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Football, family, my son, and me - Page 4

post #61 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by BarnMomma View Post
I find this this rather unfair. I live for gardening. Do you expect me to expect my husband to know the names of 30 different types of heirloom tomatoes just because I do? Hardly.
No, but he probably knows when growing season around. The OP sounded like she had no idea that football season is close to over.
post #62 of 122
I'm still back on the Costco "meat" thing... IME, the meat Costco sells is generally of higher quality than you'd get at a supermarket. They do a lot more testing than the governent requires before adding a supplier, and you can often find grass-fed beef at my Costco. Not to mention Costco's living wage policy, health care for employees, retirement benefits fo employees, and extremely low turnover.

Football... eh. I can sit through a game and sort of enjoy it as a cultural event, but I'm not really into it... but that doesn't seem like the point. Your husband likes it. Your son is apparently okay with it. I'd bring some knitting or something and be happy that you all have a close, loving family and that they want you around...
post #63 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by BarnMomma View Post
We usually just do the superbowl thing, but not this year. Every weekend, she's inviting everyone over to watch whatever game is on.

... DH is no healp becasue an afternoon of junk food and football and his family is his own personal heaven.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BarnMomma View Post
I find this this rather unfair. I live for gardening. Do you expect me to expect my husband to know the names of 30 different types of heirloom tomatoes just because I do? Hardly.
I find it really odd that someone who:

1. lives with someone who's personal heaven is afternoon of football

2. has watched football every sunday this year with a big group of people

doesn't have a clue where we are in the season. Either of the above would cause *most* people to know.

It's not like knowing 30 varieties of tomatoes, it's knowing the season, where the plants are, etc.

It's REALLY basic.

You might want to talk to your spouse sometime. It's really odd that you don't want to be part of his personal heaven or discuss it with him.
post #64 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by not now View Post
Are there other kids there? Most football gatherings I go to have multiple children involved and while they sometimes stop and watch most of the time they are playing together. The 2.5 year olds that I know aren't zoning out on football if other kids are willing to play with them.
I'm curious about this as well. We have football and other sports on all the time (my dad, brothers, etc.), but my son doesn't watch TV. He'll go in and "socialize", but he doesn't sit down for a three hour game. He wants to play! If there aren't other kids there to play with, I would use that as your excuse, and go to the park with him instead of football. Just say that you don't like football, and your son is too young to care. Your husband can go and enjoy the game, and you guys do something else.
post #65 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post
I find it really odd that someone who:

1. lives with someone who's personal heaven is afternoon of football

2. has watched football every sunday this year with a big group of people

doesn't have a clue where we are in the season. Either of the above would cause *most* people to know.

It's not like knowing 30 varieties of tomatoes, it's knowing the season, where the plants are, etc.

It's REALLY basic.

You might want to talk to your spouse sometime. It's really odd that you don't want to be part of his personal heaven or discuss it with him.
Don't be silly, why should any woman endure conversations about something they find boring just to please hubbie? My husband's hobby is reading Charles Dickens, whom I despise. Should I then try to know all the characters in the stories just so that I can understand his passion? SHould I at least know all the titles? That's pretty basic, right?

Instead most healthy marriages communicate about common interests. If it ain't in common I aint interested.

ETA: I have no idea when in the season it is either. Nor do I care, or expect to ever have to care. Thus, I pray that my children never expect me to care either. I put loyalty to a "team" up there with patriotism. I just don't get it. Why must we devote so much time, energy and money to these institutions?? It blows my mind that people are getting up in arms about how much money university professors are making but never question the highest paid job at most colleges: The football coach. Its misplaced allegiance. So, OP I get ya.
post #66 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post
I find it really odd that someone who:

1. lives with someone who's personal heaven is afternoon of football

2. has watched football every sunday this year with a big group of people

doesn't have a clue where we are in the season. Either of the above would cause *most* people to know.

It's not like knowing 30 varieties of tomatoes, it's knowing the season, where the plants are, etc.

It's REALLY basic.

You might want to talk to your spouse sometime. It's really odd that you don't want to be part of his personal heaven or discuss it with him.
I think this is really unfair. I'm not a football fan, but most of my family loves it. My daughter and I go "watch" (eat and socialize) football with my parents and family about once a week during the season. I do not understand football. They follow the same teams and I can't name players. I don't understand what's going on...and I don't want to. I'm a former cheerleader and it's just never been my thing. I have zero interest. I know we're nearing the end of the season because the Super Bowl usually happens around this time. That's all I got. I like spending time with my family, but I just don't give two poots about football I wish I enjoyed something as much as they love football, it looks like fun. It's just not my thing.

My husband's personal passions are comics and computers - also things in which I am not interested. I enjoy things he's not interested in. I see no value in us boring each other to tears over interests we don't share - I DO see the value in each of us having things that are just "ours." Everything doesn't have to be for everyone all the time. Some people need SPACE and TIME to have their own interests and I think that's totally healthy.
post #67 of 122
I hae only rea the original post so forgive if I repeat or missed updates....


being with his family once a week will not hurt your child. a little bit of junk food, a fe commercials, a little sports nonsense...none of that will hurt him as much as an attitude that says this and tyhat are more important than his family. let it go. let your husband decide. maybe you could have some time to yourself while dh and ds bond over football. let them have this. My kids used to go with my xh to watch football every monday night. it was a huge treat for them and they both loved it. even though once they got to the house they rarely watched the game....they usually played in the kitchen with the wife who was feeding the boys. but it was a special time for everyone.
post #68 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl View Post
Don't be silly, why should any woman endure conversations about something they find boring just to please hubbie? My husband's hobby is reading Charles Dickens, whom I despise. Should I then try to know all the characters in the stories just so that I can understand his passion? SHould I at least know all the titles? That's pretty basic, right?.
Honsetly I expect someone who loves me to at least show a little interest in the things I am interested. and to occaisionally indulge me while I prattle on. I listen to my children talk about their interests all the time even when it bores me to literal tears. but hey, it makes them feel loved. and really, its not that hard for me to do. they do the same for me. I would do the same for my husband and I feel a serious lack of love if he didn't do it for me.
post #69 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by BarnMomma View Post
I find this this rather unfair. I live for gardening. Do you expect me to expect my husband to know the names of 30 different types of heirloom tomatoes just because I do? Hardly.
I don't give a flying leap about football or baseball or the Tour de France but I do know when the Super Bowl (and the Rose Bowl this year), the World Series are and when the tour is nearing the end. Why? Because he loves it. I ask questions because he likes to talk about it and I'm around to listen. I wear my pink Red Sox hat that he gave me because it was a gift, I like pink and he likes the Red Sox. Why not? I also don't know a thing about woodworking but I listen as he explains a saw stop, joiner, ect. It's what he likes. I feel as his partner I should respect his likes (within reason) and at the very least try to understand.

On the flip side he didn't know the difference between circular, DPN and straight knitting needles until he asked and he still doesn't quite get it but he tries. He doesn't "get" my love of vintage Pyrex and table linens but he listens as I drool over pink vintage Pyrex and asks questions.
post #70 of 122
OP,

just a thought, perhaps look at it from DH's family's perspective.

I read a lot of judgment in your OP about your DH's family.

Put yourself in your MILs shoes - if you were her, would you be dealing with a DIL who thinks your food isn't good enough for her kid, who thinks your family's interests/hobbies you grew up on and raised your own kids on aren't good enough for your grandchild? Where you are trying to hold big welcoming family gatherings and your DIL is stalking around tense and worried that her child would be harmed just by attending?

Do you really want to be that DIL?

Family - extended family - is really really really important. Unless they are actually toxic, I think it is massively in you DS's interest to allow him bonding time with his family. And let it go - if you go into these events with a chip on your shoulder (which came through in your OP with the comments about football and costco food), he will pick it up, and you will confuse him/make him feel he has to choose.

A warm, welcoming extended family, with grandma there for hugs and kisses, trumps healthy food and commercial free living, IMHO. This doesn't mean you have to go every weekend or even stay for the game or not bring your own food for your DS - but a more generous spirit towards your DH's family will go a long way to building a strong attachment between your son and his family.

Your mileage may vary, but I do think thinking about what a blessing your son has in his father's family needs to be taken seriously into account when figuring out how to handle this situation.

My 2 cents.
post #71 of 122
I was thinking more about this, and realized my hubby and I are kind of in the opposite situation regarding football. I really like it, and he does NOT. Now, to be fair, he enjoys PLAYING a game of say flag football with his friends now and then, but never has enjoyed watching it. Doesn't get it, doesn't know who is who, etc. But he knows I DO like it, so at least every few weeks during the season he will sit down and watch it with me, because he knows I don't like to watch alone. Or he will take me to lunch at a sports bar where I can watch the game. He even bought our soon to be born daughter a Dolphins dress, because he knew I would get a kick out of it.

I really appreciate that, and reciprocrate by watching movies he likes, or listening to him rattle on about technical networking stuff I don't understand.

Katie
post #72 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by ktmeyer View Post
He even bought our soon to be born daughter a Dolphins dress, because he knew I would get a kick out of it.
oh, my heart just got all warm and sqishy how very very thoughtful of your dh on so many levels.
post #73 of 122
I think there are people who watch football and will defend their position and those of us who do not and will defend their position.

I'm wondering, though, if you substituted professional wrestling for football, would everyone still be advocating the same way? Because wrestling is no different than football to me and almost EVERYONE that I know says it's inappropriate for young kids. Even football fans. Yet, how can one say wrestling is not OK, but football is? You have scantily clad women cheering the men on. You have gender bias and sexualization of women. You have a lot of violence. You have strategy, but mostly it's men hitting other men as hard as they can. You have a HUGE fan base (it's the #1 or #2 most queried topic in search engines). It's unique to American culture. So, I have to assume that those that allow football, allow WWF.
post #74 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by rhiandmoi View Post
I don't think you can prevent your son from getting into sports. I mean, he will know they exist as he gets older, and he will either get into them or not. Plenty of people that grow up in sports centered households don't get into sports and vice versa. Also, for a lot of people, watching a sporting event is a shared cultural experience. Like you always remember what you were doing when you saw that really big play that saved your team, or that call that took them out of the game, or whatever.
I agree. I think it's really controlling to insist that your child has the exact same interests as you, especially since your dh apparently likes football.
post #75 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by siobhang View Post

A warm, welcoming extended family, with grandma there for hugs and kisses, trumps healthy food and commercial free living, IMHO. This doesn't mean you have to go every weekend or even stay for the game or not bring your own food for your DS - but a more generous spirit towards your DH's family will go a long way to building a strong attachment between your son and his family.

Your mileage may vary, but I do think thinking about what a blessing your son has in his father's family needs to be taken seriously into account when figuring out how to handle this situation. .
I agree. Having a loving extended family is a wonderful blessing.
post #76 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by BarnMomma View Post
I find this this rather unfair. I live for gardening. Do you expect me to expect my husband to know the names of 30 different types of heirloom tomatoes just because I do? Hardly.
I expect my husband to pay attention to my hobbies and be interested in them, because he's interested in ME.

I like knitting. It's my main hobby right now. My husband can tell you the basic fiber types, he knows what basic brands we can buy at Michaels and what yarns we have to go to the small more expensive store to get. He knows the "right" side of stockingette stitch. He can even count rows to help me confirm where I am in a pattern. He's happy to sit with my and surf ravelry to help pick patterns. Does he care about knitting? No... But he cares about me so he's happy to talk with me about knitting and learn stuff.

He likes electronics. Do I care about those? Not really... But, I have fun coming up with ideas for what kinds of things he should create next. I know the basics about how some of his circuit boards work. I've spent many many hours being excited for him when he finally gets some code to work to make the little LEDs light up in a particular way. Am I actually excited about it? Not really, not in a vaccumm. But I love him and I love that he's excited and I enjoy being with him while he does things he enjoys.

If I gardened, which I do in our short summers, I would indeed expect him to have picked up some basic knowledge about the different plants. At the very least I'd expect him to ask me questions and be interested in what I was doing.
post #77 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post
So, I have to assume that those that allow football, allow WWF.
I have fond memories of watching WWF with my now dead Grandmother when I was a little kid
post #78 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by siobhang View Post
A warm, welcoming extended family, with grandma there for hugs and kisses, trumps healthy food and commercial free living, IMHO. This doesn't mean you have to go every weekend or even stay for the game or not bring your own food for your DS - but a more generous spirit towards your DH's family will go a long way to building a strong attachment between your son and his family.
Take home message!
post #79 of 122
I'm hung up on the "shouting at the TV" and "football as violent" thing. A PP said football brings out the shouting in people...uh, no. I believe the OP is talking about an "Italian" family? Heck, most of my family is half Sicilian, and they get boisterous and shout about SCIENCE and POLITICS. It's not the sport that brings out these characteristics.

ETA: Also, I've watched sports on TV with a number of people, and only a few of them actually shout at the screen.

Also, organized sports aren't my thing unless *I'm* playing, and I don't care to watch sports at all, live or on TV. However, I DO get the sense of community and tradition involved. And anyone who thinks FOOTBALL somehow exclusively brings out violence in people just doesn't pay any attention whatsoever to sporting news around the world (stampedes at soccer games, hockey fan behavior, even baseball fans). IMO, the football itself is okay with me; I have a bigger problem with the cheerleading.

Anyway, OP, I think you should compromise, like other PPs have suggested. I like the idea of you and DS going to the MEAL (and bring some of your own food if need be, but I don't think it's always necessary) and leaving before or just after the game starts. Maybe you could plan something special for you and DS to do at that time. Also, I agree that you don't have to go EVERY weekend, although at this point, with only three weeks left, I don't see a problem. Just keep in mind for next year that you only have to go once a month!
post #80 of 122
Go or don't it really isn't much simpler than that. If you hate it, have DS go with DH and get a break.

FWIW my DH is from a LARGE family all events are loud boisterous events. It doesn't matter if it's Christmas, plain and simple it is just friggin loud when there are 50 people crowded into a house.

Do I agree with everything my IL's do, umm definitely not, but like many other people have said it's about your son and DH having family ties, I think it is a blessing to have a grandma who loves you and makes time for her family, lord knows there are many of us(myself included) who wish that they could have a grandma who actually wants their family around.

I don't like much of what my IL's choose to eat, but it is just one tiny fraction of what my kids eat, at my IL's it candy, candy candy and then add some candy on to that, I just have to moderate the consumption and watch DD, but it is worth the small headache for her to play with her cousins and see what a large loving family is like.

You definitely wouldn't want to be at my house on a Sunday, my DH and I both yell about how bad the Seahawks are, and yet we still get excited for football every year. I went into labor right after one of their games, I joke she was just letting me finish watching.
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