Channelling your anger/frustration

[szechenyi]

My mom calls it the "arsenic hour" and I can completely understand why; between 330 and 5, I turn into exhausted, grouchy mom with a very, very short fuse. It is usually the only time of the day that I find myself getting really frustrated with my son (he's 2.5 years old). Behavioural things that I could dealt with in a relaxed manner earlier in the day become huge trials, and his tantrums get right under my skin and make me want to scream.

I know that I can't just make the anger not happen. I mentioned to a therapist once that all I wanted was to just not be angry, and she said I wasn't a robot so that was impossible.

So anyhow...I'm interested in hearing other parents' methods of dealing with their anger. Unfortunately what happens at times is I finally get fed up and give my son a time out for something that isn't even that big of a deal. Basically I overreact.

When your kids really push you, how do you deal with your feelings? The things i do -- giving myself a time out, which can only be achieved by putting him in front of a cartoon, for example -- don't seem to be that effective.

[ollyoxenfree]

Since you recognize the pattern, try to organize yourself around it, if you can. Plan a high protein snack for yourself around 3 p.m., for some extra energy. Exercise is good too. Break up your routine too - maybe 3:30 is the right time for a little fresh air - a short walk or outdoor playtime for both of you, to work out the afternoon kinks. Or perhaps a scheduled quiet time for both of you indoors will do the trick.

Does part of the problem arise because you are getting busy and distracted at that time, and he needs more attention then? Perhaps you are trying to clean up and get dinner prepared, while he is revving up after an afternoon nap? Could you re-organize your day, so you do more dinner prep earlier in the day, and then you won't feel so pulled apart?

[pjs]

I have 4 kiddos and that is indeed the hardest time of the day- everyone is out of gas but too early for bed, hungry and you need to make dinner. As much as I hate to do it, I give my kids a tv show while I prepare dinner. My older kids (5 & 7) have to finish their homework, pick up the house (any messes they've made) and set the table for dinner (as well as unload the dishwasher) before the tv goes on, so that usually takes a bit. Some days if dinner is in the crockpot, we'll play a game- uno, go fish, mille borne, busytown, etc. That helps keep people focused, but is obviously mom intensive.

[aprons_and_acorns]

I agree about the good snack for both of you. Also, have you tried giving him his bath around that time? I know for a lot of kids a nice warm bath with lots of tub toys can keep them busy for a long time and the warm water is so calming.

[mumkimum]

We tend to do a quick clean, and I sit down for tea or coffee and a snack of my own at that time (along with kid snacks and tea if dd wants).

We'll watch something together on tv we both like, or just something for me and I'll set up painting or playdoh. Or if I really need to get away from her for the day, I'll put on a kid show and snack by myself in the next room.

I've taken to being really up front with dd 'mama needs to do something relaxing right now because I'm starting to feel cranky, no I can't do x with you until I am done, I still have my snack and coffee here and am not finished.' and the more I've been doing that with her, the more she comes to accept the mama break-times.
In the evenings (cause with dh's long days, I'll get the crankies then too) I'll go ahead and take a bath and do something similar for dd (dry-erase marker books or drawing notebooks).