Homebirth FAQs for cynics

[sharr610]

Hi there!

I am working on an HBAC after a failed homebirth the first go round. I just found out my awesome next door neighbor and good friend is pregnant for the first time. She really wants to do a homebirth, but her family and friends are all even freaked out about her "not using drugs" to help with labor and she doesn't want to hear about it the whole time.

I REALLY appreciate that and she has to do whats best for her, but I do want to encourage her to follow her dreams on this, because I can tell she wants to do it and her great husband will do whatever she wants. So...I was kinda wondering, is there a great FAQ any of you have ever seen out there anywhere about homebirth? You know, the questions we all get asked, "What if something happens? What if you need to go to the hospital? Is that safe??" just to name a few. With studies citations would be even better.

I'm thinking she can just carry it around and give it to the people that get all in her face about it. And tell them if they want to engage in a debate with her about it, she expects citations from reputable sources as well.

TIA!

[MegBoz]

Originally Posted by sharr610

She really wants to do a homebirth, but her family and friends are all even freaked out about her "not using drugs" to help with labor and she doesn't want to hear about it the whole time.

Wow, it's one thing to freak about HB, but I can't believe people are freaking about her not using drugs. Ugh!

Honestly, I think the best resources are the movies BoBB & Orgasmic Birth, & the books, "Born in the USA," "Pushed" & "Thinking Woman's Guide."

I don't know that it can be boiled down to a 2-page document.

But, most importantly - I'm a big believer that you can't use logic & reason to sway people's emotions! People react emotionally to birth - and I can't say I fully blame them! Grandkids should raise strong emotions in people. So often the facts just can't sway them & get them to be comfortable with the idea & get them to drop their preconceived notion that it's dangerous, reckless & crazy.
So I think it's important to let people know, once you decide, this is not up for debate!

I even think it makes a lot of sense to LIE in many cases - otherwise people are just going to stress you. & you don't need that - you especially don't need "I told you so!" if you transfer. (Which I KNOW I'd get from my MIL & probably Mom. So whenever I TTC #2, I plan to lie about HB plans to them both.)

[emnic77]

Originally Posted by MegBoz

Wow, it's one thing to freak about HB, but I can't believe people are freaking about her not using drugs. Ugh!

Honestly, I think the best resources are the movies BoBB & Orgasmic Birth, & the books, "Born in the USA," "Pushed" & "Thinking Woman's Guide."

I don't know that it can be boiled down to a 2-page document.

But, most importantly - I'm a big believer that you can't use logic & reason to sway people's emotions! People react emotionally to birth - and I can't say I fully blame them! Grandkids should raise strong emotions in people. So often the facts just can't sway them & get them to be comfortable with the idea & get them to drop their preconceived notion that it's dangerous, reckless & crazy.
So I think it's important to let people know, once you decide, this is not up for debate!

I even think it makes a lot of sense to LIE in many cases - otherwise people are just going to stress you. & you don't need that - you especially don't need "I told you so!" if you transfer. (Which I KNOW I'd get from my MIL & probably Mom. So whenever I TTC #2, I plan to lie about HB plans to them both.)

I totally agree with all of this, 100%. Great advice all around. I have nothing else to add.

[GoldmanBaby09]

Are you looking for something like this: Questions Asked of Homebirthers

[sharr610]

Perfect, GoldmanBaby! Thank you!!

Oh I know people will make their own decisions and all about these things. And that its emotional and information doesn't always change minds, but she is dealing with a REALLY misinformed group of people here. One family member was even given a hard time for breastfeeding for 6 months ("It can cause permanent damage to your breasts!"). They think epidurals keep the baby "safe." Its pretty insane...

[laughingfox]

IME, people who think she's going to damage her body by breastfeeding, or that going without an epidural is harmful to her baby may as well have their fingers in their ears while shouting "lalalalalalala! can't hear you!"

I usually had a book (or two) with me to read, and I took to holding them out at people and telling them to take them and read them if they were really concerned. No one was willing to read them (or look at the or touch them, even), but some people did lay off a bit after having books shoved at them.

I don't know if anyone would actually read the FAQ, but having one in her hand might help.
Maybe tailor one to the types of comments she's getting, so that anyone who does accept and read her FAQ will see relevant info? Copy and paste from a few websites, quoting sources and figures on things like nursing benefits to mothers, and epidural detriments to babies?

Best of luck to her. I had some very irrational family members with absolutely zero interest in facts and numbers, so I know how frustrating her position can be.

[GoldmanBaby09]

Yeah, honestly, if I were your friend and was seriously considering hb, I would keep my mouth shut or probably lie. You are never going to convince people like that and they will only serve to take you down. Tell people you are getting excellent prenatal care and don't call any one til after the baby comes.