How to shift to an earlier bedtime?

[crunchy_mommy]

I've always believed in following DS's cues and avoiding any kind of schedule but I don't think we can keep this up much longer.

He goes to bed somewhere between 11:30-12:30. DH & I both work full-time so we need to be up early & DS does NOT sleep through the night. DH is only getting 5-7 hours (straight) of sleep a night and I'm getting about 7 hours of waking every 20-60 minutes which is not at all restful. I do miss having quiet time with DH in the evenings but that's less of a concern than the utter lack of sleep!!

We don't do any bedtime routine. He always nurses every 30 minutes or so and in between plays in the bedroom and when he gets tired he just falls asleep nursing.

I guess I would just like if he'd go to bed a LITTLE earlier, maybe 10-11pm, though earlier would be ok too.

I try waking him earlier and he just acts all sleepy and falls back to sleep within an hour. We tried shifting/holding off on his naps a bit but he just ends up falling asleep for an hour around 8 or 9pm and then is up again 'til midnight.

[westcoastlady]

My DS is almost the same age as yours and I was also reluctant to get into a really strict schedule. However, when it came to bedtime, I really needed the evenings to myself. I think having a flexible betime routine is the best thing. My DS knows that when we put the toys away and take out the books, it's time to calm down.

He is generally in bed and asleep around 8 pm. He used to be up until midnight all the time. When I started putting him to bed earlier, I used the technique from the No Cry Sleep Solution (Elizabeth Pantley). I put him to bed at the desired bed time. Then when he inevitably woke up 45 minutes later, I put him down again. If he was truely awake then I let him play/sit with me in a dim room and maybe look at some books/a quiet toy but we didn't go out of the bedroom again.

The first night I put him down 5 separate times (I think I walked about 5 km that night). The next night is was only three. Then one. Now he is down and sometimes up once but usually I don't hear from him again until 11 or 1 for feeding. The funny thing is, once we had a good betime routine down, he started sleeping way better at night. He still co-sleeps and eats 2-3 times at night but way, way better.

The book - 'No Cry Sleep Solution' has a lot of really great, gentle ways to encourage sleep.

[lucifugous]

I took a similar approach to the previous poster. You may have to stick with it for a while, but eventually he will figure out there's nothing exciting worth staying up for, and then it will set a rhythm. Artificial lighting is crucial to sleep issues, so make sure to get as much a.m. sun as possible and then have everything dim for a good hour before the target bedtime, which it sounds like you will adjust based on his needs. I didn't mind staying up later with my daughter, but for her 8pm turned out to be a good time, and when it started getting dark real early it slid up to 7pm. Any later would prompt a cycle of overtiredness. She still gets up throughout the night to nurse, but she goes back down easily every time

[crunchy_mommy]

Maybe this will sound dumb but I don't understand how to get him to be tired. We try laying him in bed at 8 or 9. I try nursing him down, over & over & over, or singing to him etc., but he is usually wide awake. On the days he is tired I can get him down but he just wakes up again in an hour no matter how hard we try (keeping the room dim, nurse him back down again, etc.) It seems more like his "natural" sleep rhythm is to sleep from midnight til 10 or 11am. He even sleeps better when he goes to bed later. And because of our schedules the rest of the day is way better. Maybe I'm being selfish by trying to get him to sleep earlier And I also wonder if he stays up later because that's the only time DH & I have to both focus TOTALLY on him and not work, chores, etc.

I sort of feel like a crazy person talking here....

[westcoastlady]

Honestly, if it is working for everyone... I wouldn't worry about it. No, it's not a traditional betime but if he's getting enough sleep then it doesn't seem like a problem. But if it isn't working then I think the best bet is to start waking him up earlier. It may be hard (maybe start with just a half an hour earlier) but it would be worth it. Also, choose what time you think would work for a bedtime (it doesn't need to be 7pm it could be 10 pm or whatever works for you) and then start your routine then and do it every night. You may need to be a slave to the routine for a few weeks but once he gets used to it you can be flexible about it.

It's not selfish to want a few hours to yourself or with your DH. Especially since you both work. Well rested parents are just as important.

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by westcoastlady

Honestly, if it is working for everyone... I wouldn't worry about it. No, it's not a traditional betime but if he's getting enough sleep then it doesn't seem like a problem. But if it isn't working then I think the best bet is to start waking him up earlier. It may be hard (maybe start with just a half an hour earlier) but it would be worth it. Also, choose what time you think would work for a bedtime (it doesn't need to be 7pm it could be 10 pm or whatever works for you) and then start your routine then and do it every night. You may need to be a slave to the routine for a few weeks but once he gets used to it you can be flexible about it.

It's not selfish to want a few hours to yourself or with your DH. Especially since you both work. Well rested parents are just as important.

Yeah I guess I don't know what I want at this point!! I love that DS sleeps in 'til 10 or 11am. I WAH so having him asleep for a few hours instead of awake & crying is easier. But then at 10 or 11pm when I'm dead tired I just want him to SLEEP!!

I guess DH & I need to discuss what the "ideal" bed & wake times would be and try to move DS closer to that kind of schedule. Maybe it will go better if we work on it over the weekend when we have more time & energy to devote to it.

[GAjenn]

I am currently reading the "no cry sleep solution for toddlers" and it has some great advice.