Slowly trying to get ds into "school mode"

[thefragile7393]

Some quick background: Husband and I, (especially husband who was most vocal about it) decided our kids will be homeschooled. Our son just turned 4, so he's going to be the focus for the moment.

I hate to say it but he has some bad habits formed. I had to go back to work when he was 15 months old, and he's with a good friend 3 days a week and another sitter 1 day a week. We're currently in the middle of trying to simplify our lives so one of us can stay home (likely dh if I could ever get a full time job!)

He loves the TV....and a variety of programs, from Nickelodeon to Disney to PBS. He also loves games on the computer...loves the ones at PBSkids.org especially. He hates reading and being read to. If I say "ok time for stories," he screams and throws a fit. He hates sitting still for any period of time. He loves to play with toys and loves to be outside.

He's not ready for any sort of formal schooling obviously....but we want to slowly ease him into a more structured routine to prepare him for when he is. I'm dreading it though.....I don't know what his learning style is. I don't want to have to deal with tantrums and "No I don't want to!" every time he needs to do something he does not want to. He does remind me of how I was unfortunately...but I loved reading but didn't like having to do stuff I didn't want to do (and I'm still this way LOL!). I found Time4Learning online and got some demos and he went through them and enjoyed much of them....he has a short attention span so when he got bored he asked for another game. Sometimes he'd get frustrated and say "it's too hard," but if I walked away almost immediately he'd figure it out. If I tried to engage his thinking skills ("Mommy, this one?" "Try it, what do you think?") he'd get somewhat grumpy but keep doing it. I'd like to eventually get the Horizons Pre-k package for once we get our life situation settled and it not be a formal thing but I'd like us to use it.

I have started talking about school and asking if he'd like to "do school." He's enthusiastic about it, since he sees my sitter's older daughter go to school every day and he enjoys "doing school" with time4learning. He finished all the demos last night and we had him sit for a few mins for reading....he was NOT happy to leave the computer. I then read aloud to his sister with him sitting nearby....I've found that works a lot, that he'll come along eventually if I don't ask him too. He was also really tired from a long day so that had a part of it. He knows colors and sort of knows the alphabet, sort of can count. So I don't know...I'm really frustrated and irritated and worried with myself mostly. I think at some point some relaxed homeschooling to some unschooling will work but I don't know if at this age it would be appropriate. I'd like him to get used to some structure but I fear enforcing will make him hate anything related to school and never want to sit for a while.

[Lillian J]

It's really impossible to know what a three year old will be like as a learner when he's of an age where he'll be ready for reading or any of the rest of the things children ordinarily learn when they're much older. If I'm understanding correctly from your sig line, he was just barely three a few days ago.

There's no need to ease him into anything - just facilitating his immediate needs for exploring and playing will be more productive. It's right on schedule for him to have a brief attention span - it will be that way for quite a while, and he'll be busy growing and playing in ways that work much more appropriately for a three year old, four year old, etc. Playing and being outdoors are exactly the kind of things that will benefit him most, so there's no need to torture yourself with trying to get him doing things that are more appropriate for an older child with a different temperament. There's no need to ease into a structure - if you want a structure, you might try just structuring your days so that there's a rhythm to the way you, as a family, tend to do things, but not a structure to the way he has to learn things.

In regard to reading, there's really no reason why he needs to be sitting and listening to reading as if it's a chore for him - the idea, especially at his age, is simply enjoyment, and he's just not ready to enjoy that, especially if it's being presented as an obligation rather than a treat. For that matter, he may always have an impulse to move rather than sit and listen, and that's fine - lots of people read to much older children while they move around. The very most important thing for him to get from being read to is simply that it's fun, enjoyable, and that reading will be enjoyable for him in his future - so, if that's not what's coming from it, it would be much more productive to just stop - try again sometime in the future and in a warm and cozy, casual way rather than with a school-like sense. Maybe he'd be happy with very short little picture books that call for only brief attention - there are lots of wonderful ones.

For now, I'd really suggest just enjoying him in what three year olds are naturally drawn to and grow most from - lots of different kinds of play - and forget about later homeschooling concerns for now. Here's another thread that leads to others having to do with younger children: New to Homeschooling (3 yr. old).

Have fun! - Lillian

[thefragile7393]

He's actually just turned 4.....but you know what I feel he's still a 3 year old mentally and emotionally...or heck even a 2 year old!

You have made some wonderful points....a routine to a day and a rhythem would be a good idea. I'm trying not to stress out but man it's hard...and it's hard to do anything now since we're both stilll working most of the time. If anyone else wants to chime in please feel free! Maybe I'm just expecting so much of him. I was put in school early and was reading by three....but my mom was a SAHM and it was only me as well. I just feel like he's so behind in a lot of ways. He LOOKS older....he's tall, but I keep forgetting that he's only barely 4 age-wise.

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by thefragile7393

He's actually just turned 4.....but you know what I feel he's still a 3 year old mentally and emotionally...or heck even a 2 year old!

You have made some wonderful points....a routine to a day and a rhythem would be a good idea. I'm trying not to stress out but man it's hard...and it's hard to do anything now since we're both stilll working most of the time. If anyone else wants to chime in please feel free! Maybe I'm just expecting so much of him. I was put in school early and was reading by three....but my mom was a SAHM and it was only me as well. I just feel like he's so behind in a lot of ways. He LOOKS older....he's tall, but I keep forgetting that he's only barely 4 age-wise.

Ah! Well, that clears up a lot of it. I was in a hurry earlier - hadn't really taken in the part about how much you're working. The fact that you're working while trying to sort this all out is obviously a major factor in why you're finding it so stressful - you're not only trying to figure out how "homeschooling" will go later, but doing it while you're not with your son much of the time right now. It's got to be hard to not stress on it all . And the early reading factor is also major. We see quite a few people here who were early readers and can't quite relate to why their children aren't, as well as parents who have children learning to read at vastly different ages. He's not behind! I'm in a hurry again - got an appointment coming up - so I'm just going to leave this link for now on preschool & kindergarten. The page has links to lots of articles by professional educators and researchers who feel very strongly that a child like him is not at all behind, but that children his age who have been pushed into early academic skills would be a lot better off if they could slow down and do exactly the kinds of things he wants to do - be sure to take a look at the articles by Elkind and Paley and The Alliance for Childhood. Got to run again - Lillian

[Lillian J]

I was in a hurry, and wasn't clear here - I said, "The fact that you're working while trying to sort this all out is obviously a major factor in why you're finding it so stressful - you're not only trying to figure out how "homeschooling" will go later, but doing it while you're not with your son much of the time right now." I didn't mean you aren't spending much time with him! - I just meant you're not spending much time with him during the day, so you're not having a chance to function within the normal time frame during which you'll be homeschooling . Add to that the fact that he's probably wanting the time he has with you to be casual, relaxed, and not school-like - so it's all the more complicated to get a glimpse of how things are really going to be once you're home with him. I can pretty much promise you it isn't going to be at all as daunting as it probably seems right now. Lillian

[pigpokey]

My son has a great attention span to begin with (he's almost 5) and did at age 3 but you know how to wipe it out? Screen time.

It's possible that the best thing you can do to prepare him for age 5, which might be a reasonable time to start lessons with him, is work on moderating his screen time.

My kids can watch movies, can use the computer for a limited amount of time, can play edutainment video games (didj, vflash) -- but not before lessons. When I do bend that rule I always regret it.

[Savoir Faire]

Well, first I'd put the foot down on the tv and other activities. I totally understand-- my daughter is a total TV demon and would like it on 24 hours a day.

It will be rough for about 3 days....and then you're going to start seeing the change.

Keep watercolors, play-dough, coloring books, blocks, toys on hand. He'll get bored and start playing.

Also, I'd just start reading aloud to him. If he starts throwing a meltdown, explain that it's not okay for him to do that. He can play quietly on the floor while you read, but he can't sit there and act crazy. Then keep reading.

Hang in there. You're going to see improvements.

[thefragile7393]

THanks for the articles Lillian....I'm definitely going to look through them, they look so informative!!!

He's starting to do better on little TV, though he still gets a hefty dose when he's at the sitter's. I'm going to try maybe some books first or letters before getting him on Time4Learning or Starfall. He's doing a little better. He has some stickers as rewards now but I'm definitely going to limit him on the computer stuff and try to present books and and letters first.

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by thefragile7393

He's starting to do better on little TV, though he still gets a hefty dose when he's at the sitter's. I'm going to try maybe some books first or letters before getting him on Time4Learning or Starfall. He's doing a little better. He has some stickers as rewards now but I'm definitely going to limit him on the computer stuff and try to present books and and letters first.

Or audio stories, blocks and cardboard boxes, a sandbox or sandtable with play characters and animals and buildings, playdough, bubbles, simple things for building temporary playhouses and forts, dress up clothes and costumes, puzzles, climbing and sliding equipment, water toys, paints, puppets, mazes, games of all kinds - more games from things around the house - all of it bringing crucial and fun imaginative play that will make his later learning of letters, reading, and other things flow more smoothly. - Lillian