alright,
my family is emotional eaters and my sister, father, and mother are all over weight. my father has type two diabetes and my sister is pre-diabetic.
i never, ever talk about their weight and health with them. they talk about it (and rationalize and all kinds of things) and they do a lot of yo-yoing with their weight over the years.
and, no one is really willing to talk about the elephant in the room--that my father will be very difficult to take care of in 20 or so years and that they need to make the financial preparations for in-home care should he need it.
so, here is my process--within my own person i acknowledge my fears and discomforts with their health issues. i acknowledge all of my feelings about them. using an alanon-type process, i work on my enabling and other elements of my dynamic with their addiction.
with this, i acknowledge that i am also an emotional eater. through therapy, i have been able to closely monitor and deal with my emotions rather than turning to food. in my family, i am the only one who has acknowledged this emotional eating (or food addiction) component in my relationship to my body and my emotions.
when i am with them, i listen to them and acknowledge and support what i can. when my mother, sister, or father is in a good place, it is easier for me, and when they are in a bad way, it is harder for me. but the bottom line is this. . .i am focused on me and my emotions, maintaining my own equilibrium and not getting caught in codependency with them and their addictive patterns, and so on.
Of course you love your mother and you want her to be healthy. But only she can deal with her emotions and go through this. You can support her in any way you can, but talking to her about her health problems will only push her away, frustrate or anger her. It may also bring up her own shame, which is difficult.
THere are times when it is good to speak of such things--and i have with all of my family who emotionally eats when they bring up the topic and i express how i feel about it--eg, my father was talking about end-of-life care because i'd brought up how we were looking toward that for ourselves; i suggested that he consider that if he is disabled physically, that he can have in home support for that, as mom and i would not be able to lift him, etc. i expressed that i am deeply concerned for his health, but i love and support him and want him to have the best possible life experience.
but beyond that, all of these things are for them to deal with and solve. what i can control is how i relate to them and the emotional eating, etc. so, that's what i focus on.
i hope that you have a good visit with your mother, but i wouldn't do any "interventive" measures.
my family is emotional eaters and my sister, father, and mother are all over weight. my father has type two diabetes and my sister is pre-diabetic.
i never, ever talk about their weight and health with them. they talk about it (and rationalize and all kinds of things) and they do a lot of yo-yoing with their weight over the years.
and, no one is really willing to talk about the elephant in the room--that my father will be very difficult to take care of in 20 or so years and that they need to make the financial preparations for in-home care should he need it.
so, here is my process--within my own person i acknowledge my fears and discomforts with their health issues. i acknowledge all of my feelings about them. using an alanon-type process, i work on my enabling and other elements of my dynamic with their addiction.
with this, i acknowledge that i am also an emotional eater. through therapy, i have been able to closely monitor and deal with my emotions rather than turning to food. in my family, i am the only one who has acknowledged this emotional eating (or food addiction) component in my relationship to my body and my emotions.
when i am with them, i listen to them and acknowledge and support what i can. when my mother, sister, or father is in a good place, it is easier for me, and when they are in a bad way, it is harder for me. but the bottom line is this. . .i am focused on me and my emotions, maintaining my own equilibrium and not getting caught in codependency with them and their addictive patterns, and so on.
Of course you love your mother and you want her to be healthy. But only she can deal with her emotions and go through this. You can support her in any way you can, but talking to her about her health problems will only push her away, frustrate or anger her. It may also bring up her own shame, which is difficult.
THere are times when it is good to speak of such things--and i have with all of my family who emotionally eats when they bring up the topic and i express how i feel about it--eg, my father was talking about end-of-life care because i'd brought up how we were looking toward that for ourselves; i suggested that he consider that if he is disabled physically, that he can have in home support for that, as mom and i would not be able to lift him, etc. i expressed that i am deeply concerned for his health, but i love and support him and want him to have the best possible life experience.
but beyond that, all of these things are for them to deal with and solve. what i can control is how i relate to them and the emotional eating, etc. so, that's what i focus on.
i hope that you have a good visit with your mother, but i wouldn't do any "interventive" measures.
