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Football, family, my son, and me - Page 5

post #81 of 122
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post #82 of 122
Reopening.
post #83 of 122

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Edited by GoestoShow - 1/4/11 at 9:15am
post #84 of 122
"I read a lot of judgment in your OP about your DH's family.

Put yourself in your MILs shoes - if you were her, would you be dealing with a DIL who thinks your food isn't good enough for her kid, who thinks your family's interests/hobbies you grew up on and raised your own kids on aren't good enough for your grandchild? Where you are trying to hold big welcoming family gatherings and your DIL is stalking around tense and worried that her child would be harmed just by attending?

Do you really want to be that DIL?

Family - extended family - is really really really important. Unless they are actually toxic, I think it is massively in you DS's interest to allow him bonding time with his family. And let it go - if you go into these events with a chip on your shoulder (which came through in your OP with the comments about football and costco food), he will pick it up, and you will confuse him/make him feel he has to choose.

A warm, welcoming extended family, with grandma there for hugs and kisses, trumps healthy food and commercial free living, IMHO. This doesn't mean you have to go every weekend or even stay for the game or not bring your own food for your DS - but a more generous spirit towards your DH's family will go a long way to building a strong attachment between your son and his family.

Your mileage may vary, but I do think thinking about what a blessing your son has in his father's family needs to be taken seriously into account when figuring out how to handle this situation."




DH's family and I make a lot of very different lifestyle choices, and there is definitely such a thing as too many get-togethers per month, but my kids benefit SO MUCH from their love and involvement. The TV and the HFCS don't even count in comparison to that relationship. It's worth sucking it up on this one, OP. As your ds gets older, you may find that "game time" is a good time for you to go out and garden in peace and bliss!
post #85 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by BarnMomma View Post
OP here again

Well, I'm going to go, but I'm going to ask DH if we can go just for the game and skip the meal. MIL wants everyone there at 1 to eat, I guess the game starts at 3. Just too long of a day and I have some things I want to do.

I'll feed DS before we go so that he's not hungry and I'll bring snacks.

I didn't know the season was ending so soon Just shows how in touch with football I am. I can put up with this for another week or two.

Just as a side note, DS will not be ignored by anyone, but there's just so much a toddler can do in one room for 5 hours. MIL's house is not large so there's really nowhere else TO go w/ DS. But I was thinking of picking up a few new toys and letting him have them when we get there.

I'm just concerned becasue DS LOVES his aunts, uncles, grandparents etc. which of course makes me thrilled, but as such he also imitates them with such determiniation. Screaming at a TV screen is not one of the things I'd like him to pick up. And DS has a memory like a steel trap and he forgets nothing.

I just think football brings out the worst in fans. Yelling, screaming, getting so upset when someone doesn't score. I don't see people acting this way during the world series or golf or whatever else. (Certainly no one does that at horse shows! lol)

But it's family so we'll go. I just wish MIL would have SOMETHING that DS could eat. SO many of you have mentioned costco carries organic items, well then she could pick up a few without havign to make a trip to Whole Foods. Crackers, cheese, something...
First of all what "type" of person likes football? We are a type?

Also you think football brings out the worst in fans?

http://www.shortnews.com/start.cfm?id=77904
http://articles.latimes.com/1989-04-...-english-teams
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-h...Article&id=586
http://www.docsports.com/2008/nba-violence-330.html

and there's many many more.
post #86 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoestoShow View Post

But the people who are saying that football makes the spectators behave violently are bringing up a second issue. ... If anything, I think that football might have one of the lowest incidents of fan-on-fan violence compared to baseball, basketball, and hockey.
I think there is really a third issue then and that is the issue of a spectatorship community. Its not only that the sport is violent, but that the fans feel a need to show allegiance to a team that I find disturbing. Like one previous poster noted, they don't watch football because they enjoy the game as much as they watch it because they want to show love and loyalty to the university they attended. Why? I can honestly say that any love I have for any school I've attended will certainly not be to the institution...maybe to a couple of professors that have strongly influenced me. But to the institution itself? That confounds me.

As I stated in a previous post I find this type of team loyalty akin to patriotism, another thing that I flat out don't understand. Why do people have sucha strong need to be a part of some large, mindless, in-crowd??

I think I must be an introvert .
post #87 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl View Post
I think there is really a third issue then and that is the issue of a spectatorship community. Its not only that the sport is violent, but that the fans feel a need to show allegiance to a team that I find disturbing. Like one previous poster noted, they don't watch football because they enjoy the game as much as they watch it because they want to show love and loyalty to the university they attended. Why? I can honestly say that any love I have for any school I've attended will certainly not be to the institution...maybe to a couple of professors that have strongly influenced me. But to the institution itself? That confounds me.

As I stated in a previous post I find this type of team loyalty akin to patriotism, another thing that I flat out don't understand. Why do people have sucha strong need to be a part of some large, mindless, in-crowd??

I think I must be an introvert .
I don't know what to tell you. I have deep love for my university. It was a very important part of my life and helped mold me to the person I am. When my team is out there playing, it's like I'm out there.
post #88 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl View Post

As I stated in a previous post I find this type of team loyalty akin to patriotism, another thing that I flat out don't understand. Why do people have sucha strong need to be a part of some large, mindless, in-crowd??

I think I must be an introvert .
Why do you post to MDC?

To hang out with people who like what you like, and maybe believe what you believe, right?

Humans form tribes; it's part of our nature. However we do need to balance that with the need to be compassionate towards those not in our tribes...which leads me to my next point.

OP, you are pretty much behaving like the stereotypical fan here. Your perception is that your in-laws are batting for the opposing team - the violent junk-eating one.

How you handle this situation will teach your children MUCH more about compassion and peace than the games on the television. I think there is lots of room here for all your values. You can quietly and gently say "wow, it bothers me when they hit like that," and go to another area of the house - or stay home for the game part. I think that would be fine, as long as it wasn't manipulative. You can fill your kid up on his favourite healthy food before he goes and let the rest go into the wash.

But at the same time you can appreciate that the people who are different also have love and goodwill there, and soak those moments it. It is not all black & white, either/or.
post #89 of 122
I have to say from the OP I find the Costco statement to be rather rude. Costco is a very well liked company that provides great employment and quality products. Much of their products are organic and extremely high quality. Sure they have total garbage too, but so do most stores.

I think this really comes down to an IL issue.
post #90 of 122

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Edited by GoestoShow - 1/4/11 at 9:15am
post #91 of 122
I agree it sounds like you have problems with your in-laws.

Football and food from costco? Are they really that bad?

I don't know, I guess, b/c I don't care for football, and don't have a membership to costco. My DH, however, loves football and enjoys watching it. It hasn't been my experience that the kids (3 boys and 1 girl) pay that much attention to the game when it's on, even if they are in the same room and he asks them, "oh, man, did you see that?" so, even if I saw football as overly violent (which I don't, and wouldn't compare it to fake wrestling at all) I doubt I would be concerned about the kids picking up on it, b/c they really don't get the rules of the game, much less watch it more than a few seconds here and there.

I would go because it's important to your DH and your in-laws. Relationships are super important. Football season is about to be over, no? It's really not that big of deal, IMO.

About encouraging or not allowing a child to "get into" football - eh. Like I said, most little ones are not going to pay all that much attention, so early exposure might not necessarily sway them. Plenty of people grow up in football obsessed homes and don't enjoy it themselves. Also, I can't imagine telling a 10 yr old they can't eat an occasional snack from costco, or watch football with their dad/family... I realize your kid is young now, but he may or may not grow to like the sport. At this age, I don't think it's going to harm him, or lead to a love for the game, either. But being with his dad (who does enjoy it) and attend an extended family function, is going to be a positive thing. I understand the yelling at the TV concern, but can't you take him out of the room at that point if it honestly upsets him? Or ask family to keep it down a bit b/c their voices freak the kid out?
post #92 of 122
also be careful what your attitude says to your husband.

He likes football. he likes his family. you are saying both are bad. you are saying they are not good enough for your son. these are the sort of things that chip away at relationships.
post #93 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl View Post
Why do people have sucha strong need to be a part of some large, mindless, in-crowd??

I think I must be an introvert .
That question is older then the coliseum.
post #94 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyka View Post
also be careful what your attitude says to your husband.

He likes football. he likes his family. you are saying both are bad. you are saying they are not good enough for your son. these are the sort of things that chip away at relationships.

What about the feelings of his wife?

Just asking.
post #95 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnmama View Post
I have fond memories of watching WWF with my now dead Grandmother when I was a little kid

Me too! Although in my case it was my now dead grandpa, my grandma, mom aunts uncles family friends, brothers, a whole huge family affair at big events and weekly "matches" which I have absolutely no interest in now but had a great time cheering then!
post #96 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smithie View Post


A warm, welcoming extended family, with grandma there for hugs and kisses, trumps healthy food and commercial free living, IMHO. This doesn't mean you have to go every weekend or even stay for the game or not bring your own food for your DS - but a more generous spirit towards your DH's family will go a long way to building a strong attachment between your son and his family.

Your mileage may vary, but I do think thinking about what a blessing your son has in his father's family needs to be taken seriously into account when figuring out how to handle this situation."
I think there is so much wisdom in these words.
post #97 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by TinkerBelle View Post
What about the feelings of his wife?

Just asking.
Her husband should also be respectful of her interests and family. He should support her sharing her interests and family traditions with their son, as well.
post #98 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by canadiannancy View Post
Me too! Although in my case it was my now dead grandpa, my grandma, mom aunts uncles family friends, brothers, a whole huge family affair at big events and weekly "matches" which I have absolutely no interest in now but had a great time cheering then!
I have absolutely no interest in it now, either. But I wouldn't trade those afternoons with my (admittedly eccentric) grandmother for an "ideal" childhood without her!
post #99 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by BarnMomma View Post
I find this this rather unfair. I live for gardening. Do you expect me to expect my husband to know the names of 30 different types of heirloom tomatoes just because I do? Hardly.
My DH is a rabid, rabid Cal Berkeley Football fan (NCAA) and an even more rabid San Jose Sharks fan. I at least know when the seasons for both start and end, as well as when the BYE week is in the football season, because that's a Saturday I don't have worry about when the game is and whether we need to be near a TV or radio.
post #100 of 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post
I think there are people who watch football and will defend their position and those of us who do not and will defend their position.

I'm wondering, though, if you substituted professional wrestling for football, would everyone still be advocating the same way? Because wrestling is no different than football to me and almost EVERYONE that I know says it's inappropriate for young kids. Even football fans. Yet, how can one say wrestling is not OK, but football is? You have scantily clad women cheering the men on. You have gender bias and sexualization of women. You have a lot of violence. You have strategy, but mostly it's men hitting other men as hard as they can. You have a HUGE fan base (it's the #1 or #2 most queried topic in search engines). It's unique to American culture. So, I have to assume that those that allow football, allow WWF.
I think that is an excellent point. My soon-to-be-step-niece spends almost every day with her paternal grandmother, and that grandmother watches wrestling a lot. They bought the 3 yo a wrestling figuring for Christmas. I think that is hugely inapprorpriate, and she has already "playfully" put my own 3 yo in a headlock. My perception is that more people interpret wresting as low-brow/violent than football-- but IMO, there's very little difference.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl View Post
I think there is really a third issue then and that is the issue of a spectatorship community. Its not only that the sport is violent, but that the fans feel a need to show allegiance to a team that I find disturbing. Like one previous poster noted, they don't watch football because they enjoy the game as much as they watch it because they want to show love and loyalty to the university they attended. Why? I can honestly say that any love I have for any school I've attended will certainly not be to the institution...maybe to a couple of professors that have strongly influenced me. But to the institution itself? That confounds me.

As I stated in a previous post I find this type of team loyalty akin to patriotism, another thing that I flat out don't understand. Why do people have sucha strong need to be a part of some large, mindless, in-crowd??I think I must be an introvert .
I totally agree. I actually think this is the worst part. I grew up in South Carolina, so I am definitely familiar with the sports fans down here... and the thing I find the most interesting is how many people feel "allegiance" to schools/teams which they did not even attend! As an outsider, I also think that the way advertisers play upon fan's desire for feeling like a "part of the team" is so blatant and obnoxious (You're an X fan! Buy our beer, we're X-fans, too!)-- I don't honestly see how most people don't find it offensive to their intelligence

I attended USC, and I actually feel a lot of antipathy towards the football teams especially (while I was a student, various players were arrested/caught doing super-unpleasant things); furthermore, there was definitely a lot of extra responsibility placed on teachers (I was a TA for a few years) to "help" the sports players.

Finally, Re: supporting spouses' interests. My impression from the OP was that football was something her husband enjoys, but not his life passion. My Dh is passionately interested in antique trucks-- I know a lot about antique trucks. I have spent hours in the cold helping him remove nasty, oily bolts from antique trucks.
However, he also enjoys sci-fi movies and car-driving video games... and I know basically nothing about either of those things. They're not his passions, and I don't care. I assume that the OP is very much involved in other aspects of her Dh's life-- being involved in the sports entertainment that he enjoys does not, IMO, a connected, communicative marriage make.
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