Newbie questions!

[koru]

DH & I have talked about adopting since before DD1 was born. Just something we've been drawn to. We now have 3 children of our own, are done having biological kids but would like to start the adoption process....somewhere, somehow!?

My first question is this...do we have to pick an agency to work with right away? Or is it possible to start our homestudy while researching agencies?

Also, we would prefer *not* to have an infant which I'm confused about. The only info I can find online is to adopt through DCFS or special needs children which we aren't prepared to do. How does one go about finding young children to adopt? Domestically?

And...will non-vaxing & homeschooling be a mark against us? My two older daughers are partially vax'd but my son isn't at all. And homeschooling is a life we love but it may not be forever (who ever knows?).

I'm sure I have more questions brewing but these are just a few off the top of my head.

Thanks!

[queenjane]

Im a little confused....you are ok with an older child (non infant....toddler? preschooler?)...but dont want to go through the state. I would have to say while not impossible or unheard of, that the vast vast majority of private domestic situations are going to be for babies either before birth when matching takes place or very shortly thereafter (sometimes there is a "baby born" situation where the mom decides to place right after birth)....but it would be fairly uncommon for, say, a one or two yr old to be in a private situation. it CAN happen but isnt the norm.

I am with a private agency that places state children. That is typical where i live....its not "DHS" but the children ARE "DHS" children, if that makes sense. With my agency you can foster, with the idea that the kids will go home to their parents but you may get to adopt if that doesnt happen, or you can "straight adopt" meaning the child placed with you is already legally free and you are the chosen home, no chance of them being placed elsewhere. My son was placed as a regular foster placement at three weeks of age and termination of parental right took place at four months (his mom was not seeking reunification), i finalized his adoption just under 11 months old. i was then placed with a little girl nearly a year old, she went to relatives after two months, i now have a little boy who was 16 months when placed, he'll be two next month, they are seeking to terminate parental rights and if that happens (should know one way or the other next month), i will likely adopt. He is totally healthy. In fact, even though state adoption is usually considered "special needs kids", none of the kids i've had have actual "special needs" and none would have qualified for an adoption subsidy because they were all healthy kids under three.

In addition to fostering....my adoption worker said she had two different 2 yr old girls available that she'd like me to consider (for straight adoption, not fostering), both healthy, i had to say no because i wouldnt be allowed three two yr olds per licensing regulations.....my friend is adopting a sib group through my agency, a 5 yo, 4 yo, and 2 yo plus a new baby just born, all are presumably fairly "healthy" (meaning perhaps some drug exposure at birth or some such thing but no actual developmental or physical disabilities)...i know lots of people who have adopted younger kids through the state who are basically healthy typically developing children (obviously its important to research the issues that COULD arise.)

Is there a reason you wouldnt want to go the state route? Otherwise if you dont want an infant but an older baby or toddler, that would pretty much leave you looking at international.

Homeschooling and nonvaxing were pretty much non issues in my homestudy.

[mamadebug]

Perhaps rule and regulations vary by state (I am in CA), but the simple answer is that you do need to pick the agency you will work with because the agency will do the home study. If you start with one agency, and for whatever reason switch to a different agency, you can often transfer the home study (although the other agency isn't required to accept it), usually with a fee - but it doesn't make sense to add that complication unless you really have to. If you choose to use an attorney or facilitator instead of an agency, then it often doesn't matter which agency you choose to do your home study.

If you would prefer to adopt a toddler or an older child, the most common routes would be to adopt through foster care or international adoption. Private domestic adoption is almost always infants. The woman at the agency we worked with said that in the 20 years she has done this, she has worked with a handful of situations where a mom will decide to place her baby after she has been parenting for a few weeks or a month or so. From my experience, moms don't voluntarily place their children after a couple of years or so (of course, they may be removed by CPS, but that is a different situation). If you are looking internationally, the age of the children available for adoption will depend on the country, and will range from older babies to teenagers.

Our son isn't fully vaccinated and it didn't impact our home study at all. Our social worker said she has worked with families that don't vax at all, home schoolers, etc. The agency we went through for our home study is pretty inclusive, though.

And one more thing....I know you are just starting out in this process, but language can be tricky. So when you say "we have three children of our own, are done having biological children...." - it could be taken the wrong way. All the children you have - biological and through adoption - will be your own.

[koru]

Thanks for your responses, mamas! I'm learning more & more everyday & it definitely looks like going through the state is our best option. At first we weren't sure we could foster but after a bit more discussion we've decided it's definitely something we could do. Much of this is a leap of faith but we're ready!

Originally Posted by mamadebug

And one more thing....I know you are just starting out in this process, but language can be tricky. So when you say "we have three children of our own, are done having biological children...." - it could be taken the wrong way. All the children you have - biological and through adoption - will be your own.

And thank you for this, too. I most definitely understand that any child in our home will be our own but I need to be cautious of my words. Oops! We had an older teenager live with us for 2 years & even though she's on her own now(and has a mother & family), we still consider her part of the family!