And while I am motivated by thinking of what is best for HER, I have to admit that watching her be the chief assistant in the slow and tedious dying processes of both her parents caused a lightbulb to go off for me: that will, one day, be my job. I am motivated by pure-self-interest, to some degree.
RESPONSIBILITY:
I am the older of her two children. My dad is not in contact with us any more. She is the eldest of seven kids, both parents dead. Her siblings mostly turn to her for support and guidance, which she gives with the same patient generosity with which she changed their diapers and made their snacks (she is older than the next oldest sibling by a larger gap than separates any of the rest of them.) She has no partner. In short, there is no one to intervene in the loving way that I know I count on my spouse to do for me when I have made a bad or dangerous decision.
Sooo.... what do I do? How do I do this? So far, I have been to the OA website. I am trying to include my sister, but she is apparently having some sort of issue, because she is too busy to call me back to talk about it in depth, and hedges when I introduce possible weekends for us to fly out to visit her jointly.
Here are the sketches of the beginning of
MY PLAN:
First, pick one:
a) fly out to surprise her. I have never done this before. She would find it exciting, but also alarming. She is a bit of a control freak, so it would be nerve-wracking for her.
b) tell her that I am coming.
And... that's it. I have no idea how to do this. What do I do? How do I talk to her? Where can I go on the www that will help me prepare and do this in a way that she will know is born out of love? HELP!
I am thinking of going on Valentine's day weekend.
at them.
I really don't think an intervention is the answer. I think you could express your concerns, and offer to be there, and offer to help.. but you also need to get intouch with your own heart.. find out why you are so worried and why this upsets you so much. I understand logically where you are coming from, but where are you emotionally? 
