Late - what to do - Page 2

[meemee]

Originally Posted by StephandOwen

I hate to say it but- that's life.

see that's where i differ. i refuse to accept that is life for a 7 year old. i mean one level that is how life has to be. on another i absolutely abhor it. not at 7 or 8 or 9. does that mean she is going to be like that for the rest of her life. absolutely not. she may choose to be but its her choice.

somedays dd just sleeps soundly late. i cant predict that. its not a get her to bed early thing. i think somedays our body needs that extra rest. and i see the effect that it has on her.

this is the reason why for my dilema. i can totally understand why the school has this rule in place. and yet i feel sad that our life has to be run by rules, esp when i have the option of letting her sleep in. esp. at 7 years old when we are learning/discovering how our inner bodies work.

we have not had this issue before. and i think its happening because dd is dealing with a lot. she is growing mentally and her sensitiveness is making it hard to deal with certain things. plus she is in a v. challenging class. so i think its a matter of adjusting. and its because of this reason i feel she should be given the freedom to adjust. once things fall into place i know she will be ok.

the school can be a little more understanding. i guess i will have to go and talk to them. the principal. but i know it will not do any good because they all have the attitude 'that's life'!!!! i just refuse to say that to my 7 year old now. she already gets that being from a single parent household. she doesnt need that coming at her from every single place. somewhere something needs to give - and be a little more understanding.

thanks for expressing your thoughts. it helps me figure out what i want. makes me understand what about it is bugging me - makes things clear for me.

honestly for me school is NOT that important esp for a child who can miss a weeks worth of school and not be behind. her teachers have been understanding - but its the school and rules.

[MCR]

I think three tardies generating a warning is pretty severe. It takes more than that at our school.
I'd start waking her in time to get to school on time, get her into the regular schedule of getting out the door on time, it's a life skill you and she will both appreciate one day.
Life would be great if we could all wake naturally each day, for me I'd sleep till about 8 am, but for the last 17 years of continually having kids at school (one left to start k this year ) I've had to get up and wake everyone at 6am, it's life, we all get used to it even if we don't like it.

[lauren]

It is hard that schools have rules that apply to all ages in all circumstances. I guess they have adapted to that norm because kids and parents in the past have tried to work around the rules. And not all parents are truly 'reading' their child as it seems you are trying to do. Some parents may simply not be motivated to get their child to school on time, or at all. Hence the rules and the truancy proceedings. One size fits all. It can be challenging, but that does seem to be how schools are, all over. I wonder if an alternative school or even homeschooling would be more suitable for your child, since the rules are not likely to change at this school, or any public school, as you note?

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by meemee

i refuse to accept that is life for a 7 year old.

It's life for a 7 year old who is in school. Does she not need to learn that rules DO apply to her? If she grows up and works in an office where she's expected to be there at 9am, the same time as everyone else, do you think she's going to go very far if she wanders in at 10 or 11? It's the same thing for school- the rule is that kids get there at x time. If EVERY child in the class starts being 20-30 minutes late "because they needed more sleep" then that would be extremely disruptive to the entire class.

somedays dd just sleeps soundly late. i cant predict that. its not a get her to bed early thing. i think somedays our body needs that extra rest. and i see the effect that it has on her.

I get that, I really do. My ds sleeps very soundly and always has. Some days I would get him dressed and in the car and be at work (as a nanny so he came with me) before he even woke up. Some days I would bring him inside and lay him down on the couch where he would sleep for another hour. Right now, at 6, he still sleeps soundly. His alarm rings at 6:30. He almost NEVER wakes for it (and when he does it takes him 20+ minutes to wake to it). His alarm can be blaring and his light on in his room and he still won't stir.

and yet i feel sad that our life has to be run by rules, esp when i have the option of letting her sleep in. esp. at 7 years old when we are learning/discovering how our inner bodies work.

Any chance of homeschooling her then? That would settle a lot. She can sleep until she naturally wakes and you won't have to deal with the school/truancy.

i just refuse to say that to my 7 year old now. she already gets that being from a single parent household. she doesnt need that coming at her from every single place. somewhere something needs to give - and be a little more understanding.

I never said to tell you dd "that's life" You could put it much more gently.... "the school has rules that you need to be there by x time. If you aren't feeling well then you can stay home but I can't bring you 30 minutes late to school because you slept in." I've read many posts of yours over the years so I'm well aware that you have a brilliant dd. I guarantee she understands the rules.

Good luck with this issue!

[rhiandmoi]

Has she been kept home sick other days also as unexcused absences?

[meemee]

Originally Posted by rhiandmoi

Has she been kept home sick other days also as unexcused absences?

yes she has been kept home but not as unexcused. i call in to let them know she wont be coming in that day. she hasnt been sick but needed a mental break from school. her teachers are aware of this and support it wholeheartedly.

steph i wasnt going to tell my dd 'that's life'. i was figuratively speaking. she already gets 'its life' too much with life. and i didnt want to add more. i got what you meant. its one of my pet peeves. and i was just going off on it. not really meaning at you but more my 'internet tantrum' of why life has to be this way. i know and agree with what you mean. we all must follow rules, but we dont ALWAYS HAVE to follow rules. however this can be a huge pandora's box so i dont want to go down that lane.

unfortunately no chance of hsing her. i tried sooo hard to make it happen. it would be the best for both of us. i even tried a part time hs pt school. there are none in my area. but nope. aint gonna happen. which is still fine. dd mostly tolerates her school so it isnt that bad (she totally has the hs personality, not a structured personality). the thing that gets me is that her teacher is willing to look the other way if she comes to school once or twice a month half an hour late. he is fair. and sees what the kids need. he does other similar kinds of things for the kids who need that extra whatever in his class. yeah we are v. fortunate to have him as dd's teacher.

its more my issue. i know i can wake up dd even when she is sleepy and ask if she wants to go and she would jump up if she had to and be out of the house in ten minutes. however its me you know. I would like to let her sleep (and of course she never EVER does this over the weekend. she is up bright and early even though she went to bed at midnight). so really its all about me. she does understand the rules. so really its not her going against them. its me.

*sigh*

[sunnmama]

Originally Posted by meemee

its more my issue. i know i can wake up dd even when she is sleepy and ask if she wants to go and she would jump up if she had to and be out of the house in ten minutes.

Maybe it would help to think about what is important to your dd, rather than what is important to you. It sounds like school is important to her. Could she use an alarm clock, and let her handle wake up on her own?

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by meemee

yes she has been kept home but not as unexcused. i call in to let them know she wont be coming in that day.

You might want to check into this. At ds's school- those are still "unexcused" and count against him for truancy purposes. He gets a certain number of "mom and dad called in/sent a note in b/c he was sick" before they send the truancy letter. You get unlimited "doctor note excuses". Our situation is slightly different and sets ds up to get truancy letters because we take a few long weekends during the year to go to Michigan to give his bio-dad a chance to see him.... which means he ends up missing quite a few Friday's at school. So the school told us to make sure we get a dr note for ds every time he's home sick (fortunately our dr office is really good at this) so when we take ds out for a michigan visit we can use those towards our "mom and dad called in/sent a note". I think he gets 6 of those per year before he's truant. We might be right at 5 and it's only January

its more my issue. i know i can wake up dd even when she is sleepy and ask if she wants to go and she would jump up if she had to and be out of the house in ten minutes. however its me you know. I would like to let her sleep (and of course she never EVER does this over the weekend. she is up bright and early even though she went to bed at midnight). so really its all about me. she does understand the rules. so really its not her going against them. its me.

Have you asked her what she would prefer you do? Maybe if she tells you she wants you to wake her up then it would make it easier on you? I know the feeling of not wanting to wake them up, it's something I struggle with too. Only my ds is not the one to jump out of bed when I wake him He's more likely to whine and moan about why he has to wake up! LOL!

[expatmommy]

You need to set her up for success and get her to school on time.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by StephandOwen

You might want to check into this. At ds's school- those are still "unexcused" and count against him for truancy purposes.

YIKES!!!!! thanks for pointing it out. i will check into this. i miss dd's previous school where they couldnt meet her academic needs. this wouldnt even have been an issue there. small neighbourhood school was much more personal and understanding.

Have you asked her what she would prefer you do? Maybe if she tells you she wants you to wake her up then it would make it easier on you?

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!! good point!!!! i will do that. that WILL make me feel better that SHE is making the decision, not me!!!!! right on.

YIPPPPEEEEE!!! she WANTS me to wake her up early. aaaaah problem solved!!! actually i am supposed to remind her to go to bed early. HAH!!!!! that night owl will definitely struggle with this i know.

Originally Posted by expatmommy

You need to set her up for success and get her to school on time.

i disagree expatmommy. i think that's a wrong attitude for 7 in EVERYTHING. she does do things on her own. sleeping is a whole nother issue. and i absolutely refuse to go against dd's wishes. she has been responsible for her homework since she was in first grade. i never tell her unless as a reminder. i help if she asks otherwise hw is between her and her teacher. being in a single parent coparent household, she already has to do a lot of things she doesnt like doing just because 'that's life'. however in this case i feel we need to let them be children. i wish school started at 9. it would have been much easier for her. but unfortunately it doesnt.

please i am not trying to be rude to you. just sharing my philosophy and 'that's life' and 'set up for success' makes my blood boil. mainly coz its not looking our for our best but how to lines ones own pocket. i think as we progress the human race is getting 'meaner' and 'meaner' and not looking out for each other because everyone is not 'square and fits in the same square hole'. so i try my best and not be part of the system when i can - even within the system.

expatmommy i dont know why your siggy made me cry. that broken heart just got to me today. : :

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by meemee

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!! good point!!!! i will do that. that WILL make me feel better that SHE is making the decision, not me!!!!! right on.

YIPPPPEEEEE!!! she WANTS me to wake her up early. aaaaah problem solved!!! actually i am supposed to remind her to go to bed early. HAH!!!!! that night owl will definitely struggle with this i know.

Yay! Good luck to you and your dd!

As for the other part.... I remember growing up in a small town and being absent was never an issue. If your parent called saying you were sick, then fine. They didn't keep track and send out truancy notes when you missed *x* number of days. And I'm not that old so it wasn't *that* long ago!

When I moved here and ds just started school (he's in K this year) I was SHOCKED to read all the rules about tardy/absent/truant. It's insane! How about just trusting a parent when s/he says the kid is sick?? I'm not running my kiddo to the doctor every time he vomits once, but I will keep him home from school.

[Drummer's Wife]

Here calling in (even if they are sick) is also considered an "unexcused absence", unless you have a doctor's note. They are allowed 11 per year before they threaten to take legal action.

Glad your DD wants you to wake her up even if she's not naturally awake on her own in time.

[sunnmama]

Originally Posted by meemee

YIPPPPEEEEE!!! she WANTS me to wake her up early. aaaaah problem solved!!!

[CarrieMF]

Reading your posts on this thread, the truancy letter was NOT becuase of 3 late by 30min days since sept but all the days she's missed.

According to your posts she's late by 30minutes 1-2 times a month, has missed more than a week of school at a time, has missed other days due to needing a mental break and is often late by a few minutes but before the 30minute time period.

Your dd wants to be woken up & you've admitted this is your own personal issue.

When you're a parent sometimes you have to give up your personal issues for what your child wants. Especially when this child is 7 & in 4-5 short years you're going to be needing to wake her up to go to school most days.lol

[meemee]

Originally Posted by CarrieMF

Reading your posts on this thread, the truancy letter was NOT becuase of 3 late by 30min days since sept but all the days she's missed.

According to your posts she's late by 30minutes 1-2 times a month, has missed more than a week of school at a time, has missed other days due to needing a mental break and is often late by a few minutes but before the 30minute time period.

Your dd wants to be woken up & you've admitted this is your own personal issue.

When you're a parent sometimes you have to give up your personal issues for what your child wants. Especially when this child is 7 & in 4-5 short years you're going to be needing to wake her up to go to school most days.lol

oh no absenses are absenses. NOT truancy. i spoke to the office person adn she printed out the calendar and pointed out that it is ONLY because she was half an hour late on 3 days in 5 months. i think she has 3 or 4 absenses and the school is ok with that.

i think its a california thing. because according to the rules they have to mark dd absent in their own paperwork yet she is there. so essentially they are not getting money for her that day yet she IS there.

in fact they would have NOOOOOOOO problems with me if i took dd in for an hour and then take her out. that is marked as NOTHING. i could do this once a week for every week in school and unless her performance suffered they would not say a WORD!!!! they have in fact happily allowed this so dd could attend one of my field trips or sit in a chemistry lecture she wanted to.

yeah STEPH!!! exactly!!!!

for that matter IF dd is ON task with all her work WHY is truancy such a big deal (gripping here - not really asking). absenses equal no money so i can understand that.

so yeah. its all about money. and since that is all it is about - i will give it the 'treatment' it is due.

[Drummer's Wife]

see, I get that it's mainly about money. sure.

But honestly, as much as I hate complying (I don't do well with authority -LOL), and I got snippy when we got "in trouble" for DS missing 11 days last year... I certainly don't want to do anything to risk my kids' school losing funding.

I want them to have more money, to pay the teachers better, to have nicer materials, to offer cooler classes and programs. I worry very frequently that they will come up so short that they won't continue the Montessori program (because it does cost a lot more than reg. public school), and that scares me a lot.

so while I realize that letters home or meetings with the principal about truancy/missed days are more about $ than my child's well-being, I get where they are coming from.

[orangecanoe]

Reading this and then remembering your other recent thread on skipping school for minor reasons, it sounds like you are really okay with the lateness or absences. In that case, I would probably just accept whatever consequences would come from the tardies be it a letter or a meeting with school officials.

It also sounds like you're not all that late in the mornings, so maybe you could brainstorm with her before bedtime a way to streamline the morning routine so even the sleeping late wouldn't have her late for school, i.e. going to bed early cues you to have her pick out clothes, have everything in the backpack, lunch choices decided etc, so she can pretty much roll out of bed and eat breakfast in the car??

I suppose I luck out that in my state they don't enforce attendance policies until compulsory schooling age, which is 8.

[sunnmama]

Originally Posted by meemee

so yeah. its all about money. and since that is all it is about - i will give it the 'treatment' it is due.

I get where you are coming from. Policy can be frustrating.

It helps me to remember that the school does a lot for us. Dd's teachers are dedicated and caring and show up. The school is safe and free. Dd enjoys it.

In exchange for the services and care they provide dd, they ask that she be there, on time and every day (we get 10 unexcused absences a year). Yes, that is largely about money (title one school). I'm happy to comply (and model for dd that we need to do this) in exchange for all they do for us. YMMV, of course, but that attitude helps me deal.

Also, I don't have a car during the day. If dd misses the bus, I'd have to walk her to school 2.2 miles with a 3 yo. For that reason alone, we haven't been late once yet

[expatmommy]

Originally Posted by meemee

i disagree expatmommy. i think that's a wrong attitude for 7 in EVERYTHING. she does do things on her own. sleeping is a whole nother issue. and i absolutely refuse to go against dd's wishes. she has been responsible for her homework since she was in first grade. i never tell her unless as a reminder. i help if she asks otherwise hw is between her and her teacher. being in a single parent coparent household, she already has to do a lot of things she doesnt like doing just because 'that's life'. however in this case i feel we need to let them be children. i wish school started at 9. it would have been much easier for her. but unfortunately it doesnt.

please i am not trying to be rude to you. just sharing my philosophy and 'that's life' and 'set up for success' makes my blood boil. mainly coz its not looking our for our best but how to lines ones own pocket. i think as we progress the human race is getting 'meaner' and 'meaner' and not looking out for each other because everyone is not 'square and fits in the same square hole'. so i try my best and not be part of the system when i can - even within the system.

You are the mom. Setting her up for success isn't mean. Waking her uup is pretty foundational for a 7 yr old. I think it is unfair to expect her to parent herself in the morning because you sound unwilling to do that. Letting her be a child means getting her to school on time so she isn't teased by her peers or missing out on learning. That is the kinder way to parent her thru this. That, or commit to not being part of the institutional schooling system.

Originally Posted by CarrieMF

Your dd wants to be woken up & you've admitted this is your own personal issue.

When you're a parent sometimes you have to give up your personal issues for what your child wants. Especially when this child is 7 & in 4-5 short years you're going to be needing to wake her up to go to school most days.lol

It doesn't sound like you are needing to do much more then just get yourself out of bed on time so you can wake her up on time. It is your issue, not hers. That is unfair & 'mean' (using your term) to make her late because you have an issue with getting up on time. Are you the square peg or her?

[GuildJenn]

I'm glad you've found a solution.

I just wanted to add that I don't think rules are such an either/or situation. I am really glad to be able to get up on time to get to do so many cool things in my life, work among them.

I think when we give our kids the impression that "rules are bad" we are not doing them any favours - some rules are bad, lots aren't. One reason that things start at a particular time is otherwise people get so frustrated and unhappy at having their time wasted, at the uncertainty, and so on. Getting somewhere on time is not a senseless rule; it's a courtesy.