What's going on here?

[MujerMamaMismo]

My 13mth old DS has never been an awesome sleeper but has gotten significantly better since we moved him onto his own mattress next to our bed (rather than in our bed) about 2 months ago. By last week, he was only waking twice a night - down from 5-12 times. And suddenly BAM - he will not go to sleep without a massive fight and a lot of crying. He won't nurse happily to sleep - instead he nurses for ages (up to an hour) then decides it's time to get up and walk away. In return I am having to forcibly cuddle (restrain) him which is resulting in a very angry, screaming babe...but it's only after he's had a huge cry that he will then get back on the boob and fall asleep relatively fast. In a similar vein, if my DP tries to cuddle / pat him to sleep she ends up having to hold him down and after much screaming, I end up in the room feeding him to sleep. We have tried letting him walk away, as is his wont, and retrying later but it results in the same drama. He is tired, he just won't sleep.

The only way my baby will sleep is if we make him cry. It's horrible, horrible, horrible.

Incidentally, no matter when and how many naps he's had, his bedtime is getting later and later too. Last night he went down at 11.30pm and woke up for the day at 5am. We fought for more sleep until 7am when I received a huge kick in the jaw and threw my own tantrum!

Here we were, working up to nightweaning Jay Gordon style, thinking he was going to be ok with it, and now his sleep has regressed more than ever.

FYI - he's been walking confidently for a couple of months now. His 1yr molars are through too.

Any suggestions? He can't be worn down because he does not transfer - never ever, ever has. I'm starting to think that sleeping in the car is a good idea!

[Maluhia]

any ear check?

Honestly he sounds like SOMETHING is going on and if the car does it, I'd deal with the car but the not transfering may be an issue. Have you tried recently on the transfering?

[Ravenlunatic]

I remember being flabbergasted more than once during the first 3 years of nursing/sleeping et al. And now that I read your post I also remember a similar stage when my dd was mobile and thought it okay to not go to sleep.

My technique came from the NCSS book which was once it was bedtime if baby didn't want to sleep we still never turned on more than a dim light and we did not leave the room. I took it a step farther and would actually not do any play or anything. The only things we would do are sing, rock, bounce or nurse.

I never felt quite right restraining my dd's movements but I would get on the bouncy ball (which saved our lives) and bounce and bounce and bounce. She would sometimes wriggle and cry, but I was not willing to disway from our routine.

I think sometimes babies go through a stage and if you can manage them through it old routines quickly come back.

I also know that all babies are different in regard to sleep and night weaning. My dd night weaned fairly easily at 19 months, but didn't sleep more than 3 -4 hours at a stretch until then.

Good Luck

[MujerMamaMismo]

Thanks for your thoughts and ideas. Though he's fighting hard and it's taking a lot of hard work, he is going to bed earlier now. He's waking up a million times in the night again but at least I'm getting some time between his bedtime and mine.

It's not an ear infection but it looks like he's cutting his eye teeth a bit early and it's really driving him nuts. I think this is happening at the same time as a natural sleep transition - he genuinely needs 5-6 hours between nap and bedtime now which is tricky because he still wants to have 2 (short) naps a day. I suspect we're going to have to restructure our days a bit to get this sleep business sorted. I'm not good at being scheduled but I'm also not good at sleep deprivation and tired and cranky babies so something has to give.

I really, really, really hope that once these teeth are through, we can nightwean. I'm losing my zen.

[blizzard_babe]

DS went through a nursing-then-wanting-to-walk-around stage for a while (coincidentally, it was around 14 months). We were renting a place in Wisconsin for the summer, and so pulled his floor-mattress into the empty (small) second bedroom. Basically, he'd nurse until he was sleepy, then realize "OH! I don't want to FALL ASLEEP!" and would just sort of walk around groggily, kind of half-crying. I'd periodically invite him back over to me, and when he realized there was nothing to do in the room (it was TOTALLY empty ), he'd come over, snuggle up, and go to sleep. I'm not sure it'd work now that he's older, but it did the trick back them... boring him to sleep.

[spiraldancer]

oh mama! it's not easy, is it? your ds sounds a lot like my 14 month old ds, and I'm in a daze right now after a supremely terrible night (up for over 2 hours from 2 til 4 when I dosed him with Tylenol for his molar teething pain), followed by a supremely terrible morning of fighting with dp whose only comment to me all night was to inform me (when I gently poked him to tell him he was loudly snoring right as ds was *finally* falling asleep at 4.30) that I had been snoring too! omg. I really hope this is rock bottom because something's gotta give - and I don't want it to me, breaking down completely.

I have to admit, I too have done the cuddle/restrain until crying to sleep thing more than once. I don't feel good about it - really goes against my nature, and I never had to do it with my 2 older dc - but with this guy it just seems like sometimes he *needs* to have a cry before he can settle down to sleep. my ds, too, will often wake me up with a kick or a punch after an awful night of broken sleep. sheesh. good thing he's so darn cute. we cosleep in king, but I'm thinking a little bed of his own that he could fall asleep on and come over to us of his own accord in the night might be a good idea soon. he's nursing constantly through the night, and will cry and yell if I try to slip the nipple out of his mouth for even a few minutes.

my bedtime technique is kind of like blizzard babe's and ravenlunatic's- I become really boring. I won't talk, won't play, sometimes I won't even make eye contact. I just lay there and try to look sleepy (not usually hard to do lol!) I make sure the lights are dim, and I may let him crawl around the bed, but I make sure the door is closed so he can't get out, and I just wait for him to come back to bed and "give up" by laying down with me. seems to work ok much of the time (though I do end up falling asleep with him often). its the staying asleep that we have a problem with. . . best wishes and stay strong - someday this will all be a hazy, sleep deprived memory!