Late - what to do - Page 3

[meemee]

Originally Posted by expatmommy

You are the mom. Setting her up for success isn't mean. Waking her uup is pretty foundational for a 7 yr old. I think it is unfair to expect her to parent herself in the morning because you sound unwilling to do that. Letting her be a child means getting her to school on time so she isn't teased by her peers or missing out on learning. That is the kinder way to parent her thru this. That, or commit to not being part of the institutional schooling system.

BUT isnt society always harping on success. why does a 7 year old have to hear that at every moment. she does not give me a hard time about going to school even though she doesnt want to go on some days. of course i am unwillingly to wake up a soundly sleeping child. the point is she is NOT MISSING anything.

why cant the institutional system have a heart? i guess that is where my cruz lies.

It doesn't sound like you are needing to do much more then just get yourself out of bed on time so you can wake her up on time. It is your issue, not hers. That is unfair & 'mean' (using your term) to make her late because you have an issue with getting up on time. Are you the square peg or her?

ooooh this is getting interesting. before pointing a finger at someone please give them the benefit of the doubt. i go to school too and am up at least a couple of hours before dd so i can finish my homework and do whatever chores that need to be done so that when dd is up she and i can snuggle or sit and chat a bit. that is essential to the person she is as she doesnt like being rushed and it starts her day on a good note. no i am not the lazy parent here.

so waking her up when she is sound asleep and even half an hour really makes a difference - isnt that going against her body's rhythm AT SEVEN. this is a seven year old. NOT a teenager. it is not having an effect on anything except school rules. so what is the right parenting decision here?!!! it is not spoiling her. or me for that matter. gosh it would be good if i could get enough sleep at night.

i think its also developmental. for her. its a phase and i know it will pass. so she needs all the support she can right now.

anyways i think this issue has come to an end. and its starting to get argumentative. so i will bow out now.

[orangecanoe]

Originally Posted by meemee

i just need different perspective.

I think saying this in your original post opened people up to offer just that. I'm sorry you feel that things are getting argumentative. As I said, it sounds like you are willing to accept the consequences of school policies whether that escalates to visits with a truancy officer or not and are trying to balance that with the sleep needs of your dd.

[rhiandmoi]

If you don't want to wake her up, you can always risk a visit by the police over truancy and opening a CPS file on your family. That is your other option.

[sunnmama]

Originally Posted by meemee

so waking her up when she is sound asleep and even half an hour really makes a difference - isnt that going against her body's rhythm AT SEVEN. this is a seven year old. NOT a teenager. it is not having an effect on anything except school rules.

I think it is the lucky family (and 7 yo!) who never has to wake their 7 yo before they wake up naturally. Very, very lucky. Most kids younger than that need to be woken occasionally or regularly for the parent to get to daycare/work, school, etc.

I don't think you are spoiling her (goodness no), but probably overestimating the negative impacts of waking her from sound sleep a couple times a month. She'll be fine. My strategy is to wake my dc at a set time, so that she always has enough time to wake up slowly. It doesn't help to let her sleep an extra 10 minutes on the mornings she is really tired, because then she is tired and rushed.

[bebebradford]

Here's the thing.. schools have rules for a reason. They need the majority of children to attend and be ON TIME. It's not fair to the rest of the classroom, or your daughter. WHAT if they let all of her class come in whenever they wanted? HOW would they plan lessons? Would the teacher have to stand there and wait until everyone showed up in the classroom? It's also a life lesson. If it's that big of an issue for you guys do homeschooling. Good luck!

[meemee]

Originally Posted by bebebradford

Here's the thing.. schools have rules for a reason. They need the majority of children to attend and be ON TIME. It's not fair to the rest of the classroom, or your daughter. WHAT if they let all of her class come in whenever they wanted? HOW would they plan lessons? Would the teacher have to stand there and wait until everyone showed up in the classroom? It's also a life lesson. If it's that big of an issue for you guys do homeschooling. Good luck!

accepted. but not true. the teacher is willing to make a case for dd. most of the kids unfortunately dont have the option my dd has because the parents have to be at work. teacher knows the situation and has indirectly asked us to bypass the office and sneak in thru the side door. which i might take him up on. he has also been a single parent so perhaps that's why he is lenient to my dd. last year one of the boys was having a v. hard time adjusting and the teacher worked with the parents kinda circumventing the school admins.

its one thing to have rules. its another thing to follow it so strictly. not all schools do. dd's previous school did not. i know this would not be an issue there.

i am surprised so many here at MDC follows the 'follow rules' strictly. i dont think i have ever insisted on that with dd. she has figured it out herself that there are things one just has to do because there is no choice.

what i am asking is does it have to be no choice at 7. to me that is ridiculous. in many schools around the world including europe 7 is when things start to become structured. meaning they dont expect kids to comply till they are in 3rd or 4th grade.

why is it so hard to do exceptions?

Sunmama yup dd hates being rushed. yes true that its lucky to wake up when one wants to. and luckily for us we do have the choice. but that choice is being taken away from me which i dont feel is right.

3 times late by half an hour in 5 months is not reason to homeschool.

[bebebradford]

Originally Posted by meemee

accepted. but not true. the teacher is willing to make a case for dd. most of the kids unfortunately dont have the option my dd has because the parents have to be at work. teacher knows the situation and has indirectly asked us to bypass the office and sneak in thru the side door. which i might take him up on. he has also been a single parent so perhaps that's why he is lenient to my dd. last year one of the boys was having a v. hard time adjusting and the teacher worked with the parents kinda circumventing the school admins.

its one thing to have rules. its another thing to follow it so strictly. not all schools do. dd's previous school did not. i know this would not be an issue there.

i am surprised so many here at MDC follows the 'follow rules' strictly. i dont think i have ever insisted on that with dd. she has figured it out herself that there are things one just has to do because there is no choice.

what i am asking is does it have to be no choice at 7. to me that is ridiculous. in many schools around the world including europe 7 is when things start to become structured. meaning they dont expect kids to comply till they are in 3rd or 4th grade.

why is it so hard to do exceptions?

Sunmama yup dd hates being rushed. yes true that its lucky to wake up when one wants to. and luckily for us we do have the choice. but that choice is being taken away from me which i dont feel is right.

3 times late by half an hour in 5 months is not reason to homeschool.

The TEACHER is willing.. but the teacher is not the principle..schoolboard.. etc. What exactly are you wanting ? The choices are.. just accept the truancy discipline, or take her out for homeschooling. Maybe I'm unclear as to what you were looking for in your OP.

[D_McG]

Being on time is an important life skill. Tardy people piss people off. I think it's important to model being ontime and help your child succeed. ESPECIALLY when you say this is more your issue than hers.

[Tigerchild]

Meemee, the teacher can say whatever he likes, and I'm glad he doesn't care about the tardies...but obviously he IS still reporting them in because you're getting your warning. All he is doing is saying you don't need to go to the office for a hall pass.

So the teacher isn't making a case for you at all, since he doesn't care about getting the hall pass he's letting you avoid the chore of going to the front desk and signing in. He's not (likely) going to risk his job by falsifying the head count that's normally done 15 minutes or so into the school day.

It's nice of him to do that, but it says nothing about the truancy consequences for your family.

And again, you don't seem bothered by the tardies. So I don't see that you need to do anything at all. However, obviously the school system has their system, and it's obviously important to THEM. You can't avoid consequences because you don't like them. If you don't want to get any more letters, then you need to get your kid to the school on time or before that first headcount. If you don't care, then don't.

This is not me being all rules following, just me observing logical consequences. School district has a policy of X tardies and Y absences. I know this. If for whatever reason I don't take responsibility to get my kids to school with X-1 tardies, then there will be a specific consequence--a written nastygram, a conference with the principal, reporting to CPS, whatever it may be for whatever level I'm on.

I do feel that as your daughter is in elementary school that this is YOUR responsibility, esp. if she doesn't take a bus. (If she does have a bus available or is allowed by you to walk by herself, I feel that it then becomes her problem once she gets a little older) But there is a structure here and known consequences. So I don't get why you would expect to not have those consequences if you refuse to comply with the rules of the place that you are sending your child to school.

How just and righteous said consequences are pretty irrelevant, they are what they are and that's reality for you. But if you want to invest time and energy into seeking a waiver or whatever, then all power to you! Whether or not you like or agree with a policy though doesn't have anything to do with whether or not it'll be enforced. In Tigerchild's Perfect World, the Tigerchild Public School system would operate with more flexibilty and Tigerchild's Common Sense than the real world stuff does now--but I know it's not my perfect world. I can feel put upon and that justice has been stripped from me all I like, but it doesn't change a damn thing unless I'm willing to go fight for a change (which has a cost too, and I'd need to figure out if it was worth the investment. Maybe yes, maybe no).

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Tigerchild

I do feel that as your daughter is in elementary school that this is YOUR responsibility,

agreed. wake her up. If she is well take her to school and if she is sick put her back to bed.

[minkin03]

being on time is a life skill and important for success... 7 is not too young to begin learning this.

[Theoretica]

My son goes to public school. The bus picks him up at 7:20am, and missing means he walks to school. It sucks for him because he puts himself to bed at 7-8pm to get enough sleep, but that's part of going to school.

My daughter sleeps until she wakes up, unless we have somewhere to be earlier in the morning. Usually she's up around 8, but sometimes has slept until 10-11am. She's homeschooled. She also stays up reading in bed fairly late when she wants to do so.

Being a part of the school system means following the expectations of that system. The rules are in place to allow for mass functionality of the system. It's not realistic that they can accommodate each child's daily fluctuating arrival schedule so everyone is expected to be there on the same days and at the same time. Doing otherwise eventually earns a consequence because it goes against the system. I hear that you disagree with it, so my question is why participate in a system you disagree with?

My son does very well in a highly structured school setting. He was homeschooled his entire life and is in his second year of public school. It works for him, and quite well. Still, there are things he disagrees with (dress code, etc) and I think he's right. That being said, he's a voluntary member of that system and therefore he is expected to follow their rules, even if he or I think they are stupid.

[CarrieMF]

what i am asking is does it have to be no choice at 7.

in a school system that has these rules YES it does have to be no choice.

It's easier to get them into a routine of we get up at X time to get to school on time now than in a few years when they need to get up even earlier & have bigger responsibilities.

[Chamomile Girl]

Just on a side note I am amazed at how many people on this thread have used the argument that early rising must be done "for success." I call BS. There are lots of sucessful people out there who don't have to get up at seven.

The "on time" crowd is out in force again.

OP I agree with you. Instutitionalism sucks. Especially in California. And especially in the name of education.

(This public service announcement brought to you by a card carrying member of the California Teachers Association).

[Dandelionkid]

[QUOTE]

Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl

Just on a side note I am amazed at how many people on this thread have used the argument that early rising must be done "for success." I call BS. There are lots of sucessful people out there who don't have to get up at seven.

The "on time" crowd is out in force again.

OP I agree with you. Instutitionalism sucks. Especially in California. And especially in the name of education.

(This public service announcement brought to you by a card carrying member of the California Teachers Association).

There is plenty of time to learn such important "skills" as getting up on time. It is a school rule and it seems that it has to be this way, but I totally feel for you meemee. It's frustrating to have to partake in rules that are rules for the well-being of the system, not necessarily your child. I was surprised to find you posting here actually because,from your other threads you seem like such a free spirit- I'm sorry homeschool isn't an option for you. One thing I know, jumping through the hoops or not, your dd is going to grow up into a beautiful,strong woman with a mother like you.

[expatmommy]

Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl

Just on a side note I am amazed at how many people on this thread have used the argument that early rising must be done "for success." I call BS. There are lots of sucessful people out there who don't have to get up at seven.

It isn't success in life; it is success at school. School isn't the be all end all & if it doesn't work for their family, by all means don't go. Homeschool or work out something else. But if one chooses for their child to be part of the institution, it isn't fair to the child to put them at a disadvantage. It is stressful to be frequently late and feeling like you are missing out.

[rhiandmoi]

And you can still just choose to not care about the tardies or absences. If you participate in an institution such as public school, there are rules and regulations to support that institution. You can follow them, go against them and deal with consequences, or not participate. What you can't do is go against them and expect the consequences not to apply to you.

[sunnmama]

Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl

The "on time" crowd is out in force again.

The administrators (sending the truancy notice) are the "on time" crowd. That is sort of the point.

[atreyyena]

I just needed to comment in regards to the people who talked about work and not getting to sleep in as adults......

What correlation is there to going to work and going to 1st grade???????? It's not like she's in high school, even, people! Wow, I didn't know there were people on MDC who were so big on 'structured fitting in being on time', lol but I haven't been to all the boards either.

Seriously, the argument is that getting to school late once a month will doom a person to failure at their job? Yes, by going to school she is a part of the system, but as a person SHE makes the system what it is, the system would not be there without her and other kids to make it necessary. So suck it up, she's part of the system, falls a little flat with me.

Granted, I should come out and say that I am of the 'don't wake up a sleeping kid' party, as I equate it to 'don't fix something that isn't broken'!

To meemee, I agree it sounds like they're being pretty strict, and I can understand why, but I'd probably be doing what you've been doing.

My vote is to keep it up: not even the sleeping in so much as the time and attention you are obviously giving your daughter. Sounds like she's lucky to have a SP mama like you who cares.

[meemee]

Tigerchild yeah i want your perfect world.

and just to clarify the teacher does not report her tardy. once the bell goes off the gates are closed and you are supposed to enter thru the front gates. that's when you fill out the tardy slip and take it to ur class to say that you have gone thru the office. that's why he kinda talked about a not well known side door getting in.

i guess i will continue breaking rules. and sneak in thru the side gate.

the thing is if i need the school to do something, then i have to go thru IEP - get her anxiety officially diagnosed and run thru all those hoops. and i really refuse to do that. this particular school is like this. the board lays out its rules, and each school 'plays' with these rules. this school wants to follow the rules to a T. i volunteer a lot but i am not their 'buddy'. however i know a few words with the right people will take care of this issue. which is kinda like playing the system and sucking up. if i play the system as i do, i will play it my way.

thanks all for all your various comments. the situation has taken a different turn. dd discovers she likes a particular boy in her math class (she goes to a different classroom). she sits right next to the boy. so she has said she doesnt mind being late, as long as she doesnt miss math. however math is the first subject so she really has to be in school on time.

i guess this is so important to me because i notice the huge difference a good night's sleep makes for me. on the rare ocassion that i get it. just one nights complete refreshing sleep really has an effect for a few days. not just one.